Reality

A lot of people, despite spying or manipulating me, don't know me very well. I will fight until the death.

I've come to a point in my life where I know that it's not going to get better anymore and I know that I'm going to have to really fight if I want something. It's not just going to happen.

I want my brain fixed and out of the United States. They want to hurt me and betrayed me in ways I can't even describe. At any point, they could have helped me, stopped something from happening or listened to the actual truth and gotten me out of the hole so that I could, oh dear, be a productive member of society, which I've been repeating over and over. Very few will say anything in my defense, and I've tried to defend them time and again. Sometimes, I think people want to be pathetic.

Just lay there... and I will run over you this time.



Who is who and who doesn't care?
I don't give a damn who you think you are or what "my place" is. My place is on top of the world. If you piss me off too much, I'll dispose of you. That's what they do. It's obviously not a crime under God. I've gone as far down as I can go. That's for stupid people. What a fool I was to think I could be "good" and it would matter. Who wants to be better than pathetic and boring?

You know what I get when I'm nice? I get abandoned, and then they'll rule over me and make me twist and change to all sorts of horrible ends. I'm brain dead, not totally blind. I know why. I know it's because I don't have the same future as everyone because I'm disabled, and I don't have any money, and I don't have anything. They say other reasons, and they can lie and get away with it, and it's not. I know because I've changed a billion times. That's why Aspen wouldn't be my friend. That's why Jamie wouldn't. Campbell, when I was covered by the psychotronic people, left me too--and even before that. I can't be anymore polite or anything. And then I isolate, and they attack me more. Nobody says "hi" or anything, and I'm stuck here forever, just so that they can torment me some more, use me, whatever.

I kind of lash out sometimes because everything's going so wrong, and they blame that too, use their weapons. Well, maybe if you would stop raping me and gang stalking me, I'd be okay. I am mortal human. Cut me and I will bleed. Surprise.

It's just a trick so that they can get me to react and then blame that.

I don't like being ignored, and i'm not your slave, nor will I ever serve another human. Think. Maybe we should get disabled children out of the schools because YOU DO NOTHING FOR US! Maybe there's another answer. You tortured me for years upon years and then wonder, oh you dare to wonder, why.

I'm going to be worth something. I don't care what I have to do.

They always said I'd be nothing, and I figured that it didn't matter because I could wander and write poems, but they never stop. If I have to rule the universe to go to school, FINE! I can barely read now and I can't make sense of much. Nobody defends me and nobody helps me. They only cover their perverse agendas. I'm used to it.

"you caught me under false pretenses."

Don't give me any cliche and don't manipulate.