Well, Lovecraft's "Dreams in a Witch House" highlights most of my experiences with schizophrenia... and they called it a failure. puff...

 Only ruins understand me! Lovecraft keeps the blood in my veins. 

Now I know why he's my favorite author.

He was schizophrenic.  

How many movies would work if the characters didn't do incredibly stupid things?...

Yes, let's go into an uncharted nebula because some babe with a funny head says she needs help, as her ship was wrecked there. She's not part of Starfleet.  He's never seen her species before either, a random alien from the universe.  

So sad.

Let's do it, the captain said.  

What a buddy.

Looney Tunes.

I woke Up and Fell Asleep

 I managed to get to the library for a few hours. I mostly read an old YA novel called Children of the Sun by Barabra Wood.  I can't relate as well, no more princes, but I enjoy her attention of the subject and how she writes.  It's like visiting an old friend. 

It made me laugh at the part where the main character tells the soldiers she is there to be with a ruling Lord to soothe his heart. I'm sure they laughed and made a prostitution joke, but the joke is opaque in the novel.  I got one, too. I guess even they had problems with that happening to young virgins and maidens who lose their heads, an "either/or" action.  Do you accept your little gift, Durov?  Durov is always down, and he'll impregnate them.  I'm a fan.  

Back here... Damn extremists. Cock blockers.  

Let it be purity--causes sickness, the measure of a man, the worth of a woman.

I played with a butterfly, a beautiful orange and black one or a strange leaf. Nature wears the best costumes.  After a few seconds, he flew off, never will we meet again, but we shared a moment.

Need to Wash My Shoes, the Rip-Off Pair

 I purchased a pair of shoes around Christmas. They were supposed to be machine washable, but they look horrible, and the woman in the bank asked me if I have another pair because her sister gave her a bunch. Not interested. I do. These are comfortable and if I think it's going to rain, they go on because they already show their sins. They do freshen up, but that is all. They do not wash off in the washing machine, they get dirty easily, and overall, have not aged well.

Like my face.

But I had fun outside.

I best not move to South Korea.   

I Went Into the Kitchen...

 I watched a program about models early today.  The woman at around 700 calories a day, and she was tall with blonde hair, naturally, blonde hair. She worked out to get killer abs but was weak, and this confused me.  Beauty is sometimes a curse.  I equate models as a sport due to all it takes.  

Well, I am fat. I got into trouble for going over the counter.  I was not blamed for a mishap today as I was gone learning about Virgil.  I'm just known to do it at night.  I decided to eat a bigger dinner so that there would be no need to snack.  I've lost control in this realm of life: my weight and appearance.  I don't have the social pressure I used to.

Belly doesn't look so good.

They say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but this woman on TV enjoyed spending a day eating like a body builder, and he ate like her and far from satisfied. In the end, she consumed more calories than usual and perked up.  I hope she didn't puke.

And what an afterlife? Models don't make tons of money.  When they time out, there's no work for them. What do you become after a supermodel?  An old face to hate? A mother who pushed you too far? Guys who didn't love you after 30?   

I like potato chips with sour cream.  I like to sit on the couch, gross but comfy, and watch the "Carol Brunette Show."  Most TV sucks these days.  

And get off my lawn :P

Blame Game, All Suckers

 

Lindsay Lohan wonders why no one 'protected' her more during her early rise to fame

We all wonder. My parents let us run wild and had issues of her own.  I came back from a severe trauma situation, and my mom didn't know what to do.  I was super thin, so she fed me more that time. My dad dumped me but kept custody, but she didn't fight much then because she finally got me out of there, but with a punch in the gut. She had a difficult time with herself, and I've always felt like suppressed guilt, not that it can surface.  My mom should have called the cops more and had me taken away.  I did a lot for her. I took care of the kids all the time, worked for her alcohol, and I didn't get to be a teenager. Plus, I'm special needs, so I was picked on for that by my parents who are smart, but mom is seriously just a couch genius watching BBC. She said I would be a bag lady or work a manage shift at fast food if that.  Kaela is so dumb, not like my others. Thanks. Well, that's better than being overly praised like my dad does and makes me sick in the head. It's like, you're full of shit.  My parents constantly punished me, and I really didn't understand it.  I wrote my infamous letters asking why.  Children don't analyze their own behavior that well, and you can't punish kids constantly when they have a mental illness. It escalated the situation with my sister who keeps her distance. I've always been a little away from them because of my dad and his "friends." The family blamed my parents and punished them.  I just grew up being punished. I like pain, right?  I showed my teeth.  Then the door was locked.  Sometimes, my sister would let me in. I loved my siblings more than anything. I was thrown out at 17, and I was not ready.  They should have given me to Grandma Creighton who was an elementary teacher, but we have the nefarious alcohol that I was also confused about--and trusting me enough to be convenient.  We can blame everyone and the devil, but it still happened.  

Sometimes, I'm not as clear as I would like

In my last post, I was referring to the frustration of Musk and his products and how he is so sensitive and like, we're coming for you.  The psychotronic warfare has been a nightmare for me. I'm not too fond of the new gods or angels.  They never ask is if it's okay.  

Don't rely on me, I suppose, listen to the music.

They will try to run away from my text, declaring me an idiot, yes, and especially now.  However, their little gangs are less than to be desired.  They have done these things sneakily.  I'm not looking forward to one world government, as that's impossible, and being dragged off for crushes on guys or whatever else. How many mistresses has Musk had?  Yet they're killing the less than desired people in his mind.

They have nothing left.  Good luck getting rid of OnlyFans.  We all know he's a racist scumbag anyway, kill the helpless. 

Or make them pedophiles and worse.  

Kind of like how I'm a parasite.  I've said they can fix things if they wish. Right now, the usuals are being taken and then out on the street dazed and confused.

"Machines of Our Disgrace," by Celldweller. We're all supposed to capitulate to their force, though they claim to be helping to uplift the world.  Oh no...

Ask Blue Stahli what he's doing.  I have dealt with him, not Musk. Enjoy Blue Stahli's torture rooms and turning your family into mushy peaches. I don't like you either. That's how they're really going to be.

Good Morning World

 Well, I slept well. I don't remember my dreams. I was awakened abruptly, and I'm thankful for that because I've been sleeping too much.  

I had a small breakfast of lemonade and one biscuit with gravy.  Also, I consumed a large glass of ice water. I don't know about you, but my stomach sometimes hurts in the morning. 

I listened to the next song of mine and laughed. The new song isn't trying to kill me, a nice treat compared to the usual, die, die, die.  The ones with the power are all afraid they are going to die. I'm all for a a trial for them.

I do think it'll be a complicated one with rulings of entrapment and blackmail.  

Good luck to them!

Issues With Musk: A Gentle Warning

 I don't like Musk, and he is not an equal to Durov.  Thanks to his damn machines, I live in a nursing home.  He can come for me however he wants to--or his minions.  He needs to look in the mirror about violence and anger. I read his book.  It'll be pinned on me because he's never had to be accountable.  I feel no anger. Today, I'm floating around.  

What is he going to do to me and people who don't like him, drag me out and away from the grandmas as they fight with their walkers?  It turns out I'm a nice person.  I get preyed upon.  Look, honey, you can do anything to me.  I didn't even know the year this morning.

I'm not your poorboy to beat, and I haven't committed a crime, not willingly.  I have no rights.  I'm not the one dragging people to black sites for adjustment.  And you're a shitty scientist.  Oh no, spoiled rich boy will say I have to die now. I hurt his feelings. How could I?  I try to talk about issues.

Napalm.

They won't talk about that one. 

They are trying to copy Russia. 

You will be deceived. 

New gods problems.  Angels suck.

It seems as though I have been rejected

 That's okay. I usually talk to Youtube and Google, but not anymore.  

The pastor came with a fiddle player, and we all sang songs about Jesus.  Most of the residents here are from the country and many watch programs on the television all day about the coming of the lord of the takings of the lord.  

I go to Bible study on Tuesdays with a woman from the home.  During the summer, we worked on Jesus' miracles, and I learned a lot about the power of faith.  

Jesus is kind of like a western Buddha when people follow the red print.  

They don't try to convert me, which is nice.  I know they have been kept safe and away from destructive society by their faith, a type of blindness that soothed any impacts.

I also think about Augustus and how the cross betrayed his power and must have cussed until he died.  The Romans believed in crushing rebellion at any stage, and wanted to see proof that Jesus was the son of God and his achievements?  

Jesus founded a worldwide religion.  He's legit, right?

Many people today still ask for proof, miracles.  I think miracles are above human comprehension.

For me, a personal God is strange.  I don't think he'd cater to one person.  

"Bad Mind and Beetard Land"

  If you know me, and you don't, and I just comment here.  I was reading the whole Campbell thing. She's black and so there are "not allowed" thoughts here. We are indirectly racist or raised to let blacks bypass us and then get mad inside.  It keeps us at each other.  I met many racist blacks in the army. They have a whole different kind of parenting. My mom is a drunk and let us be wild or had/has serious issues.  She saved my life with the psychotronic thing. I was like, wait a minute, mommy doesn't like me and wouldn't ever say that. It was too nice. She recently told me to stop calling her. I can only imagine what her confessions would be. Quincy was fried.  He told me at a family gathering, 'my brain' is pickled. And I don't drink. The life had fallen from his heart.  I'm trapped, right? We all help mom now even though she lies about our upbringing or is mean.  We don't need songs like, "Call Me When You're Sober" by Evanescence.  That's nice, and one sister goes to clean up the house, as she likes to do that anyway. 

 My dad is a piece of shit who loves to destroy people and others' problems he can exploit. He's a drunk and has bipolar really bad. I have it, too, and you can ask Campbell about that one and "Spanish Lady."  I'm happy when I get a mania and get a lot done.  He's like, the darkness has descended.  Special ed also crushed me and him, even though they didn't used to put people in to the retard class unless they were severely disabled, like the palsy kids and retarded children.  He always gets mad over money and gifts. He does it on purpose to harass my mother.  They share things with me, too.  

I've had a lot of physical and health problems over the years, several from being attacked, poisoned, you name it. Swollen brain, but heart problems were the worst. Pinuwaka heard the murmur, and they should have seen my vitals around that time.  I left her office not feeling so hot, if you can imagine.  I feel bad for anyone who has permanent damage. One nurse told me I'd be fine even with the one I had, that it would go away, and the murmur did.  And yes, they have agents in the hospitals.  They missed my head injury.  I don't know how, but they found a way.

  My evil thoughts were not bad besides being pissed about not having healthcare (trust me, this is nice), and I couldn't go to school, which I'd been trained to explain my drain... I have issues with boys/men whatever because of how I've been treated by them and my dad.  I also like rich men--not trying (fantasy), but it won't happen.  I'd be stuck with tantrum boy now, perhaps a younger version.   I get sexually assaulted a bunch.  Sorry, Durov, I know you love me. Would you like to be matched with me? Don't be successful. I don't even have front teeth. The rest are falling out.  Well, draw your own conclusions, nobody.  Eventually, and I'm not speaking for Zheani, but we end up getting sick from the training and programming they do.  A little out of context but, "drink some of this" or whatever. It's the blood of the holy.  Then come one hundred voices.  They're mad and want to justify themselves, since all of the spooks.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whfQf3Pd5bU  I couldn't get back in time--had to be tortured, so some of my relatives became entrepreneurs for a while.  It makes me laugh.  If you do a, we have to do b.  It gets to the point where they can't control it anymore.  The psycho ops people in the army made me a hypersexual pedophile and bragged about being able to mess with a brain. They don't heal or help. Just wait until paying you guys will be in bribes, and people will pay them to have naughty confessions like that my goal in life is to give Putin an erection and that I have to make room for new life by killing Putin's daughters and that there are Russians at the window.  I told my mother, "but I want to be good."  When she responded, I was like, she wouldn't ever say that. That was nice.

Good luck!  If I don't stay in my current prison, I'll end up in prison after they rob me, saying whatever.  I already had to dodge the pedophile thing from them. A trip the doctor.  They've already learned that I'm expensive. A lot of cuts were to stop us from moving to such ends because I'm expensive :P

I used to be a Beetard, which made me crazy. It is okay to think. It is okay to not like someone. You don't have to give up everything, you have choices.  No more gaslighting.

"Evil Mind" -- Past Post on Breaking Bejamin

 Yes, sometimes I misattribte things to other people. That cliche doesn't mean others aren't involved.  

For example, he's shown his true face in songs like, "Polyamours."

"Pour some salt into the open wound." That's why I blamed him for making me jealous.  Then he sees our true colors.  I can't work through emotions and thoughts anymore because I'm evil, and he's retarded, not like us, however.  

Yes, it would have been nice to get to be like the people in HS and not have had to fight for small gains.  

All of the psychotronc people become my fault, I know.  They become our problems.

666 -- You don't like me, so you kill me... The whining, The whining... the agony of 12 years now..Poor baby... fix it, fix it... don't make me have to appreciate democracy in the bedroom Again? And human rights?

The usual?  

Annoying Girl From Satan

 For many years, I had serious problems.  One, I was harassed, assaulted a bunch, and stalked. I attributed all of this to Putin, who yes, made me mad by breaking my heart.  Hissy, bitchy.  Then I was killed again for it.  I'm like Kenny. Shit, well, sorry.

I get treated like crap most of the time, and I get that I am kind of young.  I don't think I'm important, but do you have to go out of your way to make things worse?  This is from the people who try to rob me or call me an evolutionary failure.  If I simply explain, I don't matter, and they rip me apart.

And the gold, money, or whatever???  I figured out that they made us worship it. They do good deeds, as Blue Stahli says.  They have everything I wanted.  Nope. They scolded me for jealousy and other crimes and thoughts that are normal.  I just hid and went in reverse.  They get mad when I say I don't have to be part of society and to please circumcise me.  They aren't aware.  I know I'm weird.  Want to be my special friend?  That's a bad idea because they will do anything to hurt me.  I set them off now because I can barely think and can't worship their godly opinion.  

If you think I'm all evil because I said I wanted to fuck Putin and take his money, I was still mad at him for breaking my heart.  I live in a hallucination and am not used to real people showing up.

 I had to address the poison in my veins.  My sin was lying about my desires, if you read the Quran.  Not exactly, Blue Stahli, I split from my desire, which is horrible.  It ended up in screaming torment of, "I don't want what I want!!"  

I didn't develop properly because I was so hated and oppressed that I kind of shook like a rat in a box as it pondered its fate with teenage boys.  I wasn't taught to think with my emotions, just withdraw, and look like what they think is rational when it's simply withdrawn, too.  I get to watch my inevitable death every day. 

I looked at the music and was like, well, this will be unfortunate for me.  I'm used to extreme punishments for little things. That's why I was terrified.  Of course, Britney Spears, who wants people out of her business despite creating more hype, should have stayed out of mine.  Again, they've never been tased like cops do to each other. Their mom didn't bite them when they bit her. It's fun to make us bleed to death for some jackass up in "heaven" or Babel.  I'm not worshiping them.  

I hate you.

2016 "Living Life Shattered

 sometimes, I try to compromise or worship abuse. It's evident that I'm doing so in my post.  It's the denial-to-acceptance thing.  Also, I cannot weed out the lobotomy from all the other damage, one of which is shown in "Hellhounds."  And when you use that, or you try to kill us, follow the next paragraph.  While out of it, I blamed Putin when he tried to help with the initial picture.  

I do think that psychotronics might help the insane. Then again, so would housing, safety, food, and medicine. They seem to forget that in many mentally ill people.  I think it would be a better world if humans would admit that they are animals, too, not machines.  

We're jealous... and that was one annoying manipulation of society.  Do you want to go on a 15-mile bicycle ride in the heat, cold, sleet, and rain?  We all know who is the winner. 

I hated jealousy and not belonging or having real friends.

Don't think you get off that easily...

 I didn't get a trial. I would have been not guilty because I didn't break the law for high treason, and I was tortured.  I know you guys have no life and if you catch anything, it's like a wiggle fest.  Fuck with a real criminal, FBI. I know it's difficult.  You entrapped me 4+ times.  You also had me worshipping Putin on the ground.

You also did some "Minority Report," too, but I didn't have a dresser. It was pretty easy to see where I would go with the rent around me and the statement that I wanted to live near the ocean.  You wanted MM to blow my head off and kill me, but that failed, too.  Who is your Oracle now?

So, yeah.,, you are full of shit.

Okay, so this makes more sense... I was like, wtf, why is it me? I get it...

 Well, I don't remember much of what I do, but some days are better than others.  

They have rationalized attainder with my treason and took my rights. I'm not sure if I technically committed treason or a felony. Oh well, I've never had rights.  I thought that was continuing as a part of my horrid existence.  I know that I must be endlessly punished, "lessons." Beetard land.  That's how they justify doing bad things to me. Guilt is another emotion that incites them.  I don't even care about being dispossessed. My life has exploded several times.  I did get a nook this time. I will admit that.

I said that Patriot Missiles don't work.  I didn't have any contact with an officer. I'm pretty sure that just causes you to lose your security clearance forever.  I signed a page saying that I would not talk about weapons right before I got out.  Ah, yes, but draconian punishments are more fun.   I remember being in pain. Obviously, they do work. Ukraine said so.  We did a drill once, and I have no doubt we could have screwed it up. That poor mountain.  

How did I get the Director's cut of "I Want to Believe?"  You don't often put those in a PX (general store) or anywhere else. Also, I thought Putin was my father, and we all have weird family thoughts.  They did other actions that are very bad for the Hell of it. I'm either in pain every day, having weird chills in odd body parts, horrible headaches, or I can't think at all.  

Gitmo gets me, I know that. Don't mind the laughing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lmo0_1T3C2Y

I would like to leave the US. They can get a new chew toy.  

This is what the Philistine do to the slaves, and I'm tired of it... Oh, I'm going to die because I have a crush on a celebrity or look at someone... you guys aren't that important.

Programming: Bitch On a Leash

 So, I've said Campbell is stronger.  In many ways, black females are allowed to be strong. We weave and do all this strange stuff like we owe people or we must walk on eggshells.  If you do not, they'll all come at you with cliches. They can't think and are flat characters.  The middle-class, white male is a creature from Hell. They usually try to push me down or manipulate me on slightly higher levels.  Don't you want this? or that? No, I want the Hell away from you, or I'm going to have even more agony. No, I didn't look at you.

I've realized that I was shattered so much that I ceased to exist for a time, a void without desire or beliefs. It's not allowed in thoughts.  It makes you crazy.  I injured myself to hurt other people who were inside of me. Zheani didn't get it.  There is no dialogue with these people.  Mutilation is flattery to Marilyn Manson.  They used a lot of weapons on me, a young person...

White, middle-class, white girls have leashes on them for behavior.  Campbell was racist against me. I usually worship blacks. We all do, just like it's obvious that Asians are smarter than the other races. Thanks to all the people who said discrimination due to skin type is wrong while only ability matters.  I can say to be a bitch that I make the same test scores as black people. I would normally applaud the journey of the soul.  I also grew up in Hell without a release. Therefore, the fact that I went mad at them isn't a surprise.  We'll all turnout to out as little Cains.  Just start the tattoos like in Australia and in parts of Russia.  

I broke free but shattered still.  I do the opposite of my dad, and he put a lot of bad stuff into my mind when I grew up.  It's a sick joke, back to the white man who puts me with my dad.  We all hate him because of what he's done to us.  Even when Grandma was on her deathbed, she said he'd only mess it up.  She finally figured it out.  He didn't come to the memorial.  We don't know what makes him do psychopathic things that I live with now.  He is truly insane. Our whole family knows.

I was kind of angry at Campbell because she had choices like school or placement in less demeaning jobs.  I had no choice but the army. And my piece of shit father got in the way again. It's like, fuck, jon's back.  Most of my moves have been done due to desperation.  I'm simply destroyed as Blue Stahli would say. This is why I end up jealous and think it's wrong to be jealous.  The more desperate all of us become, we'll start the Cain business.  Go look at the last post before you rebuke me for being "racist." 

Getting over things isn't always a choice, I've learned.  I still go into defense and attack mode sometimes at night from Virginia.  Campbell would have cried there, too.  It's not fun, especially when they change your mood and put thoughts in, such as when I was a hypersexual pedophile.  There's a lot of pain from that or not getting back to Missouri due to the agent who said he was going to follow me.  

It's cool. I know that my brain is swelling again. They'll give me dementia eventually. I already have the start.  I'm going to try Alpha Prime.  

Boy, is she a bitch.  Destroys people. She's quite a napalmer, too. Of course, she must be better yet doesn't have a background in psychology or neurology.  My dream now is to get to a really, really good neurologist.

 This is not fair. I was okay before they burned into me.  Imagine, Zheani, if they didn't let you think and kept dominating you constantly.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwnosFODMrE "Thought Criminal" by Zheani. Even Allah lets his followers have thoughts.  Here, they twist our instincts to yield products.  

Don't feel bad, black people.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhSSLZpl-Vg  She's going to jail for getting upset, and I'll be put on the psych-ward where I will be so juiced up, I won't know my name. Afterward, I'll have to go through all of my history over and over again while the pressure is increasing in my body.  It's like, I have to be extra polite while this stuff is in me, or I'll end up in the ward.  

Fit For Rivals - Damage

 I've been reading through an old English book to study up on how to write papers better or essays.  I do this in my spare time, which is all my time. I have come across several articles of classes, and I will pour my hatred on how I get stuck  

One, I've been isolated for a long time.  No one wanted me as a friend or wife (long story of bows of force).  I started to exist without them.  I've watched them several times.  I was thrashed for jealousy, which is a poison they use.  It doesn't matter if you think it or write it.

I've had problems educating myself at times, especially in math because I wasn't taught like normal kids. Growing up, they did all these experiments on us, especially in the special ed room.  In there, you get to learn by doing 100s of packet work.  You won't be able to do or memorize them all before you get tested on all of them.  I remember in fifth grade I was like, what the Hell is sociology.  No one else had their brain tested every three years IQ wise, and loaded with more and more. Plus, we didn't get classroom time.  Any sort of outburst or wrong opinion resulted in extreme punishments like going to where Paris Hilton did or other alternative schools and camps. I don't even what to know what that gang is up to now?  Sorry about Corey Johnson.  

I was treated like absolute crap during my upbringing. I became jealous but was squashed and dissociated. I began to try to sit next to and become friends with AP because she was popular and the one the teachers liked. Meanwhile, we were given subtle hints that our lives were useless.  Yes, and all the kids in the school are doctors and lawyers now. 

Many parents at how do not like us either because it's like feeding a dead cat.  It's dead. It's not coming back, and it needs nothing but to be finally buried.  It eats too much. Factory farm.

I knew that would happen in Virginia. Over the years, I've learned that I can't have money. I've joked about it for years. It's like, Sorry, I'm earning other people's money.  

 I ended up on benefits, which pissed them off.  Thanks for the guidance and TLC.  Now many of us are going into floating classes like TikTok. They've gotten hold of it.  Pretty teenage girls will say what they want.

They tried to destroy all writing ability already.  Weird things happened with my nouns.  

Welcome to how I feel, which they don't care about.  We're falling into group think or a psychological phenomenon within decision, making groups in which loyal to the group has become more important than any other value, with the result that dissent and appraisal of alternative are suppressed."  I call them geniuses. I already know what you're going to say.  Do I think this applies to Putin?  Yes and no. They are at war with us, and you have to stick together and not look at our values while you're fighting. They don't exist except in candy land, To Putin, I think that he is too nice to his friends money-wise, and they didn't do their jobs.  Plus, he's too optimistic. They were fired and replaced. We can't get rid of our own shit like Zuckerberg.  Does he need a plunger up his ass? Deep Penetration because I don't like getting fucked in the butt-vagina (as Gail would say). Yay.  How many times?  And my heart like Gaga 2010 or so.  I don't find any of our celebrities attractive.  We're free sexually, aren't we?  

I wish they'd stop tormenting us with "exceptionalism." They abhor me for this. It's like, I've just gone 22 miles on a bicycle, I've had 4 hours of sleep, and I think I feel weird, but I don't have a doctor.  Eff this place.

 Now I'm free, as the video noticed, which is not allowed.  I'm spinning to heaven.  God, the geniuses come back for more.  Here the computers shift the economy to rob us.  We're not allowed to leave society, or they try to trap us.  Thanks to special needs by Placebo, many of us are being destroyed, and we'll just become prostitutes and drug users. I recommend Alpha Stim.  

 I hate America.

Fucked to stupid.