What I Want to Do

I want to be useful. I don't want to be shunned anymore or used in foul ways.

I would like to be a scientist, and I also want to go to Antarctica. That's what I really want to do, but how to do it is the problem. I can't remember things, things that build off of each other. People are like, "Well, you're doing great." Yeah, I'm great for some remedial task that requires the brain of a monkey and gets me shunned again, which people love doing because people suck. I like math and science, but I can't do it. I don't care for literature, not really.

Truly, I want to be more. I don't mind doing basic tasks while preparing for more, but when there is no hope...

You don't know how tempting it was when Putin highlighted me. I thought I could, and it was a stretch, get his attention one last time. I know they'll never share their profound technology with the public. I have no faith in them. And why should I after all they put me through? How dare them.

It's all a joke.
Pretty much:

After the lobotomy, I don't have morals, so I don't care about not being special. I'm special because I'm me and the only person I'm ever going to be. Nobody is just going to save me. I have to do better than that. I tried asking nicely.

No, I don't mind being jealous, and even if it's pathological, other people deserve it for treating me like that, not respecting me, not thanking me. A lobotomy doesn't change a thing in my world, minus making it so that I was drooling on myself for a while. I know I hit my head too. It was a combo. The MRI showed both. And they didn't want to do the lobotomy when I still had a life, so I don't believe in their fairytale. I'm still jealous. I want. I don't care about their money or anything else. I just care about redemption after my life. It's been difficult.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/06/24/eternal-sunshine-bionic-mind-prosthesis-could-restore-memory/ Why can't I volunteer for this procedure? It's my life. If I want to lose it, I lose it. I do not agree with their interference. They always talk about ethics when they have none, not one moral, not the right ones anyway. If we could fix people, we could make the world a better place. Why not enhance humanity instead of destroying it? All they do is hurt things.