Stupidity On My Part

 So, I was pretty upset last night.  I can't get angry. All I can do is cry.  My sister not only didn't want me to come to her baby shower, but she deleted my reply asking if she wanted something.  I've given my sister tons of money, been nice to her when she treats me like shit, and I've tried to help her.   I'm used to not being included, which is why I liked A so much in HS.  I mean, my siblings all threw a birthday party for my stepdad and didn't invite me.  

The problem for me is that I have to have connections, or I will be hunted down, thus, just for fun like Marilyn Manson did.  It doesn't matter what I say. They will put words into my mouth.  I've tried changing so many times.  People are like, do this, do that, and when I did those things, there was no change.  

I've tried to kill myself several times.  People try to kill me.  I've realized that the kind of people I let near me is a problem, but what do you do about family?  Since I don't bring anything to the table, as they say, I eat on the floor with the dogs.  It's this way for many of the disabled.  Just like I've been entrapped by the FBI 4 times, I will absorb all sin, the dark ONE.

Then I get all of these cliches thrown at me.  

America Compared: Why Other Countries Treat Their People So Much Better

America fooled me for a while.  I've been told how stupid I am since practically a toddler.  When I got older, I was like, I deserve nothing.  I've tried to kill myself several times.  Ironically a bottle of caffeine pills caused me to sleep for several days.  I woke up not knowing where I was, who I was, or anything until I saw my diet coke refillable cup. +shakes+ it's all I had left.

I worked at McDonalds, Braums, Subway, Charlie's Chicken, Town Cafe, and seasonal work. I was exploited heavily as usual.  I wasn't good at McDonalds and had two other jobs and school.  They didn't treat me poorly.  I collapsed in my apartment and didn't show up at work for several days, yet again.  They let me go slowly.  I don't have a problem with McDonalds, except they won't take my suggestion of using flavor packets to make different kinds of shakes because I no longer work there.

I've had the mark of Cain since kindergarten. 

Anyway, everyone hated me at school for being slow or ignoring me--as usual.  My "friends" did their life things, went into the worth of debt, which is some bullshit, I'm telling you.  It's impossible to earn things.  They were wiser.  When people like me have real resources, not billions, millions, but just don't have to go into debt for school or enter a credit trap, our "managers," "controllers," "supervisors for Earth," get angry because it messes our places up.  "Secret destroyers hold you up to the flames," -- Bullet With Butterfly Wings.  It's like, not effing again.  Eventually, at 22, it happened.  My microbes were like, "We're sick of this body. Bury us, and we'll do better in the dirt." Anyway, the reason you don't want to do that is because we are but bound by mortal chains.  

Now they're like, have babies?  One, mine won't be normal, fuck you for not listening to me try to explain this.  Two, there would be more babies in my family if I would have worked for them in my Hellish life.

Now I get to hear how lucky I was to be in the middle class.  lol  Really? You got free school, free food, free housing, free cellphones, sympathy, and more opportunities from that.  I go the opposite way, which caused my magical third eye to start to open.  Don't think I'm special.  The third eye came to those who used debt to succeed.  I'm a bit late.  I don't want to do some of the things they do either.

I tried to e-mail the CIA a few times during my abuse...

They only work for rich people and play stupid games.  They are unprofessional, and I think borderline retarded.  I know they torture people to show how unimportant they are, which I already knew. I'm special :P but not as special as they are. It gives me different dimensions, a type of undeserved freedom perhaps. I'm used to being ignored by everyone.  I type to myself.  This is why I started writing, actually.  I would have put more effort into video games.  I wrote to my parents trying to explain that they were wrong about what they accused me of, that they were being mean, and that I was sick of it.  

I couldn't get through.  I'm not valued.  That's why I usually stayed quiet growing up, but they put words into my mouth.  

I wrote Dawn of the Hives for the CIA as a joke and to say, really?  You can't get through to them. Are you really going to do this to us? I told them yet again that I was being hunted and used, look at my voices on another blog, "Sadam" and "I found the vessel." Nothing.  The only thing they did was harass me about MH17.  They laughed and said they'd killed my boyfriend or, Putin.

I've moved on to Durov.