Au/Ra

 So now they are using special effects to trick children into worshipping some cult that gives out fob keys and allows access to death and lobotomies.  We should just start using ice picks again.  

When I was that age, I wanted to be seen or liked.  I get it. Now I see how limited my life is because I'm not special or am in a destructive way.  Prey.  I told you that I used to have bad jealousy.  And now I'm dead.  From jealousy? No, from not listening to it and using it.  I have to be in Beetard land though.  If they put that stuff up too much, people will kill each other over it.  I went after Campbell. Did I want to be an agent? No, I didn't want a horrible fate such as disabled, poverty kids with a deadbeat husband as my "punishment" in a lower life.  Maybe next life when I feed worms.  I had enough of it, the pushing, the lack of control, the anger, the sheer inequality, and dodging bullets trying to get the mail.  I hated the psychological manipulation of this place, the traps.  I want to learn and explore and think and write, but naughty, naughty.

It annoys me to this day that most people have some options or can do crafts, but I ended up with lesions upon lesions, being tortured by the CIA, and having to fucking move into a group home to stop them from dragging me out to yet another lab.  It doesn't matter.  I've never had a life.  I have a mirage--used to moreso.  They can't even leave that alone.  People hate me and have ways to move me, and I can't fight back.  

As I showed you with the suspension dates for disabled kids, we're also on lists.  We can never cry, complain, get angry, or get help after massive amounts of abuse. This is insane to do to someone.  When my body was stronger, I had more courage, and I was like, I'm going to plow through this roadblock.  

I like to read and write.  I hope to eventually get a book published, a real one.  The work it takes for that skill is not earned overnight, and it usually is better with age.  

Putin, please grant me asylum.

Of course not, I am but unworthy.  Look, man, I belong in Hell.  Open thou gates.