Dear Nurses

I hope this helps you. I know I have a problem, but when I start having issues, I forget or go into a stupor. I've censored a lot of undesired behavior by watching myself on the internet, but still, the stupor seems to rule over all when it happens.

Here are some highlights of my wonderful behavior.

Here's me thinking that people are trying to kill me:



That's what I was talking about. I'm talking to them, even though they don't exist. I know, I know, I know. It doesn't seem to ever matter then I act strange.





The spy... I seem to think they're in my head an awful lot.



The earlier entries of this blog show it too, like this one: http://bs55.blogspot.com/2011/04/kaela-creighton-sympathy.html

I'm getting better, slowly but surely. This is really embarrassing. I become clear then fall back into it. Sometimes, I need to reality test and that helps. I recently learned I haven't had a lobotomy. It doesn't seem to matter though. Some new, kooky delusion will take its place when I slip.

PS I'm changing my name.

RT's Rude Time

So, like so many others, I make random comments on RT, whatever comes to mind after I read an article. I just flit my opinion out into cyberspace and don't think it matters that much.

RT takes opinions very seriously, however. They are control freaks. Feel the power rush through your veins. You can annoy a 26 year old schizophrenic patient. They're more like bullies.

I find that I often have the wrong opinion in their eyes because my comment gets deleted despite the fact that I follow all of their rules.

I'm not going to let it bother me too much. I'll assume they have a good reason like my protection, but still.

It only hurts if you let it, the rejection.

The FSB Failed Its Moral Responsibility

It could have helped me receive proper medical treatment. I was all over them and Putin. They could have done something good and decent for once instead of constantly being badass. They'll say they had better things to do. Well, do they have the money to pay now since I'm an invalid? They have time. They had time. Just like Putin had time enough to harass me, so he has time enough to fix me.



Putin could acknowledge me too instead of making me out to be raveningly delusional. Make me a star, baby. I'm kidding. Really, it would be, "Send me your trolls, hun." I would only be in a few articles then back to the deaf masses with me and my average rear.

Trick No Treats

So being disabled, I've learned a few things about the games people play to try to escape the game.

One of the things they do is use me to try to garner hearts. They're my friend. They care about disabled people. They're going to stand up for us. They're going to do great things for us if only they get money or power. They won't use the money for us, that's for sure. They don't care. They're trying to escape on my back.

This is just one of the many backflips I see as I sit on the sidelines of life.

I don't understand why we have disabled people in society. They have all sorts of tools now. They can screen for us, yet they don't, claiming they want us. They don't. More often than not, they abandon us, use us to suck money from the government, etc.

Rags To Riches

Okay, I think that everyone who is determined, works hard and has talent deserves to succeed, but what I hate is when people think they have earned things they haven't by sheer virtue of being themselves.

Thanks to being stuck in the middle class, I've gotten bashed a lot by people who think that I owe them something because they've suffered or were slightly poor. It's like, "Look, man, take your welfare check and get away from me."

I've suffered too, and I know nobody cares. They only care if you have something to offer.

I don't have that much to offer. I know. I'll work small jobs here and there once I am able, but that'll be the extent of it. I don't appreciate getting used by people who think that they deserve what little I have because they didn't have a lot of money growing up.

The world simply doesn't have time to dine with such weaklings.

Sue Happy

I've never sued anyone, and I've been beyond wronged. I bark and can't bite. People know I don't have anything to take, so they don't sue me either, but they wrong me, like the people who attacked me for no reason.

I threatened to sue the VA because they totally blew me off. I just wanted them to pay attention to me and how mental health patients need a say in their care. I felt wronged.

Nobody can hear me. Nobody listens to me.

I tried bumming Putin for money for my group home and a brain. He won't even give me a necklace as a sorry gift. I love him too much to want revenge. I'm not even trying to sue him, but I did spam for a settlement so that I could setup a group home, and I was blocked as a response. I was more or less just asking. It would be nearly impossible to win that case.

You just wait world. One day you'll hear my roar!

So It's Been Three Years

since my head injury. I had one of these on top of everything else, which I know confuses the results of the lobotomy they gave me.

It takes around four years to heal from a head injury, so I have one more to go before I'll be close to where I started before all of this. I'm volunteering, and once I qualify, will look for work.

They didn't even try to help me when I was raveningly psychotic. They only attempted when they thought there was something in it for them, and it was too late because I'd injured myself.

When they hit me with the ray, featured in Beck's "Novacane" or Madonna's "A Bedtime Story," it only added to the injury.

Then the VA ignored the head injury, and I will file a 1151 for this. I told not one but several doctors, and they kept saying it was a somatic delusion. Now I have proof of it on a MRI scan as well as proof of the lobotomy.

I only wanted to sue them as revenge, which I guess is bad, but I would appreciate if they'd listen to us. That is my main goal.

Their Desperate Attempts Will Fail

So the FBI has decided it's going to get its money back from us. It's going to hunt us down and give us lobotomies instead of just taking it like other countries do. Well, I'm much worse off after the lobotomy than prior to it. It has made doing daily tasks difficult because I'm split off from reality in a billion ways, shattered. Maybe if they cared for us and did it professionally, it'd have better results, but they're afraid they'll be sued or we'll go off on tangents about how we miss our old personalities. Sometimes, I miss functioning. Sometimes, I do not.

Other people want the money. Until you admit you can see into our minds, you won't deter them.

I know I hate the FBI and always will. They seem to get what they deserve in the end: a bucket full of sand.

Why doesn't the FBI just take the money, have it not show up? That's how it is in most countries, like I said. What are they afraid of? A little protest? A little guilt? Those things are trivial. We'll merely go to prison, and you'll have to live in fear of the gulag too. Oh, heaven forbid we be productive in any shape or form.

It's hard for me to succeed around other people because they all feel like they deserve more than me. I would prefer prison where I didn't have to compete with others. Like the girl said, I was getting in on her good by doing anything. I'll just leave this world and she can have it all by her lonely little self.

Putin and Snowden

Putin's in an awkward position in that he doesn't want to break ties or stress relations with the United States, yet he doesn't want to go against international feelings either that say Snowden is a hero and helping others somehow. Putin's between a rock and a hard place.

I feel sorry for him.

Of course, I enjoy seeing my country slightly embarrassed because it tried to kill me and hurt my feelings, like the FBI that just hangs up on me when I try to report psychotronic abuse or the fact that I was framed in "I Want to Believe." They could, at the very least, create a list for us, for people who've been targeted by gangs or others. It could list our names and that we're targets so that our bosses and families know something has gone on. The FBI could launch mini-investigations into us to see if we're delusional or if something has actually happened. It would save resources in the end because the targets could go on living ordinary lives and giving taxes instead of harassed by bullies and on SSI/SSDI.

Nothing that Snowden says is Earth-shattering or anything that us truthers don't already know. He's merely making messes.

I hope the FBI has fun. ;)