Venting

People have treated me like crap my whole life. wah, wah.  I've made the mistake of being too nice and accepting, letting toxic people into my world and live there.  I often exaggerate my own worthlessness and don't think anyone is going to notice me.  They do at times.

I have to be careful.

Putin had to be a douche bag.  He doesn't think about others a lot of the time and does whatever he feels like.  He knows nobody cares about us little folk.

I get a little aggressive these days.

I remember when I saw "I Want to Believe."  I was like, well, my life is over.  Sit in the barracks room.  No one will help you.

 C was like, "You're young.  You have time."  I wish.  They won't let me go that easily.  It's all about them. It just put me on a bunch of watch lists and inspired people to use me like a piñata. I have to say and do whatever they want, like "Dear Ricky."

I know I'm worthless.  I'm 29, I have no skills, I don't work, I have a no husband, I won't have kids, I'm short, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I only have two front teeth.  I'm a virgin-ish-thing.  Best throw me off the cliff.

Yes, I know.  Everyone hates me, which also makes me a target, as I am their sacrificial lamb.  I have all the time in the world in the illusion of freedom, but I'm disabled against my original form/inclination.  I'm a mechanical animal.  As far as being fat goes, it defends me against those who try to partner me with men above my class for themselves, a joke so that they can hunt me.

I'm free range.


My legs are closed forever.  They can have the babies.  I'm not going to raise a kid to be a flesh zombie.  It's not going to happen.  If you make me have sex, I will kill anything in me.  Thankfully, they've only raped me with machines.  They could have been real dirty and forced me on one the bums.  Hey, look, something to be thankful for. 

BTW, if you've never had those weapons on you, be thankful.  They're quite painful and scary.  The one that made me crawl everywhere was interesting.  The ones that said they were going to rape and kill my own family made it so that I couldn't think.  Horrific feeling really.

Peace and love.

I tried to destroy myself fast enough, but doing myself in financially wasn't all they wanted. It's never enough for them.