Violets Are Blue--An Insight

So, I've been on the ward for the past week. 

As usual, I saw a doctor for less than ten minutes and tried to read for the rest of the time.  I hated the feeling and was losing my mind to delirium due to the meds.

I checked myself in because I was having difficulty with my meds and was being ignored or given bad advice by other routes.  In my brain, I wasn't hallucinating, a little anxious but not depressed, which I told them several times.

I always say, "I'm sorry" to people because I can't guess their emotional state.  And yes, they've tested me for autism, but I came up negative.  I took the IQ test like a schizophrenic.

I didn't go in there thinking I was delusional or paranoid.  Again, I can't guess what people mean, and I've gotten in a lot of trouble with this due to schizophrenia and other things slightly more vague.  I'm learning to say nothing or "thank you" instead.  It makes me upset to interact in person sometimes.  It's a lot of stress, but I try to deal with it.  People who know me are used to it.

My doctor said I had insight into my delusions this time, which is surprising for a schizophrenia.  That's because half of them aren't delusions.  I'm confused by the cowards around.

And when I attempted to explain what was happening during the seven minutes he saw me one day was that my cognitive abilities were breaking down, and I was starting to have a hard time understanding simple situations, like when someone left me a compliment on my story, and I thought he was going to edit my mind for like thirty minutes.  For the love of God, they had me on three high doses of antipsychotics.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Martians were invading.  I know people like to discredit me because they think I want off work, like Britney Spears (I'm not saying this to be psychotic). As a punishment, I point to the medical file and put most of my private information online so that they leave me alone.

There is some sad news.

And guess what +tear+ nobody asked me on a date :'(  LOL  I'm getting old and ugly.  We did have a group, and this other guy was cool with me.  His wife is currently MIA, but he wasn't into me like that, just had fun talking to him about whores in other countries, as he'd been in a while and overseas. Also, what was totally cool was that we both said violets are blue.  The counselor looked at me and said, "Violets are NOT blue" very sternly.  We'd been talking about REM sleep, and I replied back that platypuses had 14 hours of REM sleep compared to petty humans.  We aren't special.  Well, I guess those of us who can't think of things real quick live in a world where violets are blue.