Sunday, January 23, 2022

Something that Gets Confused with Schizophrenia--No, I'm Not Delusional or Psychotic Right Now


Many types of mental illness get confused with schizophrenia, or, as I call it, brain damage/injury NOS.  

The brain is a delicate organ.  Any sort of trauma or chemical or even eating a piece of candy can change it.  We know this from our own experiences.  One type of thing that gets confused with schizophrenia is when the brain transforms from a child's brain into an adult's brain.  I call it hardening.  You lose interest in several activities you once enjoyed such as hopscotch or jump rope.  People become confused, and I usually notice people on the wards try to categorize and define things during this time.  A fog seems to appear.  They have hallucinations and dreams and fears begin to morph.  They may go through childish periods or manias and such.  I lost the desire to play videos games and swim for fun during this time.  I began to read more nonfiction.  

Not that adults don't fall into a childish mood every once in a while.  


And How Does That Make You Feel, Chucky? They Get You Up Then Leave You Hanging...

Written for the Humans

  So, yes, James has seen some horrible things in war.  The soldiers of this generation are able to do them because they don't understand consequences, pain, or empathy.  People in my generation can slaughter a hundred people and feel nothing.  They might laugh and think it's cool.

They have programmed us to be sociopaths or spoiled brats who have not a care in the world. They are so much better.  That's why you spank your kids.  Pain is real. Pain is a consequence of doing the wrong thing.

  I've always been a little off. I come from insanity to start with.

  My mind broke young due to abuse, that's what my sister says. I'm a child in a woman's body.  They mocked that.  I used to look it, too.  A lot of guys are into that.  But I was thrown against petty millionaires who think they matter. Now they're asking me if I'm trying to impress Durov with my poems, nope. I'm trying to impress him by spitting seeds across the room.  Not only do I have a head of personalities, but I'm also a doorway and become other people. They've damaged my mind quite a bit.  

In the army, they want to test their opinion maker.  Would people like me, as in "Eat Me, Drink Me," be shot to death.  I think I'm a "Butterfly next to your flame."  The other stuff, well, indeed, I am a young teenager in an obese woman's body.  

When they torture you, you are not supposed to explain why or such, but when you stop responding due to shock or pain, you may want to get a t-shirt, "Because I'm dead."

Keep working for the "smart" people like Musk.  

I'll keep impressing my imaginary boyfriend Durov.  

After everything and more, Holywood and others expect us to work.  Um...  I want to take all of their money and make them all work in soup kitchen for the rest of their lives with their money going toward homeless housing.  May dreams come true.  

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/war-veterans-thank-you-service_n_61df1b97e4b0ee023e692528


Written for Broken Folk

 


https://www.huffpost.com/entry/war-veterans-thank-you-service_n_61df1b97e4b0ee023e692528

 I've always been a little fucked up in the head.  My sister tells me I shattered young due to our lives.  As some sort of coping mechanism, I not only developed different personalities like DID but not the TV way, different awarenesses and voices, some of who were my friends.  I also have a young personality that I only let out at home. Well, I guess sometimes it slips.  I've been abused in almost every way you can imagine, not sexually in a penis sort of way, just being thrown up against rich people and socially destroyed even more. People used the mating game to knock me out, to make me go to Hell if I don't degrade myself or date a hobo on crack.  It's like, that guy would have paid bank to fuck me 20 years ago, speaking of wealthy, not rich.  Due to a certain reaction, I looked like a little kid longer.  Sadly, it goes the other way soon because the body can only take so much.

I didn't completely suffer all those years because I wasn't always with the same awareness.  I also went to Beetard land that protected me while making me fumble like an idiot and talk about Rainbow Brite and "Happy, happy, rape, happy, happy." -- Marilyn Manson.  He's also going to the Russians if I have my spoiled way.  "Happy, Happy, Prison Camp, where the guards are gay, and it's a-okay.  And the Russians hate that rainbow for some reason.  Denial?  Perhaps they send all their homosexuals to the prisons.  Then again, Russians like ass, so it's not totally gay with sword fights.  It's just bawling on a budget.  

I've spent many years on the wards and seen quite a bit.  The people who are the most messed up are my generation.  The females are usually there for money.  We were poor girls, and so we're married to Uncle Sam.  Leaving home and getting pregnant in the service dooms many. He'd have to take care of us some way, any way, so don't hate.  Many continue to have babies and hang out at bars. They are very proud of their service.  I'm happy they are happy. Some of them say they were raped by Generals, multiple generals, and it's like, ladies, you must be nuts.  If they did that, you would have committed suicide with a bunch of acid on you...

Someone in the military decided to hunt me while I was in. This is common with females, as we're hated by many, too. One girl I shammed with in the sauna had her entire previous command after her.  Anyway, they are testing opinions and wanted to know what the public would think of my death by firing squad, so they made me a traitor and worship Putin, as I lay on the floor.  I could tell you they're not going to like that for many reasons.  People aren't as stupid as these guys.  "The ending didn't test well." From Eat Me, Drink Me.  "I thought I was a butterfly next to your flame... I see my horror at sundown with a blank stare."  This goes back to the hatred of women in the military, too.  Like I said, when I was younger, I looked like a child, and there are a lot of pedophiles out there or people who like that look.  Then they put me by the playground, for I am but a child.  Yes, I am.  I'll giggle at you in that version and make your day bad.  Don't doubt me :P  I hit on every officer when I was med-boarded out since I was constantly accused.  

James knows many things that nobody else ever will.  The Iraq veterans are the worst off if they have morals because our society does not, and it raised them to be sociopaths and be demons.  Some would say they have no fear of God like Blue Stahli.  It goes beyond that.  They have no understandings, no consequences.  I may be a child trapped in a woman's body, but they are like children telling other children to drink antifreeze then crying and butchering their dead friend's corpse because he won't get a glass of milk for the other.  It's like, OMG, the kids aren't alright. Life means nothing.  Their souls (egos) belong to the head raptor.  I really hope I'm impressing Durov with my poems.  Punish me. You guys are stupid to use them. I've let you.  No, I thought it was cool I spit seeds across the room.  He was taking over my awareness before that. Yes, I can invite people in as well. Some people are doorways.  They've damaged a lot of this. I sleep a lot.

They are surrounding our communities and doing things like this.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6_iQvaIjXw  This is a video by Ms. Ariana Grande. They make people horny or partner.  I don't know why they don't drag them in and just implant the fetus.  I'm sure it'll get to that.  

Many of us need t-shirts because after torturing us and yelling at us for screaming in pain, we stop responding.  They get mad and keep going.  You've raped me with rays so many times, I don't care.  However, some of them injure us, and we squeal.  Then we stop.  Our t-shirt reads, "Because I'm dead."  They don't even understand pain or injury or that we will die.  We aren't in a video game, much as ABIR wants us to be.

They also kill us by stopping our hearts, which bleed, and then our head swells with a hypoxia injury. Ouchie.  I wander between the worlds.  

After everything and more, they expect us to work.  Um...  I want to take all of their money and make them all work in soup kitchen for the rest of their lives with their money going toward homeless housing.  May dreams come true.




Wednesday, January 5, 2022

To Them All Who Hide Behind Bulletproof Glass

My "Vision" lol and "Starstruck" by o3o and "He Rises" by Hyper

 Well, my last vision was of me even fatter sitting in a wheelchair with my head cocked back.  What is up with the masochists in this country? Plus, that's expensive.  That would be over 10,000 a month just to make me suffer, not that I would be conscious of it.  I've suffered every day for 11 years of torment. Today, I'm a robot, but I did scream at a lady who almost hit me.  Honestly, I want to die because "this" sucks, but I am mad, without feeling it, at you and would enjoy putting you in your place.  I can't get any lower and still breathe.  Plus, my wonderful grandma is dying.  I don't want to burden her any further.  

After that, the show must go on...

Let's do it live.  Cut out my clit and make Marilyn Manson eat it as the head generals suck my vagina, and I bleed to death.  Top that one in badassness.   

 What you're doing is sick and won't work.  You are pieces of shit.  We need to bring back spanking children in this country.  There is no breaking through to you guys.  It's impossible.  You can do anything and nothing will happen to you, as I continue on my quest of punishments.  

Badass time... When you do "Starstruck," "He Rises" happens.  I know that Hyper is with Blue Stahli, just the emotional tone and badassness.  Don't worry, just like giving Russia a small present as a result of framing and torturing me, it's not his fault.  He can't fail or go to jail because he has Pennywise as a friend.  A normal jail is too good for him.  

In the cave, a hundred people gathered to hide from the elements.  One girl, Mig, decided to explore the back of the cave despite her mother's warning.  When her mother fell asleep, Mig took a fire stick and explored. SHe fell into the abyss of doom.  

Satan smiled at her, "I'm going to let you live, but I need you to scream for more souls to come down here.  The population in the abyss has thinned."  

Mig screamed.  


The Placement of Omelas

 I'm reading a book on caste right now.  The author and I agree quite a bit.  She is an African American who identifies with the Dalit class.  And so do I.  The difference is that I am truly a low member of society, not that my plight has been pleasant.  Annoyingly enough, they seek to make me so disabled and trashed-out that I can't work at all.  

The way they broke me hurt me quite a bit, comparing me to others, constantly stealing resources and opportunities from me because I didn't deserve them by my scores and needed help.  I blamed the blacks in silence for this as we tend to make the same test scores yet they got a free pass and medical care while I had passed out a few times growing up with sickness and pain, coughed all night after I drove home, and was ridiculed by teachers for falling asleep in class, had my attendance woman be rude to me when I was late or didn't show up.  When the breadwinner, my stepdad almost died, I had to give up my life essentially.  I punched a hole through a wall in immaturity.  We won't go into the fact that I was very strong when I was younger and could have done manual labor without much effort, and I enjoy it or used to.  I wanted to be a park ranger for a while.  That would have been the perfect job or something like that.  No, neither one of my parents is strong, but I used to be before all my health problems.

In the book, the author went on about how whites are losing status, and it's causing many deaths of despair for middle-class whites.  I understand this when it comes to my father and the folly of what America did to everyone.  My father grew up in a middle-class home and was privileged.  His parents doted on him, told him how great and smart he was, and he sailed along failing in school even more so than me.  For many white people, there have been no consequences for failure. They can cheat a bit and still make it.  Marrying my mom, who helped get him through college allowed him to receive a degree from pathetic Drury, a place where you can pay for your degree.  He was able to rise when he's incompetent due to this and debt/loans.  I will say that he is totally insane, can be nice, but totally insane like that side of the family.  I have it, too, but it's easier on females for some reason.  He is currently hunting mountain lions with swords, he didn't know how to use a saw, and he ignored several rules of the neighborhood in his million-dollar home.  Debt. He invited political prisoners to his home and felons.  Seriously, you don't know how many times he's almost got me killed, raped, or damaged, and they probably did some of it due to what he says at dinner.  He called me one night talking about "niggers" and everything, calling them dumb but good servants.  Don't get pissed guys, he is a psychopath and insane.  He can't help it. His mother, who has it too but is female, bit him the last time he did something.  That mountain should be called, "Sociopath Numbers" about survival and other things.  Take your chance with Crazy Cretin Mountain.

 He drinks and says stupid things to me and will end up in a bad situation.  I've tried to get him help, but it's impossible.  He uses that against people as well, and he tries to gain power over me so that his ass isn't alone.  Just like me, he wasn't good at math and science, but that was the holy grail to money in America, still is.  We worship our tech gods who are miscast as well.

 Every time he's tried to use that in the past, the doctor focuses on him.  He has limited insight. He is a danger to himself at this point.  I fear he might die of despair or hurt people.  This is why miscasting is bad, but it's everywhere in the US.  Like blacks, they use me as a scapegoat.  If I take all the blame, then the others can live happily like in the story "Omelas."  In the US, they've always said it's "fair" to judge me as less due to disability, and I've agreed with them.  I still zigzagged because they've put a spell on the lower classes with drugs and booze and Blue Stahli with his "Birthright."  I am an upright Dalit or tried to be. 

Miscasting causes a society to lose efficiency, in general.  The US uses money to assign rank, and it's random and not done by skill or virtue.  The rich kids are prettier.  And yes, some people have better genes and pass on their gifts to their kids but not everyone.  The other kids are pretty and can go to the "Druries" of the world.  Much of our education is useless and is a trap for poor people who would be better off not going to an online school.  The system is beyond messed up, and it's one of the reasons it's going down.  When people rise now or threaten a high caste member, you end up without a brain or destroyed, too.  There are few people who have true gifts in the higher fields.  They can come from anywhere in society.  

I could have moved up with this knowledge in much the same way Musk did and others.  I'm stupid and foolish on top of it, I suppose, and now I'm the example of what not to do.  Well, fuck you all.  Look at the kid in the story, "Omelas" and be happy.  People can, indeed, work in mines and be fine, but not kids.    No, not all rich people are bad and many do create in society.  However, in order for people like Musk and Gates to stay up, everyone else has to stay down, and it will corrode us all.  They never are allowed to fail or be accountable. He keeps failing like a retarded Energetic Bunny stealing everyone else's batteries while hitting walls and random targets.  That is the real reason they are in the mines in South Africa, not me.  Had they gotten me when I was younger, sure, why not?  I'm a corpse.  I would have spent X amount of time down there then moved on when I got too old.  Now I have to work on writing yet again.  

Oh, well, Zuckerberg and the "Haven't Done Anything Yet" intellectuals in school just couldn't get enough of my holy hole.  I am stupid. Why would you make me stupider or think that's funny?  I'd bite if I had front teeth.  


https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/92625.The_Ones_Who_Walk_Away_from_Omelas

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Don't Feel Too Bad--I Like You


Considering, if you did do some of it, that you are an enemy, but not my enemy anymore.  I simply want to throw darts at the "355" girl agents loaded with some painful poison.  Thanks a lot, you stupid bitches. 

Edit: I mean brain damage.  

Other than that, I need out of here. If you have a basement... I'm weird.

 They'll never give up hunting me to prove their own stupidity.  Look at all the recalls, accidents, explosions, and free money, and Musk just keeps going, an F you from the devil.  It also doesn't matter how many people Marilyn Manson and the artists kill, they're safe and in our faces, behind their bulletproof glass like cowards.  My poor, abused body wants to evict me.  The microbes are rebelling, better off in the dirt.  We're trying to get out of here, guys.

Demoralized and Dehumanized by the High Caste


 Marilyn Manson is one of the many people I hate.  He works for the high class and is designed to rub our noses in shit then say we're nothing, can't do anything.  I've been well aware of that for my whole life, my petty emotions or valuing myself.  If I had any worth, I would leave America to its cultureless concrete and bubblegum slavery.  I would need a master and someone who isn't worshiping the Maya Sun god, the god who has dominion over the four elements, to direct me.  I would like to sell myself into real slavery for a hug from Durov.  Then I can be protected and guided, not flung everywhere for another's vanity. 

Like I've said, I've attracted agents a lot in my short life.  I'm not allowed to succeed, I know.  They won't even have lunch with me, which I expressed several years ago.  It's like, uh oh, they're back.  I'll go destroy my credit.  That ended up backfiring with the guardianship.  Now my credit is good again, dammit.

Here's my comment on the one who made it who I should follow.  I don't think so.  Not again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJLnpz4tKDs

I never had big dreams. Many of my passwords use that word and then the high caste people used it against me. Mathew threw a fit, one of them. They all will. Work bitch! I'm sorry I have to recover again. Now I can't afford to work, don't care half the time, and I just spent a year recovering from Ultradumb. Now I have to wait ten to twenty years to get my brain fixed while being accused of all sorts of crimes so that they can steal from me. The ever-so-powerful "Maya Sun god," long story, can't just take my spreadsheet digits away. I've been hit by a few and have lesions all over my brain. I've had half the population after me for evolution while people invade my life and destroy my interests.