Picking On Kaela

So, I've gone over the numbing mind control machines.

They claim to be working for the good: "Prometo solemnemente/ Defender el bien/ Y luchar contra injusticia y la maldad."  --Rob Zombie "Feel So Numb."


They worked hard to make me bad.  I don't believe in their cause.  It's butchering the weak and vulnerable.

I was so out of it that I thought I had to save Aspen from the oligarchs because she had @_@.  She didn't want to be poor.  I remember that, and I didn't understand it at the time because I was taught to shun wealth.  She worked hard and became a doctor and wanted an equal mate, not an oligarch.  No hate her way, and I was in a compromised state then.  She was honest and not challenged by everyone for her beliefs.  I haven't been allowed to develop in a way that would align my character with my thoughts and reality.

I'm not the only one.  If you look on celebrity gossip sites, you see all the others.  Keep screwing yourselves over.  They still have brains.  Well, they can't think, but they have intact grey matter.

Retarded. Demoralized.  But it keeps them down. And they justify it to like their lives.  I'm not a big fan of ripping apart programming.

  I saved Miley Cyrus as well.  She's dating Putin. So is Britney Spears.   No, I don't believe that, but they worked hard to make me jealous.  It took a while, as I was in a special state of brain damage. Lala land.

I also thought Campbell was captured by Maya gods and that I had to save her because her DNA wasn't right.

It's sad when you try to do the right thing under such circumstances. 

I wasn't raised to process my emotions.  I would get angry then be condemned for it, deeply personal attacks.  Now it's a little too late.

Banned from RT Again

I'll hit my targets eventually.  It's all I have left to do.  They only have themselves to blame.  If they would have "cared" back in the day--like they claim to, I would be working in the mail room right now.  Instead, we had to play kooky games.

10 Years in the Wasteland

Well, my brain damage prevents me from reflecting like a normal human.  I went into this rant about how Campbell is stronger than me.  True.  But why am I so weak?   Now I'm wounded.

I realized not long ago what my problem is.  I don't have an ego.  I have my basic impulses from my id that are counteracted by the superego.  When this first happened, my programming went into reality.

Nasty stuff.

I belong in an abnormal psychology text.  Putin could put me in a luxury mental hospital, but no, we have to keep punishing me in my zindan.  I'm toast, baby.

I'm hoping Putin will come through and give me the settlement.  Then I will jump around in lala land in my house.  We all know I'm going to get dementia.  Let me have a few good years.

I'm laughing at the likes of Ten Years for wanting to help the victims then condemning me for my thought crimes and whining.  I'm annoying but no harm.

  Humans are human.  I'm all fucked up, but the beetard is happy to be alive.  I wake up every day, surrounded by books and the sun, and I smile.  It's a simple joy I'm allowed.

Stalked, Settlement and Putin

I was stalked starting in 2007.  It began with me being posted to a Paris Hilton site.  The person said I needed attention.  I was neurotic and starting to slide into psychosis, and they didn't treat it properly.   I also attacked X and said she didn't understand sacrifices when she had the fallen in her family.  Honestly, I was projecting from being yelled at for that.  The stress of the military caused me to snap.  Why they didn't just chapter me out? I will never understand.

Kaela got fired, not a firing squad.  I only spilled the beans, patriot missiles, to try to get them to arrest me, kill me, do something to end it. Leave me alone. I also, at the same time, which is difficult for sane minds to understand, wanted to be a hero. The koan of my brain.  I know now that I am a zero.  I seek a settlement and then I'm retiring.

So why?

It all happened because I liked Putin and was psychotic together.  I had defense mechanisms and hissed at him then tried to liken him to my father.  I have a weakness there.  Then I was confused in delusions as real as any truth.  I posted a lot of weird stuff on Xanga. I never said we were hooking up.

I'm schizophrenic.  I don't think it's evolution, Marilyn Manson (that's in the voices at the end of the song).  They were making fun of the special folk again.  I know I'm weird. I had to go to therapy groups to learn how to socialize.  As a child, I was repressed. I should have fought back, but I sunk in myself and didn't develop.  They thought I was a brat due to my temper tantrums.  I just didn't know how to communicate my feelings.  

It's an evil joke that I'm in the songs and "I Want to Believe" the movie.  I may be schizophrenic, but I'm still a part of Earth and interact with the world.  They're afraid of me.  It's funny and sad.

As for being a star, 

I'm in "Eat Me, Drink Me" by Marilyn Manson at 2:02-2:03.  After all, it's only a "Kaela."  That was ridiculous.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn3Yy0Y_m50&list=RDbn3Yy0Y_m50 

I'm also in Britney Spears "Work Bitch" at 2:03.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt8VYOfr8To

I'm in the cloud of dirt and dead trees.  I was a mental slave.  Blue Stahli says we've been dominated by all we hated, and we get to be numbed.  We're told we're wrong for wanting riches, and people like me can't earn them (I have no talent), so we justify our conditions with hatred.  I know I'm asking Putin for a settlement, but I'm destroyed.  It's also like, "fine."

Anyway,

It's a fight between the philistines and the slaves.  I'm not a mental slave anymore.  I feel sorry for people who are though.  They screw themselves over.  I would like to think that compromise moves us along.  I think the talented should be rewarded.  I also feel as though people should eat and be housed.  There's a happy balance equality-wise.  Jealousy has to be reasoned through.  It's a natural emotion.  Maybe bragging isn't the best idea.  It goes around in cycles, in the end. Sometimes, less is more.  Sometimes, more is less.  

They're extremists though, and have crossed the line. It's okay to protest, not okay to use psychotronic weapons against people without their permission. 

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_585119&feature=iv&src_vid=6-2jNiVK86A&v=mAxOulZm_Zg

I can never guess what they want!


What do I want?  Peace of mind after all of that! 

Kaela gets the five million dollars (after taxes) and to hide in peace until she rests in peace.  If it makes you feel better, you can dig up my remains and put them in an unmarked grave after I die. By treating people badly, you allow yourself to fall under the same rules.  That's what Hitler did to his population.  Look at the Jews.  It could be you.

Okay... and... 

My justification for asking Putin for the settlement is that he put the picture up and got in the way of justice or sanity, inspired them to attack me even more.  I should have been arrested.  I tried in my halfassed state to do the right thing.  Instead, I was hunted even more and was even exploded on in a bathroom by a guy who thought I wanted to marry Putin. 

Having Eyes for Putin, the Officer

Okay, so if you don't know, I was once upon a time in the military.  I've touched on this topic a few times in other blogs.

Got fired.

I understand that I liked Putin and that it was wrong, but I went into denial mode and wasn't trying anything crazy.  First, I attacked him, telling him to get out of our media. Then I thought he was my father.  It's like being a brother or sister relationship-wise.  The guys in the army did that to me.  It works.

I became confused.

  Breaking Benjamin ripped through all of my defenses that I'd used to protect myself.  We are a mixture of the truth and delusions.  Overall, humans are delusional.  And the truth is complex and mixed in with delusions that are as real as the truth.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Another thing is that people use the dominant male-thing against me as a trick.  They put me up against them and then say, "You are not good enough," or, in the army, you are "eyeballing" them.  I knew a lot of females who developed crushes on the drill sergeants. We talked about it at night.  That's what the screaming drill sergeants are for.  They nip that in the butt. 

Yet they made me ubber special with Putin.

I had this one sergeant who liked me.  It was annoying.  He's still alive.  Then I had several males try to get me to sleep with them, even though they were married.  They're still alive. Little bastards.  When I went to go get my article 15, there were people who'd fraternized.  They could have gotten me for that, even though, once again, I was delusional and had defense mechanisms.  Also, Betrayus is alive.  Should we use the truth machines on him?

If they wanted to play stupid truth games, even though I said nothing.

I tried to confess to my crimes, even though I was delusional.  What do I get?  The picture, the firing squad and all the special attention.  I still want to be circumcised.

Being good, trying to do the right thing, is often rewarded with agony.

Let's try this: No, I will not

No, I will not.

Let's try this: Yes, I will

Yes, I will.