Being The Bad Example: Conflict of Interests from the Antihero

A few more things...

My whole life I've been the bad example. For years, I had low self-esteem and believed that I was bad. I was Miss Bad Example. The amount of trash I manage to drag is amazing. You are what you eat. I have become the trash can from all this treatment. Do you see the vicious cycle? The more you inspire bad qualities in me, the more they come out. While you've used your weapons to stop a school shooting that would have never occured because I'm naturally pretty mellow as a burnt out schizophrenic, you left me to the wolves, and my evil nature will just show again because people use me to be good. @:) I want my strong mind back. I will do nothing for you after what you said about me, which was ridiculous. i'm not conforming to imperial weakness. Inbreed yourselves on an island or something. Glass humans. I'm in the death empire. No matter what you do, they destroy you so that they can rule. It's like kingdom of idiots. Not really, but I want to be mean. Ordinary people are cool. Elites are bullshit. We've tricked them and have decent lives with morals as they flip around us and do their evil ways. I guess we assume it's our fault somehow.

I wanna annoy you, and the only thing I can think to do is use words because I don't want to hurt anyone. Nobody listens to me, no harm done. I'm just rambling to air.

"Stop sheltering the doomed flower." -- Forms of Imprisonment Universal Hall Pass.

"Whoop That Trick" -- Diay LOL

This bad came in many forms. Most of my teachers said that I was attention seeking (any cliche can be applied for group control-- a known of all) if I asked a question or told the entire class that I couldn't read, which I could until Madonna, and I'm relearning. I have proof. I have to prove everything because these people are part of the communist dictatorship. They believe their own delusions. It's amazing.


This is why I have little respect for people. They treat you like dirt then expect great behavior from you. I like slandering :P I dont' have anything to sue for and i have no future.

Putin is also on my super special list because he caused all his little friends to come at me at once too. I had things that made me crawl everywhere and other curious things in addition to common gangs. Of course, we all know I'm a liar. I have many moral faults to uncover.

I'm a loser for a reason. LOL As if I could rise above.

All and all, I want an apology letter from the public education system for not handling my case in a way that would benefit me and only go after that 25 dollars, labeling me at risk for shooting them by hinting towards it by several members of staff (do you wonder why)--you want us to be in the same schools which is morally wrong but you can have that dollar, and I want one from Putin from the bottom of his heart. I can be inappropriate as well. I'm not afraid of you. I don't respect you at all. I need my brain fixed after you highlighted all my demons and people felt all guilty and wanted to charity me. How dare him. He knows he has influence and that that comment was a death sentence to me. What did I ever do to him? Did he even know me? We should go out ot lunch. I'm eyeballing his empire :P DON"T EVER DO THAT AGAIN, PUTIN. If you want to shoot someone, shut your mouth and shoot them. You're suck a manipulator. What did you do really? Sit in an office. I'm not playing the spook game. I'm supposed to be afraid then conform with whatever bullshit they give me. Honestly, threats just make me angry. I've gotten a lot this lifetime because people want me to do stupid things. death no longer motivates me. I expect a letter from him. He's sorry. I need compensation. They said I don't get it, but I get it. You wronged me and caused a lot of harm to come my way so pay by fixing me.

Maybe I wouldn't have demons if people didn't feel the need to call them out 24/7.

It's a lesson, you get what you give. Worried about demons, be nicer to that person. I don't have them. I'm an invalid. I have childlike delusions of fairyland and temper tantrums. I'm a big person, I'll admit it. I want to do what they all do: break things. I like to rip things apart, like a parrot. It makes me happy. We all know that you just did it because you're a business man. We aren't worth anything. This I too realize. I'm a business woman. I'd like to be fixed.

Muse -- City of Delusions

Stay away from me
Build a fortress
and shield your beliefs
Touch the divine
As we fall inline

Do not deny that
you live and let die

Destroy these
*any reference to celebrities is not part of my "illness" but they have weapons. Pay attention.

I would say they are definitely possessed by demons: greed and control.

Putin is like the dark lord of demons. When he posted that picture, I was likeI'm not doing shit until they just hand over a house, a car and at least a million. I'll sit on my ass or walk out on the street. They took my chance to be normal. I'd like to take something of yours now.

Now they're all going to come and attack me again to prove themselves. That's why I was a TI. I was easy to get to.

And don't believe in free speech like I did. Everyone else can run their arrogant mouths, but if I say something, it's the end of the world. It's all over a dollar. I get a pension, and they're "jealous." Not as jealous as I am now.

I Want it All

Is this all there is
Calibrating reasons
of my fear and lies?

I deceive myself

Another cliche leads
I'm trapped in the message:
I want to conform to live

Under control

Is this all there is
I seem to justify my will
I am not, so you are

I will not deny sin

I am nothing but dust
forbidden of the garden
My eyes bulge like apples

To taste bold temptation

"Demons" Tech9

I will do nothing for you. :P

Look at how weak and pathetic I am now that I'm alone without any cash. It's terrible. When you're poor, they steal all your stuff and won't even write you a letter. They make you do things that are blantantly against your interests, and they wonder why you're useless. Jesus Christ. Leave me alone! Now I'm in your face.

Imperial Watch@

Ignore and cover
We know it all
If we know this

We don't have to
We don't worry
About little things

Such frailty lies
Faulty lines of
Justification's will.

You be trashy (I am not justifying my condition thinking that I deserve shit because I've been transformed) and make babies with your own damn money. I write crappy poetry about this. It's just so that I can get my fragmented thoughts out, thanks Madonna. Miss Shantelle J. Campbell told me my place but until the government gives me paid leave and doesnt' threaten me with death every five minutes, they can fuck me fucking. I don't even have sex. I'm stuck in a caste where my partner isn't worth anything because i'm not worth anything, which I am everso reminded. Rub something in my face again. All I care about is money and power/ rank in society, which I won't get now until I'm repaired. I'm a career woman. I spent my growing up years trapped taking care of other people, and it screwed me over when I entered the real world. Some of us don't want to have families. It should be respected. I want money. Babies don't get me money. They make me poor and we all know what happens when I'm poor. Bitch teachers consume me and Putin shoots me because I'm not worth anything. I already learned my lesson. Now I'm stuck being worthless and poor. I'm not standing for this. I want it to be fixed.


I'll make you grovel at my feet, Blaine. You'll be like, why? and I'll say because that's what they wanted from me. They wouldn't listen to good me. I won't accept this because that's what got me this. Poor people suck. We should kill them all so that we don't have to deal with these issues. They can do anything they want to us and say that unless we have evidence... so they're sneaky. I need a gang. LOL Creating social problems in the lower spheres is our only control. I need protection. We've got Placebo targeting "Special Needs" and everything else. Time to make them our targets. Guns are the only way you're respected. I don't care that I'm out of your district now. I was in it. Write the fucking letter, bitch. I'm angry this happened, and you will shut us all up to prevent it from happening again. No way would I have stated my opinion if I thought there would be those kind'of consequences. Why don't we all know? All I wanted was to go to school and be a truck driver. Now that isn't going to happen, now is it? All these stereotypes screwed me over. Rose, special needs, schizophrenia. And on the latter's note, tell them that there are weapons that they've used on me. This schizophrenia-thing is stupid and ridiculous. I'm mentally retarded these days or when you're an adult they call it dementia. Again, I have evidence of all my abilities. ASVAB 111. IQ 118. It's not stellar, but it's better tha nthis.

The contents are on the blog in case you threw it away. Scribble. You too, Vladi/ We can make me trashy. No redeeming qualities. How demoralized can you make a girl? Those gangs did a damn good job and took their sweet time. Play with prey. I have no hope with my mind like this. You're going to fix it. You're going to let me in your elusive club tshirt so that I can eat all your food and break all of your stuff and enjoy me jumping around your country for a few weeks while you patch up my brain. I'm not going to be Miss Zombie on top of everything else. I was not of your concern, not your business. I only said you could have my liver because you wanted to be immortal and that's how you do it. The other guy explained. It's easy except for the brain. That has to be maintenanced. LOL Not that you care, but you're the one that read my blog for some god unknown reason. I'm a weird person, and i used to be really weird. I was seriously offering my liver to you at the time, not calling you a drunk. My original delusions were guiding me then. It's taken me a long time to come into reality, but stuff really did happen to me. i know the difference between a delusion and a reality simply by stating that. The doctor said so. It's not like you didn't know that I was ravingly delusional at the time. Did you see my eyes? The way they used to focus. Extreme pain snapped me out of it. I'm not delusional now because I can tell you that a fairy is a fairy and a dog a dog. The doctor has been through this with me.

My side not standing up for me just shows how worthless they are. I can't believe more people aren't like, "where the fuck did my mind go?" Oh Hell no! I guess they still hope for their future, so they don't want to be "schizophrenic." They have a bunch of crazies mixed in with us in addition to the fact that they're invisible, so we can't pin then down. Innocent until proven guilty, but something obviously happened. Why are we guilty to deserve psychotronic warfare without trials? Yes, I'm a traitor, but only afterwards because I wanted to earn something, impossible to do. Wait, i'm no traitor, I'm a world citizen. I was sick of imperial America having an advantage. LOL We can play that game. I hate this place. You can't earn anything. It's impossible. They spy on you if you start to think @ "Girl" Beck. By being unproductive, I get them back. It's like, isn't a good idea that she thinks for herself with her own interests in mind?

Everyone else does.

The only way to censor real vs unreal targets is to have records of abilities with obvious declines in functions in people with targeted personalities. Bush is a piece of shit. Have your trashy society. Being a TI sucks. Basically, they're selecting undesirables for experimentation both in social mannerisms and to test their weapons. I had fallen angels talking to me. I don't hear those sorts of things. "Let us send the fallen after her" and "turn around and face the face I created." They tried to kill me in my sleep over 1200 dollars. Miss Rose has been VIOLATED several times. She can tell when she's been manipulated because she'll walk into a trap to be smacked across the face again and then her thoughts will be wrong to them again. What do you hope to accomplish with mind control? Why don't you make other people treat me like a dog at least. Now this is a guess I make because I can hear them changing my backthoughts, but it could be a delusion because my emotions are really messed up. I have no emotions today. The school-thing was not a delusion, but they'll say it was; I have evidence against them, and I could sue them because it turned out that I didn't even quality for a disability when they had me among other things. My dad is not a delusion, but he'll say it is. Why did I end up not getting any resources? Would I have ever chosen this? No. That's how you know it's reality, especially if there's money talking. Why would I do something blatantly against my interests. Akrasia--and I seem to want to do a lot of that when there is gun-control around leading to increasingly DESPERATE acts on my end that get me things like guardianship by people who are after my dollar. Being schizophrenic, I have to use extreme logic. The biggest problem that I have is that everyone else is still running around in foresight land, something that I'm lacking ironically. Most people believe in crazy things, and they will cling to their beliefs like nothing else. I could say that the sky is blue, and they would tell me their life story to validate why it's neon green. They will also attack me because it has to be green, and it's my fault that I think it's blue, deeply stemming from childhood trauma.

My life has been like open season. I give up. I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a good job, a good car and a good house and to be single forever because I don't want to be a Disney Princess. We've already dissected my thought process when it comes to dating.

At least 44 child bodies cry in the future. I can hear them. Prove that that means something...
We can play that game.

I'm really insecure due to these conditions. I'm officially evil, but only because of the pension that they tried to kill me for. Don't worry, I'm mostly running my mouth. I'm trash anyway. My future is like at McDonalds if that. I'll probably end up in prison labor without going to prison. In life, you'll find you'll lick the dirt off someone's shoes if it means your survival. That's how i end up so trashy. People always know I'm desperate and "have to" do whatever. Accept anything. Gotta love being human. We're a worthless species. I feel pretty uplifted despite my condition due to my new and restored health. You people have no idea how terrible my state was. Thank God. The body is amazing. I hope it doesn't regress and that I keep having clarity progress.

I must have one drop of angel blood. Maybe while they're were torturing me, they gave me one. Humans are just pathetic.

I want labor camps to open up. I want to torture humans like Kim Jong. I'd be in there because I'm disabled but at least I wouldn't have to worry about my mind. I'd just stare at the sky. :) No more open season. I don't hate former president Bush. I was just irritated that he killed me. It's always because I'm of the middle class and deserve shit because i didn't succeed or didn't have it rough enough like whoever nobody cares about anyway but Hollywood sells. Well, we had bad years during my upbringing. Not that I care, but it made it difficult initially, and I'll be damned if I'm a rose. You can have a "broken heart" have all your stuff stolen from you and not get the super satisfaction of being special. I'm jealous. I'm not going to deny being human. If I don't get the rope, then I'm not doing anything extraordinary, and you won't break my heart because I don't have one. I thought we were equal... so many contradictions. This is why I hate equality. Freedom = free range. You're free, but I'm not... see? I went all Benedict Arnold because I ended up with Stockholm syndrome, and I'm sick of being forced into life roles plus fighting for my life as they rush me ot the meds got old real fast. Some of us don't want families, and we're not in neat little boxes like roses and ribbons. If I have to end our empire to make that point, then I will. I'm about to go blab some more over youtube. I'm sure he already knows what I know, but I like being a traitor. I feel powerful. You wanted me to be bad so badly. Fine. And I'm the only traitor in history to not be given a trial. What, did you feel guilty about all the psychotronic stuff that you did to me prior? I'm just spoiled... fine. Now you can take all my stuff. That's another game. My dad won't help me and he makes so much that I didn't qualify for loans and such. If really need something like school or stem cells, he isn't there at all. He'll justify it as a fault of mine and throw a fit then flip the argument because he knows he has control. I asked him for 650 for a class, and he made it look like I was throwing a fit over it so that he could discipline me--some of you like that :P I'm sadistic. Cheap. He'll abandon me anyway. They all will like always. I told you I'm punishment now, karma. Why am I so useless? "We'll get your kids." -- Koran I figured the army school-thing was too good to be true. They came and tried to kill me for my pension then messed my mind up. Don't ever take anything from the army thinking that you'll actually get it. Steal and be stolen from. The better it sounds, the worse your life will be. The 9/11 bill made me cringe. I was already in when they changed it. The prior one was little enough that I didn't think there would be a catch, but the other one, I was like, there's no way they could ever give that. "Evil Angel" Breaking Benjamin, "Why can't I breathe evil angel?" Because there's cyanide in the room.

Putin told me to look in the mirror. I'm not taking responsibility. I had no control, and I told them everything that was going to happen. I told them to take the pension back. And I told them I needed a trade in school due to personal reasons so that I didn't have to deal with my "homies" in the real world. What real world Putin really said was, "you're garbage, number 53, and you have enough cash to steal, and I have a big fucking gun." You learn to hear what they're actually saying, those of the control-gun. Freedom poses a huge problems with funds because we all move in ways that waste. I'm not worth the 9/11 bill, so you have to come and destroy me so that I don't take it but then I'm all out of place because I can't find employment because I was raised to be school-determined, and I've fallen out of my caste (I use this term loosely) which creates a social problem, not that I mind it. Nobody wants to date me because I'm not worth anything, can't support myself, and i end up in the gutter where I "belong." They'll make me sin so that I deserve that. North Korea has great wisdom by just declaring everything for EVERYONE. Go Kim Jong. Keep civilization humane. Do you have to spend millions targeting your roses to break their hearts? No, you tell them they're comfort brides or to the labor camp. If I was forced, then I would only have one master and my life would make sense, but I can't do something due to all the people involved with their own interests. Death to freedom. Don't stop believing, Bush. How come we get the stupid leaders that try to deceive with dog tricks? I only disagree with Kim Jong on one thing and that's that we should always mourn the dead. Isn't it sad that they chose this end? No ice cream. You'll have to excuse me a little, sir. They targeted my frontal lobe (hence waka waka demon) with their weapons, so sometimes I'm a little bit of an idiot, but I'm working on impulse control. I don't mean to waste or be foolish, but I am foolish with my disney mentality :P I joke to myself about that. I get distracted. I didn't realize that "Satan sex" had done that to me for awhile. I like what you did to the people that tried to use their weapons on you. Brain dead people have excellent behavior. They're very quiet, reserved, beautiful people that don't ask for a thing!

I've become a witch these days. I spit off everything in my afterlife. I'm a ghost, a rose, something low. Does it matter? No. The less I do the more I hurt you. Get out of my brain. "She'll never do anything for you" after all.

Back to being the antihero,

As for my issues growing up, yeah, I've got my little fiddle out. It just taught me reality--nobody else likes, which was when they wanted me to be miss rose, I laughed in their face. That's really what it was. Now my family pays all my bills 'cause I'm a scumbag. I even have a music player, bitches. I'm like karma to society. I was left behind. And you'll say that I'll kill myself from my lack of opportunities later, but you were already planning on breaking my little heart, weren't you?

I lose no matter what. So it's all pointless. I'm the philosophical janitor.

If they weren't in my mind, I wouldn't have ever written this, but we wanted to play open seasons for my dollar because I deserve Hell. Scribble, scribble, scribble.

I only wanted a career and to go to school after that was my path, but it would have benefitted me to have had employment in a trade younger.

I TOLD THEM SO!
I want them to stop messing with my mind. They're trying to change my outlook. Look, I'm a bitch, and there's a reason. I'll do what you did to me :) :( :/ ;) :P That's what you did to me. What makes people schizophrenic? Look at their histories. Being schizophrenic, I don't really have emotions (sometimes "they" try to give me one) and my thinking is more stuck in a rut, so it's interesting when they try to manipulate me. The doctor said that I'd be like that for the rest of my life. That just means that I've been schizophrenic for awhile, but I was also targeted. LOL Isn't it funny? That damn dollar.

I hate Campbell. She was not "always nice" to me. What happened was that her boyfriend fucked her in the dark and then asked me on a date, and she freaked, pushing me in formation and a bunch of other things. I didn't care about her prior to that, but she wanted to kill me, so I got aggressive towards her. She just happened to have the gun. She's in military intelligence somehow, even though she's a journalist. She's a brat and nobody liked her. Nobody liked me either because I"m antisocial (because I have a label that makes me a beckon for being used by others, like Putin; look at how he came at me). It's because she's manipulative and uses cliches, but that's what happens when you abuse people, we develop third eyes. She has one. I'm not knocking her for her wisdom. I'm just saying that we all have demons, and like the Bible says, they're useful. For doing that rose-thing to me, I'll blow your cover to save the next fool, making your game harder. You can see into all of our minds, yet you make me Miss Antihero. I'm like the epitome of evil to these people. You must be joking. I like it though because it makes me wiser when they aren't fucking that up. That's why I like planet of agony. I want my old self back @:) "Earthquake" Little boots, "every little earthquake every little heartbreak going unheard, I won't say a word," but I'm thinking bad thoughts, and I'm annoyingly unproductive in matters of stupidity, rose agendas. Those tamas just hate doing anything. They're the ones with the machines at the moment. Suttvas don't have a problem with us rajas. And as far as demons go, I guess I have them, but I think the person with the most is the most successful. Look at that bank billionaire. You go, man! Look at how those stupid sheep just threw their money at you, and you'll get away with it becuase now you're worth something while they aren't shit. They have to be "wise" when you have a gun pointed in their face. That's why I call the fight "demon souls." Aw, it's so cute T3 when they're begging for their lives. They'll do anything.

I want revenge. Since I can't have success, I guess I'll have to

Justify my reasons

-- muse

I'm just quoting a song and worshipping Kali.

Oh, I love my dad, but he does that with money. Fight, fight, fight. Make me happy :) They all do, so don't go thinking he's Satan. Look in the mirror. You know you hate me for getting a pension. i'm just like them all, white trash, never worked, worthless garbage. When this isn't true at all. Well, I am worthless garbage, but I've worked a lot for my years. Not like that matters to those of the gun.

On that note, I don't feel sorry for myself; I feel sorry for everybody else. @:) They have to deal with the demon they created. I'm a mirror: look in it.

I'd get over it if I wasn't sunk in it, oh shit, sweet shit, how you smell.
I feel better at least. I guess those stem cells kicked in or God did 'cause i know Putin flaunted that he didn't care after all I did for him. What a false sense of entitlement he has. I wrote, "I'd rather be homeless or dead than take the pension." Nowhere did I say, "Putin." Yet he came running. I wasn't talking to him, and I wish he wouldn't have gotten involved to send the terror squads after me. Why do you think I said that? because i listen to music. I know they're after me. "Evil Angel" breaking benjamin. "Special Needs" Placebo. "Girl" Beck. I have a lot of different agencies targeting me at once. The last thing I needed was cash. Since Elvis (article found in smithsonian), they've been secret agents covering social agendas.

To all you Iraqi vets, not that you'd read my blog, but the procedure was only 10,000 which is cheap for cells, and they got rid of those horrible headaches (or the headache that lasted for 8 months after I was attacked) I was having and restored some function somehow. You can see improvements on my blog. I'm not sure if that's time, but the headaches definitely went away after the treatment. I'm still hollow. The only drawback is that I have scars forever on my tummy. You really have to suck the cells up to get the benefit too, don't let them wash down your throat. Sometimes, it takes more than one trip. The eye guy said that. He had immediate improvements in vision after a few days, I guess. They should go spy on her and take her technique because it seems to work, even though it's strange and doesn't differentiate them like other countries do, but she puts them right in the area. It's a little scary for us brain people, but it was worth it. I'd still like some more and nerve growth. The only side effect I've had are olefactory hallucinations, and I'm sure what those are from. The rest is probably from the injury or from invega, which caused me to have sense issues. I thought my brain was filled with water. It was weird.

I will delete this blog. I just wanted to explain, though I know nobody cares. I listened to my badass music, so I cussed. i don't cuss in person. Like I said, I'm shy, reserved. "It's always the quiet ones," not. Stop that. This torment of me reached a level. Let me explain, Madonna, to preverse myself. I can think clearly now; something I haven't been able to do for months during my punishment. I'm always being punished for something. It's how they justify my low life form. Why not just say that I specialize in hamburger making and that you couldn't handle doing the same things over and over again? Why not be humane? As for being a teenager and having monomania, the only reason I spent all that money was because I was on the run. Then people that wanted my dollar justified it as my incompetence without regard to the fact that I might not be all shrouded in fantasy. I wanted to live. We've been through this. I'll do anything to survive like all pathetic humans. That's mind control: the gun. I don't know why we need all this fancy stuff. I'm still @:) because I want wealth and power, and I no longer want to @) please. Come at me some more. Give me some more demons. The last thing I want is to follow Jesus on the cross. What a loser religion. And if you're uber good, you can be nailed to a cross. Humanity can save itself.

Mostly, I'm on fire because I want stuff to protect myself, and i want to be immortal. They tried to put it out and make me sweet, but I'm too fucking greedy for that. Psychotronic warfare won't stop my blazing torch. I've been incited. Thanks Putin. You made me realize that nobody will ever stand up for me, how worthless I am, and that anyone willmake me face dictators all alone. You may be hot, but you have no couth. I think you're cute, but would I have a conversation with you? No. You respect the dead, fucker. It's not funny, and it's not something to joke about my office pimp. What's the most you've ever done for anyone? Steal. That's it, but then you'll accuse me. You're the one burning like brilliant trash, "we've powered up the power slaves/ line up and do what you please/ burn like brilliant trash (eternity)."

I feel like destroying my family because i'm supposed to be honest according to them and we all have those family members, the ones we hide (I'm one of them)--the psychotronic people, but I won't because I know youu need slaves to work. I'm no slave :P HAHA I'm queen of the hobos. My country has no meat grinder; nobody has any fear. Food stamps will sustain me for life. I can do whatever i want like all the people that rose past me while I was trapped in human emotions of morals. I don't like this. Not that I care about anyone that doesn't do something for me anyway. I've become a sociopath as well. I'm sick of the simpletons. Let's make it Hell on earth.

My Dim Future

LOL

Whine, snivel, cry, complain, it's another day. I'm trapped whining. Excuse me, I told my masters what was going to happen. Don't look at me.

It's never been bright because I'm labeled inferior by any measure, so I can't compete and can't keep my head above the water. You wouldn't be able to either. It doesn't matter what you do because you have a label for them to drag you down with. Then you end up in the mud pit fighting other messes. Look at what I had to do to climb out of the last one.

They need to have more programs for people with disabilities so that we can sustain ourselves and not fall into cliches. The only thing they have around here is a factory for retarded people, and I'm not retarded. I'm feeling better, and I'm going to try technical job training if my masters will allow me to. You never know with them. I told my HS this was going to happen, but since I have an IEP, they could control my decision, and I ended up in college on a track when that wasn't logical. Basically, I couldn't get rid of the IEP unless I did what they said and stay in school. I didn't want to. I saw the future. I needed a job then like I do now to keep the sharks away. You guys are the ones that live on fantasy island. I hate equality. It isn't logical. Why are we in the same schools? Russia started doing that too for greedy reasons. You know we can't thrive. I was tortured, mostly by teachers. A few students got me. It creates an unhealthy environment for everyone. We aren't learning what we need to be, and we're creating problems for the brighter ones because we hold them back. well, I didn't. I didn't even talk. I can say that that treatment probably made me insane. I am a perceiving being unlike the vegetables. It's inhumane.

I finally had a life and then they come rushing in like they owned the place. And that goes to our dear overlord too that wanted to run his big mouth. I told him to write me a letter explaining so that they'd stop attacking me, but he couldn't handle that. Scared? You're going to explain what happened with "I Want to Believe."

I want a letter. I don't care if you don't care. I care, so you're going to. I know nobody cares, but after my nephilim friends and a few other things, I experienced a mad rage, and I don't care who you are; none of that. You should have been in my mind after that. And they came at me even more then when it was obvious I was defenseless.

So they pretty much took every opportunity away from me anyway, declaring me a rose. That was the final blow. Then they framed me trying to ask Putin on a date because that would be logical. I'm still pissed about what happened there because it was wrong, along with trying to kill me in my sleep (for asking him on a date, I assume? They needed a moral flaw). I don't care how trashy that was. I'll say it along with the other stuff they framed me with. I'm a nutcase, oh well. All they want is that damn check, so take it and leave me to the street or an asylum/prison. It's not like it really matters to me. There's a safety net for me no matter what bullshit you guys pull. Do you guys not realize this?

Feel the power.

Here's an interesting weapon

Sleep -- Lisa Gerrard

My attends to you
As a mother fears
while her children sleep
Now look, see how they're dreaming
The black reciteries
while her children sleep
Deep in slumber
Wander in sleep
Dont' you fly
Too far away
Some men die without crying
suffering so long ever long
Softly children
Dry your eyes
Gently children
Be wise...
So look, your wings were broken
But never a lie was spoken.
The murdered thing is love you see
Drifting on a bed of memories.

Drifting on a bed of cognitive function.

It was actually discovered that these are the lyrics

My psychotronic weapon attends to you
While you try to rest, so softly rest
Now this is why you're paranoid
You've been busy and stressed
I sure found you at your best
Now don't you make a peep
As I steal your memory
We know your secrets
And we know your name
Don't even try to hide
Because we'll find your wave
Protect what you love
We'll get them too
Why, we're above...

"There are Russians at the window who are going to shoot me." Really? Were there? That's what I told the girl, and she was like, what? I like Lisa, but I don't like these weapons. Some of us already have cognitive dysfunctions from various things. We don't need help. We don't want help. Our reactions are instinctive. Man, the original group of psychotronic bullies said that if I did everything, then they'd put me in the box. I guess they meant casket. We all know I hope in vain for things. I was an experiment of some sort.

And like all spies, I'm going to have to change my name. LOL I am joking about that.

Any suggestions?

This will be my last blog. I think I've explained everything.

Look, I was seriously messed up from psychotronic stuff. If you're going to mock my blog, leave a comment :P Oh brave one. I like the attention ;)

I scribbled out of desperation. I was afraid that something worse would happen to me, and now I have all that nonsense out there, not that I care. I'll use this state to advocate for the destruction of invalids all at once, one of my goals. It should be a known evil instead of creey crawling in the dark after us. I know my faults.

And my employer, if I ever get one, is going to have to know and be "cool" with my state. If you're not a cool employer, I don't want to work with you anyway.

I'm pretty much stuck with the hospital or a name change.

Very little of what I say makes coherent sense because my thought process is fragmented, but I can still take your order, thanks. There are purple dots in sunshine. This is why I say I was framed into being disorganized schizophrenic or I was damaged and it looks like it. They made me stupid because then they could take my pension/ kill me. Not unless you kill us all at once and there are visible rules. I have lots of records of everything because everyone loves. to. control. me. I'm getting into the news yet (the kids will rip me apart, and I'll attention whore every moment of it :P), and I'll release them all, just so that people can see what they don't care about. Why were "they" so fascinated with me. Of course they'll use that rebuff later, like why would we do that, but they had a rea$on.

Pepper Lyrics

Marky got with Sharon
And Sharon got Cherese
She was sharing Sharon's outlook
on the topic of disease.
Mikey had a facial scar
And Bobby was a racist

I don't mind the sun sometimes
The images it shows...
You never know just how you look
Through other peoples' eyes.

Anyway

This was the concept I was trying to get out:

Something happened with Putin in regards to myself and a few other parties, but I can grab onto Putin; they only attacker that showed his face--of course I can't prove anything when everyone hides in the shadows, and I have to guess (can you prove that it didn't happen?), and if I like explode in the middle of the street, it could be inferred that it was his fault, thus preventing my timely death. Putin is the only one that can help me. I hate Putin, but I need to self-promote and use him to be restored. It's not going to happen, but i was desperate. It got really bad right after they did it. As if I didn't have enough problems, then suddenly words "have lost their meaning." A Bedtime Story. This happens to me every time I start to succeed or have anything becuase they know they can get away with it. I'm any cliche. Oh, I'm going to kill everyone because I'm a threat. Is anyone actually afraid of me? If you are, just stay in your room where you belong. You know what employer, you know I want (not really) to and I won't. I'm safer than 99% of people out there that just snap. And they don't seem to be preventing much, are they? Loughner. There's nothing worse than a false sense of control. I learned that in my garrison days.

All they want is my dollar. I don't care about my dollar. I'll eat out of the trash. I've been demoralized so many times due to my inferiority that I don't care, which is why it was "valid" that I needed to be novacained. Why, because I said a truth? And you guys couldn't handle it.

I'm obviously not at my best, now am I?

I'm never embarrassed, and I'll drag everyone down with me, so don't jump onto my ship 'cuase sugar we're going down swinging. I hate humanity; I've had a life of this nonsense. Death to special ed kids. Look at how fate just grabs onto me. I'm the epitome of white trash, the used one--by everyone, and it's not by choice. Oh, I'm an extremist.

Things happen for reasons.

PS

I think my current state is artistic though. It represents the individual in the whole of an outlook--an impersonal event that doesn't look or perceive but is more complex than the individual, that is unable to put it all together. My illustration of this is merely more dramatic.

It's just deeper than you could understand. LOL

http:/imaxxo.com/art/verizon.php?q=putin-scribble. That is art. All us retards should be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure. LOL This life is inhumane.

I'm always desperate and scared. Give me a break. Excuse my rudeness, but know I'm going to take everyone down with me on my way :( The other people are doing something that's referred to echolalia in their clips and trying to use Putin. I do it when I talk along with other, curious things like glossolalia. Thanks, ray.

Let us kill all the invalids at once instead of this nickle and diming. What are they afraid of? That it'll be them... I love when the latter happens, when they grovel like I have to. They'll do anything to survive, like all pathetic humans. What a worthless species. Why don't we just threaten to kill anyone who takes more than they need to eat? Since we invented the gun, spine bending worship has been possible.

The Communist Dictatorship

So if you've ever been down, you've probably taken a trip to the doctor or the psych ward. You might have stayed a few days until you were 'straightened out." You might have enjoyed the trip even--maybe you weren't aware of it or liked the sleeping vacation, or you might have been mentally abused in the process because you're in the system. You're theirs. The latter knows what I'm referring to.

I live under a dictatorship. At 24, I've lost complete control of my life. I'm going to say this is not going to end well because I'm an animal that needs freedom and space.

Frolic off into the sunset. That's my goal. I don't like humans.

These people are not like normal people. They are control freaks. They will make you completely handicapped with their ignorant TLC. Like, I can totally work. They're trying to say that I can't due to anything random and tha they'll put me in Nixa, which is like the ultimate threat, and they're trying to gain even more control over me with it. I could live in an apartment again. They're about to go to court and lose me because I'm not going to be threatened or manipulated. I don't like these people. I'm a "mean" girl. They'll call me anything just like their disorders. I walked down a hall, and I had anxiety, did not! I was said to have a manipulation disorder when I asked to go to the bbathroom. I had to pee, and there was nothing to do--no mental stimulation leading to my sensory deprivation, so I was more focused on it. I was locked on a ward for sixty days because they said I was hearing voices. I wasn't at the time. In fact, i haven't physically in 6 months depsite my creative writings about that time. I have some sort'of TBI from "Novacaine." Is that a TBI. Now I look delusional when I'm not because you can't know that you're delusional. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that my inability to figure out complex schemes around me just means I'm stupid or ignorannt of details. I don't care. I'm a stupid girl. There are plenty of stupid sloppy dizzy mean people in the world. And I believe in stupid things, yes. It's only the natural byproduct of being stupid. Thanks, Madonna.

And on that note, don't ever piss off the people in charge, as the psychiatric ward is geared towards their control, and it will destroy every aspect of your being.

Yes, masters, what do you want? I'm going to start referring to them as "masters" when I go in because according to my guardian, I'm only allowed to go to the locked down hospital.

They don't even listen to me because they know they don't have to. All they have to say is that I threatened myself or someone else, and they lie. I never stabbed myself. I have 0 wounds. People killed: 0. My suicide: 0. I don't own a weapon, and I don't really want to hurt myself or anyone else. You just want to control me and say that you prevented a school shooting. You're scared cause you know you treated me real bad. That's what they're there for, to remind you to be nice. I just don't want to be locked down in an insane asylum. Jail is a privilege in comparison, trust me.

Welcome to the communist dictatorship of mental health.

Oh, do I ever have nightmares though. This ought to "please" them, the pleasing disease.

If I want to believe in psychotronic weapons, it's a free country. I know this will make me homeless and that I have no future, but it's never been bright anyway. I don't hope anymore. My name means routinely bad action. If there's a wrong way, I'm going to do it. I usually don't have a choice.

Someone put a complaint in about me. Thank God. The inbetween people can have their dollar back and all the other veterans can whine about how it isn't enough when I was living well, thanks. I'll go into redemption labor and welfare. I have bad luck. But you people don't know how much easier it is to be poor. Poormouthers.

Morality and Me and My Master Plan to Riddle Yours

Since humans learned to lie, they have deceived the natural moral realm that governs most other animals. Simple truths have become riddled in abstract possibility, as my friend laments, and we loosened our ties with logic. Perhaps this was the inevitable tiding of a social animal with forethought or perhaps it was a fluke in evolution, and we are destined to follow every other creature into a timely grave of failed species trying to vie, dying instead.

Morals are hardwired into the being of social animals. If they weren't, we wouldn't be together.

Personally, I felt a set of morals, but the ydon't matter on grander scales to others because I don't matter on grander scales and the politics of higher morality is often confused in compex games of interests, according to them. Still, morals exist somewhere in this ambiguous algorithm. People, like me, feel them for a reason.

I've been detached from this feeling of knowing for a time, and my life has been Hellish eversince I became "unconscious" as Madonna likes to call it in her advertising video, "A Bedtime Story." After that "touch" with a weapon, I think any rational man would call me profoundly retarded.

The only thing I can think of to amend the situation is to contruct a moral compass that will help me waddle through daily rights and wrongs. Here it is:

Right: group
Wrong: group
Good: individual
Bad: individual

The compass goes that someting can be right for the group and bad for the individual, but it can never be good for the individual and wrong for the gorup because the individual is within the group.

I think me being profoundly retarded is wrong for the group, Madonna. I am a social burden, and it was unjust to take my opportunity away from me like that and with the deception/method that you did. It is a threat to the others. Oh, they'll use that epic, "be afraid that this could happen to you" in a rush, like others could control the situation if I couldn't. OThers are good and I am bad. What happened to me is bad for everyone regardless of "me."

What moral compass do they use, are they using? None? Sexual morality (a mere portion of it)? Sweet sounding poetry?

It's always a guess with them, like zeitgeist, mood of the moment. Okay. Where does that get them? To retards.

PS I would still like to be circumcised. That doesn't hurt anyone. That's my solution ot their game, and boy is it a game. And "novacaine" is the same weapon, I've decided.

And yes, since I have ZERO opportunities, as I am a vulnerable person, I'm consumed in "trash" problems. It's a popular trick by those in charge of us. They will consume me in these odd socioeconomic problems like "crazy" or "ignorant" (I don't see a specialist) or this "psychotronic warfare garbage" then blame me and tell me to "get over it." Anyone magically gotten over brain damage by themselves? I didn't think so. I think the people I have ZERO respect for who made me a spectacle and fractured what fragile sense of self-worth (because I've been powerless) I had OWE ME. GET OVER IT! If the government owes you hundreds of dollars a month for breathing, and I see your issues that you can't get over because they forced you to sin (you know what I'm talking about), but you point at me, so I'm being mean, and I'm the evil disabled person, and we should ALL die at once, then still I'll point at you, and they owe me for using me and making me "special."

This is why you have to track us, Mr. I Don't Have An Ambiguous Greeting Card to make Kaela feel like she has power and lives in a democracy. No, I won't kill you. It's just my assumption. I give people whatever they want. My threat level is zero. Does that make you respect me less though?

The Endless Saga

So I'm not going to be overly redundant. I have nothing better to talk about though, I'll admit, especially now that I can't remember anything and am dizzy.

I pissed off a dictator, and he came at me. That was the picture incident prior to the bar incidents. This attention caused everyone and his brother to come attack me too. The situation could have been handled differently. I feel as though I was wronged.

You could have alerted the authorities. Or you could have sent me a letter.

What happened was inappropriate.

I tried to understand the situation and to make amends so that I can get my brain fixed. I'm not hitting on the dictator, but that is a detail. I'm trying to be honest.

This annoyance has caused massive problems. I can't do anything until something is done about my brain.

Dear Night Terrors

You speak English, so I know it isn't Putin, though he started this.

Anyway, no, they won't label it a PDD. I tried, but I don't fit the criteria, especially now that you've sunk my IQ. I'm over 18, so when they find it, it'll be dementia, or a decline in mental function. Some sort of TBI? I have a 118 IQ on record for an adult. And I also passed HS without any help, played soccer, made average grades and scored decently on the ASVAB. I didn't even have a parking ticket before I joined. Yeah, I know you made me retarded, labeled me everything bad. It's a really weird experience. You argued with me about what it is, and I couldn't even get a word in to agree, but you made me this way and it's a certain way. What are/were you trying to accomplish? If it's simple punishment, I'm fading to where I don't get it. This is wrong. I guess not wrong, but pointless.

You guys are going to have to find a way to just make it so that the money doesn't come to us, not damage us to different diagnosis or frame us. I'm gonna marry Putin, and I gonna hit on him in a bar thousands of miles away 'cause I got intelligence. Now that one was an epic of "Burn Like Brilliant Trash at Jackie's Funeral." So I had a crush. Wahoo, but I wouldn't ask him on a date like you framed me doing. I told you that if you label anything as anything, we'll all be anything. Why is everyone exactly the same? Because there's profit in that.

After all of that I did give you what you wanted, "Touch, Peel, and Stand." I'm a Traitor with a capital 'T." No, i'm the one you could get to, but you can't even balance your budget. Way to beat the poorboy.

Why don't you have the control, the power? You have the gun. Is it not big enough? Get a bigger one if you want to rule. Just because I do echolalia doesn't mean that I agree. LOL I'm mocking that. I asked if I was autistic, and they said "no."

This is absolutely ridiculous. You all should be unemployed because you are truly stupid. I'm demented. I want to be revived. I demand it.

Let me be manipulative to get out of this. I'll do anything. I guess I'll be like you.

I'm going to do what everyone else does. I want to whine about odd social issues that are irrelevant and use them to garner worth. I have plenty. I'll use angst and irritation to power myself beyond the other laymen. I can hate more.

I want to spread my schizophrenia, the crime of the "innocent." (I don't have schizophrenia anymore; I have cyanidephrenia.) The gods surely punish us well for out thoughtlessness and vernacular. The dirge cries with our patheticness in a moment of understanding. What's right, what's wrong? They confuse it in society's moral compass -- irrelevant to the stars. We are confused and destined dead, the isolated primate, and the gods rejoice in this, for to such pathetic beings it is proper that all good is a mortal's self-hatred.

(Yes, we serve dominance; look up primates before you judge my thought process that is normal if it exists; it is the result of normal natural law.)

The children sleep
as the gods play games
You know it's always been the same

The ocean creeps
as the mist makes haze
You know it's always been the same

Why are all the gods against me?

I've decided that I want to be accused of necrophilia by our gang government. Why not kidnap me and try to undo this? You'll have "good" soldiers suffer from this on the battlefield, good people. You're going to have to help them. Even if I was a traitor or a terrorist or Miss "Rose," there are legal ways of dealing with it.

Here's my Tale

Once upon a time, there was a homely girl who had a crush on an evil dictator. He briefly became her reality because she was demoralized right when this crush occured, and so they had a magical existence together on Planet X. The girl wasn't educated enough to know that she'd been demoralized, and she thought it was real. Not that Putin and this girl were dating, just that Putin became God to this girl. Long story short, it wasn't Putin but it was Putin.

It was a conflict of interests from the start in the sane world. The girl was evil because she had resources as a pariah, and the intelligence service was good because it was trying to keep its theories of social control afloat along with rid the world of this waste, so they descended upon this disease of decent society to redeem the world from filth and thus be the epitome of good.

This broke the evil girl's heart because even her imaginary world was mean to her, and she knew that the incident meant more than a single day; they were watching her, waiting for her to make a mistake because they were trying to steal her dollar and create a political incident to garner worth and attention to their remedial, mundane careers.

Why I Don't Like Capitalism

Capitalism is supposed to allow individuals to bank off of their talents. Industry is to be shaped by these capabilities and the design is to be such that competition creates profit through diversity and survival of the fittest. However, it seems that the market is dominated by big names and logos and that popularity is forced through conquering bullies. Perhaps I'm too simplistic and overly set on the oppressed (truly oppressed, not whiney bitches that haven't done anything to deserve) supposed minority, or perhaps I'm being egocentric and pissed off that my script was stolen from me instead of allowing me to be on Jerry Springer where I "belong." I need to capitalize off of this, guys.

Give me that script. I'm not embarrassed. I want to know what you were asking, and I want to express my white trash talent. I guess I was honest, but there weren't any Russians at the window :P

No, I don't want to hurt anyone for real, literally. But they sure want to me.