Okay, so I can't take care of myself, I can't diet, and I'm severely obese, I don't have a schedule of waking or sleeping because I can't sense time. My head does weird things. I'm spoiled with money! of course, so I go over budget, or I only have the presence of now. I can't stop drinking fluids and have no will. And daddy Durov didn't want to take me. :P I want to live with daddy. Uh oh, I'll get the bio-one. Nobody loves me. Just laugh about it. It's the story of my life. I get such harsh punishments and go through such Hell, and the people who speak words and don't comprehend, usually throw flowers in my grave like half my family does.
The problem is that my sister got knocked up, and she has to take care of the baby. My dad will end up, hhahahahaa. Who would have thought that would be my luck? Another joke from God.
I love my cats, yes, but cats are loyal to whoever feeds them, and I will pay for their food and medical care wherever they go. A dog might kill itself if it loved its owner, but cats are different. He'll assume I died. I love cats, but yeah, they don't have the same emotions. They show appreciation to those who take care of them. They're kind of like gold-diggers, but better. They purr because they are happy and want to share "happy" with you, too. I love when they anticipate going to the sink. They're saying, "Make me happy. I'll give happiness to you."
This is why we don't squiggle equations about relativity and think it makes brain surgery smart. Also, I had a lot of damage from Marilyn Manson and the others. The same "equations" wouldn't work. Thanks. I have tons of lesions from everything and had a disability before. I know... Work or die! I'll probably have to do work therapy eventually. I'll have to clean up crap at the hospital or somewhere in the VA. KMFDM "Professional Killer." Good luck.
No more gang stalking, no more threats, no more being dragged out of my apartment at night because they want to fix me. You did a good job and should be proud of yourselves. 1+1=you.
Dare not look at a man or earn any money, for those are the ways of sin! I am but greedy and cruel, Blackbriar and Ellise. So when is Ellise going to wear clothing? She wants to be pious. You don't wear your outfits to church.
Did you look in the eyes of RA, Ellise! Keep your head down. Where's your burqa? lol
Don't say I hid or tried to stop this nonsense. Nothing I can do. The last attempt was with my army. It didn't work. Other stuff did. Oh well, I guess trying to get her to confess, thought she had some morals, was a waste of time, too. It's number 1 or none. The best impress, nothing for the rest.
Now, this is what the psychotronic people are calling people who want more than their current state of affairs or who daydream. Any mental disorder as well... cough, any competition... The faster this drags us down, the better. We are dragged off in the night so that we can enjoy being retarded and get into accidents faster.
They're calling us dead and making us "clear" and "in the moment" like I said. That actually means, make it so that we can't think or do any of the activities they seem to put pride in like music. They must have a soul. I'm hollow water, gee, thanks.
Contemporary music is a joke anyway. It's not real music.
Only the young and tone-deaf people like me enjoy popular music. I'll do about anything to stimulate my dead brain. The drums appeal to me, thus.
Ever since I've been swimming through reality, I've had to take perphenazine religiously, too. That will be the next move of the black market. I'm sure they've already started.
Oh no... there won't be glitter and sunshine!
It's a cruel, cruel world, after all, and it must be fixed... I've never felt that way or not for very long. Only people who want power gather our demons and then use them against us.
But it's for a new world, a new world order in which lions and lambs frolic together.
Puke. Bullshit.
The world is complicated and often shoves us in strange directions or tricks us into believing in free will, which doesn't exist. Our leaders are not the best, such as Obama who expected so much out of ordinary people, or they hunt people instead of making logical and realistic laws.
In my culture, people are herded into bad choices and then blamed. If they end up in squaller or poverty, they are used as examples and executed in a "sly" way, not really sly but sleight.
I hate this place. There is more to the world to see and discover.
They've been speaking through my grandma again. That's great and makes me look delusional. I don't care. I'm not going into poverty, and it doesn't matter because I'll always fall into a safety net. As I said, there was a brief period where I could have been made productive, but America's insatiable greed kicked in, only eating its own tail for eternity.
I'm not sure, but this guy covered his face while I was "enjoying" my dip-n-dots and energy drink. He could have been hiding a scar from shaving, but it fits into what I want to say.
The "sun" has made it so that we have to avoid good choices or we die. It's kind of like not letting women motivate their husbands to do well in business by being strong and in shape. Instead, we American women have to marry bums and say we don't care about money. Otherwise, we're dirty gold diggers or don't know our places. Five years later, the woman has 4 children with her baby daddy, is old with few skills, as she works at the car wash, and she has to take care of a bunch of kids who simply go to state daycare, as she slowly gets onto disability because she can't afford to work either. Welfare only lasts 5 years. The less you do in America, the more money you'll have. It's almost true across the board, but not always.
They also give us advice like Bill Gates, "Don't leave your kids anything" when he plans to. Therefore, the kids will spend years trapped on the lower levels if they ever get out. They also shouldn't go to school according to Musk. It's not that everyone can get a Ph.D. in physics, but they'd be literate, which he knows. Like my father, instead of doing things the right way, he's learned to do them with "bad logics." Wonder if Harlan is even in school anymore... I doubt there's a point. He is on a video game team. He might actually do better than where he'd be in special ed because, in special ed, they give you giant packets of paperwork on like 5 different subjects, you get tested constantly and everyone will have an error, and some people are female and that'll pop up in some more than others. Oh no, a red zone we can't talk about. Also, in special ed, you don't go to your classes and yet are tested on that, too. Harlan might actually have more memory ability due to not being super-stressed or having to dodge bullets constantly. Dad is still absolutely insane half of the time. Without having the world out to get Harlan due to evolution, and then having Au/ra sing "Assassin" and "Panic Room," and it's like, the only thing I can say to her is, "YOU BITCH!" He might survive longer. Au/ra won't understand until she gets out of diapers what special ed kids have to survive, even more demonic as an adult. Cory Johnson was better at killing people with way less. I managed to survive yet again.
Back to the guy, I understand that they can put emotions into us. However, when someone is as psychopathic as Blue Stahli, there's no use thinking he'll spare you if you fear him. Like dad, he'll go psychotic on you, as he used to drive me by a theme park and said if I was good, he'd take me. He never did. Same thing with the subordinates getting paid or the goodies. Back to Blue Stahli, the bastard will take you out anyway just to do it. Marilyn Manson will laugh, "Did he really think we'd give him anything, right? Such a SUCKER!" Trust me, my dad is a psychopath as well, so I know what they'll do. I tried to defend Harlan and May for years, and it's going to end the same damn way.
And my sister willing asked me if I wanted to go out with her.
Last night, my cat spread his arms and legs around my head and groomed and petted me.
The universe knows I'm losing patience.
I should be in the ward right now, but I don't want to deal with the damn angels. I'm not in the headspace where I want to hear someone smart off or say some horrid comment to me because I might actually assault them, which would get me locked up for a long time. Prison sounds nice, but I'd miss my cats. Anything is better than this god-forsaken place. It's like, what did I do now? I know, money. This happens in India as well. That's why the priests put a doll covered in blood outside of our door, and they feed us broken food.
But I appreciate the universe caring.
I guess the 'angels' are where they belong anyway: on the psych ward.
On a side note, I think that mothers who kill their babies should be pardoned, especially people who were forced to partner or have too much stress because it's an instinct, just like I don't like sex or want to associate with males. I'm not healthy or secure. I've had a great time in life... I don't want to share the love.
We're going to make this short. Why Kaela is a parasite!
When Kaela was born, a lot of things created adversity for her. She was born early, mom had the flu, mom's body attacked me, a doctor caused her to get an infection by not wearing gloves, I have my dad's blood type. Kaela didn't even try to survive. Fuck this place called Earth. She stopped breathing and dad just had to save me before I was completely brain dead. Goddammit. My dad and mom weren't the best parents, too immature and focused on themselves. My mother was only 16 when she married to dad.
He'll deny and use the best lines, but he locked me in closets to babysit me while both parents screamed at each other, and my dad beat my mother. I remember the couch incident. I was aware enough to think, "They don't like me." I was eventually put back with my grandparents who spoiled me until five. Then I went back with my mother. I was slower to develop due to so many issues, especially since I was a sickly and weak child. I didn't have real healthcare until after 8 and have collapsed a few times. The school system noticed that I couldn't read and put me in special ed.
My dad was then able to take me away where I spent a good portion of the day locked in a basement with a heroin addict. I was denied food, put into clothing that made other kids laugh at me, and my dad gave me a pixie cut when I begged him not to. He doesn't care because he's insane and has no morals. The other kids tormented me until I started talking to trees. I couldn't get away from them, and my teachers were mean about having to spend extra time with me. I started saying I was going to the special room and spent time in a park or at the cafe. They eventually caught me in fifth grade after I'd been doing it for two years. Yes, all I try to do is get away.
Eventually, I completely broke down from unbelievable abuse, but I'm a liar, peed in a tunnel, and laid in it. CPS was called for that and the fact no one was picking me up for daycare.
I was taken back to my mother's, but she didn't have any power over me because my dad succeeded in keeping custody. At 13, I was psycho, hiding food, screaming fits, and destructive behaviors. My mother was like, she needs serious help. I went after my sister a few times.
Every day in school was agony. In HS, I asked my guidance counselor if I could please drop out, but she tricked me into thinking that I could leave a semester early. Also, I didn't technically get rid of my IEP, or perform to grade level, until 16. They could stop me in many cases and force me to continue. Enjoy playing all my bills now.
I ended up very determined to say fuck everyone and road miles to school, to work, and to home.
Yes, eventually I joined the army and had a blast for 2 years. Then MM came and destroyed everything. In Cuba, I met some weird guy at the library and became "psychic" about the music they were playing. I was eventually committed, and I left the army. I told them to kick me out in the army, I told them to please not give me the check. While confused with schizophrenia, as I've had it a while, I didn't make sense but wrote them a note talking about the video and the mess, but also said that I was going to a remote place to study astrophysics. Agents came in and were seriously cruel. I got yelled at for thinking I invented the number line. He said he was going to find me, so I had to stay in Virginia to protect my young siblings. Not that I should have because they will do anything. You can't trust them and have to box them.
I've spent years trapping, fighting, and wasting energy trying to get them away from me. While I was happy, rape, happy, happy as Marilyn said as he lowered my IQ and made me a hypersexual pedophile, I could get no assistance. I ended up brain-damaged even more from cyanide, the heart thing that makes your brain exploded, and a few other fun, fun things. I was going to kill myself in Virginia, but they were too impatient, so it's like, okay. You really want to do this. I had decided that my life was too pathetic to go on, and I could justify it no more.
I must be a weakling, which by God, I am flesh and bone. I mean, I don't understand why we don't just throw low caste females and disabled kids in a dumpster if they don't perform by 6. What's even sicker is that they made me be nice and followed so many rules and morals that kept me down. I had no voice and couldn't fight any of them. I went in and out of Beetard land.
And as far as wanting my benefits, you're the one with the supercomputer and satellite of death. With that power, you could get rid of benefits, laugh at us, not kidding, and take them all away. Then I would move in with a relative and probably be safer anyway. They tell us to be strong but then pacify us if we fight back. There isn't a more morally bankrupt, disgusting, greedy country as America. The people aren't bad, robotic slaves that follow programming, which is funny at times.
And dear God, other countries, do not ever create an exceptional class system. I wasted so many resources to avoid being an example in Hell. That's their goal. I made bad decisions. Excuse me, I would like the privilege to fuck up my own life. I haven't been given that honor in a real sense.
On another note, why not just kill baby girls, like everyone else, to prevent what happens. Oh, she's woken up and is on her journey. Now you have to fight her. Jesus. If you aren't in the middle or upper-classes and have a stable job, then just spare everyone and kill the girl. The disabled should be given 5 years to come around or killed so that they don't have to live with the FBI drooling all over them. I know they see that downs syndrome kid and start slobbering.
Why do humans drag out the inevitable and truly humane? It's always some good-doer who causes 2 innocents to be saved by her sacred heart, and 100,000 others to die. Like Bjork, they don't have any juice left and want to use the weaklings to stay in place. I'll take us away from you and then you can reitre or whatever.
Dear FBI who is screening me, use my illness, obviously demented in the head! That would actually be my dad who I've always paid for. He can be normal, and he can turn and be demented. Back to the FBI, I think there's a kid with down syndrome around you could entrap. There is a whole center for them called, "The Arc of the Ozarks," like a Catholic Priest and a little boy, a CNA against a dementia patient, you will find paradise there.
We're going to make this short. Why Kaela is a parasite!
When Kaela was born, a lot of things created adversity for her. She was born early, mom had the flu, mom's body attacked me, a doctor caused her to get an infection by not wearing gloves, I have my dad's blood type. Kaela didn't even try to survive. Fuck this place called Earth. She stopped breathing and dad just had to save me before I was completely brain dead. Goddammit. My dad and mom weren't the best parents, too immature and focused on themselves. My mother was only 16 when she married to dad.
He'll deny and use the best lines, but he locked me in closets to babysit me while both parents screamed at each other, and my dad beat my mother. I remember the couch incident. I was aware enough to think, "They don't like me." I was eventually put back with my grandparents who spoiled me until five. Then I went back with my mother. I was slower to develop due to so many issues, especially since I was a sickly and weak child. I didn't have real healthcare until after 8 and have collapsed a few times. The school system noticed that I couldn't read and put me in special ed.
My dad was then able to take me away where I spent a good portion of the day locked in a basement with a heroin addict. I was denied food, put into clothing that made other kids laugh at me, and my dad gave me a pixie cut when I begged him not to. He doesn't care because he's insane and has no morals. The other kids tormented me until I started talking to trees. I couldn't get away from them, and my teachers were mean about having to spend extra time with me. I started saying I was going to the special room and spent time in a park or at the cafe. They eventually caught me in fifth grade after I'd been doing it for two years. Yes, all I try to do is get away.
Eventually, I completely broke down from unbelievable abuse, but I'm a liar, peed in a tunnel, and laid in it. CPS was called for that and the fact no one was picking me up for daycare.
I was taken back to my mother's, but she didn't have any power over me because my dad succeeded in keeping custody. At 13, I was psycho, hiding food, screaming fits, and destructive behaviors. My mother was like, she needs serious help. I went after my sister a few times.
Every day in school was agony. In HS, I asked my guidance counselor if I could please drop out, but she tricked me into thinking that I could leave a semester early. Also, I didn't technically get rid of my IEP, or perform to grade level, until 16. They could stop me in many cases and force me to continue. Enjoy playing all my bills now.
I ended up very determined to say fuck everyone and road miles to school, to work, and to home.
Yes, eventually I joined the army and had a blast for 2 years. Then MM came and destroyed everything. In Cuba, I met some weird guy at the library and became "psychic" about the music they were playing. I was eventually committed, and I left the army. I told them to kick me out in the army, I told them to please not give me the check. While confused with schizophrenia, as I've had it a while, I didn't make sense but wrote them a note talking about the video and the mess, but also said that I was going to a remote place to study astrophysics. Agents came in and were seriously cruel. I got yelled at for thinking I invented the number line. He said he was going to find me, so I had to stay in Virginia to protect my young siblings. Not that I should have because they will do anything. You can't trust them and have to box them.
I've spent years trapping, fighting, and wasting energy trying to get them away from me. While I was happy, rape, happy, happy as Marilyn said as he lowered my IQ and made me a hypersexual pedophile, I could get no assistance. I ended up brain-damaged even more from cyanide, the heart thing that makes your brain exploded, and a few other fun, fun things. I was going to kill myself in Virginia, but they were too impatient, so it's like, okay. You really want to do this. I had decided that my life was too pathetic to go on, and I could justify it no more.
I must be a weakling, which by God, I am flesh and bone. I mean, I don't understand why we don't just throw low caste females and disabled kids in a dumpster if they don't perform by 6. What's even sicker is that they made me be nice and followed so many rules and morals that kept me down. I had no voice and couldn't fight any of them. I went in and out of Beetard land.
And as far as wanting my benefits, you're the one with the supercomputer and satellite of death. With that power, you could get rid of benefits, laugh at us, not kidding, and take them all away. Then I would move in with a relative and probably be safer anyway. They tell us to be strong but then pacify us if we fight back. There isn't a more morally bankrupt, disgusting, greedy country as America. The people aren't bad, robotic slaves that follow programming, which is funny at times.
And dear God, other countries, do not ever create an exceptional class system. I wasted so many resources to avoid being an example in Hell. That's their goal. I made bad decisions. Excuse me, I would like the privilege to fuck up my own life. I haven't been given that honor in a real sense.
Sob story. I told myself that, too, but my past was, like everything else, a weapon to use against me. I stupidly tried to explain a few times what happened in a factual sense.
Everyone saw facebook or dealt with daddy, the saint, and I was screwed. I have been hunted for that, too. A mature person would just laugh if they sat next to him. You can't give him any power or control. I don't want to die by his hands, so I avoid him. We've exiled him. He can be charming, but he's a psychopath. Now I die for not having good genes as they tried to force me to partner with my "equal" and have children instead of helping my siblings.
Why can't we kill low caste females as babies and disabled people after 5 or 6? Why do we let children starve in Yemen instead of eating them so that the adults can survive? Their babies won't be normal. Humans are so stupid. Here come the cry baby tears and persona attacks. I'm such a horrible person. it's like, that would be more humane than what you're doing.
