So, I don't know if anyone reads my blog. I have no idea why I do it. Whatever, to the topic...
Anyway, today we're going to talk about the "evil eye" that they put in Love and Death's album as well as a few others, such as Breaking Benjamin's.
It's not going to work. They're little, baby attention whores, however. They want to scream and yell and change the world! This planet has been spinning for billions of years. It won't submit to that drastic of a change without killing us all.
The majority of people have no idea what they're doing. When they find out, they will panic and the lawsuits will soon follow.
I'm used to these sorts of things, being that I am a "failure" as Breaking Benjamin says. I'm "special ed." for Placebo's song, "Special needs." Tasty treat, I'm sure. Easy? The same breed of people are the reason I became a schizophrenic in the first place. Yeah, I used to hide and cry, keeping the mentality of a child. I know better these days. I confronted them. I will no longer tolerate the gibberish.
Go frolic into the sunset and praise that another day happened, and you couldn't stop the sun. Go follow the village idiot later. I hear you can bring in the tide yourself.
When they trashed me, I felt so free. No longer do I have so many burdens for them, so much toil without enjoyment, so much pain and regret.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
White Privilege
I've done a lot of thinking on "white privilege." Sometimes, it's hard for us to see the ways we hurt each other or think of examples beyond our normal reality, our comfort zones.
I went to an assisted living place for seniors this Christmas. The halls are beautiful with pictures and lamps. They have a gym, a community room (bingo is where it's at), a place for those with memory problems, restaurant-style dining, a bistro and even a theatre!
Now, I've spent some time in group homes and hospitals, and let me tell you, whites aren't the only people who age or need help caring for themselves. The sad reality is that many families have to care for blacks, or they get dumped in Hell holes.
I asked my grandma if they've ever had a black, Hispanic or Asian resident. They have not had a single one. I know where they end up. Meanwhile, blacks, Hispanics and Asians staff the nursing home and barely make anything with no security for their own futures.
I went to an assisted living place for seniors this Christmas. The halls are beautiful with pictures and lamps. They have a gym, a community room (bingo is where it's at), a place for those with memory problems, restaurant-style dining, a bistro and even a theatre!
Now, I've spent some time in group homes and hospitals, and let me tell you, whites aren't the only people who age or need help caring for themselves. The sad reality is that many families have to care for blacks, or they get dumped in Hell holes.
I asked my grandma if they've ever had a black, Hispanic or Asian resident. They have not had a single one. I know where they end up. Meanwhile, blacks, Hispanics and Asians staff the nursing home and barely make anything with no security for their own futures.
Friday, December 11, 2015
Breaking Ranks & Dead Dinosaurs
http://news.yahoo.com/serial-bowe-bergdahl-season-2-podcast-154450892.html
"Bergdahl says he left his post because he wanted to create a crisis to alert high-level commanders to leadership problems within his unit, and had planned to trek 18 miles to Forward Operating Base Sharana, a larger military base, to voice his concerns. But when he realized he might not be welcomed there, he decided to try to gather intelligence on Taliban insurgents so his commanders wouldn’t treat him as a deserter.
“When I got back to the FOB, you know, they could say, ‘You left your position,’” Bergdahl said. “But I could say, ‘Well, I also got this information. So what are you going to do?’”
Don't tell anyone, but Bergdahl was in the special class, too, and, like me, he isn't acing spelling nor philosophy. I tried to save the world from e8 and dinosaurs. I didn't do that to get out of trouble. I told them about reality as well, but it was mixed in with my delusions.
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I'm stupid and don't have a lot of redeeming qualities. I'm an ordinary person or a peasant with a weak mind.
They say young people often think they know everything, too, which makes matters worse. He betrayed his own command and thought he would be rewarded if he had secret information. I'd take the info and fry his ass.
Anyone can be replaced, especially the worthless.
"Bergdahl says he left his post because he wanted to create a crisis to alert high-level commanders to leadership problems within his unit, and had planned to trek 18 miles to Forward Operating Base Sharana, a larger military base, to voice his concerns. But when he realized he might not be welcomed there, he decided to try to gather intelligence on Taliban insurgents so his commanders wouldn’t treat him as a deserter.
“When I got back to the FOB, you know, they could say, ‘You left your position,’” Bergdahl said. “But I could say, ‘Well, I also got this information. So what are you going to do?’”
Don't tell anyone, but Bergdahl was in the special class, too, and, like me, he isn't acing spelling nor philosophy. I tried to save the world from e8 and dinosaurs. I didn't do that to get out of trouble. I told them about reality as well, but it was mixed in with my delusions.
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I'm stupid and don't have a lot of redeeming qualities. I'm an ordinary person or a peasant with a weak mind.
They say young people often think they know everything, too, which makes matters worse. He betrayed his own command and thought he would be rewarded if he had secret information. I'd take the info and fry his ass.
Anyone can be replaced, especially the worthless.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
The Missing Link
So, I don't really keep this journal up for other people.
I had quite a few visitors yesterday and the day before. I've also had one nice comment. I think I'm up to three this time. Miss Popular right here. ^_^
I know it sounds like I'm whining a lot of times, and I am. As I've explained to some of the other ghosts who see me, I've gone through my programming, trying to deny it at times, as it's unpleasant.
As a schizophrenic, you get to see all your programming go haywire, like normal thoughts, relationships, having kids, dealing with people and those not-so-secret things we believe we hide in vain. It bubbles up. I wish Putin would have realized that. I've only gained control recently.
One example of the thoughts though: I've already mentioned how many people believe it's unfair for blacks to get this or that. They think they're lazy, the blacks, but the whites aren't racist, no, it's evil Kaela who is. Well, evil Kaela has a lot to say to this society.
Another thing I've learned is that the United States isn't that bad. I'm not going to put total blame on my liberal teachers, but they started the spark. They would always be like, "We're losing our freedoms," and "The US isn't great anymore." Half of these people have never had an ordinary job and have no sense. They were the dumb ones out of the college bunch who rack up 100K worth of debt then blame the system.
Speaking of blame I'm still mad at Putin. I've said some harsh words myself about him, but his words and actions caused people to hurt me. I can't do anything to him, and he has way more influence that he needs to be accountable for. He's untouchable from my class. For making me a target, I would like five million dollars from him (after taxes) and the house (after taxes).
I want to hide there with my broken self.
I had quite a few visitors yesterday and the day before. I've also had one nice comment. I think I'm up to three this time. Miss Popular right here. ^_^
I know it sounds like I'm whining a lot of times, and I am. As I've explained to some of the other ghosts who see me, I've gone through my programming, trying to deny it at times, as it's unpleasant.
As a schizophrenic, you get to see all your programming go haywire, like normal thoughts, relationships, having kids, dealing with people and those not-so-secret things we believe we hide in vain. It bubbles up. I wish Putin would have realized that. I've only gained control recently.
One example of the thoughts though: I've already mentioned how many people believe it's unfair for blacks to get this or that. They think they're lazy, the blacks, but the whites aren't racist, no, it's evil Kaela who is. Well, evil Kaela has a lot to say to this society.
Another thing I've learned is that the United States isn't that bad. I'm not going to put total blame on my liberal teachers, but they started the spark. They would always be like, "We're losing our freedoms," and "The US isn't great anymore." Half of these people have never had an ordinary job and have no sense. They were the dumb ones out of the college bunch who rack up 100K worth of debt then blame the system.
Speaking of blame I'm still mad at Putin. I've said some harsh words myself about him, but his words and actions caused people to hurt me. I can't do anything to him, and he has way more influence that he needs to be accountable for. He's untouchable from my class. For making me a target, I would like five million dollars from him (after taxes) and the house (after taxes).
I want to hide there with my broken self.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
The Hidden Face
For most of my life, I've struggled with people and life, and schizophrenia made it even worse. Part of the problem is that I don't pick up on intentions well, as the goons know. Also, I'm not especially valuable to society. I don't have a job, I don't have a family and I don't have kids. I deviate from what's normal to a lot of people.
Why do I put myself into such a boat? A lot of it has to do with how I was raised and what I went through growing up. My family wasn't poor, poor, but our breadwinner almost died, and we all had to work together to make ends meet. This meant a lot of sacrifice. I was immature about it, not wanting to do it, but hey, I was a stupid teenager.
Anyway, when I didn't have enough, many people looked down upon me, and they treated me like crap, like yelling insults at me from their cars and pretending they were going to hit me. I had to ride my bicycle to school and everywhere, see, I ate lunch after school at home, and I spent lunch time in the library doing homework, as I had to work until one in the morning at times or take care of babies.
I didn't go into the usual cliques in school. I was poorly socialized around males. I wasn't good enough to date anyone, and most people thought I was weird and was in special ed, the end of all social lives.
I took care of babies and worked, so I didn't have time for much. Oh well.
For all this, I have rebelled against society and its mores. I don't know how to be with a man (screwed up on my only real boyfriend), and I know babies are difficult to care for, so I avoid them. I'm also insecure about how events will turn out. What if my kids were in special ed, too? Would they go through what I did? How am I going to keep low employment? I end up everywhere.
Why do I put myself into such a boat? A lot of it has to do with how I was raised and what I went through growing up. My family wasn't poor, poor, but our breadwinner almost died, and we all had to work together to make ends meet. This meant a lot of sacrifice. I was immature about it, not wanting to do it, but hey, I was a stupid teenager.
Anyway, when I didn't have enough, many people looked down upon me, and they treated me like crap, like yelling insults at me from their cars and pretending they were going to hit me. I had to ride my bicycle to school and everywhere, see, I ate lunch after school at home, and I spent lunch time in the library doing homework, as I had to work until one in the morning at times or take care of babies.
I didn't go into the usual cliques in school. I was poorly socialized around males. I wasn't good enough to date anyone, and most people thought I was weird and was in special ed, the end of all social lives.
I took care of babies and worked, so I didn't have time for much. Oh well.
For all this, I have rebelled against society and its mores. I don't know how to be with a man (screwed up on my only real boyfriend), and I know babies are difficult to care for, so I avoid them. I'm also insecure about how events will turn out. What if my kids were in special ed, too? Would they go through what I did? How am I going to keep low employment? I end up everywhere.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Tough Love
Tough love is something we like to see happen to others while we sit comfortably away, denying our own flaws and weaknesses. It has its place, don't get me wrong, but it's also a cliché people enjoy riding on, and it sometimes derails them from reality and into the angry mob.
In my life, I've experienced quite a bit of 'tough love' abuse, not that it's all been. In some environments, it's essential, like the army. However, they know how to use the weapon the right way. People in society use tough love to bash others.
For example, I submitted some writing samples to an online forum, and they weren't actual stories. When I asked people to please stop insulting my character, as well as focusing on my actual sample (if they wanted to focus on me at all), they threw a fit. They claimed I was a baby and needed thicker skin because they had "dared" to question me.
I wasn't insulted, you see. I was annoyed because they were boiling in their own pots of self-deception. I did go on to insult this one woman because she had her eyeballs reversed, and she was only seeing herself. She had a little tantrum and did everything she supposedly "hated."
I did get some good advice on that forum though.
I'll let the rabid continue. Just because someone told "you" that, doesn't mean it applies to everyone else.
In my life, I've experienced quite a bit of 'tough love' abuse, not that it's all been. In some environments, it's essential, like the army. However, they know how to use the weapon the right way. People in society use tough love to bash others.
For example, I submitted some writing samples to an online forum, and they weren't actual stories. When I asked people to please stop insulting my character, as well as focusing on my actual sample (if they wanted to focus on me at all), they threw a fit. They claimed I was a baby and needed thicker skin because they had "dared" to question me.
I wasn't insulted, you see. I was annoyed because they were boiling in their own pots of self-deception. I did go on to insult this one woman because she had her eyeballs reversed, and she was only seeing herself. She had a little tantrum and did everything she supposedly "hated."
I did get some good advice on that forum though.
I'll let the rabid continue. Just because someone told "you" that, doesn't mean it applies to everyone else.
Monday, November 9, 2015
I Agree With Putin Here
http://news.yahoo.com/putin-urges-russians-sport-184018382--spt.html;_ylt=AwrC1zFdLkFW5G4A3R7QtDMD;_ylu=X3oDMTByOHZyb21tBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzcg--
Wonder what Putin is telling his fat, French fan Depardieu... He needs to lay off the wine and cheese.
I know I need to be in better shape. It hurts at first, but once you get used to it. The problem I have now is that I have very, very little motivation to do anything. I will pace my apartment or go get a diet coke.
I tried going to the gym, but I stopped caring in the middle of it.
I was spoiled as a teen. I couldn't afford a car, so I had to ride my bicycle everywhere. To be honest, I was in better shape before I went into the military compared to afterwards. I gained like 20 pounds in Basic Training. That bicycle is still out there, waiting for a day when I recover enough for it.
Currently, I'm on weight watchers, but I'm not exercising enough, and I drink too much diet coke, which causes weight gain as well.
As far as sports go, the only thing I would have been good at was track. When I'm in shape, I'm fast. I was on the bench in soccer for all the important games.
I'm used to this, but I'm burning out.
Wonder what Putin is telling his fat, French fan Depardieu... He needs to lay off the wine and cheese.
I know I need to be in better shape. It hurts at first, but once you get used to it. The problem I have now is that I have very, very little motivation to do anything. I will pace my apartment or go get a diet coke.
I tried going to the gym, but I stopped caring in the middle of it.
I was spoiled as a teen. I couldn't afford a car, so I had to ride my bicycle everywhere. To be honest, I was in better shape before I went into the military compared to afterwards. I gained like 20 pounds in Basic Training. That bicycle is still out there, waiting for a day when I recover enough for it.
Currently, I'm on weight watchers, but I'm not exercising enough, and I drink too much diet coke, which causes weight gain as well.
As far as sports go, the only thing I would have been good at was track. When I'm in shape, I'm fast. I was on the bench in soccer for all the important games.
I'm used to this, but I'm burning out.
Wow, I Spread Again
I wrote "Dawn of the Hives" as a joke because all the psychotronic friends lacked direction and are flying all over the place, looking for "threats." (Looking for the easy weak, and I'm used to it.) I must admit that I was proud of my darling book, however: I wrote a book in three days. It's the same feeling when you factor a bunch of prime numbers, and you think, "This means something." It does. It means all your math teachers should be fired.
Anyway, I've written several books--truth be known, but I'm editing them and spending more quality time with them instead of being pleased at what my hot potato hands are frying. I'll take Stephen King's advice on the matter, the stuff he talked about at a conference that was covered by YouTube. Wait.
One of the goons (after I said it first) that nobody cared if others were making gains off of me. We all make gains off of each other, I responded. As Marilyn Manson would say that it's all how you use it, and on an ancient note: nothing is new under the sun.
The muse is within us all.
All that wasn't the problem I had, simple theft. The problem I had, and all the attention I got was from Putin, is that people were attacking me constantly to impress and try to market this garbage. Honestly, if the lobotomies are so good, why can't they just sell them? Like I said, they did it more than once and had been torturing me.
As far as Putin goes, I'm mad at him still. He should have known what his influence would do. I don't think asking him for five million dollars (after taxes) or the house (after taxes) is too much to request.
Anyway, I've written several books--truth be known, but I'm editing them and spending more quality time with them instead of being pleased at what my hot potato hands are frying. I'll take Stephen King's advice on the matter, the stuff he talked about at a conference that was covered by YouTube. Wait.
One of the goons (after I said it first) that nobody cared if others were making gains off of me. We all make gains off of each other, I responded. As Marilyn Manson would say that it's all how you use it, and on an ancient note: nothing is new under the sun.
The muse is within us all.
All that wasn't the problem I had, simple theft. The problem I had, and all the attention I got was from Putin, is that people were attacking me constantly to impress and try to market this garbage. Honestly, if the lobotomies are so good, why can't they just sell them? Like I said, they did it more than once and had been torturing me.
As far as Putin goes, I'm mad at him still. He should have known what his influence would do. I don't think asking him for five million dollars (after taxes) or the house (after taxes) is too much to request.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Attention Whoring--The Punishment
No, I am not an attention whore.
I've spent most of my life being ignored or misused. I used to be slightly neurotic on top of it. I was careful about all the eggshells, the glass orbs.
I live in the world's sidelines though, like a player who never plays but throws the ball in ever so often. I tried the silent treatment to reality, but it didn't work because, in many people's minds, I have to be a loser, and they are obsessed with this. I am in their bug trap.
My mouth echoes words I've never said, my deeds never done.
I am obsessed with getting away from people these days. I've always known it, the grip of loneliness. When I was in second grade, I drew a house on the pavement with fresh chalk, and I didn't let anyone in. The wind blew. It told me I was right. In a tribal community, I'd be the banished witch. In contemporary society, I am a pariah.
It is my fate.
People have such hopes about their futures, their "fates." I don't blame them. They play the game well in their delusions. They'll lose no matter, but they win in their minds. It's a sweet victory for them. Then they become diabetic, ignoring the rotting house and causes.
Also, a lot of people, who I've now detached from, don't value me, you see. They will use my labels against me. I can't escape if I want to appear normal and have "friends." I've learned better than to fight them because they have power over reality.
I am so inconvenient, a bother. Growing up, my sister liked to point out people never called me. I was terrified to not have friends due to my specialness and how they used it to trap me. I dislike some teachers, the "saviors" of the damned..
It's like, everyone hates me. Why do I have to get along with them?
As an adult, I am unprofessional and, as usual, unwanted. This came when I had to survive the wrath of those who matter.
The stars hold greatness. I landed on the moon; far enough away to watch them all.
I've spent most of my life being ignored or misused. I used to be slightly neurotic on top of it. I was careful about all the eggshells, the glass orbs.
I live in the world's sidelines though, like a player who never plays but throws the ball in ever so often. I tried the silent treatment to reality, but it didn't work because, in many people's minds, I have to be a loser, and they are obsessed with this. I am in their bug trap.
My mouth echoes words I've never said, my deeds never done.
I am obsessed with getting away from people these days. I've always known it, the grip of loneliness. When I was in second grade, I drew a house on the pavement with fresh chalk, and I didn't let anyone in. The wind blew. It told me I was right. In a tribal community, I'd be the banished witch. In contemporary society, I am a pariah.
It is my fate.
People have such hopes about their futures, their "fates." I don't blame them. They play the game well in their delusions. They'll lose no matter, but they win in their minds. It's a sweet victory for them. Then they become diabetic, ignoring the rotting house and causes.
Also, a lot of people, who I've now detached from, don't value me, you see. They will use my labels against me. I can't escape if I want to appear normal and have "friends." I've learned better than to fight them because they have power over reality.
I am so inconvenient, a bother. Growing up, my sister liked to point out people never called me. I was terrified to not have friends due to my specialness and how they used it to trap me. I dislike some teachers, the "saviors" of the damned..
It's like, everyone hates me. Why do I have to get along with them?
As an adult, I am unprofessional and, as usual, unwanted. This came when I had to survive the wrath of those who matter.
The stars hold greatness. I landed on the moon; far enough away to watch them all.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
In Creepy News: "We Are Always Watching"
Yes, I attracted yet another goon. This one said a bunch of lies about me so that he could find a weakness in the truth when I corrected him. He also tried to overshadow reality with a fault of mine, one mistake.
His lies were obvious, but he kept trying to dominate me so that I would panic and submit. He didn't mess with my nearly nonexistent emotions, however. That's usually their favorite thing to do.
I'm on happy pills. It would take a lot to shake me anyway.
Back in the day, I used to react to them because I was young and didn't know any better. Now, it's like, "I see you, too. Good. Neither of us are blind."
He claimed his victory without any facts. I refused to argue further and told him he was superior because he has a gun. That's all that matters in the world: who has the biggest gun. As the Romans would say, "Might makes right."
The goon might have not known that, thinking he was really some super hotshot and good at boxing people or exploiting their weaknesses.
They usually seek out the weak.
Anyway, he followed through with more lies and confusing facts and said, "We're always watching." Creepy. We all know.
Don't think you're smart.
Remember, whoever has the biggest gun has won.
It's annoying.
His lies were obvious, but he kept trying to dominate me so that I would panic and submit. He didn't mess with my nearly nonexistent emotions, however. That's usually their favorite thing to do.
I'm on happy pills. It would take a lot to shake me anyway.
Back in the day, I used to react to them because I was young and didn't know any better. Now, it's like, "I see you, too. Good. Neither of us are blind."
He claimed his victory without any facts. I refused to argue further and told him he was superior because he has a gun. That's all that matters in the world: who has the biggest gun. As the Romans would say, "Might makes right."
The goon might have not known that, thinking he was really some super hotshot and good at boxing people or exploiting their weaknesses.
They usually seek out the weak.
Anyway, he followed through with more lies and confusing facts and said, "We're always watching." Creepy. We all know.
Don't think you're smart.
Remember, whoever has the biggest gun has won.
It's annoying.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Schizophrenia Is Not a Pretty Disease
So, people expect certain behaviors from other people. They want others to greet them, to listen to them and to agree with them/have a civil conversation (usually about nothing). These behaviors do not show themselves when overruled by schizophrenia, however.
Many times, we are seen as being insane, not knowing good from evil, not good, whole, decent. We are told we are sick, and our opinions don't matter. We don't matter.
The sane people of the world find us annoying, and they try to hide us or harm us--depending on the person.
Never was there so dull a soul who wasn't insane.
Anyway, in the depth of psychosis, we are not logical, nor are we following expected behavior. A lot of people rise up against us, and try to correct us, when it's pointless. I say it over and over again. Yes, I hear voices (or cues), and I contradict myself. I live in a tornado. I can't help that. That's why I have headphones on when I'm alone in public. It keeps me focused, and it keeps people from annoying me. I didn't do that in Virginia (as I still thought the voices were real), and I would have people point and say in lowered voices, "She's crazy." I'm not going to go into my delusions. I still have them. I know they aren't real, but they embarrass me. They're woven into my thoughts. I'm just smile when they rise up.
I know I've made a lot of people mad with my thought process, and I am working on it.
I'm still not pretty though. I try to cloak it as much as I can, but I still offend others.
And there are others..
Take Monica Punk for example: she has some major cognitive problems, but people fail to recognize that and respect her as a fellow human being. Instead, they want to invade her world and set it straight by their measure. She's fun to hate, which is stupid.
People are lame.
Many times, we are seen as being insane, not knowing good from evil, not good, whole, decent. We are told we are sick, and our opinions don't matter. We don't matter.
The sane people of the world find us annoying, and they try to hide us or harm us--depending on the person.
Never was there so dull a soul who wasn't insane.
Anyway, in the depth of psychosis, we are not logical, nor are we following expected behavior. A lot of people rise up against us, and try to correct us, when it's pointless. I say it over and over again. Yes, I hear voices (or cues), and I contradict myself. I live in a tornado. I can't help that. That's why I have headphones on when I'm alone in public. It keeps me focused, and it keeps people from annoying me. I didn't do that in Virginia (as I still thought the voices were real), and I would have people point and say in lowered voices, "She's crazy." I'm not going to go into my delusions. I still have them. I know they aren't real, but they embarrass me. They're woven into my thoughts. I'm just smile when they rise up.
I know I've made a lot of people mad with my thought process, and I am working on it.
I'm still not pretty though. I try to cloak it as much as I can, but I still offend others.
And there are others..
Take Monica Punk for example: she has some major cognitive problems, but people fail to recognize that and respect her as a fellow human being. Instead, they want to invade her world and set it straight by their measure. She's fun to hate, which is stupid.
People are lame.
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Jade Helm & Our Paranoia
I'm jealous. It looks like fun.
Anyway, I've been watching them for a while now. I'm not after the military so much as our wannabe soldiers and stars who are advertising, and already using, non-lethal weapons against us.
Those of us who watch knew about surveillance way before Snowden came along. We also knew about the gang-stalking and other crimes.
Bosses of the world, no need to fear us. Most of us are busily reenacting childhood scenarios and/or stuck shadow stabbing. Shadow stabbing can be quite humorous, however. It's like, "It's totally the evil reptiles." To the more personal, "Your stepmom is really made out of tiny spiders."
Meanwhile, people like Madonna are trying to bring back slavery, which stresses people out.
Who is the master? He sucks at his job, or they all do!
The problem with the general public is that they don't know these are normal happenings. Some we have to fight. Some we don't. The world isn't ending. There is another mountain to climb.
People are just being people. The world spins on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think we're starting to have problems with out-of-control science experiments and things around the country.
Anyway, I've been watching them for a while now. I'm not after the military so much as our wannabe soldiers and stars who are advertising, and already using, non-lethal weapons against us.
Those of us who watch knew about surveillance way before Snowden came along. We also knew about the gang-stalking and other crimes.
Bosses of the world, no need to fear us. Most of us are busily reenacting childhood scenarios and/or stuck shadow stabbing. Shadow stabbing can be quite humorous, however. It's like, "It's totally the evil reptiles." To the more personal, "Your stepmom is really made out of tiny spiders."
Meanwhile, people like Madonna are trying to bring back slavery, which stresses people out.
Who is the master? He sucks at his job, or they all do!
The problem with the general public is that they don't know these are normal happenings. Some we have to fight. Some we don't. The world isn't ending. There is another mountain to climb.
People are just being people. The world spins on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think we're starting to have problems with out-of-control science experiments and things around the country.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
White Hick Vs Section 8 Woman
So, you know by that title this isn't going to end well.
I used to be like Hick Girl. I was taught to work for others until I dropped. I also believed people could sue me at the drop of a pin, so I stayed in line at their beckoning.
Like I said before, I was jealous of black people for a time. I went on my vacation to the funny farm after a while. Nobody saw that coming...
Anyway, I like the black woman in this video. She knows nobody cares. I learned this when I went crazy. I mean, I knew they didn't care about me, but I did try to get help despite my realizations. I learned my lesson again.
"Go call the police. Go call the governor. I am the bad bitch. The bitch you will never know." ~Britney Spears
I'm at 1:58-1:61.
You have no idea what I've had to deal with. I wish Putin would hand it over for all that.
I used to be like Hick Girl. I was taught to work for others until I dropped. I also believed people could sue me at the drop of a pin, so I stayed in line at their beckoning.
Like I said before, I was jealous of black people for a time. I went on my vacation to the funny farm after a while. Nobody saw that coming...
Anyway, I like the black woman in this video. She knows nobody cares. I learned this when I went crazy. I mean, I knew they didn't care about me, but I did try to get help despite my realizations. I learned my lesson again.
"Go call the police. Go call the governor. I am the bad bitch. The bitch you will never know." ~Britney Spears
I'm at 1:58-1:61.
You have no idea what I've had to deal with. I wish Putin would hand it over for all that.
94! I'm a Champ!
I went out with my family today. Sometimes, a break from my routine is good, especially in the fresh bowling alley with people I care about--and nachos.
I used to go to that bowling alley when I moved out for the first time, good memories. It was right next to my apartment. I'd go to the arcade inside and blow five dollars on the racing machines. I hit number one so much I'd be in there for a while with my free games. Racing is the only video game I'm good at. I have a hard time with the adventure games because they take more strategy instead of reaction. I get bored of chasing magical beings around castles as well.
It's like, "Get over here, you stupid fairy. No one cares about your dumb tune and sob story about how some evil minions took over your domain. Your heart is broken, and you let it happen in the first place, and now you're going to take all my time up on some quest when I could be spending jewels at the potion hut..."
Anyway, back to bowling, today I scored a 94 on the first game and a 70 on the next. I scored the highest I have as an adult in the first game. My goal is usually 80. And watch out folks, I have a "special" way of throwing the ball so that it will go in the center. I swing my arm back and forth, turn sideways and drop the ball. It goes anywhere from 3-5 miles per hour. I believe the computer is only nice to me about it because it thinks I'm a kid.
Still, I had a good day.
I used to go to that bowling alley when I moved out for the first time, good memories. It was right next to my apartment. I'd go to the arcade inside and blow five dollars on the racing machines. I hit number one so much I'd be in there for a while with my free games. Racing is the only video game I'm good at. I have a hard time with the adventure games because they take more strategy instead of reaction. I get bored of chasing magical beings around castles as well.
It's like, "Get over here, you stupid fairy. No one cares about your dumb tune and sob story about how some evil minions took over your domain. Your heart is broken, and you let it happen in the first place, and now you're going to take all my time up on some quest when I could be spending jewels at the potion hut..."
Anyway, back to bowling, today I scored a 94 on the first game and a 70 on the next. I scored the highest I have as an adult in the first game. My goal is usually 80. And watch out folks, I have a "special" way of throwing the ball so that it will go in the center. I swing my arm back and forth, turn sideways and drop the ball. It goes anywhere from 3-5 miles per hour. I believe the computer is only nice to me about it because it thinks I'm a kid.
Still, I had a good day.
Friday, July 17, 2015
Macho Putin
I know I shouldn't lash out at Putin, especially given my pathetic grip on politics.
We say mean things about Russia, and Russia returns the favor. We're all trying to screw each other over for control.
Putin hurt me in a way I've never been hurt before though. It was my fault, I guess. I let him into me. I used to have an "I Don't Give a Damn" attitude. However, Mr. Dictator managed to puncture through my defenses.
They exploited that. I lacked free will, however.
He doesn't care. He's Mr. Macho Man over there without a t-shirt, making the gold diggers frisky.
Can I have some gold? I want the house and the five million dollars (after taxes) for damages upon my soul and heart (which exploded).
Be nice!
We say mean things about Russia, and Russia returns the favor. We're all trying to screw each other over for control.
Putin hurt me in a way I've never been hurt before though. It was my fault, I guess. I let him into me. I used to have an "I Don't Give a Damn" attitude. However, Mr. Dictator managed to puncture through my defenses.
They exploited that. I lacked free will, however.
He doesn't care. He's Mr. Macho Man over there without a t-shirt, making the gold diggers frisky.
Can I have some gold? I want the house and the five million dollars (after taxes) for damages upon my soul and heart (which exploded).
Be nice!
Triggers and Looters
We could do it this way: <--good times, but I won't get into that this time.
Or we could do it this way: http://www.newsweek.com/virtual-reality-used-treat-schizophrenia-psychosis-and-bipolar-354179
Stupid humans...
He says it better.
He says it better.
Putin Needs to Do More Than Yell
http://www.businessinsider.com/russias-huge-military-upgrade-hit-another-snag-and-putin-is-not-happy-2015-7?r=UK&IR=T
Putin has a problem with accountability. He always blames someone else, like the US. His people believe him--for now.
He managed to mess up at the Olympics, even though he had 50 billion invested into it. He must have a special hatred of journalists, so he got revenge by putting them in half-constructed housing there. The ice was rough, an extra challenge.
He made me real "special." That was difficult to survive. I wish he'd pay this parasite for making me a thing of worth.
He's very, "sorry."
Putin has a problem with accountability. He always blames someone else, like the US. His people believe him--for now.
He managed to mess up at the Olympics, even though he had 50 billion invested into it. He must have a special hatred of journalists, so he got revenge by putting them in half-constructed housing there. The ice was rough, an extra challenge.
He made me real "special." That was difficult to survive. I wish he'd pay this parasite for making me a thing of worth.
He's very, "sorry."
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Paradise Pointless
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/a-college-student-blows-inheritance-bert-show-205833329.html
I sense stupider people. I am pretty dumb. Well, I'm not pretty either.
Anyway, don't give young people huge sums of cash without structuring it, especially a college student.
On a personal note, my grandparents offered to pay my tuition if I became an English Teacher. I should have taken it, but I felt bad, you know? My grandparents aren't rich, and I worried about their retirement. Not only, but my life was difficult because I had to ride the bicycle in all conditions, which I'm not complaining about. It is a fact. My employer refused to let me go when I had tests. Another manager tried to box me into dating him, and when I refused... Blah, blah, blah... too much adversity.
I joined the army.
I've struggled through many things to go to school. I finally get a chance, and my brain is garbage.
Paradise pointless.
I realized a few years ago I had enough credits for an associates, however, and it's looking like that is the end of the horizon.
I still have to deal with people who want me to be a Walmart Greeter, which wouldn't be a good fix. I've thought about trying a trade, but it's difficult. The change won't happen overnight. I don't have glamorous options. I just have to give myself room to fail at first, not worry so much about it.
I sense stupider people. I am pretty dumb. Well, I'm not pretty either.
Anyway, don't give young people huge sums of cash without structuring it, especially a college student.
On a personal note, my grandparents offered to pay my tuition if I became an English Teacher. I should have taken it, but I felt bad, you know? My grandparents aren't rich, and I worried about their retirement. Not only, but my life was difficult because I had to ride the bicycle in all conditions, which I'm not complaining about. It is a fact. My employer refused to let me go when I had tests. Another manager tried to box me into dating him, and when I refused... Blah, blah, blah... too much adversity.
I joined the army.
I've struggled through many things to go to school. I finally get a chance, and my brain is garbage.
Paradise pointless.
I realized a few years ago I had enough credits for an associates, however, and it's looking like that is the end of the horizon.
I still have to deal with people who want me to be a Walmart Greeter, which wouldn't be a good fix. I've thought about trying a trade, but it's difficult. The change won't happen overnight. I don't have glamorous options. I just have to give myself room to fail at first, not worry so much about it.
An Audience Does Clap
An audience does clap
At the end of the show
They drift away
In directions they go
I was wandering
Like a star in the sky
My plan calculated
With the row of tide
Solid, liquid, gas
What state was I in
Why did I ever believe
Life should begin again?
Guess I was young
Guess I was old
The secrets of life
Always told
An audience does clap
At the end of the show
They drift away
In directions they go
At the end of the show
They drift away
In directions they go
I was wandering
Like a star in the sky
My plan calculated
With the row of tide
Solid, liquid, gas
What state was I in
Why did I ever believe
Life should begin again?
Guess I was young
Guess I was old
The secrets of life
Always told
An audience does clap
At the end of the show
They drift away
In directions they go
RT Annoys Me!
Part of the problem is that Putin managed to get under my skin--a demon. He isn't paying attention to me now, but the moderators and others on RT know they can hurt me. It's beyond my ability to control, damn backthought.
Putin has blown up to god-like status in my head. When someone deletes my comments, I feel a slice in my skin, and I restrict (a problem I picked up from other incidents; it affects my whole body).
I think it quite interesting myself, however. Of course, he was a spy and has understandings. As I look back on my writings, I notice I have similar ones, just lacking the same vocabulary, like my understanding of subversion, as it occurred with me.
Putin wants me to kill myself or be so low I can't do anything but suffer. He is a loser. He burned his own records, which is how he managed to get ahold of a high position when he honestly didn't deserve it. All he does to get popular is take off his clothing. Keep your crabs to yourself.
He is full of himself. Why would I have to die to fulfill his ego? Why should I be put in pain? Why would you care?
I know it's because he wants to get in with my former superiors who probably didn't like me. They aren't so vain. They don't like a lot of people, but they follow the law still.
I get a pension. Britney Spears, Madonna, Marilyn Manson, the guy from X-files and a few others can suck it, honestly. I am disabled. I'm working on it.
As far as my issue goes...
They're probably like, "What the Hell?" Don't ask, help me. @_@ I was in love with Putin. My undernourished thought process made me stupid.
I have to make everyone happy all of the time. Arff.
Sizzling brains...
Putin has blown up to god-like status in my head. When someone deletes my comments, I feel a slice in my skin, and I restrict (a problem I picked up from other incidents; it affects my whole body).
I think it quite interesting myself, however. Of course, he was a spy and has understandings. As I look back on my writings, I notice I have similar ones, just lacking the same vocabulary, like my understanding of subversion, as it occurred with me.
Putin wants me to kill myself or be so low I can't do anything but suffer. He is a loser. He burned his own records, which is how he managed to get ahold of a high position when he honestly didn't deserve it. All he does to get popular is take off his clothing. Keep your crabs to yourself.
He is full of himself. Why would I have to die to fulfill his ego? Why should I be put in pain? Why would you care?
I know it's because he wants to get in with my former superiors who probably didn't like me. They aren't so vain. They don't like a lot of people, but they follow the law still.
I get a pension. Britney Spears, Madonna, Marilyn Manson, the guy from X-files and a few others can suck it, honestly. I am disabled. I'm working on it.
As far as my issue goes...
They're probably like, "What the Hell?" Don't ask, help me. @_@ I was in love with Putin. My undernourished thought process made me stupid.
I have to make everyone happy all of the time. Arff.
Sizzling brains...
Friends
I grew up having to have unnatural relationships. As usual, this was the call of the IEP, the known god of school Hell. For some reason they couldn't explain, I hung out with myself most of the time. I still had pride then, and I didn't want to reveal the truth: nobody likes me. I wanted to keep the truth a secret so that I wouldn't have to go to therapy or any other form of brainwashing.
I spent a summer with kids who'd been severely abused. The school had placed me in self-esteem camp (again, a wonder). For the record, I don't have low self-esteem anymore, and I consider it a massive character flaw to have low self-esteem, as it's usually manipulative and wimpy.
I have a realistic world vantage.
Anyway, they sent me to this camp where the kids were in there due to SEVERE abuse. One kid had seen his father kill his mother and then went to school. Despite this, he was a happy child, social and got along with most people. In the corner, the girls sat and braided each other's hair. They had been molested.
In the camp, they mostly left me alone. I had to sleep on a mattress with a giant stain on it while they tormented the counselors who had admitted to drug abuse.
I had to share my "problems," and I was humbled by theirs. I was like, "My parents are too busy for me," which was true. I told them a wee bit about school and how people trapped me in their nets of bullshit. This is where I should have stood up for myself again. The reason I didn't was because I enjoy being alone to some extent.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Nope
Nope. Nothing. Here.
Stop trying to manipulate me. I tried to tell them, sat in my barracks' room, but they are too busy destroying virgins and the helpless. Roman suicides.
Nothing new.
Stop trying to manipulate me. I tried to tell them, sat in my barracks' room, but they are too busy destroying virgins and the helpless. Roman suicides.
Nothing new.
ROAR! From the Housecat
What makes some people more able to tolerate the bullshit in life?
I have spent a long time trying to explain to people why I can't do this or can't do that, and they yell at me, saying I am the "victim." In reality, I am limited, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate the abuse I often get from others, which I have thus far. Then I whine about being abused, especially people who do "Work Bitch" to me.
I'm working on it.
Dumbo.
Anyway, I'm able to do something now: avoid the abuse.
I have outbursts. I always have. They're from built up tension. So far in life, I haven't reasoned why I'm so upset. I allow other people to dominate me, and then screw up my life. +insert Madonna's lobotomy.+
It's bad conditioning.
There's an old tale about an elephant on a leash. Even when it grows, if that leash is put on it, it will still obey like the leash means something.
Snap!
<--a little dramatic.
I have spent a long time trying to explain to people why I can't do this or can't do that, and they yell at me, saying I am the "victim." In reality, I am limited, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate the abuse I often get from others, which I have thus far. Then I whine about being abused, especially people who do "Work Bitch" to me.
I'm working on it.
Dumbo.
Anyway, I'm able to do something now: avoid the abuse.
I have outbursts. I always have. They're from built up tension. So far in life, I haven't reasoned why I'm so upset. I allow other people to dominate me, and then screw up my life. +insert Madonna's lobotomy.+
It's bad conditioning.
There's an old tale about an elephant on a leash. Even when it grows, if that leash is put on it, it will still obey like the leash means something.
Snap!
<--a little dramatic.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
I'm Not the Only Stupid Person Here...
I have waited a long time for redemption. Brainz.
Anyway, the internet can be evil...
I'm happy this guy hasn't found my page. Contrary to popular belief, I do not want that kind of attention. Sure, I like receiving a compliment for one of my books, even though they're terrible. However, I'm not trying to be another trashed out star.
It's funny how big of a fit the real attention whores threw when I stated my opinion with my malfunctioning brain. They jumped all over me for themselves.
The brain doesn't work. Go away.
I did have to spread everywhere to survive the clash of titans.
I made a giant mess. I had to claim a little authority there. They started freaking out because they thought the mess would amount to something bad for them. I was like, "You have control. Nothing happens without permission, so just ignore it." All they care about is being seen and promoted. I make them feel important.
My intents were honestly to get my brain fixed. It failed.
Monday, July 13, 2015
I Do Think Campbell is Stronger than I Am
She had stuff going on as well, but it didn't bother her. She functioned still as I whined (still do). I know. She told me to get over it.
I should have.
It's been over six years, not that time means anything to a schizophrenic. Very little has meaning in my shell of a person. I'm not the old Kaela I used to be. She died.
I have deconstructed many of my thoughts, and the horrible things they stood for in reality. It's a shame. It's embarrassing. When you're schizophrenic, a lot of odd cognitive things occur. You think things that you don't want to think, and your thought process runs wild, but you'll still use the same line of thought, even though it's faulty.
I fight through the cobwebs of evil intents. I fight my internal feed as well.
Another aspect that's annoying about schizophrenia is that you hear voices that are wrong. Let me stress that again: WRONG. Sometimes, I want to side with them, want to believe them, but 99.9% of the time, they are bad. I used to consult them for advice, which led me to self-delusion.
Apparently, Campbell made her other roommate crazy. I don't know why they blamed her. It's like when they went after my superiors. It's like... Well, I have a brain problem. I'm working on it. I still can't control everything.
Campbell just has a lot of strength. I think it intimidates others.
This was funny though. They went straight for it.
I should have.
It's been over six years, not that time means anything to a schizophrenic. Very little has meaning in my shell of a person. I'm not the old Kaela I used to be. She died.
I have deconstructed many of my thoughts, and the horrible things they stood for in reality. It's a shame. It's embarrassing. When you're schizophrenic, a lot of odd cognitive things occur. You think things that you don't want to think, and your thought process runs wild, but you'll still use the same line of thought, even though it's faulty.
I fight through the cobwebs of evil intents. I fight my internal feed as well.
Another aspect that's annoying about schizophrenia is that you hear voices that are wrong. Let me stress that again: WRONG. Sometimes, I want to side with them, want to believe them, but 99.9% of the time, they are bad. I used to consult them for advice, which led me to self-delusion.
Apparently, Campbell made her other roommate crazy. I don't know why they blamed her. It's like when they went after my superiors. It's like... Well, I have a brain problem. I'm working on it. I still can't control everything.
Campbell just has a lot of strength. I think it intimidates others.
This was funny though. They went straight for it.
Wake Up and Be Demoralized
First off, I have issues with relationships. The doctor wrote I have a child-like understanding of them. I guess this is true for a few reasons.
One, I was poorly socialized. I had to have friends to hide from others. I am not valued in my realities. I'm at people's mercy.
Two, another issue is the abuse the school system put me through. If I had an outburst, which I'm famous for, they would blame me, and it would get ugly fast. Everything was somehow my fault. I'd hide myself and wait for the next round of inappropriate discipline. Other parents would fight with me, just like they did in adulthood. Their precious babies were never to blame.
Three, I was kept to a purity standard where I had to have all these false morals nobody follows. It fried my brain.
This has traveled into adulthood with bands like Placebo, Madonna and Bjork. I started to think for myself. Suddenly, I'm selfish, dirty and fake. Nobody but me lives in such a mannerism. In the end, I am wiped clean with a TBI and go about for my next shitpile.
It's different when you're disabled. You know you aren't going to rise (no pity here, mere reality). It's not really a shocker when people pass you by. You can't stop them or even compete with them, even if you had the ability to. I did a number to the stars this last time, however.
Not that it matters...
Another thing: we can't compete. I think about myself... give her a lobotomy! Someone can call me out, and it's over because everyone hates me, as I am useless to them. They can have all these horrible qualities, but, as usual, I have to be purged.
In the army, I had issues with the weak and the strong. I'd like to be strong, but it wasn't allowed. I made friends with dear velociraptors. They wanted to use me--and they did. I kind of walked around in my own demoralized world. My ex had told me I needed human interaction, which I was terrified of for many reasons... and rightly so. I did, and I found Marilyn Manson and the people from X-Files.
Talk about some bad luck.
One, I was poorly socialized. I had to have friends to hide from others. I am not valued in my realities. I'm at people's mercy.
Two, another issue is the abuse the school system put me through. If I had an outburst, which I'm famous for, they would blame me, and it would get ugly fast. Everything was somehow my fault. I'd hide myself and wait for the next round of inappropriate discipline. Other parents would fight with me, just like they did in adulthood. Their precious babies were never to blame.
Three, I was kept to a purity standard where I had to have all these false morals nobody follows. It fried my brain.
This has traveled into adulthood with bands like Placebo, Madonna and Bjork. I started to think for myself. Suddenly, I'm selfish, dirty and fake. Nobody but me lives in such a mannerism. In the end, I am wiped clean with a TBI and go about for my next shitpile.
It's different when you're disabled. You know you aren't going to rise (no pity here, mere reality). It's not really a shocker when people pass you by. You can't stop them or even compete with them, even if you had the ability to. I did a number to the stars this last time, however.
Not that it matters...
Another thing: we can't compete. I think about myself... give her a lobotomy! Someone can call me out, and it's over because everyone hates me, as I am useless to them. They can have all these horrible qualities, but, as usual, I have to be purged.
In the army, I had issues with the weak and the strong. I'd like to be strong, but it wasn't allowed. I made friends with dear velociraptors. They wanted to use me--and they did. I kind of walked around in my own demoralized world. My ex had told me I needed human interaction, which I was terrified of for many reasons... and rightly so. I did, and I found Marilyn Manson and the people from X-Files.
Talk about some bad luck.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Holes in Cheese
I haven't written in a while. I don't write to anyone. I live in my hallucination (Lorde's hologram), the one put over me to hide all that creeps inside. Don't push me too far out, or I'll lose what sanity I do have here. Let me have what isn't anything; could it hurt anyone but the insignificant me? I was given a corpse for life, after all.
So, I've gotten a little better at dealing with my schizophrenia. I know now it isn't real, but I still wrestle with it and its deviant ways. It's strange to have to hide what should be silent to other ears, though they always want to know to exploit me.
I've been caught in a bad thought cycle lately. I don't know how to describe this. Thoughts enter my brain and grab hold of me. They are against the back of my own thoughts. When I still felt psychic pain, I would lash out. The medicine stops that at least. I haven't been angry in a while nor bitter.
Life is what it is.
It's better now that the psychotronic people don't talk about those inner demons. I'm going out on a limb and saying interfering makes it even worse because it isn't me to begin with, and I'm guilty for crimes I fight against. My doctor also refuses to talk about delusions. It's for the best. Mine are like gossiping women--most anyway.
Though I do miss some of them, the ones who were ghosts to talk to.
I'm seeing my old friends shine. They weren't ever my friends, and as we enter adulthood, that word "friend" takes new meaning anyway. I know I'm not a loved creature. I'm always the one they don't talk about, the one in the shadows with all the filth as usual.
It takes one to know one. I guess they've done all they can. I will never rise, never be anything more than some fat woman on charity. I can't escape. It isn't within my ability to, even if I had been alone all those years. People have dreams. I'm not allowed by definition, things they forget.
Don't interfere with other lives, they say after destroying me. That's why I hated being special needs and everything else. I'm not privileged with respect or dignity. They don't understand the words they use.
I am guilty by association. Leave me alone! Live by your own creeds. You probably wouldn't survive.
And, as usual, she's shining bright. There is no God!
No, I am not making fun of the mentally challenged with Borderline Personality Disorder (unlike some people). I'm just saying that if Miss Punk Peace gets to live life, why am I denied? It's always me.
So, I've gotten a little better at dealing with my schizophrenia. I know now it isn't real, but I still wrestle with it and its deviant ways. It's strange to have to hide what should be silent to other ears, though they always want to know to exploit me.
I've been caught in a bad thought cycle lately. I don't know how to describe this. Thoughts enter my brain and grab hold of me. They are against the back of my own thoughts. When I still felt psychic pain, I would lash out. The medicine stops that at least. I haven't been angry in a while nor bitter.
Life is what it is.
It's better now that the psychotronic people don't talk about those inner demons. I'm going out on a limb and saying interfering makes it even worse because it isn't me to begin with, and I'm guilty for crimes I fight against. My doctor also refuses to talk about delusions. It's for the best. Mine are like gossiping women--most anyway.
Though I do miss some of them, the ones who were ghosts to talk to.
I'm seeing my old friends shine. They weren't ever my friends, and as we enter adulthood, that word "friend" takes new meaning anyway. I know I'm not a loved creature. I'm always the one they don't talk about, the one in the shadows with all the filth as usual.
It takes one to know one. I guess they've done all they can. I will never rise, never be anything more than some fat woman on charity. I can't escape. It isn't within my ability to, even if I had been alone all those years. People have dreams. I'm not allowed by definition, things they forget.
Don't interfere with other lives, they say after destroying me. That's why I hated being special needs and everything else. I'm not privileged with respect or dignity. They don't understand the words they use.
I am guilty by association. Leave me alone! Live by your own creeds. You probably wouldn't survive.
And, as usual, she's shining bright. There is no God!
No, I am not making fun of the mentally challenged with Borderline Personality Disorder (unlike some people). I'm just saying that if Miss Punk Peace gets to live life, why am I denied? It's always me.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
The Broken Heart and The"Special" Friends.
So, I doubt you care. I don't expect you to. The main problem comes in when people do for the wrong reasons.
It's true. I was in special education, and the experience left me a little fiery. People didn't treat me right, and I was shunned by teachers and peers.
We all know who is going nowhere.
And here's where the annoying part comes in... we're a cliché now. Bands like "Placebo" use their lobotomy rays to make us shut up. They cluster all of us in the same group, and then it's bye, bye brain.
I think I spoke around a paragraph my entire time in middle and high school. I didn't develop as a person, and I was under a lot of stress from being tormented by people. I had occasional outbursts.
I would like to be strong, don't get me wrong. However, that isn't, and wasn't, allowed. I couldn't tell my abusers to "shove it up their ass" because that would make me a "bully."
They know they can manipulate me.
I know I should move past this, and I tried. Unfortunately for me, I developed a weak spot and had invested emotion. I know the sociopaths love that, and they had me banging walls for a while, like I matter.
I don't.
They think it's funny. We're losers, after all. "Work Bitch?" I was trying. Now it's destroyed, as usual.
Don't all jump at once to judge me. Use me.
It's true. I was in special education, and the experience left me a little fiery. People didn't treat me right, and I was shunned by teachers and peers.
We all know who is going nowhere.
And here's where the annoying part comes in... we're a cliché now. Bands like "Placebo" use their lobotomy rays to make us shut up. They cluster all of us in the same group, and then it's bye, bye brain.
I think I spoke around a paragraph my entire time in middle and high school. I didn't develop as a person, and I was under a lot of stress from being tormented by people. I had occasional outbursts.
I would like to be strong, don't get me wrong. However, that isn't, and wasn't, allowed. I couldn't tell my abusers to "shove it up their ass" because that would make me a "bully."
They know they can manipulate me.
I know I should move past this, and I tried. Unfortunately for me, I developed a weak spot and had invested emotion. I know the sociopaths love that, and they had me banging walls for a while, like I matter.
I don't.
They think it's funny. We're losers, after all. "Work Bitch?" I was trying. Now it's destroyed, as usual.
Don't all jump at once to judge me. Use me.
Monday, January 19, 2015
The School Shooter and Other Losers
For a good deal of my life, I was accused of being a future school shooter. The idea didn't materialize in my head until it was said constantly.
No, I will never kill your children. It has nothing to do with me being a good person or whatever--Lord knows I'm denied that. Despite a lobotomy, my fire is still ablaze. However, my hobbies are holding me back, an invisible fence, so to say. I like to be out in the snow, write and swim. Prison, thus, isn't my dream.
Anyway, Madonna, Breaking Benjamin and Bjork are all trying to save the planet, and they are doing dirty deeds as their appetizer. They don't know the actual signs of someone who is losing it, nor are they being efficient about it.
I was operated on multiple times. Plus, I'm still heavily medicated...
Indeed, I did go insane. I won't deny that. I screamed, ran and let it all out. I was having one of those realizations; my life is a lie. The rainbows had left my atmosphere.
Plenty of adults go through that. In our culture we have the saying, "Waking Up." Smash a few windows, spend a few nights in a psych world and flip off the assholes of the world, like Putin.
Fuck you, Putin.
No, I will never kill your children. It has nothing to do with me being a good person or whatever--Lord knows I'm denied that. Despite a lobotomy, my fire is still ablaze. However, my hobbies are holding me back, an invisible fence, so to say. I like to be out in the snow, write and swim. Prison, thus, isn't my dream.
Anyway, Madonna, Breaking Benjamin and Bjork are all trying to save the planet, and they are doing dirty deeds as their appetizer. They don't know the actual signs of someone who is losing it, nor are they being efficient about it.
I was operated on multiple times. Plus, I'm still heavily medicated...
Indeed, I did go insane. I won't deny that. I screamed, ran and let it all out. I was having one of those realizations; my life is a lie. The rainbows had left my atmosphere.
Plenty of adults go through that. In our culture we have the saying, "Waking Up." Smash a few windows, spend a few nights in a psych world and flip off the assholes of the world, like Putin.
Fuck you, Putin.
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