Normal people are allowed to develop grow, overcome, adapt and rearrange themselves. They're allowed to "change," but if I do anything, I suddenly have a ray pointed at my head and will pay for it forever. It's ridiculous, and it's always like this because I have that damn label.
This is because all the "strong" people like to target me for an easy kill. I got into a teenage fight, and they made that the end of the world. All I asked her was if she was in my head. These days, that's a perfectly reasonable inquiry, and a mature person would have responded, "no, I'm not in your head." But she went psycho on me. I heard her voice, and I was a little annoyed. I misread what she said afterwards because I'd been hit by so many charity, scalar rays. I was a little upset about that because I assumed as my friend that she should have given me the benefit of the doubt. I was nice to her. I blew her name everywhere. Fine, what me to be a jealous psychopath because that's what they want, anything cliche. I will be, and you can feel better about your crappy positions. If A Perfect Circle wouldn't have scared me as a youngster, I wouldn't have taken being a rose so poorly. Back then, I just had dreams, and I'd had them messed up by everyone else who'd had control over me. I didn't want what I had left destroyed. I get sick of being so special. Everyone else gets to do what they want but I have to do something completely against my interests. I wasn't "jealous" of not being a rope. My goal was to go to school but that's almost destroyed now. I can still do some things.
I got into a fight with Putin, and he doesn't know what the Hell he's doing. He just knows he can get away with it. Like a little boy that caught a mouse at the Science Fair.
I'm trapped in the past because I'm disabled in it. Aw, now I'm begging for mercy. How cute or should I write, how coot.
Putin, you're such a fucking loser but a smart one. ;)
I tried to work at Hardee's and they were right there to hurt me. Then I get all emo and stuff because I can't survive. Good thing that my state will take care of me.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Nobody Cares About Mental Health Problems
Demons LOL Everyone has them because everyone got their feelings hurt at some point. Wah. They just thought I might actually accomplish something, so they destroyed me. I tried to get back at them, and I'm ... bad. I'm so special. WTF did Putin highlight me? Because it was an easy kill. He's got demons LOL You should see all the people he kills (he should be ruled insane if hurting people is the qualification), especially if he wanted to be a sociopath and not care for the injured or disabled. How does that make you feel, Putin? I'm white trash like everyone else, right? I deserve pain, agony, nothing. I want to be...
I haven't gotten much this life. I want the opportunity that I received; I would like compensation, and I've already said what I want. It would make me feel better, like I'm actually human and worth something.
My relative said that the government was trying to help me since it didn't kill me, which it could easily, and I'm not delusional about that because I know what a delusion is, but it obviously messed up because she said I had excellent comphrension after 6th grade and that my memory is bad now. She told me to keep writing to government, which I am. I want this fixed. I'm not trying to get rich by suing, and she said it would be by their grace basically, which means they're going to ignore me but agrees that they messed something up, even though they probably had good intentions or I'd be dead. I just want this fixed. Can we deal with this quietly? It's my dream to graduate college. I hate being stupid. I was already stupid, but now I'm "make her retarded." yes, I could hear it as they did it to me.
I don't necessarily agree that their interests were benign to pleasant. I think there are a lot of elites out there with satellites and that I pissed someone off, so they wanted to make me stupid to have an unpleasant life, and that's why I write open letters, and they're really just letters since i"m too stupid to really analyze things these days, and it's kind'of dangerous/ sparks more attention to me, but I would like to say that if it was an elite that that was plain rude. You could have used your words to tell me what you didn't like. You could have grabbed some hobo off the street to write it here. I never get any comments on this blog, but you're obviously welcome to put your feelings up here. Going after my mind is wrong, doesn't give me a chance to evaluate or correct things myself. I was, in fact, born yesterday. You probably have a good reason to not like the things I do or say, and I might just be ignorant of why it bothers you. I can see one error now, but I was so pissed they were trying to kill me, even though I can't feel it.
I used to be really jealous of black people because they got free school and special privilege for their suffering, and I think society makes us racist for a purpose, and I guess I was looking back when I had emotions, but it was mostly jealousy. What makes that so special? While this is childish, it's no doubt influenced my opinions that I cant feel anymore, so don't ask me how it makes me feel because I can't feel it (I generally hate people), and they were doing stuff way before I made that comment, but I realize someone would shoot me dead for it, even though blacks are targeting whites and saying nasty things too. My last group home's head was racist against white people and never kept her mouth shut, right in front of me too. That's her opinion, and I have to respect it. It wasn't going to cause me any harm, didn't harm anyone. I figure people can stop have egos made of eggshells. I use my name because I figure it's good for me, and if you threaten me, everyone dies, so it doesn't matter. I've gotten used to it over the years. If someone is going to do something bad, someone is going to do it, and there's nothing I can do about it. Just an FYI, I can't feel any emotions, so you can't make me suffer. You can find mild amusement, I assume, in all the upside down things I think, however. I am stupid now. Does that make you feel better about yourself? And for anyone else on the internet, you can be found, so don't think you're hiding your 'nasty." I'm human, not perfect.
Google is trying to defame me for it to justify what they did, and two wrongs don't make a right, especially in the dark. Meanwhile, they won't put any of my comments about Campbell up. And I hate her, not because she is black but because she betrayed me and sided with the evil ones, calling me a "rose," which is like a death sentence in this culture. That wasn't an opinion, it caused me harm. It's a "target." She was my best friend. Now I guess I'm being simple because a "friend" betrayed me. I am simple, and she needs a restraining order.
If I ever come into any money from the evil ones, which I won't, she'll get half of it for all the shit I've written, but I don't plan on having anything, so I'll say all the "immature" things I want to, and I expect google to post at least one of them. Does God love her more than me? I feel that there's discrimination going on, and yes, I could felt true discrimination all my life, and what makes it even better is that I deserve it. Then I have to listen to people complain that they've been discriminated against when they don't think I can relate. Oh, I know discrimination. It made me a massive target. They even called me a rose and a ghost. Like you can be dead while you're alive.
Back to Campbell, she put my life in extreme danger, I figured I'd return the favor. If we ever see each other again, she's going to need a restraining order, even if I've been zombified. She was racist too, but I used to think that was okay for black people. It was part of my ignorance. She often made references to slavery like it happened yesterday or to her and that I was responsible. In my head, I was like??? and then later I mounted a sea of anger because if someone has suffered discrimination, but there's always that voice in the back of my head, but you deserve it. Then why am I with people who are not my equals? Why am I always used? It's come to me arriving at the conclusion that all invalids should die. That's what all my thoughts on morals say. That as long as we exist, we will be exploited. That as long as we exist, we will be unworthy. I can't do anything without someone getting into my way, someone telling me I can't, someone telling me I don't deserve, but I deserve this.
I thought about it a long time, and even if I was delusional about everything or something in the everything, she was still in the wrong. You have to treat people like people, even when you're killing them or "cutting" them off. I guess I went to her level by defaming her, but she sure did me, several times, and maybe that's why I created the deep delusion... not that it's all a delusion, I'm just confused becaue my attackers are invisible, but what I 'pinned" down does say a lot. Who has hurt you?, that's what I discovered. I thought that they were my friends, but really I never thought that at all because they were my demons, black people too.
I just talked to a black guy and he said I was mad, not necessarily racist. I just asked him to read this. I get along with black guys. I swear that I'll end up marrying one.
Back to what she'll use to hide, and it's not because you're black but because I hate you; and even after my initial guess that was right by "interests" in me, your tracer, you left me in the dark when I needed you the most--I listened to you lament about all your problems, and you freaked out when I said I was hallucinating, probably because you felt real special with your "future," and they knew my name, and you didn't want guilt by association, but it still pissed me off because you'd used me before. Everyone dumps me because they don't want to be associated with someone with schizophrenia or mental health problems, which is respectable, but did you have to go and do that? You could have said, "I can't risk my future associating with you because I have a job now that requires a clean record;" you didn't have to do what you did. I won't post it here, but it was enough for me to go to prison for. I'd halfway forgiven you for profiling me, but I won't forgive that. Did they tell you to do that? They just want me to kill myself to make up for their ego problems. "She's such a disgrace; she's going to kill herself. " Like I have to kill myself for them to be "right," and they pressure it, and I felt like that for awhile then came to the conclusion that I needed company in the afterlife and that I was not soley exclusive from my environment. I've been carrying society's garbage for a long time, and I think that's why I got voices. It's a type of guilt that follows me around as all these horrible things happen to me. The occurences are focused on me, so it's my fault, but the reasons it happens are complex to many, claim in their irresponsibility to be vexing, yet all boil down to one cause: disability. It makes me think, should invalids exist or is their fate welfare and other horrible ends? We don't dance in the circle of society, so what's the purpose of existing? To drain resources? It wasn't like I was wanton, no, I was singled out and chosen by Satan to be "bad." That's what happens when something is inferior, like a snake that crawls on the ground. It was him who sinned, not the strong lion that roars with pride. I'll take responsibility, I suppose, for all but my innocence, which also happens to be ignorance. Now those two are not mutually exclusive. I hate being singled out as the only person that deserves something bad. Someone knew the answer before me, yet they kept it a secret. Perhaps for their own ends.
Like everyone else...
Make me eat my words forever, huh google? I don't care. I never had much of a future, and now I really don't have a future. If you were inside my mind, you'd know why.
And I have a theory that HAARP is to protect us from these elites in addition to weather modification, but that the government doesn't want to spark panic by saying it. You should see into my mind and see all the stuff they did. I know someone sent the "nephilim" after me. I'll say that that would be benign. LOL
Back to the subject,
By the mere fact that you said that to me, discredits you. You are caring about not caring because that's what you've been programed to say. We abuse people with mental disorders like nothing else, probably because there is social stigma to seeking treatment due to the high costs that disorders like schizophrenia burden to families or, more importantly, politicians.
People, like always, do truly, deeply madly care about my mental health issues because they want to use me if only to say "I don't have problems like her" or "she doesn't deserve" or "she has to do this" or the best, "we all know she has a problem." That's what it boils down to in addition to the fact that they want to steal from me. They want to control me for their profit or take my opportunities away.
As if I had any, but you beat that dead horse. I'd like the respective intelligence agencies to take responsibility for what they've done. Yes, they've used their weapons on me. It's not a delusion. It's a fact. What evidence do I have? I have songs that clearly advertise weapons and a dramatic change in symptoms. They wanted to be fancy with their weapons and it had a dire result. Show offs.
Admit it, you want me to live in poverty and eat shit because you want to prove how unimportant you are and I am. Ya lo se. Be stupid for elites.
All I want is a place in society and to be left alone. I just don't like being psychotronically edited to fill these positions by the industrial complex that seeks to make a name for itself. I also don't care about what is socially wrong to say because I can't lie that much about my abuses. Juggling other peoples' lies about me gets difficult. And you can see it in my writing. I don't know if you've ever been controlled by people who don't have your interests in mind, but it's a challenge to navigate through. Oftentimes, they are ignorant about the amount of damage that they are doing! I'm getting a recorder so that I can show them and maybe they'll understand. Not that they value my opinion, but they do care.
Call me anything bad, but don't tell me that you don't care because you obviously do.
PS my attackers are faceless. I have to volunteer information because there are so many lies about me.
Google has defamed me by posting the most degrading comments. My opinion on undesirables is that we should all die, black or white, like I said and not play this run around game. It's unclear in that statement because I was very damaged for awhile and not clear. They made me stupid with their weapons, special operations. It's so they can say that I don't deserve. I'm out of the game now anyway. I'll just go to prison... I'm no one, never had a future anyway. I will not stand for this abuse, however, this manipulation, even if it means I'm destroyed. They destroyed me anyway. Either way, I lose.
Yes, they do engineer racism and they use us invalids as well. The US = evil. That's why I wanted to leave so that I could just live for once. I don't have to be a rose, a thorn, anything inferior. They've chased me before. Now they're defaming me with my google ranking. Bing is nice to me.
Oh, I'm so mean to black people. I deserved to be turned into Miss Trash. Nope, because if I am then you are. You'll learn this wisdom. Just like it's bad for all of us if we have retards in society.
Get off your asses and torch anyone that gets in your way. I can't believe you let whites enslave you. Not that you were special because we were indentured servants back then and just as "worthless." I hate white people too, don't worry, or maybe I just hate people. To them, I'm not human, so I guess i'm racist against humans.
http://rt.com/usa/news/racial-milwaukee-donovan-riots-487 Now that's what I'm talking about, black people. Beat the shit out of them. That's the only way people listen.
Stand up for yourselves, everyone. I did, and I've been discriminated against just like you and treated like a slave, but I deserve it. Stop living like a victim even if it means they take a few of you out. I basically committed suicide, but I got them back.
Again, I would like Putin to fix the brain damage that has improved a little after my first stem cell transplant because he made me a target. I don't care what they've turned me into. I want it fixed. I was too young for psychotronic warfare. I was like 20 when that happened. I didn't know any better. Our culture tricked me into thinking that I had free speech. I was stupid. I just didn't think I mattered that much, if you know what I mean.
And about my age, I don't mean that I didn't have responsibility; I just meant that I was green and could have used "correction" prior to having my brain destroyed then being institutionalized. Not that you care, if you're even reading this.
And I get along with black men, always have always will because they're chilled out. I wonder why I have a difficult time with the females? The ambiguous jealousy that i have is general and doesn't relate to whatever interpersonal relationships I've had, though the personal relationships could have had an impact on my general opinion.
I think I'm more black sometimes with discrimination issues. LOL Oops. I put two thoughts together.
I'm some horrible deviant of human intead though. I'm the one going to prison or in the institution. I have no future. I am going for a name change. I only used my name to try to ward off my timely death, much as I want to die. Life makes no sense. I think I want to kill the rejected part of me.
No, I don't want to kill anymore/harm anyone. I would talk her ear off, that's all. That's all I've ever done, but I'll be instititutionalized forever because it's peoples' control over me. If being a threat to someone else or self was that serious of a sin, then shouldn't all of the prison population and music industry be considered mental, insane?
I don't think I have schizophrenia. I was hit by cyanide (probably by a street gang worshipping Putin or Putin, but I would have expected him to do better really), and I was psychotronically edited. My relative says it's a miracle I'm a live with all the times my head's been hit anyway in the army and out of it. Prior to that, I just hallucinated and was stressed, tired. Who knows why? Now my emotions are all messed up, which is a symptom of both a TBI and schizophrenia. You know, I think the entire mental health field is delusional. If they can't prove that I have something physically, then it's not there. Sure, I was suicidal, but lots of people are. I'm poor, so instead of being homeless, I get to be institutionalized. I'll be homeless evetually, dammit.
You can come join my new group: 10% remaining. They say we only use 10% of our brains; well, I only have 10% of mine left...
Only stupid people have these problems... Since I have problems, I seem to pile more/ they chose me for these issues.
They have special squads to punish traitors. I wasn't a traitor until after the squad came. It's preventitive, I'm sure. Something to earn a paycheck over. I'm not pro any other country though. I guess that's why they always chose idiots so that they can have an easy kill. It's easy to manipulate me because my mind is weak after everything.
I tried to keep my mouth shut but they filled it with words. You should see what the psych ward has written me as saying. it's like, I don't remember any of that because you had me so drugged up that I couldn't tell ying from yang. My memory is terrible, but that sounds strange for me to say, so did the hit on black people because usually I just hate people, and I think they're all the same. I guess it's that somebody gots something thta I didn't, and I felt left out of the pity party. Plus, I was angry they didn't fight back more. I tried to, was trying to during that time. I blame psych drugs or the childhood regression since I don't have any control over my environment. That's the culprit, especially when they inject me with them. Yeah, and I think our culture has an entitlement problem, like anyone can be wronged... I find it humorous myself when I think about it a long time past personal laments. It's by the luck of Sam that you wake up each morning and eat. You aren't anything, after all. Anyone can do anything and get away with it.
I like what Africa did to the whites. They lost their privilege. Now they're all on welfare. See why? Stand up :) I'm stuck like that, and i love when people end up disabled...
Now there's a class divide between whites and blacks still, but I figure that could be ended in the US if elites would create a fake war. War is great for getting everyone to mix it up. We could be invaded by Russia or something for a generation. It would only destroy one generation. I kind'of figured that's why we had/have the recession, to even out the classes/make it more fair for everyone while it looked bad. Elites only let us get so far ahead before they throw us backward. None of reality actually exists. It does on our level, but not grander ones. Smart people gained absolute control awhile ago, and they pull the strings of realizations and things. That's why humanity isn't completely enslaved in labor camps and such by everyone. The 500 extra years to make an advancement doesn't matter when you have forever, and they do, so they aren't as concerned with time so much as quality for everyone, it seems thus far.
If you have a problem with me, I urge you to use to comment section, not dedicate an entire blog to my mocking (yes, someone did that). How does it make you feel to pick on the retard kid, huh? I just talk to air. I bet you want to get in my face and tell me you don't care, so go ahead. Everyone else destroys me I'm the one they can get to...
Death to invalids! Eloi said that I shouldn't die until we all die so that they don't nickel and dime their way to heaven. How to get rid of us in one way, dear fascists, fellow humanitarians, is use them as a facade for your cause then when they call you out on it, say that's all you're doing until we lose our purpose in society. You're not egocentric fascists, concerned only with your odd personality disorders, you're humanitarians. You like teddy bears and sunshine. What, they don't like you? They must be discriminating against disabled blondes. Play their game. Blondes are after all, a world minority.
I advocate standing up for what you believe in, and I jump around all the time because they made me retardeder. I was able to collect myself for a few hours last night. I'm impressed. Now here they come again because my words aren't allowed to stand for anything. You'll see my nonlinear thought process that must be schizophrenia, not the result of psychotronic warfare.
Sure, I'll confess anything. I love being the idiot. I have no memory, but it's kind'of improving... I say that's a TBI. I hope I make your "cause" happy. Looking back, I think I might have actually meant for people to stand up for themselves, but who knows. I am jealous of what people get too, if I recall, and I always hated the nurtured racism that they brought on in school with books like Gone with the Wind and a few programs. They didn't make us equal, they brought attention to differences. It gave black people a cause and white people angst.
All I know is that I'm an anarchist, I need help. SOS or SOL. SOL. Here I sit to chirp.
Leave a comment grandma. Yes, somebody cared so much they turned me into my grandma. She thinks I want to kill everyone. No, grandma, I really did get into a fight with Putin, and it resulted in the FSB or CIA using psychotronic weapons on me (look it up-it's real). I'm just asking him to man up and fix my brain so that I can be productive again. Yeah, yeah, I"m a little shit, but what happened was uncalled for. We live in a strange society these days where anyone can contact anyone else. Why don't you call Russia, grandma, and tell that jerk, excuse my language, to mind his own business and take care of his own people. He didn't need to police me. Now I need help from him, and he knows what they did, so he can fix it. This happened 2 years ago, but it caused them to stalk me in Virginia. They almost killed me. Putin likes to use cyanide and other torture methods. Yes, that really hurt more than my feelings. I'm a joker though. I say that I'm going to get a phone call from Putin, and he's going to fix this. I'm sorry I'm not Russian. I have rights. I think that it was the Russians that tried to kill me for getting disability because they do theirs. "Invalidy" - Tatu "Love as you die" It burned my brain and left me braindead. I will not stand for this. I go off to another charity. Great. You just make my life easier the more you steal from me. Russians = desperate people. No wonder you have to kiss Putin's ass. He doesn't feed you and has you completely enslaved. It's like, Putin, I'm not your nationality, your quagmire of desperation. Hey, if you guys want to live like that. I wonder why millions of your people run away, far away. I may be a dissident, but it's allowed in America. I've posted all sorts of nasty and no one has come after me. I am fighting the invisible, so I have to narrow down suspects. I am a piece of shit in many ways and that's not relevant to this discussion. Do not distract. I expect this fixed -- from your little American. You did part of this. I can nail you down for the picture and the bar. Those two things alone highlight your guilt in an aspect. It is inappropriate for you to influence an ordinary person's ongoings.
Treat me like an American since I am one. That means you can deal with me protesting you, saying a bunch of crap, and you can be accountable for what you inspired or did because I matter to America. I want my brain fixed as settlement. You get to pay for the tickets, the hotel and the procedure. I was not of your concern. You do anything funny to me over there, and it'll be another incident. Buffy didn't get you out of that one. Look, if you would have ripped my arm off, I wouldn't care, but do you see how my mind affects everything? I've had enough of people interferring. What you did was inappropriate. I was 20 and just learning about the world. Of course, I had a strange opinion. You shouldn't be involved in those sorts of affairs. It's like a black belt fighting a yellow belt. There is no point in the match. It looks bad. I look forward to my vacation in Russia, however. I like Russia. Don't forget the junior mints. I just want to piss everyone off with that. I don't know if stem cells work, but as a controller, I know you know of something that does, and I want to be fixed to have a normal life. You stole this from me. I want it back. Sorry I was rude. I love Russia on odd days, but I'm trying to get attention to my cause. I love America too on even days. I feel betrayed.
I've posted several times that this is my opinion in a free country and that I don't want to kill anyone. Then my doctor read this and scanned it, so I can see all the nonsense quotes out of context that they take from it. I have a TBI from psychotronic warfare. In the future, they'll see it. I wish Putin had the balls to fix what he did or what he inspired.
I haven't gotten much this life. I want the opportunity that I received; I would like compensation, and I've already said what I want. It would make me feel better, like I'm actually human and worth something.
My relative said that the government was trying to help me since it didn't kill me, which it could easily, and I'm not delusional about that because I know what a delusion is, but it obviously messed up because she said I had excellent comphrension after 6th grade and that my memory is bad now. She told me to keep writing to government, which I am. I want this fixed. I'm not trying to get rich by suing, and she said it would be by their grace basically, which means they're going to ignore me but agrees that they messed something up, even though they probably had good intentions or I'd be dead. I just want this fixed. Can we deal with this quietly? It's my dream to graduate college. I hate being stupid. I was already stupid, but now I'm "make her retarded." yes, I could hear it as they did it to me.
I don't necessarily agree that their interests were benign to pleasant. I think there are a lot of elites out there with satellites and that I pissed someone off, so they wanted to make me stupid to have an unpleasant life, and that's why I write open letters, and they're really just letters since i"m too stupid to really analyze things these days, and it's kind'of dangerous/ sparks more attention to me, but I would like to say that if it was an elite that that was plain rude. You could have used your words to tell me what you didn't like. You could have grabbed some hobo off the street to write it here. I never get any comments on this blog, but you're obviously welcome to put your feelings up here. Going after my mind is wrong, doesn't give me a chance to evaluate or correct things myself. I was, in fact, born yesterday. You probably have a good reason to not like the things I do or say, and I might just be ignorant of why it bothers you. I can see one error now, but I was so pissed they were trying to kill me, even though I can't feel it.
I used to be really jealous of black people because they got free school and special privilege for their suffering, and I think society makes us racist for a purpose, and I guess I was looking back when I had emotions, but it was mostly jealousy. What makes that so special? While this is childish, it's no doubt influenced my opinions that I cant feel anymore, so don't ask me how it makes me feel because I can't feel it (I generally hate people), and they were doing stuff way before I made that comment, but I realize someone would shoot me dead for it, even though blacks are targeting whites and saying nasty things too. My last group home's head was racist against white people and never kept her mouth shut, right in front of me too. That's her opinion, and I have to respect it. It wasn't going to cause me any harm, didn't harm anyone. I figure people can stop have egos made of eggshells. I use my name because I figure it's good for me, and if you threaten me, everyone dies, so it doesn't matter. I've gotten used to it over the years. If someone is going to do something bad, someone is going to do it, and there's nothing I can do about it. Just an FYI, I can't feel any emotions, so you can't make me suffer. You can find mild amusement, I assume, in all the upside down things I think, however. I am stupid now. Does that make you feel better about yourself? And for anyone else on the internet, you can be found, so don't think you're hiding your 'nasty." I'm human, not perfect.
Google is trying to defame me for it to justify what they did, and two wrongs don't make a right, especially in the dark. Meanwhile, they won't put any of my comments about Campbell up. And I hate her, not because she is black but because she betrayed me and sided with the evil ones, calling me a "rose," which is like a death sentence in this culture. That wasn't an opinion, it caused me harm. It's a "target." She was my best friend. Now I guess I'm being simple because a "friend" betrayed me. I am simple, and she needs a restraining order.
If I ever come into any money from the evil ones, which I won't, she'll get half of it for all the shit I've written, but I don't plan on having anything, so I'll say all the "immature" things I want to, and I expect google to post at least one of them. Does God love her more than me? I feel that there's discrimination going on, and yes, I could felt true discrimination all my life, and what makes it even better is that I deserve it. Then I have to listen to people complain that they've been discriminated against when they don't think I can relate. Oh, I know discrimination. It made me a massive target. They even called me a rose and a ghost. Like you can be dead while you're alive.
Back to Campbell, she put my life in extreme danger, I figured I'd return the favor. If we ever see each other again, she's going to need a restraining order, even if I've been zombified. She was racist too, but I used to think that was okay for black people. It was part of my ignorance. She often made references to slavery like it happened yesterday or to her and that I was responsible. In my head, I was like??? and then later I mounted a sea of anger because if someone has suffered discrimination, but there's always that voice in the back of my head, but you deserve it. Then why am I with people who are not my equals? Why am I always used? It's come to me arriving at the conclusion that all invalids should die. That's what all my thoughts on morals say. That as long as we exist, we will be exploited. That as long as we exist, we will be unworthy. I can't do anything without someone getting into my way, someone telling me I can't, someone telling me I don't deserve, but I deserve this.
I thought about it a long time, and even if I was delusional about everything or something in the everything, she was still in the wrong. You have to treat people like people, even when you're killing them or "cutting" them off. I guess I went to her level by defaming her, but she sure did me, several times, and maybe that's why I created the deep delusion... not that it's all a delusion, I'm just confused becaue my attackers are invisible, but what I 'pinned" down does say a lot. Who has hurt you?, that's what I discovered. I thought that they were my friends, but really I never thought that at all because they were my demons, black people too.
I just talked to a black guy and he said I was mad, not necessarily racist. I just asked him to read this. I get along with black guys. I swear that I'll end up marrying one.
Back to what she'll use to hide, and it's not because you're black but because I hate you; and even after my initial guess that was right by "interests" in me, your tracer, you left me in the dark when I needed you the most--I listened to you lament about all your problems, and you freaked out when I said I was hallucinating, probably because you felt real special with your "future," and they knew my name, and you didn't want guilt by association, but it still pissed me off because you'd used me before. Everyone dumps me because they don't want to be associated with someone with schizophrenia or mental health problems, which is respectable, but did you have to go and do that? You could have said, "I can't risk my future associating with you because I have a job now that requires a clean record;" you didn't have to do what you did. I won't post it here, but it was enough for me to go to prison for. I'd halfway forgiven you for profiling me, but I won't forgive that. Did they tell you to do that? They just want me to kill myself to make up for their ego problems. "She's such a disgrace; she's going to kill herself. " Like I have to kill myself for them to be "right," and they pressure it, and I felt like that for awhile then came to the conclusion that I needed company in the afterlife and that I was not soley exclusive from my environment. I've been carrying society's garbage for a long time, and I think that's why I got voices. It's a type of guilt that follows me around as all these horrible things happen to me. The occurences are focused on me, so it's my fault, but the reasons it happens are complex to many, claim in their irresponsibility to be vexing, yet all boil down to one cause: disability. It makes me think, should invalids exist or is their fate welfare and other horrible ends? We don't dance in the circle of society, so what's the purpose of existing? To drain resources? It wasn't like I was wanton, no, I was singled out and chosen by Satan to be "bad." That's what happens when something is inferior, like a snake that crawls on the ground. It was him who sinned, not the strong lion that roars with pride. I'll take responsibility, I suppose, for all but my innocence, which also happens to be ignorance. Now those two are not mutually exclusive. I hate being singled out as the only person that deserves something bad. Someone knew the answer before me, yet they kept it a secret. Perhaps for their own ends.
Like everyone else...
Make me eat my words forever, huh google? I don't care. I never had much of a future, and now I really don't have a future. If you were inside my mind, you'd know why.
And I have a theory that HAARP is to protect us from these elites in addition to weather modification, but that the government doesn't want to spark panic by saying it. You should see into my mind and see all the stuff they did. I know someone sent the "nephilim" after me. I'll say that that would be benign. LOL
Back to the subject,
By the mere fact that you said that to me, discredits you. You are caring about not caring because that's what you've been programed to say. We abuse people with mental disorders like nothing else, probably because there is social stigma to seeking treatment due to the high costs that disorders like schizophrenia burden to families or, more importantly, politicians.
People, like always, do truly, deeply madly care about my mental health issues because they want to use me if only to say "I don't have problems like her" or "she doesn't deserve" or "she has to do this" or the best, "we all know she has a problem." That's what it boils down to in addition to the fact that they want to steal from me. They want to control me for their profit or take my opportunities away.
As if I had any, but you beat that dead horse. I'd like the respective intelligence agencies to take responsibility for what they've done. Yes, they've used their weapons on me. It's not a delusion. It's a fact. What evidence do I have? I have songs that clearly advertise weapons and a dramatic change in symptoms. They wanted to be fancy with their weapons and it had a dire result. Show offs.
Admit it, you want me to live in poverty and eat shit because you want to prove how unimportant you are and I am. Ya lo se. Be stupid for elites.
All I want is a place in society and to be left alone. I just don't like being psychotronically edited to fill these positions by the industrial complex that seeks to make a name for itself. I also don't care about what is socially wrong to say because I can't lie that much about my abuses. Juggling other peoples' lies about me gets difficult. And you can see it in my writing. I don't know if you've ever been controlled by people who don't have your interests in mind, but it's a challenge to navigate through. Oftentimes, they are ignorant about the amount of damage that they are doing! I'm getting a recorder so that I can show them and maybe they'll understand. Not that they value my opinion, but they do care.
Call me anything bad, but don't tell me that you don't care because you obviously do.
PS my attackers are faceless. I have to volunteer information because there are so many lies about me.
Google has defamed me by posting the most degrading comments. My opinion on undesirables is that we should all die, black or white, like I said and not play this run around game. It's unclear in that statement because I was very damaged for awhile and not clear. They made me stupid with their weapons, special operations. It's so they can say that I don't deserve. I'm out of the game now anyway. I'll just go to prison... I'm no one, never had a future anyway. I will not stand for this abuse, however, this manipulation, even if it means I'm destroyed. They destroyed me anyway. Either way, I lose.
Yes, they do engineer racism and they use us invalids as well. The US = evil. That's why I wanted to leave so that I could just live for once. I don't have to be a rose, a thorn, anything inferior. They've chased me before. Now they're defaming me with my google ranking. Bing is nice to me.
Oh, I'm so mean to black people. I deserved to be turned into Miss Trash. Nope, because if I am then you are. You'll learn this wisdom. Just like it's bad for all of us if we have retards in society.
Get off your asses and torch anyone that gets in your way. I can't believe you let whites enslave you. Not that you were special because we were indentured servants back then and just as "worthless." I hate white people too, don't worry, or maybe I just hate people. To them, I'm not human, so I guess i'm racist against humans.
http://rt.com/usa/news/racial-milwaukee-donovan-riots-487 Now that's what I'm talking about, black people. Beat the shit out of them. That's the only way people listen.
Stand up for yourselves, everyone. I did, and I've been discriminated against just like you and treated like a slave, but I deserve it. Stop living like a victim even if it means they take a few of you out. I basically committed suicide, but I got them back.
Again, I would like Putin to fix the brain damage that has improved a little after my first stem cell transplant because he made me a target. I don't care what they've turned me into. I want it fixed. I was too young for psychotronic warfare. I was like 20 when that happened. I didn't know any better. Our culture tricked me into thinking that I had free speech. I was stupid. I just didn't think I mattered that much, if you know what I mean.
And about my age, I don't mean that I didn't have responsibility; I just meant that I was green and could have used "correction" prior to having my brain destroyed then being institutionalized. Not that you care, if you're even reading this.
And I get along with black men, always have always will because they're chilled out. I wonder why I have a difficult time with the females? The ambiguous jealousy that i have is general and doesn't relate to whatever interpersonal relationships I've had, though the personal relationships could have had an impact on my general opinion.
I think I'm more black sometimes with discrimination issues. LOL Oops. I put two thoughts together.
I'm some horrible deviant of human intead though. I'm the one going to prison or in the institution. I have no future. I am going for a name change. I only used my name to try to ward off my timely death, much as I want to die. Life makes no sense. I think I want to kill the rejected part of me.
No, I don't want to kill anymore/harm anyone. I would talk her ear off, that's all. That's all I've ever done, but I'll be instititutionalized forever because it's peoples' control over me. If being a threat to someone else or self was that serious of a sin, then shouldn't all of the prison population and music industry be considered mental, insane?
I don't think I have schizophrenia. I was hit by cyanide (probably by a street gang worshipping Putin or Putin, but I would have expected him to do better really), and I was psychotronically edited. My relative says it's a miracle I'm a live with all the times my head's been hit anyway in the army and out of it. Prior to that, I just hallucinated and was stressed, tired. Who knows why? Now my emotions are all messed up, which is a symptom of both a TBI and schizophrenia. You know, I think the entire mental health field is delusional. If they can't prove that I have something physically, then it's not there. Sure, I was suicidal, but lots of people are. I'm poor, so instead of being homeless, I get to be institutionalized. I'll be homeless evetually, dammit.
You can come join my new group: 10% remaining. They say we only use 10% of our brains; well, I only have 10% of mine left...
Only stupid people have these problems... Since I have problems, I seem to pile more/ they chose me for these issues.
They have special squads to punish traitors. I wasn't a traitor until after the squad came. It's preventitive, I'm sure. Something to earn a paycheck over. I'm not pro any other country though. I guess that's why they always chose idiots so that they can have an easy kill. It's easy to manipulate me because my mind is weak after everything.
I tried to keep my mouth shut but they filled it with words. You should see what the psych ward has written me as saying. it's like, I don't remember any of that because you had me so drugged up that I couldn't tell ying from yang. My memory is terrible, but that sounds strange for me to say, so did the hit on black people because usually I just hate people, and I think they're all the same. I guess it's that somebody gots something thta I didn't, and I felt left out of the pity party. Plus, I was angry they didn't fight back more. I tried to, was trying to during that time. I blame psych drugs or the childhood regression since I don't have any control over my environment. That's the culprit, especially when they inject me with them. Yeah, and I think our culture has an entitlement problem, like anyone can be wronged... I find it humorous myself when I think about it a long time past personal laments. It's by the luck of Sam that you wake up each morning and eat. You aren't anything, after all. Anyone can do anything and get away with it.
I like what Africa did to the whites. They lost their privilege. Now they're all on welfare. See why? Stand up :) I'm stuck like that, and i love when people end up disabled...
Now there's a class divide between whites and blacks still, but I figure that could be ended in the US if elites would create a fake war. War is great for getting everyone to mix it up. We could be invaded by Russia or something for a generation. It would only destroy one generation. I kind'of figured that's why we had/have the recession, to even out the classes/make it more fair for everyone while it looked bad. Elites only let us get so far ahead before they throw us backward. None of reality actually exists. It does on our level, but not grander ones. Smart people gained absolute control awhile ago, and they pull the strings of realizations and things. That's why humanity isn't completely enslaved in labor camps and such by everyone. The 500 extra years to make an advancement doesn't matter when you have forever, and they do, so they aren't as concerned with time so much as quality for everyone, it seems thus far.
If you have a problem with me, I urge you to use to comment section, not dedicate an entire blog to my mocking (yes, someone did that). How does it make you feel to pick on the retard kid, huh? I just talk to air. I bet you want to get in my face and tell me you don't care, so go ahead. Everyone else destroys me I'm the one they can get to...
Death to invalids! Eloi said that I shouldn't die until we all die so that they don't nickel and dime their way to heaven. How to get rid of us in one way, dear fascists, fellow humanitarians, is use them as a facade for your cause then when they call you out on it, say that's all you're doing until we lose our purpose in society. You're not egocentric fascists, concerned only with your odd personality disorders, you're humanitarians. You like teddy bears and sunshine. What, they don't like you? They must be discriminating against disabled blondes. Play their game. Blondes are after all, a world minority.
I advocate standing up for what you believe in, and I jump around all the time because they made me retardeder. I was able to collect myself for a few hours last night. I'm impressed. Now here they come again because my words aren't allowed to stand for anything. You'll see my nonlinear thought process that must be schizophrenia, not the result of psychotronic warfare.
Sure, I'll confess anything. I love being the idiot. I have no memory, but it's kind'of improving... I say that's a TBI. I hope I make your "cause" happy. Looking back, I think I might have actually meant for people to stand up for themselves, but who knows. I am jealous of what people get too, if I recall, and I always hated the nurtured racism that they brought on in school with books like Gone with the Wind and a few programs. They didn't make us equal, they brought attention to differences. It gave black people a cause and white people angst.
All I know is that I'm an anarchist, I need help. SOS or SOL. SOL. Here I sit to chirp.
Leave a comment grandma. Yes, somebody cared so much they turned me into my grandma. She thinks I want to kill everyone. No, grandma, I really did get into a fight with Putin, and it resulted in the FSB or CIA using psychotronic weapons on me (look it up-it's real). I'm just asking him to man up and fix my brain so that I can be productive again. Yeah, yeah, I"m a little shit, but what happened was uncalled for. We live in a strange society these days where anyone can contact anyone else. Why don't you call Russia, grandma, and tell that jerk, excuse my language, to mind his own business and take care of his own people. He didn't need to police me. Now I need help from him, and he knows what they did, so he can fix it. This happened 2 years ago, but it caused them to stalk me in Virginia. They almost killed me. Putin likes to use cyanide and other torture methods. Yes, that really hurt more than my feelings. I'm a joker though. I say that I'm going to get a phone call from Putin, and he's going to fix this. I'm sorry I'm not Russian. I have rights. I think that it was the Russians that tried to kill me for getting disability because they do theirs. "Invalidy" - Tatu "Love as you die" It burned my brain and left me braindead. I will not stand for this. I go off to another charity. Great. You just make my life easier the more you steal from me. Russians = desperate people. No wonder you have to kiss Putin's ass. He doesn't feed you and has you completely enslaved. It's like, Putin, I'm not your nationality, your quagmire of desperation. Hey, if you guys want to live like that. I wonder why millions of your people run away, far away. I may be a dissident, but it's allowed in America. I've posted all sorts of nasty and no one has come after me. I am fighting the invisible, so I have to narrow down suspects. I am a piece of shit in many ways and that's not relevant to this discussion. Do not distract. I expect this fixed -- from your little American. You did part of this. I can nail you down for the picture and the bar. Those two things alone highlight your guilt in an aspect. It is inappropriate for you to influence an ordinary person's ongoings.
Treat me like an American since I am one. That means you can deal with me protesting you, saying a bunch of crap, and you can be accountable for what you inspired or did because I matter to America. I want my brain fixed as settlement. You get to pay for the tickets, the hotel and the procedure. I was not of your concern. You do anything funny to me over there, and it'll be another incident. Buffy didn't get you out of that one. Look, if you would have ripped my arm off, I wouldn't care, but do you see how my mind affects everything? I've had enough of people interferring. What you did was inappropriate. I was 20 and just learning about the world. Of course, I had a strange opinion. You shouldn't be involved in those sorts of affairs. It's like a black belt fighting a yellow belt. There is no point in the match. It looks bad. I look forward to my vacation in Russia, however. I like Russia. Don't forget the junior mints. I just want to piss everyone off with that. I don't know if stem cells work, but as a controller, I know you know of something that does, and I want to be fixed to have a normal life. You stole this from me. I want it back. Sorry I was rude. I love Russia on odd days, but I'm trying to get attention to my cause. I love America too on even days. I feel betrayed.
I've posted several times that this is my opinion in a free country and that I don't want to kill anyone. Then my doctor read this and scanned it, so I can see all the nonsense quotes out of context that they take from it. I have a TBI from psychotronic warfare. In the future, they'll see it. I wish Putin had the balls to fix what he did or what he inspired.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
My Government $pies on Me (Caste Wars)
Then they labeled me as having a psychiatric condition, which I do have, and that's why they were spying. They wanted to "prevent" a disaster. They wanted to fatten their paychecks and be in control of something. @:)
Wahoo, let the action movie start...
At most, I could kill 10 or so people if I wanted to (which I don't). 10 don't matter. They're just resources. After I killed them, I would be locked up forever. That would be preventitive. Spying on me, disabling me is a waste of resources. There are bigger problems out there. I'm not worth their resources. Even if I'm annoying to the dear Kings and Queens of this country.
Yet they come after me because the Kings and Queens @see what could rise or what could be a burden to them.
I'm an opprobrium. hehe
I'm easy prey. I couldn't do anything back if I wanted to, and it's kind'of fun, I suppose, to watch me dart around in the dark and react like an animal. They can make me disturbed emotionally then splash in my face that they don't care and to get over it. That's for them. I just stare blankly ahead as they do their doings. I have effectively dragged the entire trash can along with me.
At the end of the day, I need a master that is neutral to them. I need someone to report to that feeds me, takes care of me and ensures my safety.
My life has been like open season, the hunted. Of course, I make loose associations; I can't pin down the invisible. All I am is a mouse under a cat's claw. This amuses them, makes them feel special above me. I'm merely bored and I'm tired of it. Thanks to their doing, I can't remember anything. I'm always confused.
I just say things to say things these days. Whatever makes them happy...
I hate freedom with a fiery passion, especially American freedom.
I want out of this country. Anyone need a slave? All I need is food.
You can have your fucking money back. What a worthless state. I'll just go wander around and end up in an institution which drains money too. Anyway you look at this, you lose. Now I have to go pull all of my school records and get batteries of tests. It's going to show your decline.
Why didn't you just ask me for it back? I would have given it to you and been a prostitute/ serious social issue to show them the error of their ways. They won't allow me to go to school (they said so on their speaker). What am I supposed to do with so many masters? They definitely don't have a symbiotic relationship going on.
I just look insane, which I am, but I'm not about all things...
Our government just hasn't learned the wisdom of the elders against letting the state forces serve as imperial gangs for the privileged of society. The only should only do that for people in power, not celebrities or anyone else. Those people have to pay their own bounty hunters and armies. That keeps things fair: you get what you pay for and nothing more. If they have to pay out of pocket then it will limit the people they kill. Right now the FBI works for them for free with OUR tax dollars. What a ripoff.
Most of us on welfare or aid are what should be called losing cattle for breeding or other purposes unspecified. We don't have a place in society and our only purpose is to breed another generation of workers. We still serve a purpose in society. I'm a guinea pig. I bet abilify or the drug industry is pissed you messed with me, and they'd send a gang out to deal with you. Back to welfare, you think the people who have 7 children are being greedy with funds, but what they're doing is supplying the next generation for next to nothing. Have my kids too, right? Welfare = factory farm.
I still advocate labor camps, just to scare everyone... I figured I'd feed into their hatred, their agenda, just to watch them suffer. I'll screw everyone over...
Having had no rights growing up or in adulthood, I think freedom is weird and unnecessary/ inefficient. I think it's hilarious people on the radio stand up for their fragments, themselves. Do they not realize who has control? or that their numbers are few? This goes for the celebrity elites as well. They are nothing but cattle, chatty cattle.
I'm the popular kid. Too much Koran reading. This is from the angels.
Your Need is Proving
Your self-importance is inspiring
It doesn't matter to us, nullius
As you self-impress these things?
Fragments, leeches on us
Did we not spill the sentence?
You've always wanted to please
An audience - us being the attire
We've been forever -wherever so
As we know addition of true laws
The wisdom of the ages, not age
Now nothing stops us because we
Are invisible, indivisible, induced
with power, substance, standing
Fruit beyond a mortal's desperate
SMILE
I'm uber lethargic today.
PS
People on RT have what's known as enemy syndrome. They serve the enemy out of hatred toward their conditions. They're worthless anyway, the ones that comment. You can tell by their syntax. You think Russia cares? LOL You like it so much, why don't you go up there? You'll be back down here in a heartbeat.
Myself, I'm trapped because they got my mind. I have nothing better to do. I did go all angst on them because they chased me down and tortured me for being disabled. Thanks oh great leaders. My life is ruled for me. Eventually, my antipsychotics will kill me. I'm starting work therapy, I think. My doctor's spoken to me about it. We can try, but I'm really, really stupid. I'll always be babysat thanks to psychotronic land. Why aren't they targeting those bastards that comment on RT? Oh yeah, 'cause they're male. Oh, Putin, who wants to be a world citizen and take care of the garbage you've attracted? I know you're indiscriminate when it comes to slaughterfest or trips in dementia land. I <3 the Russian special forces :)
grandma's being nice, which is good. I don't like being under control though. I didn't like what happened at the hospital.
Wahoo, let the action movie start...
At most, I could kill 10 or so people if I wanted to (which I don't). 10 don't matter. They're just resources. After I killed them, I would be locked up forever. That would be preventitive. Spying on me, disabling me is a waste of resources. There are bigger problems out there. I'm not worth their resources. Even if I'm annoying to the dear Kings and Queens of this country.
Yet they come after me because the Kings and Queens @see what could rise or what could be a burden to them.
I'm an opprobrium. hehe
I'm easy prey. I couldn't do anything back if I wanted to, and it's kind'of fun, I suppose, to watch me dart around in the dark and react like an animal. They can make me disturbed emotionally then splash in my face that they don't care and to get over it. That's for them. I just stare blankly ahead as they do their doings. I have effectively dragged the entire trash can along with me.
At the end of the day, I need a master that is neutral to them. I need someone to report to that feeds me, takes care of me and ensures my safety.
My life has been like open season, the hunted. Of course, I make loose associations; I can't pin down the invisible. All I am is a mouse under a cat's claw. This amuses them, makes them feel special above me. I'm merely bored and I'm tired of it. Thanks to their doing, I can't remember anything. I'm always confused.
I just say things to say things these days. Whatever makes them happy...
I hate freedom with a fiery passion, especially American freedom.
I want out of this country. Anyone need a slave? All I need is food.
You can have your fucking money back. What a worthless state. I'll just go wander around and end up in an institution which drains money too. Anyway you look at this, you lose. Now I have to go pull all of my school records and get batteries of tests. It's going to show your decline.
Why didn't you just ask me for it back? I would have given it to you and been a prostitute/ serious social issue to show them the error of their ways. They won't allow me to go to school (they said so on their speaker). What am I supposed to do with so many masters? They definitely don't have a symbiotic relationship going on.
I just look insane, which I am, but I'm not about all things...
Our government just hasn't learned the wisdom of the elders against letting the state forces serve as imperial gangs for the privileged of society. The only should only do that for people in power, not celebrities or anyone else. Those people have to pay their own bounty hunters and armies. That keeps things fair: you get what you pay for and nothing more. If they have to pay out of pocket then it will limit the people they kill. Right now the FBI works for them for free with OUR tax dollars. What a ripoff.
Most of us on welfare or aid are what should be called losing cattle for breeding or other purposes unspecified. We don't have a place in society and our only purpose is to breed another generation of workers. We still serve a purpose in society. I'm a guinea pig. I bet abilify or the drug industry is pissed you messed with me, and they'd send a gang out to deal with you. Back to welfare, you think the people who have 7 children are being greedy with funds, but what they're doing is supplying the next generation for next to nothing. Have my kids too, right? Welfare = factory farm.
I still advocate labor camps, just to scare everyone... I figured I'd feed into their hatred, their agenda, just to watch them suffer. I'll screw everyone over...
Having had no rights growing up or in adulthood, I think freedom is weird and unnecessary/ inefficient. I think it's hilarious people on the radio stand up for their fragments, themselves. Do they not realize who has control? or that their numbers are few? This goes for the celebrity elites as well. They are nothing but cattle, chatty cattle.
I'm the popular kid. Too much Koran reading. This is from the angels.
Your Need is Proving
Your self-importance is inspiring
It doesn't matter to us, nullius
As you self-impress these things?
Fragments, leeches on us
Did we not spill the sentence?
You've always wanted to please
An audience - us being the attire
We've been forever -wherever so
As we know addition of true laws
The wisdom of the ages, not age
Now nothing stops us because we
Are invisible, indivisible, induced
with power, substance, standing
Fruit beyond a mortal's desperate
SMILE
I'm uber lethargic today.
PS
People on RT have what's known as enemy syndrome. They serve the enemy out of hatred toward their conditions. They're worthless anyway, the ones that comment. You can tell by their syntax. You think Russia cares? LOL You like it so much, why don't you go up there? You'll be back down here in a heartbeat.
Myself, I'm trapped because they got my mind. I have nothing better to do. I did go all angst on them because they chased me down and tortured me for being disabled. Thanks oh great leaders. My life is ruled for me. Eventually, my antipsychotics will kill me. I'm starting work therapy, I think. My doctor's spoken to me about it. We can try, but I'm really, really stupid. I'll always be babysat thanks to psychotronic land. Why aren't they targeting those bastards that comment on RT? Oh yeah, 'cause they're male. Oh, Putin, who wants to be a world citizen and take care of the garbage you've attracted? I know you're indiscriminate when it comes to slaughterfest or trips in dementia land. I <3 the Russian special forces :)
grandma's being nice, which is good. I don't like being under control though. I didn't like what happened at the hospital.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Putin is Going to Take Care of Disabled People
Take me to your leader. Get me out of here.
Pleas
+Keep me out of situations that would produce offspring. Sterilize me. They won't here.
+Allow me to work in a place that is suitable and where there are other disabled people, and I don't get all incited by success I'll never obtain.
+Stop making me feel like a burden where I have to hate myself and forcing me into awkward social situations of the trash can.
+Don't let the evil people use me to escape their trash can fate.
I still think we should get rid of all invalids, but if he could create a life that's decent...
Maybe I just want to believe. :( I wrote an angst response to it because I just don't want to feel the letdown. I want there to be one leader that actually cares about us and understands our diverse issues.
Please don't turn us into an industry though, Putin, it's inhumane. Keep the profit of our care low so as to not increase our numbers or draw too much attention to our defects.
PS
Putin has tried to kill me on several occasions but he's thus far been too incompetent to pull it off, so I'm not scared of him. Do you know what his survival stats are in general for the people he tries to kill? It's pathetic, Vladi. Plus, I love him @_@ The more he hurts me via cyanide (8 month headache), satellite or ray machine, the more I love him. "You Make Me Wanna Die" The Pretty Reckless, "I'm burning in the light... I'll never be good enough." LOL To them, we're worthless, espeically us. That's why I don't believe he's going to help his sick cattle. That's who gets slaughtered in the factory farms.
And I was not hitting on him! Vain freak. I had a closet crush. I am a quiet person normally. They just happen to babysit me to an insane degree. Putin's just arrogant and vain. Mrs. Putina seems a lot cooler. Maybe I'll hit on her. It's like, Putin, you have TWO daughters my age. Slowly says, "how do you not understand female issues?" There was no business in killing me.
Now I can understand if you embarrassed a girl here or there that actually hit on you as an example, but nobody even knows I exist. I get confused between attackers. They are invisible. I was wounded by cyanide, but I couldn't figure out if it was to hurt or help. I know it sounds strange that it might "help" but people are crazy.
This is what happened:
I went to bed one night. I was sleeping on the floor, and I smelled black people's hair care products. I coudln't breathe, and I passed out. I woke up the next day with a huge headache and it lasted for 8 months. That was the same night I experienced God. Around that same time there was a ecstacy machine blasting through my head, and it burned as well. It was a female's voice. I ran away from my home and went back home.
I've had the satellite visit me a few times since, which I've bitched about only to be called mental. It's the running joke. Of course, there is the technology for this kind'of stuff, but doctors dismiss it because... they work for the elites. Prove that it's a delusion. If you can't, then you're delusional. I'm confused. Numquam credo.
I can't move on because I'm damaged and dragging all the trash as usual. I still need help out of this mess.
To black people, I love your hair. That's just what the gas smelled like. Nothing said there, but I won't tip toe around other issues. Even with COINTEL PRO running after you, you should fight back. We all should. I've given them what they want, a useless trashed out person. Now what? After my work experience, I like this entitlement program stuff. I was always jealous that you guys got free school and stuff. That was my one goal that they absolutely destroyed. So I'll sit here and "want" all of their stuff like they want. Everyone wants me to accept dirt. I pretty much did for years, but I'm not going to say "I Got the Life" when I'm a slave or in the horrible conditions that I am now that I "deserve." They destroyed every decent opportunity I had whether it because I'm a Miss Rose or anything else. Then they disrespected me in both life and death. You don't kill people by fucking them in the ass, and don't you dare hit me with cyanide again. You at least get the 3.00 bullet. Can't you at least bring flowers to the funeral, Putin? It's a date.
Mise en place. Instead of putting me in my place, why don't you just stay in yours? I'm going to put a flame thrower to that @ Mind your own business. Yes, they've used it on me. I see too @:) Whatever. All you guys see is a chance to prove yourselves with my disgrace or a chance to steal from me. I see why things happen becuase I go through them. I still stand strong on my stance about invalids. I had a moment of weakness because I wanted to believe they cared, but all they care about is making a market for it. North Korea is the only one with a civil society.
Back to hair, it's better than mine, which locks up. It doesn't matter how many times I brush it, it will be messy. A lot of black people like white hair, but don't. Your hair is prettier in styles.
And you can come to my house and light me up like everyone else, but if I'm white then you're black. You are not African American unless I'm Polish-Native American. I'm not going to let elites slur that for their own purposes. All part of the maya.
I don't care if I'll never find a job again. They'll just come and destroy me again for their own agendas.
I hate people, and I don't care that you don't care, so hand over the compensation. I want the stem cells.
Either of these things happened as a result of Putin:
1.) Putin is the one that stalked and tried to kill me directly. It was a sloppy job, which is why I sometimes question it.
2.) I was stalked because Putin made me a person of interest with his personal picture.
The satellite has occured as a result of Putin, which makes him the culprit of 1 or of another crime. Want to come save me and put me in a labor camp? Honestly, I'm tormented that I can't succeed and everyone comes and rubs their success in my face like I could succeed like them... It makes me crazy. Why not go somewhere where I don't have to worry about the vanity of hope? They steal all my opportunities, trash me out then expect me to climb out like nothing ever happened when they dented my mind... They put me on illogical paths and suffocate me with help.
I don't bring anything to the table. I'm uber reminded of that. Then I'll just burn the table. I told them what was going to happen to me. And I told them I didn't want the pension but they forced me to take it. LOL I know better than to ever think I can get some quiet time, have some rest. That's why I'm insane. I've been driven until my death.
The only diet problem that i have is that I will require a little more potassium than most people do. I don't drink blood, and I don't want to. LOL that was my epic joke. It's a long story.
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
I'm not hallucinating.
Pleas
+Keep me out of situations that would produce offspring. Sterilize me. They won't here.
+Allow me to work in a place that is suitable and where there are other disabled people, and I don't get all incited by success I'll never obtain.
+Stop making me feel like a burden where I have to hate myself and forcing me into awkward social situations of the trash can.
+Don't let the evil people use me to escape their trash can fate.
I still think we should get rid of all invalids, but if he could create a life that's decent...
Maybe I just want to believe. :( I wrote an angst response to it because I just don't want to feel the letdown. I want there to be one leader that actually cares about us and understands our diverse issues.
Please don't turn us into an industry though, Putin, it's inhumane. Keep the profit of our care low so as to not increase our numbers or draw too much attention to our defects.
PS
Putin has tried to kill me on several occasions but he's thus far been too incompetent to pull it off, so I'm not scared of him. Do you know what his survival stats are in general for the people he tries to kill? It's pathetic, Vladi. Plus, I love him @_@ The more he hurts me via cyanide (8 month headache), satellite or ray machine, the more I love him. "You Make Me Wanna Die" The Pretty Reckless, "I'm burning in the light... I'll never be good enough." LOL To them, we're worthless, espeically us. That's why I don't believe he's going to help his sick cattle. That's who gets slaughtered in the factory farms.
And I was not hitting on him! Vain freak. I had a closet crush. I am a quiet person normally. They just happen to babysit me to an insane degree. Putin's just arrogant and vain. Mrs. Putina seems a lot cooler. Maybe I'll hit on her. It's like, Putin, you have TWO daughters my age. Slowly says, "how do you not understand female issues?" There was no business in killing me.
Now I can understand if you embarrassed a girl here or there that actually hit on you as an example, but nobody even knows I exist. I get confused between attackers. They are invisible. I was wounded by cyanide, but I couldn't figure out if it was to hurt or help. I know it sounds strange that it might "help" but people are crazy.
This is what happened:
I went to bed one night. I was sleeping on the floor, and I smelled black people's hair care products. I coudln't breathe, and I passed out. I woke up the next day with a huge headache and it lasted for 8 months. That was the same night I experienced God. Around that same time there was a ecstacy machine blasting through my head, and it burned as well. It was a female's voice. I ran away from my home and went back home.
I've had the satellite visit me a few times since, which I've bitched about only to be called mental. It's the running joke. Of course, there is the technology for this kind'of stuff, but doctors dismiss it because... they work for the elites. Prove that it's a delusion. If you can't, then you're delusional. I'm confused. Numquam credo.
I can't move on because I'm damaged and dragging all the trash as usual. I still need help out of this mess.
To black people, I love your hair. That's just what the gas smelled like. Nothing said there, but I won't tip toe around other issues. Even with COINTEL PRO running after you, you should fight back. We all should. I've given them what they want, a useless trashed out person. Now what? After my work experience, I like this entitlement program stuff. I was always jealous that you guys got free school and stuff. That was my one goal that they absolutely destroyed. So I'll sit here and "want" all of their stuff like they want. Everyone wants me to accept dirt. I pretty much did for years, but I'm not going to say "I Got the Life" when I'm a slave or in the horrible conditions that I am now that I "deserve." They destroyed every decent opportunity I had whether it because I'm a Miss Rose or anything else. Then they disrespected me in both life and death. You don't kill people by fucking them in the ass, and don't you dare hit me with cyanide again. You at least get the 3.00 bullet. Can't you at least bring flowers to the funeral, Putin? It's a date.
Mise en place. Instead of putting me in my place, why don't you just stay in yours? I'm going to put a flame thrower to that @ Mind your own business. Yes, they've used it on me. I see too @:) Whatever. All you guys see is a chance to prove yourselves with my disgrace or a chance to steal from me. I see why things happen becuase I go through them. I still stand strong on my stance about invalids. I had a moment of weakness because I wanted to believe they cared, but all they care about is making a market for it. North Korea is the only one with a civil society.
Back to hair, it's better than mine, which locks up. It doesn't matter how many times I brush it, it will be messy. A lot of black people like white hair, but don't. Your hair is prettier in styles.
And you can come to my house and light me up like everyone else, but if I'm white then you're black. You are not African American unless I'm Polish-Native American. I'm not going to let elites slur that for their own purposes. All part of the maya.
I don't care if I'll never find a job again. They'll just come and destroy me again for their own agendas.
I hate people, and I don't care that you don't care, so hand over the compensation. I want the stem cells.
Either of these things happened as a result of Putin:
1.) Putin is the one that stalked and tried to kill me directly. It was a sloppy job, which is why I sometimes question it.
2.) I was stalked because Putin made me a person of interest with his personal picture.
The satellite has occured as a result of Putin, which makes him the culprit of 1 or of another crime. Want to come save me and put me in a labor camp? Honestly, I'm tormented that I can't succeed and everyone comes and rubs their success in my face like I could succeed like them... It makes me crazy. Why not go somewhere where I don't have to worry about the vanity of hope? They steal all my opportunities, trash me out then expect me to climb out like nothing ever happened when they dented my mind... They put me on illogical paths and suffocate me with help.
I don't bring anything to the table. I'm uber reminded of that. Then I'll just burn the table. I told them what was going to happen to me. And I told them I didn't want the pension but they forced me to take it. LOL I know better than to ever think I can get some quiet time, have some rest. That's why I'm insane. I've been driven until my death.
The only diet problem that i have is that I will require a little more potassium than most people do. I don't drink blood, and I don't want to. LOL that was my epic joke. It's a long story.
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
I'm not hallucinating.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Crappy American Leaders
If I have to say anything negative about this nation, I'll have to say that we have some of the worst leaders in the world. They rule by lies and deception. Scratch that, they don't rule, they manipulate.
Candid camera is currently asking children about how America believes in freedom and equality. I'll tell you how they believe in freedom and equality COINTEL-PRO.
"And maybe one day everyone will be free like us," she cutely adds. Hopefully not.
Any decent leader would tell his people the rules. We wouldn't live by all of these fake ideals of Hollywood only to be slaughtered in our sleep or disabled past being able to provide for ourselves.
I have a very difficult time with memory these days, so you'll have to excuse it when I say odd things together. I'm trying my best to be clear, but they've disabled me.
I hate my life. I want to go to Russia to be a slave. At least Putin put the little gown on me and showed some face as I died. I'll give him that. He didn't come "love" me in my sleep. In Russia, I'll work for 40 a month. I need a sleeping bag and a nice tent. I hate groveling almost as much as I hate begging. Let me come over, please. One doesn't matter.
I don't want to serve this nation. It is a disgraceful nation. Nah, it's like all the others. It just hurt my feelings, so I'll stab it back!
Tell me the rules so that I too can be good. I don't want to be a dog.
I'd like to end this post with
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
I'm not hallucinating.
I've never done any illegal substance.
I'm not a hooker.
"Space Weaver" -- Lisa Gerrard
PS You're not going to have my irresponsible relative snap my neck as some sort'of odd psychological experiment. I'm a reflection of that and this society. You get what you give. I've already explained. I've only had one try or who could help me become a productive member of society, and she was stopped by everyone else. Wah, that's life, but don't expect something from nothing. I worked my ass off to deserve school through the military, but you guys took that opportunity away from me too.
Although I want to be terrible and punish you for making me bad, I want to be good, like I told God. I want my damn brain fixed. I never let go because I'm trapped in the mess that's left. LOL I'm getting too old for this. It's part of how they make me accept terrible things though, nope. I'm a free hobo.
Candid camera is currently asking children about how America believes in freedom and equality. I'll tell you how they believe in freedom and equality COINTEL-PRO.
"And maybe one day everyone will be free like us," she cutely adds. Hopefully not.
Any decent leader would tell his people the rules. We wouldn't live by all of these fake ideals of Hollywood only to be slaughtered in our sleep or disabled past being able to provide for ourselves.
I have a very difficult time with memory these days, so you'll have to excuse it when I say odd things together. I'm trying my best to be clear, but they've disabled me.
I hate my life. I want to go to Russia to be a slave. At least Putin put the little gown on me and showed some face as I died. I'll give him that. He didn't come "love" me in my sleep. In Russia, I'll work for 40 a month. I need a sleeping bag and a nice tent. I hate groveling almost as much as I hate begging. Let me come over, please. One doesn't matter.
I don't want to serve this nation. It is a disgraceful nation. Nah, it's like all the others. It just hurt my feelings, so I'll stab it back!
Tell me the rules so that I too can be good. I don't want to be a dog.
I'd like to end this post with
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
I'm not hallucinating.
I've never done any illegal substance.
I'm not a hooker.
"Space Weaver" -- Lisa Gerrard
PS You're not going to have my irresponsible relative snap my neck as some sort'of odd psychological experiment. I'm a reflection of that and this society. You get what you give. I've already explained. I've only had one try or who could help me become a productive member of society, and she was stopped by everyone else. Wah, that's life, but don't expect something from nothing. I worked my ass off to deserve school through the military, but you guys took that opportunity away from me too.
Although I want to be terrible and punish you for making me bad, I want to be good, like I told God. I want my damn brain fixed. I never let go because I'm trapped in the mess that's left. LOL I'm getting too old for this. It's part of how they make me accept terrible things though, nope. I'm a free hobo.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Becoming a Zombie: Proper Thoughts
In a traditional sense, zombies are referred to people who've lost their free will. I'm losing mine.
We're dogs in this culture. I was an innocent youth that didn't know any better because you RAISED us to believe in freedom. Make me an example since I'm already trashed. Be humane, properly have a ceremony for me with a firing squad, not a ray of love. Then we will all know that freedom of squeaks is over. I thought it was allowed innocence by elders--sure kid say whatever, but others are starting to self-impress by getting rid of it, Madonna "I"ll never explain again." Make up your minds. I see it as being dangerous and annoying, but it was innocent.
The annoyance
The gravity of free speech is intriguing. I often wonder if such a thing could exist at all. Large groups of people don't share their secret hearts and while everyone is talking, no one is really heard. Thus, I must question why anyone is a "target." One could never know all. That's part of the confusion of maya.
Personally, I'm committed, so nothing I say matters. I don't value my voice. I find it improper that the angry ignorant lament anyway. They, we, create group stupidity and spread naive, weak realizations that express the desire of our bitterness, not the complex social order in which we inhabit, though we'll appear that way with a facade. The fragmented ones fighting the invisible. It's always that one person is trying to make it big somehow or self-impress. I call it self-impressing because it's an egocentric closed vantage based off of an individual's measure of one's worth and knowledge. It's a show-off.
I mostly always agree, so even if I don't agree, I'll agree. Hence my comments on RT, not under my name but the others. I'm very self-amused.
Back to bitching.
"Living Dead Girl" -- Rob Zombie & "United States of Eurasia" by Muse sets the mood.
After Madonna's "A Bedtime Story," I only have a few abilities: screaming, kicking, throwing and screaming some more. I like to scream because I don't have any emotions and I can almost feel something. Plus, I like the noise. They can just damage/ kill me some more because I am... trash. It would be impossible for me to adapt to a demanding environment. I'm retarded. They want to use me for money, so I will spend the rest of my life in these insane asylums. I would like if Putin would pick me up and let me have holstic therapy in one of his labor camps. I could manage that. These people have never worked before, so they don't realize that we need mental abilities to even manage mcdonalds. I'm working on mine because I want to be independent. I'm guessing this was from the educational industrial complex. It's true, guys, if people are brain dead, they don't complain as much. See what Kim Jong did the little shits that tried. After he was done with them, they were on their best behavior. Not a peep
TELL THEM THAT YOU KILLED ME SO THAT I CAN GET OFF THE DRUGS. GROW SOME FACE, FACELESS COWARDS. NOBODY CAN DO ANTYHING ANYWAY. SO CALM DOWN. I HAVE NO EMOTIONS. JUST A MEMORY OF THEM I WORK OFF OF. I echo when I talk. I feel hollow. I screamed trying to feel anything. I am consumed by the nothingness today. Happy is not an emotion. If you experienced it, you'd know what I'm talking about. This is inhumane. Death is more humane. You shoot someone if you're gonna kill 'em. @ What is that? What do you $ee? I was novacained (BECK/MADONNA). They declare us schizophrenic when we try to put their invisible plan together, which would be impossible to put together entirely because it's invisible. Our simple plots fall apart because they're immune. I wouldn't have ever said anything if I thought there were consequences. I didn't think anybody would pay me attention. Look, people have been saying stuff around me my whole life and nothing happened to them. Where's the example to show what "really" happens. I must have struck a nerve. Good. Nothing in my reality makes sense. I hope you all enjoy watching them destroy me. What good did your mind machine do? Look at all the evil people consume me beacuase I'm worthless. LOL. What happens is that time moves forward, but I'm trapped by my inabilities of the past--don't blame one person cause it was all of you; I mostly blame the school system, and people remember their guilt and justify it as something else. This is why victims get attacked. I have no worth but my abuse. I want to do things too, but I can't. That's really the problem. Nothing that terrible happened, but what happened prevented me from being productive, and they won't stop coming at me because I'm a target. Aw, it's so cute, I'm trapped bitching because I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. Anytime I try, I'm declared a rose or something else and prevented. Now I want to dance and drink blood. They love to say that they don't care--by trashing me out then getting in my face, and I'll just complain forever because there's nothing else to do. Here's a crappy poem that the yahoo community enjoyed (they only like really bad writing). This is about freedom of squeaks and youths.
Revelations
Spitting youth
What do you say?
When we can worship
instead this day
of our mouths that know
ignorance -- vantage
We all stand alone
Fragmented view
Don't you wander
Too far from home
We were born yesterday
They add our realizations
yugas, fly zones
All prior known,
an ancient birthright lore
Ripen our heard, raise
and pluck perfection
absurd is all else,
melted desperation.
Can we hurry up and move onto spine bending worship? Yes, masters. I don't want the facade because I want my mind. I'm not standing for anything because I stand alone. I'm not stupid like them. They believe in ... things. Plus, you know me. I wanna give 'em what they want @:)
Oh, Blaine, I'll make you care. "You'll get the message by the time I'm through." You will not demoralize me.
Besides that though
I WANT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!
Between psychotronic warfare and psychiatric attention, I'm losing my mind, becoming a zombie. My cognitive abilities are deteriorating. Want to know why schizophrenia is progressive? medication. It destroys your body and mind.
It makes people feel like they have control over another, which they love. Welcome to the communist dictatorship. I'm going to start taping them.
I am schizophrenic or autistic (I used to hallucinate a bit), but I'm also a targeted individual. Unfortunately, I am unable to pin my attackers down, so I look like I'm delusional about everything, which is one of their games. That and making me guess agendas and tactics when I couldn't possibly reveal something that isn't in sight.
Everyone lies about me constantly, but if I lie... it's a trick like the cliches. "Whoop that Trick" -- Diay. They use it to manipulate and say EVERYTHING I say is a lie when that is illogical. I invite them to do truth tables. I have to. I have to balance their lies, which causes me to lie and since I'm defenseless, I'm a liar. They will stir me up then blame me for getting upset or I will have to fib to protect myself. I hate that. Today, my caretaker went psycho because I threw some rocks in the garden. I like to break things. Autistic habit? Call it a weird quality. It makes me happy to shatter things, not people. I have not shattered one person. I wasn't angry, trust me :) but I had to say that I was angry and that I wasn't delusional. I had to make up a story about someoen upsetting me because my doctor doesn't get me. He assigns me qualities. People do not understand that I don't have their set of emotions. They call it emotional disregulation. It's just different. I was upset yesterday, am I not permitted to have opinions? I get into fights with these invisible foes of psychotronic land. They finally gave me an emotional hue I can tolerate or my body finally regained a normal state after being high. The attackers would say the latter. I don't care so long as I don't feel that way.
So I believe in psychotronic warfare. It exists. Whether or not I'm a target is up for debate.
They'll make anything into any big deal though. "She's out of control. She needs more drugs." She needs people to treat her right so that she doesn't have to prepare for them. She likes misery because it's inciting, but she won't hurt herself physically. She just likes the sad songs. She rips things apart out of strange compulsions. I don't see how they're going to drug that out of me. You should see my eyes bulge for bubble wrap. Like a kid in the candy store. I also still run around like a child would. Hey, to the night terrors, I never said I didn't have a developmental disorder. They're just milking me for schizophrenia.
They want squares for heads. I have a personality as well. You people need to learn to respect it. I'm not breaking your stuff. I ripped apart fallen tree limbs. Big deal. @_@ Don't even sit here read this and pretend you don't have a bad habit. At least I get lots of exercise jumping around slamming the limbs against the tree to break them. It makes noise, which I also like, almost as much as I like writing with chalk to hear it. I love sound, even if it's random.
They don't want any stimuli.
Like I said, I was locked up on a mental ward for 60 days without any stimulation and cited for walking down the hall. Everytime I go in, it's "we need to increase your medication." You can't get rid of me. If I was you, I'd be you. Let's switch since you want it so badly.
If you weren't crazy when they started with you, you will be when they're through or braindead. I hope my grandma lives long enough to see what she's doing to me. I want her to feel the guilt.
I'm forced to take medications for my wayward thoughts, and everybody has these thoughts, even though they aren't distressing to me. None of my delusions of Eloi really bother me. It says in the manual that if hallucinations and delusions aren't distressing to a patient that they should be left alone, but they all want my dollar. They'll say I'll say anything, dissect meaning from this blog (no matter how many times i explain context), do anything really to keep me caged up like an animal. $Money$
I will go out on a limb and say that I'm religious in more than just my religion (I was using sarcasm about Christians because I was badmouthing everyone--part of my "bad" me entry; I am a Christian), and I am religious. Those are my delusions. People can believe in the magic man in the sky with me and not be locked up, but I can't believe in Eloi (the eye of the moon).
Rest under the eye
You're tired of tiring
Weak, wondering,
Wandering, wayward
will, won't you?
Such things we think
When nothing is but
Air adrift, clouds
--too close
Eloi eloi lama sabachthani.
Well, I have to go, the alzheimer's patient wants to have a conversation. We're talking about how I listen to music. He says "yeah." He says that he doesn't understand how a screen makes sound, but he said it by putting his hands on his ears and uttering nonsense. You learn to understand.
My caretaker rocks but she doesn't get my personality. We're learning. I just want freedom. It could be worse and has been. Imagine having to listen to all the people that hurt you 24/7. Imagine these people having no accountability. Then being hustled by the government. I listen to "gangsta's paradise" these days. "Tell me why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?"
I need control.
I would like to end this blog with:
I dont' want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else, even though that causes them to lose respect.
I am not hallucinating.
I'm still in a sea of jealousy (years of it have made me super demon--rub rose in my face again 'cause you won't get anything from me ever again; do you see why I stay single? It's all money honey) and won't work until my demands are met :P I want to be a janitor at HAARP. Everyone else gets to be like, " if they don't pay me enough, I'm not working. I can collect welfare or other aid," but I can't do one thing I want, and I get to be used for various agendas. You guys need to get together and decide my fate (as usual--I only need one master as I fight air) so that I don't have one group hustling me and the other trying to disable and the other trying to drain.
I've been overly forced this lifetime, and they used love to do it. I hate love. I hate my entire family, and I want a public guardian because I want to isolate away from everyone. I am repulsed by their treatment. Why did she come into my life? She abandoned me as a child when my mom needed help (over a dollar) saving me from S. S was the one that locked me in the basement without food or water and had other curious punishments (it's documented). I just thought she was retarded. She was also sleeping with her own son and had lots of mental problems. I could write a nightmare book about those three years. See what happens? They make us useless, garbage, special ed (what makes that? hm). our families manipulate us, weak and powerless over you. You didn't want to help me when I needed it the most but when I get a dollar, you care. Humans. I'm not getting over it. I want revenge because that seems to be my only merit and some weird social animal response to inequality. I'm not allowed to share my abilities on the dancing circle without a billion "angels" rushing in to make sure it's "fair." I'm not a rose. I'm a grasshoper or a carrion flower. I've got some rope, Placebo, remember me? special needs. Oh, I'm a temperamental goat. I have nothing left but revenge. Want my dollar? Want to help me some more, Madonna? Why don't you instill a sense of duty in other people? Influence instead of force--like force two of us. I'm sorry but the people suck--not that anybody is any better with the same crappy leaders from Hell. They need to have proper thoughts. We've been trashed out to an insane degree.
"All your theories turn to dust." You won't break me; you'll break me. I'll bleed when cut like all animals, but you'll expect me to be something more. All you guys do is justify and you expect people to have your playground morals that only serve you. I'm jealous I wasn't special but so very special to use, AW, but I'm not human, so I'll admit that. It's what drives me. I want what you rubbed in my face. If i can't have it, then I will do nothing. I've learned they won't let me do anything productive if I don't fight them back. Look at them come at my mind. And we'll go to sunshine and flower land. I'm not accepting responsibility. I don't have control. Never have. it's like, all I can do is spread trash. Might as well do what you're good at.
I couldn't be a rose if I wanted to be. LOL I'm a slave. You guys are a joke. 24 will I live to see 25? I love my gangster music. hehe
We're dogs in this culture. I was an innocent youth that didn't know any better because you RAISED us to believe in freedom. Make me an example since I'm already trashed. Be humane, properly have a ceremony for me with a firing squad, not a ray of love. Then we will all know that freedom of squeaks is over. I thought it was allowed innocence by elders--sure kid say whatever, but others are starting to self-impress by getting rid of it, Madonna "I"ll never explain again." Make up your minds. I see it as being dangerous and annoying, but it was innocent.
The annoyance
The gravity of free speech is intriguing. I often wonder if such a thing could exist at all. Large groups of people don't share their secret hearts and while everyone is talking, no one is really heard. Thus, I must question why anyone is a "target." One could never know all. That's part of the confusion of maya.
Personally, I'm committed, so nothing I say matters. I don't value my voice. I find it improper that the angry ignorant lament anyway. They, we, create group stupidity and spread naive, weak realizations that express the desire of our bitterness, not the complex social order in which we inhabit, though we'll appear that way with a facade. The fragmented ones fighting the invisible. It's always that one person is trying to make it big somehow or self-impress. I call it self-impressing because it's an egocentric closed vantage based off of an individual's measure of one's worth and knowledge. It's a show-off.
I mostly always agree, so even if I don't agree, I'll agree. Hence my comments on RT, not under my name but the others. I'm very self-amused.
Back to bitching.
"Living Dead Girl" -- Rob Zombie & "United States of Eurasia" by Muse sets the mood.
After Madonna's "A Bedtime Story," I only have a few abilities: screaming, kicking, throwing and screaming some more. I like to scream because I don't have any emotions and I can almost feel something. Plus, I like the noise. They can just damage/ kill me some more because I am... trash. It would be impossible for me to adapt to a demanding environment. I'm retarded. They want to use me for money, so I will spend the rest of my life in these insane asylums. I would like if Putin would pick me up and let me have holstic therapy in one of his labor camps. I could manage that. These people have never worked before, so they don't realize that we need mental abilities to even manage mcdonalds. I'm working on mine because I want to be independent. I'm guessing this was from the educational industrial complex. It's true, guys, if people are brain dead, they don't complain as much. See what Kim Jong did the little shits that tried. After he was done with them, they were on their best behavior. Not a peep
TELL THEM THAT YOU KILLED ME SO THAT I CAN GET OFF THE DRUGS. GROW SOME FACE, FACELESS COWARDS. NOBODY CAN DO ANTYHING ANYWAY. SO CALM DOWN. I HAVE NO EMOTIONS. JUST A MEMORY OF THEM I WORK OFF OF. I echo when I talk. I feel hollow. I screamed trying to feel anything. I am consumed by the nothingness today. Happy is not an emotion. If you experienced it, you'd know what I'm talking about. This is inhumane. Death is more humane. You shoot someone if you're gonna kill 'em. @ What is that? What do you $ee? I was novacained (BECK/MADONNA). They declare us schizophrenic when we try to put their invisible plan together, which would be impossible to put together entirely because it's invisible. Our simple plots fall apart because they're immune. I wouldn't have ever said anything if I thought there were consequences. I didn't think anybody would pay me attention. Look, people have been saying stuff around me my whole life and nothing happened to them. Where's the example to show what "really" happens. I must have struck a nerve. Good. Nothing in my reality makes sense. I hope you all enjoy watching them destroy me. What good did your mind machine do? Look at all the evil people consume me beacuase I'm worthless. LOL. What happens is that time moves forward, but I'm trapped by my inabilities of the past--don't blame one person cause it was all of you; I mostly blame the school system, and people remember their guilt and justify it as something else. This is why victims get attacked. I have no worth but my abuse. I want to do things too, but I can't. That's really the problem. Nothing that terrible happened, but what happened prevented me from being productive, and they won't stop coming at me because I'm a target. Aw, it's so cute, I'm trapped bitching because I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. Anytime I try, I'm declared a rose or something else and prevented. Now I want to dance and drink blood. They love to say that they don't care--by trashing me out then getting in my face, and I'll just complain forever because there's nothing else to do. Here's a crappy poem that the yahoo community enjoyed (they only like really bad writing). This is about freedom of squeaks and youths.
Revelations
Spitting youth
What do you say?
When we can worship
instead this day
of our mouths that know
ignorance -- vantage
We all stand alone
Fragmented view
Don't you wander
Too far from home
We were born yesterday
They add our realizations
yugas, fly zones
All prior known,
an ancient birthright lore
Ripen our heard, raise
and pluck perfection
absurd is all else,
melted desperation.
Can we hurry up and move onto spine bending worship? Yes, masters. I don't want the facade because I want my mind. I'm not standing for anything because I stand alone. I'm not stupid like them. They believe in ... things. Plus, you know me. I wanna give 'em what they want @:)
Oh, Blaine, I'll make you care. "You'll get the message by the time I'm through." You will not demoralize me.
Besides that though
I WANT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!
Between psychotronic warfare and psychiatric attention, I'm losing my mind, becoming a zombie. My cognitive abilities are deteriorating. Want to know why schizophrenia is progressive? medication. It destroys your body and mind.
It makes people feel like they have control over another, which they love. Welcome to the communist dictatorship. I'm going to start taping them.
I am schizophrenic or autistic (I used to hallucinate a bit), but I'm also a targeted individual. Unfortunately, I am unable to pin my attackers down, so I look like I'm delusional about everything, which is one of their games. That and making me guess agendas and tactics when I couldn't possibly reveal something that isn't in sight.
Everyone lies about me constantly, but if I lie... it's a trick like the cliches. "Whoop that Trick" -- Diay. They use it to manipulate and say EVERYTHING I say is a lie when that is illogical. I invite them to do truth tables. I have to. I have to balance their lies, which causes me to lie and since I'm defenseless, I'm a liar. They will stir me up then blame me for getting upset or I will have to fib to protect myself. I hate that. Today, my caretaker went psycho because I threw some rocks in the garden. I like to break things. Autistic habit? Call it a weird quality. It makes me happy to shatter things, not people. I have not shattered one person. I wasn't angry, trust me :) but I had to say that I was angry and that I wasn't delusional. I had to make up a story about someoen upsetting me because my doctor doesn't get me. He assigns me qualities. People do not understand that I don't have their set of emotions. They call it emotional disregulation. It's just different. I was upset yesterday, am I not permitted to have opinions? I get into fights with these invisible foes of psychotronic land. They finally gave me an emotional hue I can tolerate or my body finally regained a normal state after being high. The attackers would say the latter. I don't care so long as I don't feel that way.
So I believe in psychotronic warfare. It exists. Whether or not I'm a target is up for debate.
They'll make anything into any big deal though. "She's out of control. She needs more drugs." She needs people to treat her right so that she doesn't have to prepare for them. She likes misery because it's inciting, but she won't hurt herself physically. She just likes the sad songs. She rips things apart out of strange compulsions. I don't see how they're going to drug that out of me. You should see my eyes bulge for bubble wrap. Like a kid in the candy store. I also still run around like a child would. Hey, to the night terrors, I never said I didn't have a developmental disorder. They're just milking me for schizophrenia.
They want squares for heads. I have a personality as well. You people need to learn to respect it. I'm not breaking your stuff. I ripped apart fallen tree limbs. Big deal. @_@ Don't even sit here read this and pretend you don't have a bad habit. At least I get lots of exercise jumping around slamming the limbs against the tree to break them. It makes noise, which I also like, almost as much as I like writing with chalk to hear it. I love sound, even if it's random.
They don't want any stimuli.
Like I said, I was locked up on a mental ward for 60 days without any stimulation and cited for walking down the hall. Everytime I go in, it's "we need to increase your medication." You can't get rid of me. If I was you, I'd be you. Let's switch since you want it so badly.
If you weren't crazy when they started with you, you will be when they're through or braindead. I hope my grandma lives long enough to see what she's doing to me. I want her to feel the guilt.
I'm forced to take medications for my wayward thoughts, and everybody has these thoughts, even though they aren't distressing to me. None of my delusions of Eloi really bother me. It says in the manual that if hallucinations and delusions aren't distressing to a patient that they should be left alone, but they all want my dollar. They'll say I'll say anything, dissect meaning from this blog (no matter how many times i explain context), do anything really to keep me caged up like an animal. $Money$
I will go out on a limb and say that I'm religious in more than just my religion (I was using sarcasm about Christians because I was badmouthing everyone--part of my "bad" me entry; I am a Christian), and I am religious. Those are my delusions. People can believe in the magic man in the sky with me and not be locked up, but I can't believe in Eloi (the eye of the moon).
Rest under the eye
You're tired of tiring
Weak, wondering,
Wandering, wayward
will, won't you?
Such things we think
When nothing is but
Air adrift, clouds
--too close
Eloi eloi lama sabachthani.
Well, I have to go, the alzheimer's patient wants to have a conversation. We're talking about how I listen to music. He says "yeah." He says that he doesn't understand how a screen makes sound, but he said it by putting his hands on his ears and uttering nonsense. You learn to understand.
My caretaker rocks but she doesn't get my personality. We're learning. I just want freedom. It could be worse and has been. Imagine having to listen to all the people that hurt you 24/7. Imagine these people having no accountability. Then being hustled by the government. I listen to "gangsta's paradise" these days. "Tell me why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?"
I need control.
I would like to end this blog with:
I dont' want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else, even though that causes them to lose respect.
I am not hallucinating.
I'm still in a sea of jealousy (years of it have made me super demon--rub rose in my face again 'cause you won't get anything from me ever again; do you see why I stay single? It's all money honey) and won't work until my demands are met :P I want to be a janitor at HAARP. Everyone else gets to be like, " if they don't pay me enough, I'm not working. I can collect welfare or other aid," but I can't do one thing I want, and I get to be used for various agendas. You guys need to get together and decide my fate (as usual--I only need one master as I fight air) so that I don't have one group hustling me and the other trying to disable and the other trying to drain.
I've been overly forced this lifetime, and they used love to do it. I hate love. I hate my entire family, and I want a public guardian because I want to isolate away from everyone. I am repulsed by their treatment. Why did she come into my life? She abandoned me as a child when my mom needed help (over a dollar) saving me from S. S was the one that locked me in the basement without food or water and had other curious punishments (it's documented). I just thought she was retarded. She was also sleeping with her own son and had lots of mental problems. I could write a nightmare book about those three years. See what happens? They make us useless, garbage, special ed (what makes that? hm). our families manipulate us, weak and powerless over you. You didn't want to help me when I needed it the most but when I get a dollar, you care. Humans. I'm not getting over it. I want revenge because that seems to be my only merit and some weird social animal response to inequality. I'm not allowed to share my abilities on the dancing circle without a billion "angels" rushing in to make sure it's "fair." I'm not a rose. I'm a grasshoper or a carrion flower. I've got some rope, Placebo, remember me? special needs. Oh, I'm a temperamental goat. I have nothing left but revenge. Want my dollar? Want to help me some more, Madonna? Why don't you instill a sense of duty in other people? Influence instead of force--like force two of us. I'm sorry but the people suck--not that anybody is any better with the same crappy leaders from Hell. They need to have proper thoughts. We've been trashed out to an insane degree.
"All your theories turn to dust." You won't break me; you'll break me. I'll bleed when cut like all animals, but you'll expect me to be something more. All you guys do is justify and you expect people to have your playground morals that only serve you. I'm jealous I wasn't special but so very special to use, AW, but I'm not human, so I'll admit that. It's what drives me. I want what you rubbed in my face. If i can't have it, then I will do nothing. I've learned they won't let me do anything productive if I don't fight them back. Look at them come at my mind. And we'll go to sunshine and flower land. I'm not accepting responsibility. I don't have control. Never have. it's like, all I can do is spread trash. Might as well do what you're good at.
I couldn't be a rose if I wanted to be. LOL I'm a slave. You guys are a joke. 24 will I live to see 25? I love my gangster music. hehe
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Breaking My Will: I Feel Happy
but I'm not. This causes issues in my mind. Stop making me happy. I don't like it. I lose focus, and I want. The latter is the crux of the argument. We disagree due to a conflict of interests. I'm not giving up my half. You've already taken enough from me.
I don't want to be happy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5F-xHX1PDE "Break all the rules. And go to Hell with superman and die like a champion." (That's my number 1 antihero song.) Do you guys honestly think you're doing good if I'm evil? You've made me worthless.
I'm not going into "reality." As if anyone knows what that is beyond themselves. It's a club I've never been fond of, and I'm rarely invited to veracity--to tell the truth. The rest of you can justify your sordid, boring lives under the careful watch of safety. Are you wise under the gun? @) that's fine if you are. I'm not, even if I claim it. I'm sick of being threatened. It's gotten boring.
I'm a food stamp queen. Leave me and my future tent alone 'cause we are done. We dont have to do anything. Let me guess, after making me a retard, you're going to accuse me of something else ludicrous and try to fix me some more to steal. The reason I didn't become a productive member of society is obvious. Why don't you fix that instead of my evil mind, Breaking Benjamin. It's obvious.
Again, I won't do anything for you. One doesn't matter, so shut your mouths and leave me and my backthoughts alone. Oh by the way, STOP FREAKING OUT! Nothing is really that big of a deal in civilian affairs. The world will turn tomorrow no matter.
I'm boycotting. I'm just crazy, after all. I'm going to have to ask for seroquel to get down from this unnatural feeling. I can't predict what horrible thing is going to happen to me next. It's over a dollar. Hit me again, and I'll slander people with names and make your slaves unproductive. Plus, i want compensation from those that hurt me. There's a reason for everything. I'm pissed off.
You don't need me anyway ;) "She'll never do anything for you."
She is not dead, and she's not dying. We're not going to wave the gun in my face as an act of desperation. You can just give up. You failed with Miss Rose. Like I said, there are plenty of people that will fall into your trap; they are stupid sheep @). I'm not one of them.
"Meddle" -- Little Boots
That's your lesson.
I'm often sarcastic when I write.
PS I don't mind working at McDonalds unless I'm dumbed down to work there. I liked McDonalds.
Somebody needs to kill me in a bloodbath so that we can at least talk about these weapons. We'll have to get past the facade, but I think it's possible.
I want to be the janitor at Haarp. They're trying to get me self-actualize after they've damaged me and it's not going to happen. I'm injured. What they'll do is find a bunch of specialists to rapid fire questions at me that I couldnt' possibly answer then tell me to accept dirt. i'm okay with that game so long as I can learn because I blow it off. It would be impossible for a rocket scientist to pass what they do because they will ask detailed questions from every subject, but it's okay to be humble. I'm damaged now. I don't think Madonna understands how unfair this is.
I would say that if you didn't want me to hearing voices (schizophrenics that say they're literally hearing them are almost 100% full of shit; some do; when my thyroid kicks it, I have heard things but that's delirium) that you should stop treating me like dirt and dominating me, which has an interesting stress reaction. It's why I'm a sadomasochist or sadistic. I like to be hurt. I don't like to be hurt sexually, but I enjoy pain. Maybe I'm just sadistic. Being happy is torture. I never said those things they accused me of in the sexual way though (I can hear them ask me questions). I hate being happy, and I want revenge. I like my voices because they protect me. I work on them :P They cleared most of them out, which will get me killed later. Nobody likes me, and they all torture me no matter what I do because I am labeled inferior.
Everybody hears voices, btw. It's only when they become third party that it's a problem. Us schizophrenics like split off and have dialogues with ourselves like Gollum. I liked being like that. It's entertaining. Like I said, I hate reality. It's always possessed by another.
I want revenge ;) All demons are human drive. If I have to do this to get back so be it. Please stop making me simple. Nothing is that big of a deal. I'm the one that got away. One doesn't matter.
I'm still mad they didn't help me when I actually needed it, the mind control people. If they would have caught me in the military, life wouldnt be bad now. They tortured me first (incited) and only tried to get my dollar.
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
I'm not hallucinating.
I don't want to be happy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5F-xHX1PDE "Break all the rules. And go to Hell with superman and die like a champion." (That's my number 1 antihero song.) Do you guys honestly think you're doing good if I'm evil? You've made me worthless.
I'm not going into "reality." As if anyone knows what that is beyond themselves. It's a club I've never been fond of, and I'm rarely invited to veracity--to tell the truth. The rest of you can justify your sordid, boring lives under the careful watch of safety. Are you wise under the gun? @) that's fine if you are. I'm not, even if I claim it. I'm sick of being threatened. It's gotten boring.
I'm a food stamp queen. Leave me and my future tent alone 'cause we are done. We dont have to do anything. Let me guess, after making me a retard, you're going to accuse me of something else ludicrous and try to fix me some more to steal. The reason I didn't become a productive member of society is obvious. Why don't you fix that instead of my evil mind, Breaking Benjamin. It's obvious.
Again, I won't do anything for you. One doesn't matter, so shut your mouths and leave me and my backthoughts alone. Oh by the way, STOP FREAKING OUT! Nothing is really that big of a deal in civilian affairs. The world will turn tomorrow no matter.
I'm boycotting. I'm just crazy, after all. I'm going to have to ask for seroquel to get down from this unnatural feeling. I can't predict what horrible thing is going to happen to me next. It's over a dollar. Hit me again, and I'll slander people with names and make your slaves unproductive. Plus, i want compensation from those that hurt me. There's a reason for everything. I'm pissed off.
You don't need me anyway ;) "She'll never do anything for you."
She is not dead, and she's not dying. We're not going to wave the gun in my face as an act of desperation. You can just give up. You failed with Miss Rose. Like I said, there are plenty of people that will fall into your trap; they are stupid sheep @). I'm not one of them.
"Meddle" -- Little Boots
That's your lesson.
I'm often sarcastic when I write.
PS I don't mind working at McDonalds unless I'm dumbed down to work there. I liked McDonalds.
Somebody needs to kill me in a bloodbath so that we can at least talk about these weapons. We'll have to get past the facade, but I think it's possible.
I want to be the janitor at Haarp. They're trying to get me self-actualize after they've damaged me and it's not going to happen. I'm injured. What they'll do is find a bunch of specialists to rapid fire questions at me that I couldnt' possibly answer then tell me to accept dirt. i'm okay with that game so long as I can learn because I blow it off. It would be impossible for a rocket scientist to pass what they do because they will ask detailed questions from every subject, but it's okay to be humble. I'm damaged now. I don't think Madonna understands how unfair this is.
I would say that if you didn't want me to hearing voices (schizophrenics that say they're literally hearing them are almost 100% full of shit; some do; when my thyroid kicks it, I have heard things but that's delirium) that you should stop treating me like dirt and dominating me, which has an interesting stress reaction. It's why I'm a sadomasochist or sadistic. I like to be hurt. I don't like to be hurt sexually, but I enjoy pain. Maybe I'm just sadistic. Being happy is torture. I never said those things they accused me of in the sexual way though (I can hear them ask me questions). I hate being happy, and I want revenge. I like my voices because they protect me. I work on them :P They cleared most of them out, which will get me killed later. Nobody likes me, and they all torture me no matter what I do because I am labeled inferior.
Everybody hears voices, btw. It's only when they become third party that it's a problem. Us schizophrenics like split off and have dialogues with ourselves like Gollum. I liked being like that. It's entertaining. Like I said, I hate reality. It's always possessed by another.
I want revenge ;) All demons are human drive. If I have to do this to get back so be it. Please stop making me simple. Nothing is that big of a deal. I'm the one that got away. One doesn't matter.
I'm still mad they didn't help me when I actually needed it, the mind control people. If they would have caught me in the military, life wouldnt be bad now. They tortured me first (incited) and only tried to get my dollar.
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
I'm not hallucinating.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)