Sunday, July 31, 2016

Whining On RT, Fooling One's Self and Demons

So, schizophrenia has pretty much ruined me.  My mind is shattered, I can't remember things, and I'm a loser at 29: no family, no husband, no job, little education, no dignity. 

I have no future.  I won't be able to work anywhere with sensitive information, like a doctor's office.

I spread on the internet to survive from Putin's influence.  That happened.  I have no idea how I offended him.  I can only guess.  I don't think I deserved all that.  It was flamingly obvious I was schizophrenic.  I use that to cover some of my sins, but not all.  Some of it is me.  Some of it is the disease, which has left me a shell of my former self.

I am a shadow.  I still like being alive, thank you.  I learned that after I almost died a bunch.  SAW is real.

Anyway, I know I confuse other people.  My brain is weird.  It like connects to the dominate awareness and tries to guess actions.  Pills stop the reaction.  I have a very limited ability to understand various intentions, and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble. 

For Putin's involvement, I would like five million dollars (after taxes) and the house on hideaway (after taxes).  I want to hide in peace.  I'll shutup then and ponder the world.




Saturday, July 30, 2016

Vanity, Psycho-Bitch and Declawing Cats

You could say I've had my fifteen minutes of shame. 

They're running around us, trying to suck us of our souls and cash.  What is wrong with you guys?  What happened to you that you feel you need to abuse everyone?

You could play SIMs for your fetish of control.  Get those demons out of you, Madonna.  Damn, woman.  You were quite prissy during your career, but you developed.  You people are not letting us sort out our own problems, especially the young.

Everyone is given a card to play.   Stay in your lane.

And I'm a person.  I mean nothing to you, you say; then why are you up my ass?  Digging for something?  I've got a few shit diamonds.  That's what they told me when I tried to dance at a wedding.

I realize you're getting in our faces to show us who is boss. Do you know what happens with that reaction?  You're giving me your demons.

I am going to ignore you and let you fail.  It isn't worth my time anymore.

The VA

I'm a veteran, and I've received pretty good care from the VA.  The only problem we had was when I was having a hard time explaining myself and the head injury was missed (8.5 month headache). They aren't the only ones. I went through several, regular hospitals, and they didn't understand me.  It was hard because that was before I was taking medicine.  Still, I would like if they would make a manual on listening to mentally ill patients.

I digress.  I've noticed the VA receives a lot of heat.  Recently, they got into trouble for purchasing artwork.  If you go into a VA, you won't see much, just chairs and lab work tickets.  It is kind of depressing and adds to the overall stress within because people need some aesthetics, especially sick people.

Most other hospitals are more pleasing to the eye.

I would say that the VA needs to have veterans donate their artwork to various hospitals.

There are some talented people out there who could brighten the place up. 

Be creative, people.  Lack of money brings creativity a lot of times. 

https://www.yahoo.com/gma/report-va-spent-millions-costly-art-veterans-waited-083642343--abc-news-topstories.html

Friday, July 29, 2016

Snowden's Issues with Authority and Special Snowflake complex Comes again

Ladies and gentlemen, the search is over.  We've found our special snowflake God: Edward Snowden.

He wants all the attention of being a top whistleblower.  He talks about his assignments, condemns people he's never met, and he thinks he's an expert on many matters above him. 

All that attention!  Now he's trying to be "moral."  He's probably starting to fight himself.


I thought he was okay until I did some research.  It's like, "You're even a crappier human than me."

I'll tell you a deal.  How about we do a spy switch (I'm not a spy, I joke about it) with me and Snowden. And I still want the frickin' five million dollars (after taxes) and the house on hideaway (after taxes).  I will go visit Russia for a few weeks first, a dream.  Putin can redeem himself.

https://www.rt.com/news/353948-snowden-wikileaks-twitter-clash/

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Grrness

So youtube is picking suggestions from my thoughts.  I sound crazy.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a problem with this being so in my face.   I'm sick of you guys being in my face about crap.  It is not a pissing contest about who can hurt me the most. 

We don't have human rights.  We get it!  Have fun like children. 

You're screwing everything up because you simply can't handle these weapons.  You could have fixed me, and you could still, but you insist on "this," rubbing our heads into dogshit to show who is boss. 

Go away.



--Flesh robot out--

For more bitching, check later.

I'm going to stop bitching for a while...

wah, wah, wah!

Venting break..

Dear President Obama

First off, it's nice to address you.  I know you won't hear me.  I want to say a few things to the wall in my living room.

I have some questions and concerns. 

One, why have you made all of us hate you in the lower classes?  Are you trying to distance us from each other?  Why, after doing this, are you offended?

I didn't really have a problem with you before, but your tactic is causing me problems, as I am a vulnerable adult (not to whine).  These changes you've made affect me faster than other people in society--and are harsher. 

People like to hurt me.  Get in my face.  hahaha (Bjork)  You guys have a hard time not abusing this technology, I see.

It's like when I was silenced.  You should have asked Putin about that (not that he remembers me), and you would find out that I don't know much.  I had a crush on Putin, which led to some terrible floor ends.

  I'm a parrot in a shattered reality.  Why are you doing that?  How come you can't come out and say what you want?  All you have to do is have a massacre.  That usually makes everyone quiet.  They're brave until they get a taste of death.

When you decided to do various operations and punishments, did you even have them bother checking our living conditions?  I was starving myself, sick of being chased and freezing.  I had a lot of problems to work through while being tortured.  It is partly my fault.  I haven't been allowed my own emotions and thoughts in life.  I exploded with the rage because it felt great.

In conclusion, please find a group for us so that we're not so unspecial (I mean it spelled like that). 



Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Venting

People have treated me like crap my whole life. wah, wah.  I've made the mistake of being too nice and accepting, letting toxic people into my world and live there.  I often exaggerate my own worthlessness and don't think anyone is going to notice me.  They do at times.

I have to be careful.

Putin had to be a douche bag.  He doesn't think about others a lot of the time and does whatever he feels like.  He knows nobody cares about us little folk.

I get a little aggressive these days.

I remember when I saw "I Want to Believe."  I was like, well, my life is over.  Sit in the barracks room.  No one will help you.

 C was like, "You're young.  You have time."  I wish.  They won't let me go that easily.  It's all about them. It just put me on a bunch of watch lists and inspired people to use me like a piƱata. I have to say and do whatever they want, like "Dear Ricky."

I know I'm worthless.  I'm 29, I have no skills, I don't work, I have a no husband, I won't have kids, I'm short, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I only have two front teeth.  I'm a virgin-ish-thing.  Best throw me off the cliff.

Yes, I know.  Everyone hates me, which also makes me a target, as I am their sacrificial lamb.  I have all the time in the world in the illusion of freedom, but I'm disabled against my original form/inclination.  I'm a mechanical animal.  As far as being fat goes, it defends me against those who try to partner me with men above my class for themselves, a joke so that they can hunt me.

I'm free range.


My legs are closed forever.  They can have the babies.  I'm not going to raise a kid to be a flesh zombie.  It's not going to happen.  If you make me have sex, I will kill anything in me.  Thankfully, they've only raped me with machines.  They could have been real dirty and forced me on one the bums.  Hey, look, something to be thankful for. 

BTW, if you've never had those weapons on you, be thankful.  They're quite painful and scary.  The one that made me crawl everywhere was interesting.  The ones that said they were going to rape and kill my own family made it so that I couldn't think.  Horrific feeling really.

Peace and love.

I tried to destroy myself fast enough, but doing myself in financially wasn't all they wanted. It's never enough for them.










Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Being Edited By Morons

I had a few issues with them.  The girl who was "helping me" was quite unaware of the constants in my life.  I go in circles.  It's pointless, but I like the rain.

Anyway,  I have special rules, too. I wasn't supposed to go out to eat.  They would hurt me if I did.  I wasn't supposed to go to school.  They wanted me to dye my hair blonde.

They punished my voices, and I became married to Putin.  I also became ultra corrupt and dead.  How I split off from myself was interesting.  When they got to my backthoughts, everything started popping up in my reality, like shampoo bottles. 

  Of course, I got the usual "family values."  I will kill anything that starts growing in me.  Make your own zombie slaves, like Madonna with her love of peace and freedom.

Use robots? Solar power. No, human flesh.  "Nothing Really Matters" Madonna.  Did the Dalai Slave Lord bless you with his kindness.  Well, I was reincarnated as a demon.  

No, I refuse to associate with the human race.

Left Behind

I was a ghost for a while.  I simply wander around and ignore everyone.  I'm usually depressed, which I like, and I ponder questions at the stars.  I like to read and write because it makes me feel accomplished, like I'm saying something.

I find comfort in little things, like cats playing with a stuffed toy, summer rain and a long walk.

I am used quite a bit.  Wah, wah, it's why I try to dodge bullets.

I can't fight them all.

Yes, they did mess with my internal organs in St. Louis and Virginia.  I went to the ER several times.  They also made me hear voices of various "friends."  They were trying to get me to kill myself.

I hope Putin is impressed, as his attention made me "special."

For all of it, I want the house on hideaway (after taxes) and the five million dollars (after taxes).  Give me a reason to be happy, not a whip. 




Purity--Bitching

 Some days, I want to kick President Obama in the shins.  No disrespect intended.  I hope it hurt though.

The upper classes were given weapons to further destroy us. They say it as being good for the world.  They're using them to catch caste crashers at the moment--and vulnerable people.

I am now an empty shell.  It's like, Bjork, in the real world, here in the US, they'll eat me alive.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb24kLd459Y

We don't get playground rules.  We fail the trap of purity that you have.  Fuck off.

 No matter what I do, I end up in a trap, or I'm too low to be where I am. 

I'm getting teeth this time (2 more visits, and no one can screw it up), and I've collected enough books (at my own, special pace) that I can take another disaster.  My life is kind of random, but whatever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPTK9e8YqIY

You're not Einstein either--any of you.


 


Useful Idiots, Surface Observations and Putin

 I don't know what logical fallacy it is, but I've noticed our politicians abuse it.  It's when someone makes a surface observation on something way more complicated.

For example, blacks are the problem because they're violent.  Blacks make lower test scores.  They're lazy.

All of those are worthless observations. However, if you get a good pig to squeal about it, like I did (and other white workers), you can keep us at odds with one another.  We should think a little more.

Do we really want to solve these problems for everyone?

As for myself, I try not to let half-truths and surface observations rob me of the truth.  I've spent way too long deceiving myself with self-hatred.

I was a dissident as well.  My reason was all the pain people cause me.  They aren't a country, but I misinterpreted my feelings, like a lot of people, especially the young.

I've started standing up for myself.

I want Putin to pay me, and yes, I am blaming him for what he did.  He needs to man up.

https://www.rt.com/op-edge/353362-putin-media-trump-us-eu-idiots/
 
One of the more interesting things I've seen on RT were all the people who think Putin is making them spies.  Don't forget about the General special ops either, like Bergdahl.  I was saving the planet. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBbEnU6Zvos 





Monday, July 25, 2016

Strawberrydrink, Fellow Flies and other WTFness..

So, while I was in the military, I met up with a girl on Xanga called, "strawberrydrink."  A sergeant had just gone off on me about my hair, which I should have cut off.  I have bad hair.  Anyway, strawberrydrink added to the stress I was feeling.  I lashed out.

I was talking to this guy, and it was one of strawberrydrink's friends.  He kept spewing all this garbage at me about how I was oppressed and could only go into the army, and he was a "speshal" speller like me, too.  He claimed he was above the common rules of spelling.

Special.

Okay.  I've had problems with others like him in those "gifted programs."  Take a class on character.  I got to hear all about it from them.  They were the destined on earth.  They wouldn't leave me alone after I went off on them.

So young, so little accomplished.

I said something like, "You don't appreciate the military, the people who died."  That was said to me.  My hair again...

Of course, the girl who I lashed out at had a few fallen, and she corrected me and said I needed to watch out. 

Good luck with me.  I will find many a gutter to lay in.

Strawberrydrink said I didn't agree with her feelings of her love of socialism.  I didn't say that.  I didn't know what socialism was.

 I left her a song.  She was confused and went away, but she turned me into some gossiper news, and bad things happened--especially with New Jersey.  I was giving Putin advice...  I was talking to the screen.  Those damn, little icons got fiery, especially after the picture. 

There is no love.

Back then, I was especially weird because I wasn't socialized properly, and I've been ignored my entire life when not being abused for the most part.  I do things. I don't think it matters because I figure people care so little about me.

My ex was like, "You have got to meet people." That's how the blog started.  I'm not even going to get into these days.  As I've said many times before, I fly to the top with the other bugs looking at the light.


I'm greedy about my desert island these days.  I like being alone, left alone.




Listening to Top Secrets Grandma Tells Me

So, they have been taping my calls.  I only talk in length with my grandma.

She's a ninja.  When she dies, she'll vote republican.  Dead democracy.

Anyway, I know we're probably being taped for the settlement from Putin I asked for.  Putin won't man up.  I know our news is controlled, and Putin has immunity, but I was wronged.  I'm sick of being the poorboy to beat.  I know some of it was my fault.  However, a lot wasn't my fault.  They can give me what I think is appropriate then leave me alone--and granny, too.

We talked a bit about Putin, and grandma watches the news a lot and sees their view.  God could have only have saved me.  She was like, "His glances are mean."  He's Russian.  He's not the only foreigner we've met.  My stepmom is Thai, and dad always thinks she's pissed off when she's not.  She's using her emotions like a Thai would.

Beep. Beep. Beep.  Could you guys stop making noise when you are recording?  It's rude.  Back into the shadows with y'all! 

Work as a punishment

I've decided that my country has a decent population of sadomasochists

Roar.

They do things for the pain.  It's interesting. I spent some of my worktime watching them compete with scars.   Higher bosses love this.  I fell for it.  I seek forgiveness for my stupidity from myself.  I should be spanked.

Joking.

I don't think work is a killer.  I don't ever get the best jobs.  I usually compromise.  I'll work at Waffle House or something, and I will write on the side, and I will read in my freetime.

The psychotronic and family thing cheesed me off good.  I am not anchoring myself to the system. Life is hard enough. Plus, my babies have a good chance of being like me.  I wouldn't put a person through all that.  Not only, but if daddy wanted to be a douche, he could use the kids for his own gain.

You can't trust anyone.

In the end, life is short. Rewards are few.  Don't pay for bullshit; get the cow.





Sunday, July 24, 2016

I'm an adult

Sometimes, I have to remind myself of this, and I do have a choice in my life.  The fact that they're all coming at us for "free" brain surgeries is at odds with democracy and ethics.  Why do they care what I do?  I'm not hurting anyone.  I don't owe you anything.  To me, you are nothing, Madonna.

Of course, they'll flip this on me.  Most people hate me.  Real clever.  Hope Putin "saw" you.

Okay, if it's such a great operation, why not sell it? We're capitalists. 

Meds help.

I wandered around after that head injury (you didn't care then) and confused after the lobotomy (all 8,000 times). 

I have gotten a little spunky about this.  I'll kick Putin in the shins.  Be happy you're taller than me. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with him as my reality.  yes, I know he doesn't care for me.  It doesn't take 5,000 goons to hit me with rays, selfie time.  they should take courses in college about Stockholm syndrome.  I guess they're letting just about anyone join the CIA/NSA/FBI.  Look at Snowden.

I know he's the president of Russia.  However, he made me a massive target, and I want him to pay.



My Issue With Putin (Insane Instincts)

I know that I don't have followers, people who care.  I know Putin doesn't care about me.  I know, but my feelings are not my own. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPkqUX9rqj4  Why did the President of Russia need to harass Miss Rose, the fat peasant woman?

I can't help it.  The meds do a little, but I am easy to possess, as I've explained before.

I had some family issues.  I also thought Putin was my father/god/husband (switched around).  It allowed them to open new wounds.  Ask Marilyn Manson.

During the video, along with the picture, caused my side to become a little sadistic.  Let's face it.  They can't find targets fast enough, and one of their favorite targets are the young and stupid.  I was/am both. 

People like to hurt me.

They filled me with Putin and then attacked me for it. On a side note, they made my "friends" say horrible things about me, and I lashed out.   They told me that Putin wanted me to throw my books off a cliff and kill myself.  Then they made me retardeder with "Satan Sex."


No matter what I do, the gun comes up, right?  No need for song or dance.

Long story short, the way they did it caused me to develop Stockholm syndrome.  That's how they got in and the head banging happened.  I thought Putin was God. They also threatened one of my sisters.

They'll do whatever they want to anyway.

Don't try to play the schizophrenia card; you know what they are like. 

Can't use anything for a good reason.  And, why yes, Putin, I'm trying to get funds from you so that I can have a nice life, too.  I've had enough of people.  The house is a good enough tomb for me.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Wealth and what lies under the spell

I know there are probably fancy names for this, but I will bring it forth in my words.

For a long time, I hated wealth or anything eluding to it. 

Blue Stahli says we've been, "dominated by all you hated."  In a way yes, but our old programmers did it to keep the classes healthy and not abusing one another, like we are now with class warfare.  Most humans justify how they're somehow "better."  Different places for different faces.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmn0VVaPwGo

Anyway, a lot of these artists are finding the seeds that were planted and declaring them sins.  Unless they fix the system, they'll be in good business.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc <--she is split, the seeds. Interesting.  Leave us alone.  Eat yourselves. 
Problems...

In my class, I am given enough money to eat. housing, etc... I can't earn much.  There's no point in even fighting it.  Here comes the gun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puu3IvKnSb4  They usually expect me to be some genius, like Einstein.  They have a million sins for us.

Signs of wealth often scare me (for above reason), and I used to get triggered around them.  People know I'm not going to succeed, so they rub things in my face and make fun of me, like not letting me have a lawsuit against the people who harm me.  Do whatever.

A lot of us are going to end up circumcised. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDl9ZMfj6aE

ISIS for you (not joining).  To survive.


Paradise Lost: The Antihero Laughs Again

The goons haven't flooded me as much lately, but a few have still made it through.

Frustrating. So. Frustrating!  I can't even feel it like I used to.  That is a plus.  Many people are so closed minded that they can't handle anything "new" or "different."  They also disassociate.

The goons try to use their "keywords" on me or clichĆ©s. "It could be worse." It's like, I've had a fucking lobotomy.  I couldn't care less about you. 

Why did you give me a lobotomy if you're only going to torment me?

WTF?

This place makes no sense. 

I guess it sort of does.  They try to knock me off the trail of life and hope I end up burning in Hell.  Unfortunately for you, I made a deal with myself never to do what I did as a teenager.  However, I did make the mistake in Virginia of feeling my own emotions.  I had fun.

Annoyingly enough, I'm in the system.  I think the worst they could do is to put me behind locked doors.  That's the last leverage they have.  I suppose they have their loaded guns, too.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Oll_ZaE-r8 <-this group really pisses me off.  They're all so "special."  They could have gotten me at the start and not given me VA benefits because I committed treason (don't laugh, what I said was known, but still; they could have gotten me).  They need special help as well, it seems, in competence and human rights.

My helper laughed about the Madonna Video.  They're punishing me for wanting to be famous.  I had fantasies.  Beat that dead horse. It was cool, and it made me feel better, when she said her kids would have been thrilled. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbcyMFuR6i0 a spell was put on me to keep me happy through the wasteland, but you steal everything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRaWnd3LJfs  Life after Putin blesses you with his "attention."  I won't lie.  It was something to do.  Then I got hurt.

Why do I only talk about myself?  I'm venting.  I rarely say anything to anyone else.

I hate humans. Good thing their time is ticking away violently.


Friday, July 22, 2016

They see a lot of us...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vYa6XB-SQQ

This woman is going to have a bad night.  Hopefully, they won't make it a crusade and keep their hearts where they should be.  Yes, she's mad, but she's also human.  She could be one of your loved ones.

I remember my days.  I have to save the world, beat the four corners of Hell to get back to the paradise in Russia.  Bush is talking to the dinosaurs through e8.  He must be stopped!

Don't look at me. I'm still suspicious about that.

Hope Putin will pay me five million dollars (after taxes) and the house on hideaway (after taxes).  He had too much influence to do something like what he did.


Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Shattered Thoughts and Awareness

It's weird being like this.  My thoughts are shattered along with my beliefs, as I can see it later.  Half the time, I don't agree with myself.

I cycle around Putin. Some days my memory tells me he's good. Others, I think he's bad.

Oh well.  He didn't have to make me even more of a target.

I really hope that Putin decides to buy the house on hideaway for me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaqyTVguYmI.

I would also like the five million dollars (after taxes for both the house and money).





Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Special Rainbows and Snowflakes From Santa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6tmvloGhuc

It's like when they were all incited by Putin to harm me.  A lot of other people said things like, "he's a man.  He runs the show."

God protects them, his retarded children.

Also, the video thing got them all excited.  Why didn't they stop it?  Why didn't they put me in the hospital or do the surgery then?  They wanted a rat to play with, like Putin's pets.

  I think they have been watching hard propaganda and are losing the sense of their true purpose--who they are and what they do.  The army, the CIA, the NSA, FBI and other companies are there to keep the flow of society going.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6tmvloGhuc seems like the KGB realized how special they were.  Vain.  Remember, Marilyn Manson, like the album.  I said it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9BEjwI5DJg

They aren't movie stars. Life isn't a video game either.  It's another boring day here on Earth.

We aren't supermen.

It's like Snowden...  At 29, he decided that he is the boss of the CIA/NSA, impressive.  I'm a General.  Back off, or I'll scratch you with my leg hair.

Dear Artists,

First off, I would like to commend your great understanding of brain surgery as well as your ability to undress and grab onto anything "new" to stay relevant.

I'm not here to say all your hope is in vain.  Time will show us.  How does it look, heroes?  I will make my case with you now.

I find the way you conduct business to be very rude.  Why is getting a lobotomy a punishment?  Some people go crazy or need a break.  Do excuse my use of the term "lobotomy."  They perform the task in a creative mannerism.  Anyway, it's nice to get them all chanting it at us.  Placebo took it even farther to include people with "Special Needs."  He plays, "memememe" on his guitar.


Unfortunately, children/young people don't understand.  We have dreams as well as normal people.  We want to have fun, not smother in socioeconomic problems.

We get ditched. 

It's quite difficult to compete because I'll "care" about myself.  We need to have self-interests, and we need to stand up for ourselves when we're wronged, like other people.  I am not your poorboy, Placebo or Bjork.


I understand that we have inconvenient behaviors at times.  My schizophrenia pops up, and I can't do much but walk through it.  I wanted to write, but my free lobotomy makes it difficult to find meaning in words.

Anything for me: trashed.

I hate you all.



Thursday, July 14, 2016

Being "Exceptional" vs "Disposable" NO!

When I was leaving the army, I had a friend who was like, "Well, you're young.  You'll find something."  She had some great advice for never having had a job before the army. 

Sorry, I've been in the dryer a little too long.  I may not have wrinkles, but you can't ignore the hole in the pants.

I'll be thrown away.

Whine, snivel, cry, complain!

I have issues with these people as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-2jNiVK86A. They hunt me like a fox.  When they do that, I will be in the filter. I won't be allowed to earn anything because fair is fair.

No.

This translates into an annoyance for me.  I think good examples are some of the conversations I've had on the internet.  One moment, they would say I needed help.  The next minute I was "faking it for attention."  The money. Their brains don't even work.  They deny their own thought processes.


Hence, I'm paranoid. Most people don't have to deal with it: the stupid tests they give me, the aggressive push for inflicting pain, the lack of consideration or respect.  They know they don't have to.

No.

They want to hurt me.  Have fun!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_fRVtcQq2k

No.

What to do with the fragile breath

I feel as though we are rushed in society.  This is probably to keep us in line.

Don't think.  Fall to simple observations.

I've been given some time to think and work out problems and develop skills beyond throwing feces at my captors.

They cry themselves to sleep, I'm sure.

  I know nobody cares.  Few people read my blog or watch my videos.  Like I said in the last post, I keep going.

The path of the antihero...  Hear my cries in the snow where I am buried. 

Thanks! Way to help, Putin!

Lately, I've thought of the future.  I haven't had a lot of choices in life -- well, good choices.  It was so weird to me when someone asked me, "What do you want to do with your life?"

I don't know.  I tried the whole indie publishing thing with my novels.  I don't think I'm mature enough to write anything worthwhile. I'm not ready. 

I do enjoy my textbooks, but I won't get anywhere in academia either.  I tend to fall to half-truths.  I'm working on that.

But what should I do?  I know what I shouldn't do.

I'm sure I'll figure it out. It's good to have choices beyond desperation.  It's a new power, and I love it. 








Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Special

Being raised in special ed was great.  As usual, we were taught things that don't exist and punished me if anything happened.  I had to have friends for my IEP.   I worked very hard to get rid of the IEP, and I finally did at 16, but I was toast by then.  I was behind the other students.  See, when you take tests as a special person, your best guess counts, and we'll each pass our papers in and be passed to the next grade.

Everyone knows who is worthless. 

Yes, masters.  I have issues with submission and dominance.  I think they're funny now.  When the goons had me in the dark, I thought I was the only one.

Oh well

Nobody likes me.  I know.  It's because of me.  Bye.

If only I could jump higher...
My fatass would create a crater where humanity would drown.

I will be known to the moon.

Even my exboyfriend told me I needed to interact with humanity.  Then the trouble with the internet began.

My mom calls me "genius child" because I end up in these situations.

It will be me.  It was interesting being split off from myself and have not-not thoughts.  How does that even happen?

Then I get into it with Putin (I kid you not), they all attacked me for show.  I want that place on hideaway and to hide.  I hate humanity.

+Bitct-fit over+


Ego Issues

So, I'm not the one to come out and brag about anything.  I don't think I'm wonderful.  I'm human.

Of course, I make up situations I could be in that are neat and pass the time.  After everything, I'm not especially bright--never was.  That was part of the problem.

  Now I can barely write anything enjoyable.  Tell me why they gave me a lobotomy (a type of) and then started up with the things that make me suicidal?

Keep on swimming...

I keep going because I'm like that.  In soccer, I usually only played a small portion of the game.  I never missed a practice though, not in two years.  I got a t-shirt.  Honestly, I liked the practice sessions.

I'm strange.

Anyway, we're talking about ego problems.  My entire being was dismembered when I was in special ed, and I tried to hide from it.  Several teachers enjoyed telling the class that I was special.  I probably spoke a few sentences in HS.  I mostly walked around in a vague haze. 

And I didn't self-actualize.  I hid and stayed silent, and my idle mind brought me strife.  I'm not good at school.  I'm not bad, but my scores aren't predicting a future in academia.  Still, I used to carry the books around with me, like I do now.  It feed me for a while, my ego.  I let it inflate to make up for the sordid reality. 

Go to college or fail at life.  It's funny, you know I spent years trying to go.  I hit the usually blades I love to ignore.  Managers tried to sleep with me, my raynauds made winter days especially bad, people paid me little, and they scheduled me to work on my class days..  I rode my bicycle everywhere, which also made me a loser.

I should have at least looked at the knife as it hit me.  People didn't call.  They didn't want to be around me.  I made the wrong kind of friends, like future teachers and doctors. They hang out and post facebook pictures, and they never invite me anywhere.  My ego deceived me.

Just like old times... And I didn't see that then.  I kept up the fake world and its politeness. 

The army and Putin thing was odd.  I was losing my mind, and they all attacked me--selfie time.  Then, Putin, who I had a crush on, posted the picture of me dying.  I felt the walls collapse in on me again.  They did horrible things to me. 

It's so easy for normal people.  Meanwhile, I'll be hit with them all, trying to keep my head above water.

Hopefully, I won't be as deceived again.



I tell myself to "let it go."   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGJaKeYwOFo



Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Extorting Money From Russia

Let's face it.  I've been on RT a while, trying to get a settlement from Putin.

Now I'm blocked.

He knows what he did--and didn't.

It started out like a whale in a net.  I needed help after he highlighted the first time.  He attracted a bunch of sycophants.  It morphed when they all attacked me. Putin made it worse with "Buffy."

Don't get me wrong. 

Of course, the goons labeled me as "extorting funds."  I am not doing anything illegal.  They blocked me after that, so I couldn't have my say in the matter.

Typical behavior from someone who avoids responsibility. 

They fight the truth.  In the end, that's all anything can ever be: the truth.

Dear Hillary Clinton, I now understand why you have to be tough with the Russians.  They make an inch a mile.