I have to have my grandma stand up for me, or I will lose. People will ignore the horrible things they do to me. It was like with the VA. I called the hospital and asked to speak with someone about making a pamphlet about the fact mentally ill people are not immortal. We can suffer from injuries, too. They gave me a lawyer, and I was like, "I'm not going to sue you..." She was like, "You don't have the money to sue me." Rude.
Teachers would tell the other students I needed special help, and it made me even more of a loser. The kids used to put an "L" on their forehead when I was around them. Rude.
Good thing I was delusional, or I would have killed myself. My family went through hard times in HS, and my school was anything but empathetic. For example, when my stepdad had heart problems, I had to stay home until my grandparents arrived because they were little. The teachers docked me participation points, and the attendance woman threatened me. Mom actually stood up for me that time from the ER.
But I cannot stand up for myself. I will be crushed.
I had this wonderful Orchestra teacher who made me sit in the back of the classroom and write papers about composures instead of giving me an issued violin that the district was supposed to give students who didn't have their own instruments. I had one, but its bridge broke. Like I said, we went through tough times when I was in HS. She embarrassed the living shit out of me. I know I have NO musical talent. However, she could have taken me to the office to get in another class. I know I hurt her ears, but she was rude.
When I worked, my managers would schedule me during times I asked off, like to take a test. I managed As and Bs at first. However, my reaction to cold weather eventually got to me, and I couldn't make it to school anymore. I have a ton of sympathy grades. I give up.
In the army, the males came after me. I was young, and their head games messed with me. Now I"d be like, "Whatever." Anyway, they need to force men and women to go into the army after HS. If there were more women, it wouldn't be as much of a problem. Other countries do it. My sergeant stood up for me though. I couldn't help the schizophrenia. He really tried to bring me back to Earth, but it didn't work.
As far as C goes, we got into a fight over a boy. I told her he asked me on a date when he'd been messing with her, and she blamed me inside. A lot of other people gave her Hell. She eventually bloomed out of it. She's a lot stronger than I am. Sorry. I'm bleeding with my wounds. Stupid music. I froze for a while. In the first ward, it was a three day nap. I asked the staff, and they said they've had people do that all of the time and some for thirty days. She didn't understand why I reacted so much. I'm trying to make my masters happy. Regression and obsession. I like pink ponies.
If they cared, why didn't they give my neurotic ass a lobotomy then? No, they wait for me to be total trash after chasing and raping me over and over--and other things. Chasing me, using weapons, making me dumber. Anyway, I thought she was after me and blew up. I should have been reported by CID a long time before I was. I don't know why the FSB didn't turn me in either. We had to do the movie and songs. Pump up the volume in an ordinary day. I love you, baby. You're my daddy. I have teeth now, and there's more of me to love.
I was off my rocker. It is relevant, and it's a good excuse, C. People who aren't mentally ill don't get the loss of will we experience. they have to confront us. CBT will help us. Other countries do that, too. You can't drug an elephant to do calculus. We try to.
Now that I have a mental illness noted, I attract even more pleasant things. If I disagree, I'm ill. Oh well.
PS about the music... Even if you think I'm just feeling sorry for myself (happened later because I got addicted to emotion), abused people will have a reaction. I split away from myself to try to follow my programming. Deathstars get me then. This is totally corrupt. You can't win.
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