Saturday, March 24, 2012
This is What Happens When You Have Conflicting Thoughts
It still makes sense.
Therapy would have been enough for me.
Thanks society.
Note I just talk and talk and never do.
You know who pays for this? I do. They "bust" me, and I just mock them. Go ahead, put me to work and watch what happens. I tried school. I like how people push me. Besides hiding from my hallucinations, I was showing them that I was okay and looking for a job, but they'll find that one off moment, that one beer you drank, which is why I was so paranoid. I've been pushed to extreme survival this lifetime. Originally, I knew that they were hunting my kind, so I tried to give the check back, but the doctors told me that I couldn't. The doctors kept trying to drag me in then, so I stopped going to my appointments. I was ill then. Now I'm permanently disabled thanks to people like this. Thanks guys, enjoy paying my bills, as I can do and feel nothing. You're really heroes.
Disability Queen
http://www.gaia-health.com/articles101/000129-destroy-brains-diagnosed-mentally-ill.shtml
Then he'll come.
Or
What happened?
While schizophrenia caused some cognitive deficits, the lobotomy made it worse.
Maybe it was caused by all the injects they gave me in the military
http://www.donnawilliams.net/adultonset.0.html My uneducated guess is that I've suffered damage to the hippocampus and that it's trying to self-correct. People that walked for an hour a day over a year saw growth in their hippocampus. I stim now. I didn't used to. It's really embarrassing. The lady says it's because people don't know where they are. I mostly rock, walk nowhere/pace and other odd things. I just feel nothing, and I start freaking as weird as that sounds. I'm not scared, but I am. I get disoriented. I also get filled with these weird sensations.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Because "Dumber People Are Easier to Control," They Say
Dumber people can't be trained.
Dumber people can't work.
They've never worked at McDonalds.
They don't know.
It's empirical.
Of course, they used "stars" to advertise so that we're picking up on messages.
How Can I explain how I feel?
Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
This life is full of hurt
When happiness DOESN'T work."
I'll never work again. Good luck training me. Yeah, you know the dementia patients around here are super obedient. All they do is sit, stare and say nonsense.
Dumber people can't work.
They've never worked at McDonalds.
They don't know.
It's empirical.
Of course, they used "stars" to advertise so that we're picking up on messages.
How Can I explain how I feel?
Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
This life is full of hurt
When happiness DOESN'T work."
I'll never work again. Good luck training me. Yeah, you know the dementia patients around here are super obedient. All they do is sit, stare and say nonsense.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
And All That You Ever Learned, Try to Forget ~ Madonna
I did terribly on the global functioning test. If I ever work again, you're going to have to know that I'm defective. My ability to reason abstractly is what saved my IQ score.
I couldn't name animals, have long-term memory problems. The weird thing is I could remember some of them in Russian, but my brain is all mixed up.
Thanks, Madonna. You're really my special friend now :P Enjoy paying my bills while I just wander around. I have like this obsessive desire to move.
I guess that you could kill me in June "Death in June," but I'm everywhere now. Oh no, you get to take care of this bundle of joy. I got in the 7% and 3% with the tower test. Retards outscore me. Monkeys outscore me. That shows my lobotomy. My overall IQ is 116 with a 115 performance. Like I said, you don't need all of your brain to complete that test.
I'll explain that I have a lot of problems, Madonna. 100 problems. And a bitch is number 1.
"Intellectual functioning is in the high average range."
Deficits are typical for those with schizophrenia. blah, blah, blah. Something about subcortical pathology.
Here's a part of the notes:
"Intellectual funcitoning is in the high average range. Her strengths are in the areas of verbal comprehension and perceptual reasoning. Although working memory was a weakness for her, it was still in the average range. Attention is largely intact, although she did struggle with a task that included visual distracters. Test of language indicate average functioning in this area, although Ms. C had some disparity in fluency, and semantic fluency was in the borderline range of impairment. Fluid reasoning and visual spatial constructional abilities were all in at least the average range. However, executive functions were inconsistent and there were deficits in the are of set-shifting and inhibition. Additional areas that suggest impairment are largely related to the domain of memory, specifically long-term memory without context, which was in the severe range of impairment.
The weakness apparent in fluency may be accounted for by Ms. C's deficits in speed of processing and mental control. The discrepancy between her scores in semantic and phonemic fluency is consistent with those that would be expected from cognitive contributions of schizophrenia."
It says that my affect is blunted but that I appeared to get nervous during the test a few times. I'M NOT NERVOUS. My entire body is filled with this really weird feeling, and it difficult to sit still. In order to focus my attention, I have to really, really put effort into it or my mind just goes blank and I'll speak gibberish. I put effort into that test. I'm trying to become independent. On that video, 9Xn, you can hear what I call "the glitch" where I just start losing focus. My voice tone will vary. Some days, I can control it better than others.
I couldn't name animals, have long-term memory problems. The weird thing is I could remember some of them in Russian, but my brain is all mixed up.
Thanks, Madonna. You're really my special friend now :P Enjoy paying my bills while I just wander around. I have like this obsessive desire to move.
I guess that you could kill me in June "Death in June," but I'm everywhere now. Oh no, you get to take care of this bundle of joy. I got in the 7% and 3% with the tower test. Retards outscore me. Monkeys outscore me. That shows my lobotomy. My overall IQ is 116 with a 115 performance. Like I said, you don't need all of your brain to complete that test.
I'll explain that I have a lot of problems, Madonna. 100 problems. And a bitch is number 1.
"Intellectual functioning is in the high average range."
Deficits are typical for those with schizophrenia. blah, blah, blah. Something about subcortical pathology.
Here's a part of the notes:
"Intellectual funcitoning is in the high average range. Her strengths are in the areas of verbal comprehension and perceptual reasoning. Although working memory was a weakness for her, it was still in the average range. Attention is largely intact, although she did struggle with a task that included visual distracters. Test of language indicate average functioning in this area, although Ms. C had some disparity in fluency, and semantic fluency was in the borderline range of impairment. Fluid reasoning and visual spatial constructional abilities were all in at least the average range. However, executive functions were inconsistent and there were deficits in the are of set-shifting and inhibition. Additional areas that suggest impairment are largely related to the domain of memory, specifically long-term memory without context, which was in the severe range of impairment.
The weakness apparent in fluency may be accounted for by Ms. C's deficits in speed of processing and mental control. The discrepancy between her scores in semantic and phonemic fluency is consistent with those that would be expected from cognitive contributions of schizophrenia."
It says that my affect is blunted but that I appeared to get nervous during the test a few times. I'M NOT NERVOUS. My entire body is filled with this really weird feeling, and it difficult to sit still. In order to focus my attention, I have to really, really put effort into it or my mind just goes blank and I'll speak gibberish. I put effort into that test. I'm trying to become independent. On that video, 9Xn, you can hear what I call "the glitch" where I just start losing focus. My voice tone will vary. Some days, I can control it better than others.
Monday, March 19, 2012
In The Genes
I went and had my genes scanned.
Kaela Creighton
=CC
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
CT
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
TT
Typical odds of schizophrenia
Or there was a small study of males, and if I were male, I would have a lower risk. However, "The authors also examined women but did not find an association." Now the higher risk was done on people of Japanese background, but it's interesting to note that I'm closest related to them. I'm J1B1B.
The only really bad thing I carry is this: Cystic Fibrosis--Variant Present
I am a little chubby, but that's from my medicine. I carry the gene for obesity, but I also carry a gene that reacts to exercise more than a usual person.
It's obvious that someone was in my backthoughts. I'm not playing games. I got a free lobotomy. They called me "Miss Rose." They kept telling me to hold still. No way. I'm part of the club, 10% remaining.
Exactly, but I'm not as vocal. I never stabbed myself, and I only clawed my grandma out of self-defense. I still have the memory of my emotions, so I still act the same minus that I'm not as enraged, and I'm confused all the time due to memory problems. I was happier like that though, the prior. Now I'm dizzy all the time. They've never seen me angry. Only the colonel that I lived next door too has seen me angry. I usually don't let it out. He was a weird one. He was really smart. I think he called the cops on me like two or three times. He was really nice though. That was after I was out. What happened was that I thought they were in my head, so I jumped on top of my car and ran around with a pot making a lot of noise then went inside my house. I was sick then, but I was fine when I was in court.
The biggest problem that I used to have was the rage. It would consume my entire body and like burn me to nothing, which sounds weird and is different from my current state. I'm much better now but not from the lobotomy, just that i'm healing.
Kaela Creighton
=CC
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
CT
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
TT
Typical odds of schizophrenia
Or there was a small study of males, and if I were male, I would have a lower risk. However, "The authors also examined women but did not find an association." Now the higher risk was done on people of Japanese background, but it's interesting to note that I'm closest related to them. I'm J1B1B.
The only really bad thing I carry is this: Cystic Fibrosis--Variant Present
I am a little chubby, but that's from my medicine. I carry the gene for obesity, but I also carry a gene that reacts to exercise more than a usual person.
It's obvious that someone was in my backthoughts. I'm not playing games. I got a free lobotomy. They called me "Miss Rose." They kept telling me to hold still. No way. I'm part of the club, 10% remaining.
Exactly, but I'm not as vocal. I never stabbed myself, and I only clawed my grandma out of self-defense. I still have the memory of my emotions, so I still act the same minus that I'm not as enraged, and I'm confused all the time due to memory problems. I was happier like that though, the prior. Now I'm dizzy all the time. They've never seen me angry. Only the colonel that I lived next door too has seen me angry. I usually don't let it out. He was a weird one. He was really smart. I think he called the cops on me like two or three times. He was really nice though. That was after I was out. What happened was that I thought they were in my head, so I jumped on top of my car and ran around with a pot making a lot of noise then went inside my house. I was sick then, but I was fine when I was in court.
The biggest problem that I used to have was the rage. It would consume my entire body and like burn me to nothing, which sounds weird and is different from my current state. I'm much better now but not from the lobotomy, just that i'm healing.
Here's a Fake if You Want to Know
Now I truly believe that she suffers from a mental disorder, but she also suffers a personality disorder.
Jani
She must have gone when she was little, and it imprinted in her mind.
This is what she has to fight.
Special ed made me insane because they compared me. They should have taken me out of school and just given me those damn tests every year that I passed with little education. We belong somewhere else. Jani's parents, stop blaming them. They can't do anything. It hurts them too. One of my special ed teachers went insane. Rather than fight the pointless, they need to be teaching us life skills instead of a,b,cs. That won't matter for us. I just don't remember, and I want to wander. Now I really, really can't remember.
This is what I had to fight. Jani will also have to fight off all the Putins of the world.
Actually, death therapy helped me a lot because I was forced to really think about things that were real vs my personification.
http://rt.com/news/exorcism-st-petersburgs-parliament/ This is really me. Putin, just say my name so that they know that I'm not delusional. You're such a fucking wimp.
Jani
She must have gone when she was little, and it imprinted in her mind.
This is what she has to fight.
Special ed made me insane because they compared me. They should have taken me out of school and just given me those damn tests every year that I passed with little education. We belong somewhere else. Jani's parents, stop blaming them. They can't do anything. It hurts them too. One of my special ed teachers went insane. Rather than fight the pointless, they need to be teaching us life skills instead of a,b,cs. That won't matter for us. I just don't remember, and I want to wander. Now I really, really can't remember.
This is what I had to fight. Jani will also have to fight off all the Putins of the world.
Actually, death therapy helped me a lot because I was forced to really think about things that were real vs my personification.
http://rt.com/news/exorcism-st-petersburgs-parliament/ This is really me. Putin, just say my name so that they know that I'm not delusional. You're such a fucking wimp.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
I Relate to Him
I still move around in odd ways. It's compulsive, but I seem to be improving. It's PT dammit.
More ramblings from when I wasn't doing so hot, the scientific one:
"So that's what the heart is for, I suppose, for another.
I had to drink beer to calm down this morning after asking. I went a little too deep. No, I can't pick up on the entire universe all the time and omit my person at the same time.
"the stiff lens just below focuses the incoming waves even more, sending them into the inland sea of the jellylike vitreous humor deeper down in the eye. A very few of the incoming electric waves explode against the organic molecules in their way, but most simply whirl through these soft biological barriers and continue straight down, piercing the innermost wrapping of the eyeball, till they reach the end-point of their journey: the fragile, stalk-like projection from the living brain known as the retina. And deep inside there, in the dark, barely slowed from their original 670 million mph, the waves splatter into the anceint moist blood vessels and cell membranes, and then something unexpected happens. An electric current switches on" (Electric Universe).
Last night I read
Simplicity makes life better. Perhaps I'm just tired.
Why so complicated?
http://www.utexas.edu/law/faculty/profile.php?id=huskeyka Nope. I'll balance you out with a tactic of yours.
Statement forced from the Nazi government to people of an event:
"I am aware that one individual alone can for comprehensive idea of the events in Cologne. One usually exaggerates one's own experiences and the judgment of those who have been bombed is impaired. I am therefore aware that reports of individual suffering can only do harm, and I will keep silent. I know what the consequences of breaking this undertaking will be... they [German citizens] were on their hands and knees screaming" (Electric Universe).
Damn straight. I don't want her to "shock" me, and we're entering into an era where this will be possible. I want aware containers.
I come from the spine-water, so I know
I hate humans.
It was his sister, btw, not him."
Here's another one. I knew I was losing my mind, so I kept trying to study.
So the schizophrenic-wise-aged-survivor-anemic angels of extremes saw the work of calm man and decided that man would do nothing but fuck, whore and rape the land of everything natural, which was a problem because it was touching their world of combinations, so they knocked the tower to the ground because it was suffering from an unnatural mental illness.
Each kingdom broke off and developed its own philosophy (prime cluster pattern) from the ground up again and again based on the desire of human dominance and necessary reacton to environmental factors.
Containers became stronger relative to them but also tired and began to transform due to blood curses and kingdom's squires and touching desires. They fell to their own vanity and continued denting DNA in the wrong way. Thus, preventing natural order of evolution and creating circles instead of the humble dirt they had conquered. They kept their children clean for 2 or 3 generations to see "balance" or their "perfecting of faults" only to fall to another's desire after their 1 up 1 down fall then too many around.
Ring around the Rosy
Pocket full of Posy
Ashes, Ashes,
We all Fall Down"
"You look in vain for the track of the target nucleus of nitrogen 14, since before the collision, it was just the nucleus of an ordinary atom going peaceably about its business."
"She can't even prove two lines are parallel." Bitch. Yes, I can. That period in my life drove me crazy. It's distracting.
"She is SO stupid." That's true.
My hallucinations:
If you want to meet her, she's a cheerleader. She's gone now. They all are. Now my head is blank.
"You're going to get scott."
Trey or angels, "now we get our revenge."
Cizin just stalked me and killed Alma.
While that all went on, I did attempt suicide but not in an attention getting way. I just wanted away from it.
I used to smell blood everywhere and a few other things. I smelled death everywhere for a time. I saw shadows in the very beginning. They were angels and they came to my barrack's room. That was Trey or the "we will blur your senses" folk.
People On YouTube
This is what I've lived with:
VS
I'm working on fixing myself, but my memory is horrible, and I sometimes get disoriented due to psychotronic stuff. They've got the system rigged to where you can't say that. Clever. Never.
This proves I'm not retarded:
I have to do this to prove it, and I had to take an IQ test, which I was concerned about because I can't think. I'm blank.
No, I don't have a trick book. I sit there and do them myself to practice cognitive stuff. Now prior to Madonna and them, I never used to talk like that. The records have never shown me having a speech disorder, but I kind of have one now. You'll hear it ever so often. It's because I don't have emotions to focus my speech with. My voice sounds pressured because I have to really put effort into speaking coherently.
LOL Had him on my back as well. Bring it on peps. I know I'm claiming a lot, but a lot happened. I went into a coma. Next time, make sure I'm dead. That headache lasted eight months. I appear to be the distraction.
Don't you like this
Until it's you.
I think I belonged in prison. I like the law. It makes sense.
Inside, I'm someone nobody wants to fuck with; do you understand?"
This is me or was me. I still laugh constantly, but I can't feel it.
I go on and on. Can't understand how I last so long... Been wide awake for the last three days. Don't stop, just keep rolling downhill."
I'm not going to play your games. Things happen for reasons, and even that girl up there is a human because I want to be a human.
If you want to blame someone, blame these people.
Let me tell you what the independent hospitals do--now the VA really doesn't do this, but they inject you with drugs then declare you delusional. Haldol makes me lose my memory and I will start saying strange things on it. I have no memory while I'm on it, and I pose a threat to myself and other people while on it. I told the St. Louis hospital I was going to sue them if they injected me, but they just lied and it's my word vs theirs. My word is meaningless...
Something I Wrote When I Was Psycho tic
"I'm not really a gypsy. I just have the function of one. I have my algorithms, my games (that I don't want to play) and interesting insights and a giant wheel that I place things on because it works (in my dreams). I'm working on bringing it into reality. Mwhahahahahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiXBz3eyek0&feature=related I'm doing this to everyone.
I also switch ethnicities all of the time. I was Japanese for the longest time. I'm not sure what I am now. I'm kind'of inbetween Asian and Indian. Since I can't rise, it's hard for me to be American because I can't compete. I'm always marked, so I always have to be subordinate. I've become a black hole. I don't know what I am in blood, and I'd like to keep it that way but google sure does. I wonder what my life has done to my DNA. Not bad, just really weird. Globalization is going to get to everyone for awhile. We're probably going to go back to nomad days where you kind'of hop to what you are, so yeah, I'll be a gypsy in no time flat. That already happens, but it'll probably happen faster and faster. If you want to complain and don't want to do anything, just leave.
I know you want what you can't have but for the love of God. He wants to take me to Vegas. They'll kill me. He said my hallucinations are a gift because you can't know you're crazy. I would have liked him more but he talked to the other girl too much, which means he just wants to use me. He doesn't even know himself, and he's approaching a time in his life where he's about to shatter, worth, frustration, revenge. It's very frustrating. You've switched the spheres around so much. I'm pissed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-soGcjbBTW4
I am not Jewish, not that that would matter, but people will switch the names.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f0PBLo6BFU&feature=related
If you didn't trap me, bad things wouldn't happen to you. Dancing like a robotic Egyptian, eh? Yes, your majesty. :P It doesn't work that way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zHg4T-ippA&feature=related
Well, back to my novel. Oh, it's on. Everyone. Yeah, I'm really into fame and money and stuff. Of course since I have that damn LD everyone will assume that every gypsy has it. So I'll continue to say I'm Jewish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKgxkxbxI7Q&feature=rec-fresh+div-f-1-HM
I'll do this to you, and you'll be like OMG.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiXdxfIRI1s&feature=related
I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry we do this. I haven't had formal training. I'm learning to translate it into your language of math instead of my halucinations, dreams and deluisons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tsm0EhCJM
You've got us all coming out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbagqawqn3s&feature=PlayList&p=03CC611A54C557AF&index=0
For all you fucking gangstar pretenders out there, please note EXACTLY what he's saying, how much he's talking and what he means.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbw4lILx8LE&feature=related Can you handle what I'm going to say?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHkY-yYkw2g You want to play moral lessons since you're turning me into Jesus? The real kind, not the golden rule, weird ass pretend shit? I'll throw you all back in balance. It's up, up time. You should do onto others as you would have them do onto you if you don't want them to come back at you, but you can get past the golden rule by saying revenge is bad because you can never have the moment again and that you've changed, understand your bad ways. Bullshit, I'm coming after all y'all."
Their reaction:
Long story short, keep your schizophrenics away from the computer. I guess since I was covering myself in garbage to prepare myself for the babies I was going to have after I was raped (going to be), I confused them. I belonged here then. Now I need out of here. I'm very blank. It just insults my reality because I'm walking into the usual "traps." Now I'm just blind. As much as that appeared to be nonsense, it was linear to my reality. I've had a crappy life. Whine, snivel, cry, complain. They'll all deny it; I went insane.
Also, this is my solution:
Do you know how many people tried to help and kill me at the same time. All my voices, they were right. I told them it was adaptation to extremes.
How come the maya had it down, but we can't "figure" it out? I still think ALL disabled people should die. They're just using us as a distraction now, to create a sense of urgency. Nickel and diming their way to a haven.
"Stable fortress, what makes the boundless stand on a pin?
We're offering a new power...
Stop sheltering a doomed flower
That's not what we're meant to be made of
Swallowed Saturn under the terms of our imprisonment
To arrest in a new form 'till the shadow of him covered every good limit
No more narrow cage to gild
Don't let the stable fortress come to nothing." ~ Universal Hall Pass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiXBz3eyek0&feature=related I'm doing this to everyone.
I also switch ethnicities all of the time. I was Japanese for the longest time. I'm not sure what I am now. I'm kind'of inbetween Asian and Indian. Since I can't rise, it's hard for me to be American because I can't compete. I'm always marked, so I always have to be subordinate. I've become a black hole. I don't know what I am in blood, and I'd like to keep it that way but google sure does. I wonder what my life has done to my DNA. Not bad, just really weird. Globalization is going to get to everyone for awhile. We're probably going to go back to nomad days where you kind'of hop to what you are, so yeah, I'll be a gypsy in no time flat. That already happens, but it'll probably happen faster and faster. If you want to complain and don't want to do anything, just leave.
I know you want what you can't have but for the love of God. He wants to take me to Vegas. They'll kill me. He said my hallucinations are a gift because you can't know you're crazy. I would have liked him more but he talked to the other girl too much, which means he just wants to use me. He doesn't even know himself, and he's approaching a time in his life where he's about to shatter, worth, frustration, revenge. It's very frustrating. You've switched the spheres around so much. I'm pissed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-soGcjbBTW4
I am not Jewish, not that that would matter, but people will switch the names.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f0PBLo6BFU&feature=related
If you didn't trap me, bad things wouldn't happen to you. Dancing like a robotic Egyptian, eh? Yes, your majesty. :P It doesn't work that way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zHg4T-ippA&feature=related
Well, back to my novel. Oh, it's on. Everyone. Yeah, I'm really into fame and money and stuff. Of course since I have that damn LD everyone will assume that every gypsy has it. So I'll continue to say I'm Jewish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKgxkxbxI7Q&feature=rec-fresh+div-f-1-HM
I'll do this to you, and you'll be like OMG.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiXdxfIRI1s&feature=related
I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry we do this. I haven't had formal training. I'm learning to translate it into your language of math instead of my halucinations, dreams and deluisons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tsm0EhCJM
You've got us all coming out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbagqawqn3s&feature=PlayList&p=03CC611A54C557AF&index=0
For all you fucking gangstar pretenders out there, please note EXACTLY what he's saying, how much he's talking and what he means.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbw4lILx8LE&feature=related Can you handle what I'm going to say?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHkY-yYkw2g You want to play moral lessons since you're turning me into Jesus? The real kind, not the golden rule, weird ass pretend shit? I'll throw you all back in balance. It's up, up time. You should do onto others as you would have them do onto you if you don't want them to come back at you, but you can get past the golden rule by saying revenge is bad because you can never have the moment again and that you've changed, understand your bad ways. Bullshit, I'm coming after all y'all."
Their reaction:
Long story short, keep your schizophrenics away from the computer. I guess since I was covering myself in garbage to prepare myself for the babies I was going to have after I was raped (going to be), I confused them. I belonged here then. Now I need out of here. I'm very blank. It just insults my reality because I'm walking into the usual "traps." Now I'm just blind. As much as that appeared to be nonsense, it was linear to my reality. I've had a crappy life. Whine, snivel, cry, complain. They'll all deny it; I went insane.
Also, this is my solution:
Do you know how many people tried to help and kill me at the same time. All my voices, they were right. I told them it was adaptation to extremes.
How come the maya had it down, but we can't "figure" it out? I still think ALL disabled people should die. They're just using us as a distraction now, to create a sense of urgency. Nickel and diming their way to a haven.
"Stable fortress, what makes the boundless stand on a pin?
We're offering a new power...
Stop sheltering a doomed flower
That's not what we're meant to be made of
Swallowed Saturn under the terms of our imprisonment
To arrest in a new form 'till the shadow of him covered every good limit
No more narrow cage to gild
Don't let the stable fortress come to nothing." ~ Universal Hall Pass
Someone Used Me As An Example
If you want to know, I'm doing much better now, but this technology is real. I'm not joking or playing games.
The main problem that I have is my memory, which the IQ test revealed as well or the other cognitive tests did, which I will post later. Give me attention :P I'm currently in a rehab program that's supposed to help me become independent again. I will try to work at the VA as a janitor. I'm in two classes right now, but I'm not doing so well in one of them due to my memory and am going to go to disability services. After this, I'm done with school because I don't appear to be capable. I'm not going to cheat my way through. And Drury, your online program is too easy. You can use your notes and stuff on exams. LOL Now I need that now, but you can't honestly let normal people go through like that. It's cheating. You're eventually going to get in trouble. I'm going to tattle on you.
When I was little, I had a LD in basic reading. Coding. I was cleared of this disability in 2003. I went to college a little then joined the army. I did fairly well the first time I went to school. I got a 111 on the ASVAB and a 76. IF anyone knows what that means.
I am diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD and NOS Psychosis that they go back and forth between schizoaffective and schizophrenia. Some doctors believe me when I say I'm not actually angry when I start screaming. It's just due to a lack of emotion and I freak, though that's a contradiction. It's different to me. Things are different than they used to be. Others do not believe me about not being angry. Since I wrote a 60,000 book in 3 days, they say I suffer from manias, but I don't. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could still do it. I'm going to self-publish it for free. It's crappy. Oh, they say I have PTSD because I don't sleep through the night and have nightmares. I don't believe that diagnosis is accurate. I'm around people with PTSD, and I'm not like them. They're currently investigating whether or not I might have suffered a head injury. No really. Thanks, Madonna. Now I will say that my "lobotomy" has made it so that I don't say off-the-wall stuff anymore, but my ability to put things together is damaged. Like, on the IQ test, I really struggled with how "always" and "never" are related and things like that. Now remember that the parts needed to do the IQ test do not include the whole brain. A big part of me has died. I don't have a myopic view any longer. I'm very here-now as the doctor says. I only scream when I completely lose the ability to do anything else. I'm in distress, even though I can't "feel" that or anything.
I'm complicated, they say.
IQ-wise, I've always scored around 115-120 with one higher score when I was little. The little kid IQ test is a joke though.
Here's the kind of stuff I wrote when I had emotions:
"I am abusive but it all comes back to me because I think, though I do go through something like a tantrum. I never grew out of it. I'm horrible at arguing. I would rather roll around in the dirt. It's an emotion. If people understood, they would understand. Am I really angry enough to react? Otherwise, it should stay within me instead of be manipulated in some riddled form of perception.
Bite the slaves, right?
It's wrong because it makes them upset then they don't hold so many tasks as well. They die-destroy. They have everything for nothing, said the justification, but they have to hold "everything."
You suffer from things like PTSD. We suffer from things of psychosis. I'm not big enough to pose a threat to 60 percent of the population. I'm firmly believe that people should assess risks instead of manipulate others to various ends.
I got mad and decided to show myself as a complete reaction. I was sick of people selecting hues, mostly reactive. Life is a paradox of meaningless philosophy. I only have so many options."
Back when I was delusional, I was poetic. I got the idea that going bankrupt would be a form of protest against the 1%, and I did that way before OWS. I used to suffer from extreme rage, and I was like, they're going to make me bail all these people out ("Let's Have a War" A Perfect Circle), and i was right, so I decided to do whatever I wanted and mock them. It's in my other blog. I also thought I had magical powers pre-Madonna from the spine-water, but I was happier then. Long story short, a lobotomy will cure delusions, as it makes your mind extremely blank, but it'll leave its victims idiots. I can't adapt to things.
The US pissed me off. I wanted to leave, but they targeted me before I could leave.
It's not nice to steal gold coins from a leprechaun." ~ Leprechaun
They have "control," and that's all they know.
The main problem that I have is my memory, which the IQ test revealed as well or the other cognitive tests did, which I will post later. Give me attention :P I'm currently in a rehab program that's supposed to help me become independent again. I will try to work at the VA as a janitor. I'm in two classes right now, but I'm not doing so well in one of them due to my memory and am going to go to disability services. After this, I'm done with school because I don't appear to be capable. I'm not going to cheat my way through. And Drury, your online program is too easy. You can use your notes and stuff on exams. LOL Now I need that now, but you can't honestly let normal people go through like that. It's cheating. You're eventually going to get in trouble. I'm going to tattle on you.
When I was little, I had a LD in basic reading. Coding. I was cleared of this disability in 2003. I went to college a little then joined the army. I did fairly well the first time I went to school. I got a 111 on the ASVAB and a 76. IF anyone knows what that means.
I am diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD and NOS Psychosis that they go back and forth between schizoaffective and schizophrenia. Some doctors believe me when I say I'm not actually angry when I start screaming. It's just due to a lack of emotion and I freak, though that's a contradiction. It's different to me. Things are different than they used to be. Others do not believe me about not being angry. Since I wrote a 60,000 book in 3 days, they say I suffer from manias, but I don't. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could still do it. I'm going to self-publish it for free. It's crappy. Oh, they say I have PTSD because I don't sleep through the night and have nightmares. I don't believe that diagnosis is accurate. I'm around people with PTSD, and I'm not like them. They're currently investigating whether or not I might have suffered a head injury. No really. Thanks, Madonna. Now I will say that my "lobotomy" has made it so that I don't say off-the-wall stuff anymore, but my ability to put things together is damaged. Like, on the IQ test, I really struggled with how "always" and "never" are related and things like that. Now remember that the parts needed to do the IQ test do not include the whole brain. A big part of me has died. I don't have a myopic view any longer. I'm very here-now as the doctor says. I only scream when I completely lose the ability to do anything else. I'm in distress, even though I can't "feel" that or anything.
I'm complicated, they say.
IQ-wise, I've always scored around 115-120 with one higher score when I was little. The little kid IQ test is a joke though.
Here's the kind of stuff I wrote when I had emotions:
"I am abusive but it all comes back to me because I think, though I do go through something like a tantrum. I never grew out of it. I'm horrible at arguing. I would rather roll around in the dirt. It's an emotion. If people understood, they would understand. Am I really angry enough to react? Otherwise, it should stay within me instead of be manipulated in some riddled form of perception.
Bite the slaves, right?
It's wrong because it makes them upset then they don't hold so many tasks as well. They die-destroy. They have everything for nothing, said the justification, but they have to hold "everything."
You suffer from things like PTSD. We suffer from things of psychosis. I'm not big enough to pose a threat to 60 percent of the population. I'm firmly believe that people should assess risks instead of manipulate others to various ends.
I got mad and decided to show myself as a complete reaction. I was sick of people selecting hues, mostly reactive. Life is a paradox of meaningless philosophy. I only have so many options."
Back when I was delusional, I was poetic. I got the idea that going bankrupt would be a form of protest against the 1%, and I did that way before OWS. I used to suffer from extreme rage, and I was like, they're going to make me bail all these people out ("Let's Have a War" A Perfect Circle), and i was right, so I decided to do whatever I wanted and mock them. It's in my other blog. I also thought I had magical powers pre-Madonna from the spine-water, but I was happier then. Long story short, a lobotomy will cure delusions, as it makes your mind extremely blank, but it'll leave its victims idiots. I can't adapt to things.
The US pissed me off. I wanted to leave, but they targeted me before I could leave.
It's not nice to steal gold coins from a leprechaun." ~ Leprechaun
They have "control," and that's all they know.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
My IQ is 116
A few people are like "she's retarded," but I'm not. I think I'm feeble-minded. My IQ is only 116, but I was pretty happy with that score given all the things that have happened to me. That's only two points lower than my last IQ test. I need to work harder to improve my cognitive funciton.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)