Monday, December 31, 2012
Dawn of the Hives--Mwahahaha
This is my joke to the intelligence agencies that stalk me. I threw all their arguments together. I was framed as being a spy or committing espionage by the FBI back when I was still in the military, so in this book, I named myself 53 and said I came from a communist compound. This is how the US portrays communism, especially in the former Soviet Union and North Korea, and I created the extreme. Sometimes, I'll admit, it does jump around, but that's because I am schizophrenic. And before you dismiss me, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you... I'm not a paranoid schizophrenic anyway. All this stuff happens to me and nobody cares nor says anything, so I laugh.
"Dawn of the Hives"
Human civilization has proven its ability to terrorize, its weaknesses and its ineffectiveness throughout history. The planet is in peril. Simply stated, things cannot go on as such, or they could not have. A group of elites have secretly come together and created compounds called Hives, which have proven effective in alleviating several problems, but at what price? Only Eleven Sectors remain part of the free world while the rest of civilization lives in Hives or horrors of horrors, as the Freers, or an army of rebels, claim. The destiny of mankind hangs in the balance of a number of threats not only from the Hives, but dangers from advanced alien civilizations. Who will win? Will humanity’s soul be triumphant or has the time of the human race passed?
It's free. Read today!
http://www.lulu.com/shop/rebecca-troup/dawn-of-the-hives/ebook/product-20611684.html
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Ugh
So I haven't written on this site in a while.
I haven't had anything to say to this pocket of cyberspace. They've made my mind so blank that I have to spend hours studying and relearning myself because I'm in the same reality that I usually am and have to survive. I'm pretty much relearning everything I knew anyway, what little that was. I didn't know much of anything anyway. I just observe everyone and usually don't say anything until I had to ink out like an octopus to survive. I don't know why they're doing these operations. Nothing's changing. And world peace. Sure, they'll get there one retard at a time, by framing us for their own careers.
Nobody really goes anywhere, not in the end.
You've got a million spies with nothing to do but eat of us. Then you've got Obama who is a psychopath. I don't like him. I need to join an organization and be super "speshul" too if we're going with this, or his, stupid programming. If we're going to be fascists, let's be fascists, but he wants to half-ass everything.
I feel so weak. It's bizarre. I float around reality. I'm still fighting on my front. Apathy won't ever swallow me, not until I'm dead.
I started eating a mushroom to try to help with the dizziness and floating, and it's helping, but it's also making me really happy, which is bad because it makes me go the other way. Sometimes, my Prozac does the same thing to me. It makes me aggressive. Guys, no amount of brain damage is going to fix this. You've got me on all these chemicals too that are messing me up.
I have no choice. I never have had a choice.
I figured out that I am in "Eat Me, Drink Me" ("Kaela" is at 2:01, not game) as well as "No Reflection" (I'm the hippie chick and Gail, YouTube "Gail and Putin," is Catherine the Great). Both of these are by Marilyn Manson. I remember them stalking me then too. People think I'm crazy, or they don't care because they're still in their comas. It will eventually affect you. They hope. Oh well. I used to hope back in my vegetable days.
I just wish this had a purpose, but alas, they are too vain for it to mean anything, more wasted resources, and I'm a waste of resources to the sycophants who attack young girls, disabled people and welfare recipients.
"What's all this talk of a notion/I'd rather drink from the ocean."~Breaking Benjamin It's burning Benny.
I said so :P
I haven't had anything to say to this pocket of cyberspace. They've made my mind so blank that I have to spend hours studying and relearning myself because I'm in the same reality that I usually am and have to survive. I'm pretty much relearning everything I knew anyway, what little that was. I didn't know much of anything anyway. I just observe everyone and usually don't say anything until I had to ink out like an octopus to survive. I don't know why they're doing these operations. Nothing's changing. And world peace. Sure, they'll get there one retard at a time, by framing us for their own careers.
Nobody really goes anywhere, not in the end.
You've got a million spies with nothing to do but eat of us. Then you've got Obama who is a psychopath. I don't like him. I need to join an organization and be super "speshul" too if we're going with this, or his, stupid programming. If we're going to be fascists, let's be fascists, but he wants to half-ass everything.
I feel so weak. It's bizarre. I float around reality. I'm still fighting on my front. Apathy won't ever swallow me, not until I'm dead.
I started eating a mushroom to try to help with the dizziness and floating, and it's helping, but it's also making me really happy, which is bad because it makes me go the other way. Sometimes, my Prozac does the same thing to me. It makes me aggressive. Guys, no amount of brain damage is going to fix this. You've got me on all these chemicals too that are messing me up.
I have no choice. I never have had a choice.
I figured out that I am in "Eat Me, Drink Me" ("Kaela" is at 2:01, not game) as well as "No Reflection" (I'm the hippie chick and Gail, YouTube "Gail and Putin," is Catherine the Great). Both of these are by Marilyn Manson. I remember them stalking me then too. People think I'm crazy, or they don't care because they're still in their comas. It will eventually affect you. They hope. Oh well. I used to hope back in my vegetable days.
I just wish this had a purpose, but alas, they are too vain for it to mean anything, more wasted resources, and I'm a waste of resources to the sycophants who attack young girls, disabled people and welfare recipients.
"What's all this talk of a notion/I'd rather drink from the ocean."~Breaking Benjamin It's burning Benny.
I said so :P
Sunday, November 11, 2012
What I Did In The End--I Was Going Down Anyway
Yes, this is what I did. There's not much left of me, but it was worth it. I know I hit some nerves.
I think it's moral because it was me.
I just want to talk about it as a society. What they're doing is immoral.
Do you want these people around you? Do you trust their intents when there is NO accountability?
And then what's going to happen... And these crystal balls.
I Won't Do Anything For You After That
I would have preferred a laser if I was forced to. You people have no business coming into my life. If I want to live, I live. IF I want to die, I die. If I want to kill, I face justice. None of these happenings are your business. You did a great job of protecting me. I'd like to say that. Shove your love back up your ass where it belongs.
I refuse to do anything, mostly because I'm incapacitated. It was already hard enough for me, and you made it harder and took away all the fun, awe and joy of life. How dare you. You aren't anyone under the sun.
She doesn't even deserve this.
You saw what she did, the other girl who you guys are getting on YouTube.
Most just care about money. That's why 70% of them "hear voices," dough. You can't kill them all, so why don't you just say that you can see into our minds and open up clinics to help everyone? The kookiness will have to end along with the dark age. Mwhaha back to you and your lowness. I won't be crawling in shit along with all the other veterans you've killed, "Evil Angel," Breaking Benjamin. You will disappear in mind. Putin is going to bow to me along with all of you. I will never go through that again. You will make peace with me. You are nothing to me.
I could have used a small surgery, not eighty of them. Besides, we all know you were trying to kill me too because "she'll never do anything for you." Oh, look, he's right :P
She might be brainwashed by her doctor. She's a good person though.
I was fine before and I'm just "like that." I just keep going, and you people GET IN MY WAY! It's a trick and how they get ahead.
Admit it, you guys can't handle the power. You're infatuated with yourselves.
Thanks to drugs that increase serotonin and dopamine, I can talk and go to the store, but I can't do much.
I thought I was going to lose the ability to form words, but I still can and all of my voices are coming back. My brain is setup to be that way.
I went years "hearing voices" when I was perfectly healthy. A lot of people hear voices. Ironically, so does Bjork, Madonna's little friend. Look, she was immature too and no one came rushing in to destroy her in her moment of disgrace.
I've had a lot of other hallucinations too. "Voices" were the least of my problems. You've seen them now, so you know.
I have some strange problem. They were worse when I was a kid. They're called hypnagogic, but I can have them when I'm awake too. Sometimes.
Like I've said for a while, my MAIN problems are cognitive.
What you'll find out if you deal with a large group of people:
It makes sense to me why a lot of people think strange things, but it takes a ton of investigation.
I refuse to do anything, mostly because I'm incapacitated. It was already hard enough for me, and you made it harder and took away all the fun, awe and joy of life. How dare you. You aren't anyone under the sun.
She doesn't even deserve this.
You saw what she did, the other girl who you guys are getting on YouTube.
Most just care about money. That's why 70% of them "hear voices," dough. You can't kill them all, so why don't you just say that you can see into our minds and open up clinics to help everyone? The kookiness will have to end along with the dark age. Mwhaha back to you and your lowness. I won't be crawling in shit along with all the other veterans you've killed, "Evil Angel," Breaking Benjamin. You will disappear in mind. Putin is going to bow to me along with all of you. I will never go through that again. You will make peace with me. You are nothing to me.
I could have used a small surgery, not eighty of them. Besides, we all know you were trying to kill me too because "she'll never do anything for you." Oh, look, he's right :P
She might be brainwashed by her doctor. She's a good person though.
I was fine before and I'm just "like that." I just keep going, and you people GET IN MY WAY! It's a trick and how they get ahead.
Admit it, you guys can't handle the power. You're infatuated with yourselves.
Thanks to drugs that increase serotonin and dopamine, I can talk and go to the store, but I can't do much.
I thought I was going to lose the ability to form words, but I still can and all of my voices are coming back. My brain is setup to be that way.
I went years "hearing voices" when I was perfectly healthy. A lot of people hear voices. Ironically, so does Bjork, Madonna's little friend. Look, she was immature too and no one came rushing in to destroy her in her moment of disgrace.
I've had a lot of other hallucinations too. "Voices" were the least of my problems. You've seen them now, so you know.
I have some strange problem. They were worse when I was a kid. They're called hypnagogic, but I can have them when I'm awake too. Sometimes.
Like I've said for a while, my MAIN problems are cognitive.
What you'll find out if you deal with a large group of people:
It makes sense to me why a lot of people think strange things, but it takes a ton of investigation.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Dear President Obama and the All-Knowing Wise
I don't like you. I don't like Romney either. I like Jill Stein.
Hopefully, during your second time as President, you'll do a better job of assessing your threats. I was "barking" because they wouldn't leave me alone. I puffed up my chest. A scared animal will bite.
I am a dissident. That was allowed prior. If you changed it, which you obviously did, then you should inform us, and I'd lie until I could escape "this."
I wanted to leave and be a slave in peace. You guys expect the world out of me, which is hilarious. When they were stalking me, they said, "She'll never do anything for you." What have they done for the world? Nothing. You know what you did, and it was dirty. I don't like America. I like Mexico, Thailand and Cuba much better. Libya was probably nicer to the disabled. All people do here is whine about how it's "their" money, as if taxes on their pathetic earnings really pays. Then they hurt us. Cuba is my favorite place though. It's like a dream.
Unlike this place...
So, if you haven't noticed, our "free" and loving intelligence agencies are making dissidents brain dead, as if that's going to help them. Now they have to support them... When did a 3 dollar bullet go so astray? They have to be badass though. Who got me? I bet it was NSA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgxA6TyNm7g "We're not protestors, we're pirates."
I know they aren't all-knowing and wise, so I disregard them. I'm seeing if they'll be honest about what they did.
I don't like being an idiot. I'm getting better at dealing with it though. It's hard for me to deal with information. If someone tells me there are monkeys on the moon, I will believe them. Things are literal, and I have no ability to discern or any emotional process. I say off the wall things sometimes too. I can't come to the same, strong conclusions I could before. Information is analogous to me.
Are you a moron? +slaps chest+ We evolved millions of years and need those abilities to survive. They have to think about it. They have to process it. I am pathologically jealous because I wanted to go to school and everyone got to go but me, and they steal everything from me and torture me with that "school."
Yeah, that's what "she" said, "reptile brain." Fix my brain! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! I wasn't racist in the traditional sense and it was only in the back of my mind; I wanted to go to school and they abused me first, which made me think about them in a negative way, school and W. Plus, my best friend betrayed me. And one girl was flat out racist towards white people. Don't think I'm for the Aryan brotherhood. I'm just a wounded animal. How would you feel? I wasn't like, white people are better than black people. I was like, I need to avoid conflict.
I'm jealous because I want to go to school most of all, however. The school gives them points for being black but not for being disabled. See where I'm going with this? It's an everlasting battle because they've hurt me that bad, school. Fix the world before you center all your arguments on one person. And the days go on and everyone is the same, but you drag me in more garbage. I like the 60 pounds my lobotomy caused me to gain too. I have no "future." All you're doing is a lobotomy. If you damage tissue in the brain, you get the same results. They've found crazy new regions to damage.
I hate you, and I don't care if you're black. I can't feel hate, but I know it.
I know they can see everything, so even if it wasn't them, they'll know who it was. Thanks for defending me again. Thanks. I also know that they did it because the voices I hear are totally different.
I'm a dissident because of how the disabled are treated in America. It sucks for most people, and they're trying to shove me to stupidity again, which won't ever happen. I will never sacrifice myself or do anything out of good nature again. I loved President Obama's comment about intellectually disabled people too, the "special Olympics" one, and I love the backlog on disability claims, and I love that you're trying to screw us all over. We know who it's all about. Just kill us, all disabled people, since that's what they're trying to do. Maybe then there'll be world peace.
You could fix us, but that would be... too good to be true.
Fuck all politicians. You better read this, you fags. I expect to be on the news, be a millionaire shortly (why not gift like all the other corrupt people--I cannot support myself all the way) or be a genius brain-wise with the genes I know you have if I have to bring humanity to its knees first.
I'm still running around screaming about that, so it still goes to show that I might one day rule the world.
Why don't you separate us? We'd lead better lives. You wanted to be cheap in the 1950s. Look, it's not working out.
All my "friends" have abandoned me for the same old reasons. I need broken friends like me.
Oh, and the 23andme thing was to garner attention to my "fix my brain" rant to that one girl, not the other argument. It didn't work, but I did get someone with a weapon to talk to me, not from that but another trap I put up. He didn't fix me.
Hopefully, during your second time as President, you'll do a better job of assessing your threats. I was "barking" because they wouldn't leave me alone. I puffed up my chest. A scared animal will bite.
I am a dissident. That was allowed prior. If you changed it, which you obviously did, then you should inform us, and I'd lie until I could escape "this."
I wanted to leave and be a slave in peace. You guys expect the world out of me, which is hilarious. When they were stalking me, they said, "She'll never do anything for you." What have they done for the world? Nothing. You know what you did, and it was dirty. I don't like America. I like Mexico, Thailand and Cuba much better. Libya was probably nicer to the disabled. All people do here is whine about how it's "their" money, as if taxes on their pathetic earnings really pays. Then they hurt us. Cuba is my favorite place though. It's like a dream.
Unlike this place...
So, if you haven't noticed, our "free" and loving intelligence agencies are making dissidents brain dead, as if that's going to help them. Now they have to support them... When did a 3 dollar bullet go so astray? They have to be badass though. Who got me? I bet it was NSA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgxA6TyNm7g "We're not protestors, we're pirates."
I know they aren't all-knowing and wise, so I disregard them. I'm seeing if they'll be honest about what they did.
I don't like being an idiot. I'm getting better at dealing with it though. It's hard for me to deal with information. If someone tells me there are monkeys on the moon, I will believe them. Things are literal, and I have no ability to discern or any emotional process. I say off the wall things sometimes too. I can't come to the same, strong conclusions I could before. Information is analogous to me.
Are you a moron? +slaps chest+ We evolved millions of years and need those abilities to survive. They have to think about it. They have to process it. I am pathologically jealous because I wanted to go to school and everyone got to go but me, and they steal everything from me and torture me with that "school."
Yeah, that's what "she" said, "reptile brain." Fix my brain! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! I wasn't racist in the traditional sense and it was only in the back of my mind; I wanted to go to school and they abused me first, which made me think about them in a negative way, school and W. Plus, my best friend betrayed me. And one girl was flat out racist towards white people. Don't think I'm for the Aryan brotherhood. I'm just a wounded animal. How would you feel? I wasn't like, white people are better than black people. I was like, I need to avoid conflict.
I'm jealous because I want to go to school most of all, however. The school gives them points for being black but not for being disabled. See where I'm going with this? It's an everlasting battle because they've hurt me that bad, school. Fix the world before you center all your arguments on one person. And the days go on and everyone is the same, but you drag me in more garbage. I like the 60 pounds my lobotomy caused me to gain too. I have no "future." All you're doing is a lobotomy. If you damage tissue in the brain, you get the same results. They've found crazy new regions to damage.
I hate you, and I don't care if you're black. I can't feel hate, but I know it.
I know they can see everything, so even if it wasn't them, they'll know who it was. Thanks for defending me again. Thanks. I also know that they did it because the voices I hear are totally different.
I'm a dissident because of how the disabled are treated in America. It sucks for most people, and they're trying to shove me to stupidity again, which won't ever happen. I will never sacrifice myself or do anything out of good nature again. I loved President Obama's comment about intellectually disabled people too, the "special Olympics" one, and I love the backlog on disability claims, and I love that you're trying to screw us all over. We know who it's all about. Just kill us, all disabled people, since that's what they're trying to do. Maybe then there'll be world peace.
You could fix us, but that would be... too good to be true.
Fuck all politicians. You better read this, you fags. I expect to be on the news, be a millionaire shortly (why not gift like all the other corrupt people--I cannot support myself all the way) or be a genius brain-wise with the genes I know you have if I have to bring humanity to its knees first.
I'm still running around screaming about that, so it still goes to show that I might one day rule the world.
Why don't you separate us? We'd lead better lives. You wanted to be cheap in the 1950s. Look, it's not working out.
All my "friends" have abandoned me for the same old reasons. I need broken friends like me.
Oh, and the 23andme thing was to garner attention to my "fix my brain" rant to that one girl, not the other argument. It didn't work, but I did get someone with a weapon to talk to me, not from that but another trap I put up. He didn't fix me.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
I Decided I Want a Settlement From Putin
The only reason is because they can't fix my brain yet, and I can't do much or at least not yet. My memory is terrible, and I have issues thinking, especially on my feet. My entire character has been destroyed, but I can work on mending that myself.
And no, I'm not giving up. I'm going to try volunteering at NAMI and then living again. I've been independent for several months, and I'm taking classes, but I'm not sure I'll pass the tests. That's not thanks to the lobotomy, the independence, because I was independent and looking for work BEFORE the lobotomy. That stupid, beeping operation is what destroyed me, or maybe they were trying to kill me. I don't know. All I know is that they did it several times and now I'm confused. Putin knows what they did. I wish he would just agree to a settlement. Most of this is because of him and due to his influence. Don't say I destroyed you because you got me first. Plus, you're a person of influence and my word is meaningless.
I doubt I'll ever be totally self-sufficient though. For the first time in my life, I'm not sure if I can do the impossible.
I think it would be cool if I could buy a big house with the settlement and collect a few other unfortunate souls, other mental people. Those are the only people I care for really. There are a lot of them these days. Pretty sure he'll continue to be a douche about everything.
My current goals are to get on lurasidone and back on track. I have schizophrenia on top of everything, and it's worse now. I got confused for awhile due to the real stuff. Some of it is real and some of it is not. I realized this when the immortal undead/angels came back. God, I feel like I'm on one of those movies. What is real?.. what is not?.. It's all a paradox. No, it's not that bad. Obviously, I've provided some evidence here. If you don't believe that I named Putin's dog "Buffy" and it wasn't a five year old boy, look up "returnoftheramble3 Buffy." http://largedogbreedslist.com/large-dog-breeds/a-dogs-heart-pet-lover-putin-needs-name-for-fluffy-puppy/ Grr... Anyway, I want on lurasidone because it helps with memory and cognition, which are the two areas that are holding me back. Plus, I'm overweight, and it's supposed to be better for that.
And no, I'm not giving up. I'm going to try volunteering at NAMI and then living again. I've been independent for several months, and I'm taking classes, but I'm not sure I'll pass the tests. That's not thanks to the lobotomy, the independence, because I was independent and looking for work BEFORE the lobotomy. That stupid, beeping operation is what destroyed me, or maybe they were trying to kill me. I don't know. All I know is that they did it several times and now I'm confused. Putin knows what they did. I wish he would just agree to a settlement. Most of this is because of him and due to his influence. Don't say I destroyed you because you got me first. Plus, you're a person of influence and my word is meaningless.
I doubt I'll ever be totally self-sufficient though. For the first time in my life, I'm not sure if I can do the impossible.
I think it would be cool if I could buy a big house with the settlement and collect a few other unfortunate souls, other mental people. Those are the only people I care for really. There are a lot of them these days. Pretty sure he'll continue to be a douche about everything.
My current goals are to get on lurasidone and back on track. I have schizophrenia on top of everything, and it's worse now. I got confused for awhile due to the real stuff. Some of it is real and some of it is not. I realized this when the immortal undead/angels came back. God, I feel like I'm on one of those movies. What is real?.. what is not?.. It's all a paradox. No, it's not that bad. Obviously, I've provided some evidence here. If you don't believe that I named Putin's dog "Buffy" and it wasn't a five year old boy, look up "returnoftheramble3 Buffy." http://largedogbreedslist.com/large-dog-breeds/a-dogs-heart-pet-lover-putin-needs-name-for-fluffy-puppy/ Grr... Anyway, I want on lurasidone because it helps with memory and cognition, which are the two areas that are holding me back. Plus, I'm overweight, and it's supposed to be better for that.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Dear Putin, Marilyn Manson, Bjork & Madonna
I hope you're all happy.
I guess I should live by this quote, "Be optimistic. All the people you hate are going to eventually die." --Terence Tyler I guess all paths lead to the grave. Even immortals will have a hard time survivng the universe.
I want a t-shirt with that quote.
My entire life is destroyed, and since you damaged my brain, I'll never get out of "this."
Normally, I cut my losses and run, but you guys went for the brain.
When they release those records, I will get you and your little pretty too.
I don't want your frickin' money; I want my brain fixed. Of course, they'll try to frame me as this or that to get out of it, like I must be full of myself to sue. I've never sued anyone, and I've been beyond wronged. The brain is a different story, however. That's something that is deeply personal and mine and you raped me on top of it, the weapon from Hell, but I'll be selfless and let that go, even though it violated me in ways I can't describe. However, my brain is my soul, and you disturbed it then destroyed it. I'm not letting the physical stuff though or the 8.5 month long headache or all the inspired actions that you practically forced by stupid weapons or my destroyed character.
Next time, break an arm or something or send me to jail. I know you want to prevent me from going anywhere and see me suffer. There are easier ways than destroying the brain.
If any of you had a conscience, you'd do it, but I know better.
Fraud. Fraud. Fraud. How and why did the FBI/CIA allow that? That means that the FBI/CIA has a file and they endorse this, and I get it in 25 years. I have 10 years after that to get your rears.
I can't believe you're going to make me live like this for that long.
I know that I can't prove that you did it to me, "beyond a reasonable doubt." And you all know how to work the system. When those papers come, I will be redeemed!
And yes, I asked Campbell if she wanted to sue me for the name-thing, and she said "no." I offered because if she does then she can get her full name deleted off of the internet. It requires a court order. Dernit, we don't follow laws anyway. Can we just delete it? It's something for the FBI to do. It'll occupy their time for awhile. Lord knows they need something to justify their paychecks.
But in 25 years, she'll be kicking your ass too for using her, I bet, endangering her life.
I guess I should live by this quote, "Be optimistic. All the people you hate are going to eventually die." --Terence Tyler I guess all paths lead to the grave. Even immortals will have a hard time survivng the universe.
I want a t-shirt with that quote.
My entire life is destroyed, and since you damaged my brain, I'll never get out of "this."
Normally, I cut my losses and run, but you guys went for the brain.
When they release those records, I will get you and your little pretty too.
I don't want your frickin' money; I want my brain fixed. Of course, they'll try to frame me as this or that to get out of it, like I must be full of myself to sue. I've never sued anyone, and I've been beyond wronged. The brain is a different story, however. That's something that is deeply personal and mine and you raped me on top of it, the weapon from Hell, but I'll be selfless and let that go, even though it violated me in ways I can't describe. However, my brain is my soul, and you disturbed it then destroyed it. I'm not letting the physical stuff though or the 8.5 month long headache or all the inspired actions that you practically forced by stupid weapons or my destroyed character.
Next time, break an arm or something or send me to jail. I know you want to prevent me from going anywhere and see me suffer. There are easier ways than destroying the brain.
If any of you had a conscience, you'd do it, but I know better.
Fraud. Fraud. Fraud. How and why did the FBI/CIA allow that? That means that the FBI/CIA has a file and they endorse this, and I get it in 25 years. I have 10 years after that to get your rears.
I can't believe you're going to make me live like this for that long.
I know that I can't prove that you did it to me, "beyond a reasonable doubt." And you all know how to work the system. When those papers come, I will be redeemed!
And yes, I asked Campbell if she wanted to sue me for the name-thing, and she said "no." I offered because if she does then she can get her full name deleted off of the internet. It requires a court order. Dernit, we don't follow laws anyway. Can we just delete it? It's something for the FBI to do. It'll occupy their time for awhile. Lord knows they need something to justify their paychecks.
But in 25 years, she'll be kicking your ass too for using her, I bet, endangering her life.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Rejected People and the Morally Pure
http://start.toshiba.com/news/read.php?rip_id=%3CDA0VQ3GO0%40news.ap.org%3E&ps=931
Growing up, they destroyed me in every way possible, and it continued into adulthood.
They end up making me morally beyond pure and I have to be everyone's friend. Otherwise, I think I'm better!
What they do is find one lie that I have to tell and use it to claim the truth and make me out to be Satan. I have many lessons to learn...
I don't think any of you would want to talk about the things I have to or disclose the level of information that I end up having to give by peoples' demands.
I just didn't have enough money due to certain issues in HS, and I think that made me evil in the eyes of many people. Putin hates poor people. They have a false sense of entitlement! I like his watch collection... more full of shitness. Back to HS, it wasn't a big deal, but it was a temporary problem that plagued my family. They used that against me too. I'm not even going to talk about my years with X because all people will do is bring out an abnormal psychology book and put me in chains that I can never escape. And let me not forget my minor disability growing up as well.
Where's all the good now? Where's all the dedication to community? Nobody comes and visits me, and I don't want them to, but these were the same people that were trying to save the planet. I think most people are full of shit.
Good thing I don't have to depend on handouts from my HS at Christmas because I think I'd stab a hole in their tires with the one knife I possess. Oh yeah, I always get framed into being a school shooter too.
I always end up having to confess a bunch of crap that I haven't and wouldn't do. It's annoying.
People Kaela's killed: 0. People the government has killed: millions.
Don't worry about me ever coming on campus again. Luckily, everyone's wonderful treatment of me has fried my brain along with a few weapons-- but I'm Satan, and I can't not talk to things. I wouldn't be able to sit through a lecture without talking to my pencil, as my mind doesn't filter a lot of reality. Prior to my issues, I was average and a little above in some subjects. I struggle now. Oh well. That makes the morally pure people happy!
People would love to shame me and prevent me from even doing online/mail classes by my moral character, as they have also destroyed any chances of me ever having gainful employment again as well. That prevents me from growing, and it also makes it so that I can't do anything in the community that we're all supposed to share with hugs and rainbows.
I am so sick of their tricks.
"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet. Religion keeps the poor from murdering the rich." -Napoleon Bonaparte
Actually, what I think keeps them from doing it is that they're decent people. They weren't thieves. They weren't liars. They weren't thugs, so they didn't get anywhere.
I thought about being a mass murderer though in recent history. I thought the argument that I would present the judge and that is that government murders, Presidents murder,so what's so wrong with it? Are you really going to hang me and let the others get away with it? Is that your justice?
So if a butcher knife is the cause of death and there looks like tracks from a getaway bicycle, you know it was me.
It's highly unlikely that I'd do that though.
Growing up, they destroyed me in every way possible, and it continued into adulthood.
They end up making me morally beyond pure and I have to be everyone's friend. Otherwise, I think I'm better!
What they do is find one lie that I have to tell and use it to claim the truth and make me out to be Satan. I have many lessons to learn...
I don't think any of you would want to talk about the things I have to or disclose the level of information that I end up having to give by peoples' demands.
I just didn't have enough money due to certain issues in HS, and I think that made me evil in the eyes of many people. Putin hates poor people. They have a false sense of entitlement! I like his watch collection... more full of shitness. Back to HS, it wasn't a big deal, but it was a temporary problem that plagued my family. They used that against me too. I'm not even going to talk about my years with X because all people will do is bring out an abnormal psychology book and put me in chains that I can never escape. And let me not forget my minor disability growing up as well.
Where's all the good now? Where's all the dedication to community? Nobody comes and visits me, and I don't want them to, but these were the same people that were trying to save the planet. I think most people are full of shit.
Good thing I don't have to depend on handouts from my HS at Christmas because I think I'd stab a hole in their tires with the one knife I possess. Oh yeah, I always get framed into being a school shooter too.
I always end up having to confess a bunch of crap that I haven't and wouldn't do. It's annoying.
People Kaela's killed: 0. People the government has killed: millions.
Don't worry about me ever coming on campus again. Luckily, everyone's wonderful treatment of me has fried my brain along with a few weapons-- but I'm Satan, and I can't not talk to things. I wouldn't be able to sit through a lecture without talking to my pencil, as my mind doesn't filter a lot of reality. Prior to my issues, I was average and a little above in some subjects. I struggle now. Oh well. That makes the morally pure people happy!
People would love to shame me and prevent me from even doing online/mail classes by my moral character, as they have also destroyed any chances of me ever having gainful employment again as well. That prevents me from growing, and it also makes it so that I can't do anything in the community that we're all supposed to share with hugs and rainbows.
I am so sick of their tricks.
"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet. Religion keeps the poor from murdering the rich." -Napoleon Bonaparte
Actually, what I think keeps them from doing it is that they're decent people. They weren't thieves. They weren't liars. They weren't thugs, so they didn't get anywhere.
I thought about being a mass murderer though in recent history. I thought the argument that I would present the judge and that is that government murders, Presidents murder,so what's so wrong with it? Are you really going to hang me and let the others get away with it? Is that your justice?
So if a butcher knife is the cause of death and there looks like tracks from a getaway bicycle, you know it was me.
It's highly unlikely that I'd do that though.
World's Richest Hag--Well, That Is Inspiring to Me, the Hag Part
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/drink-less-more-billionaire-tells-152654355.html
Why do I not like them? Because they know that certain people might rise, and they prevent it by either destroying their lives or destroying their brains. Read about COINTELPRO and tell me it's fair, please bitch. I'm sure you have a few assassins too.
Oh, help me, help me, rich people! They took everything so then I have to serve them and rely on them. I'd have to box them, and I did box Putin, but he got out of it. I'd rather go back into the woods than do anything for Madonna.
And since everything is like this, we have to be like them. If it's not me, it's you. Basically, they've got everything so corrupted that it's like impossible to earn anything worth anything. You have to always be thankful and grateful that you saw another sun. You can't even fix it it's so messed up. I think the more perceptive hoard and hide.
What would I do if I had a lot of money? I wouldn't keep it long enough to know because everyone takes everything from me, and I can't do anything because I'm always trapped. I'd probably fix my brain then fix my income for the rest of my life, as I'm socially trapped against doing too much and the world's like "this," and get rid of the rest. Charity? Not the kind you're thinking. I'd probably go buy kids AK47s. And world peace.
I don't believe in having hoards of money. Even if it's "earned" in this world, it's still stolen. Whose work is really worth so much more than another's? That's why we have Cain in the world.
Since they stole from me, I rely on the government, which also tries to kill me. I hate that. I can't do anything decent now that my life and brain are destroyed.
We aren't retarded, or we didn't used to be, and that's why we're socialists, and those aren't freeloaders either because one of principles of it is that "those that do not work, do not eat." We share. I'm not like hardcore in that area. They just always use that vocabulary when anything benefits workers, so I adapt it.
If we didn't have stupid welfare, we would DEMAND jobs and fair wage and there would be a lot less bullshit.
I know that what Putin did will prevent me from going anywhere. It's already hard enough to do anything when you're disabled and then these yahoos run in and destroy everything.
Why do I not like them? Because they know that certain people might rise, and they prevent it by either destroying their lives or destroying their brains. Read about COINTELPRO and tell me it's fair, please bitch. I'm sure you have a few assassins too.
Oh, help me, help me, rich people! They took everything so then I have to serve them and rely on them. I'd have to box them, and I did box Putin, but he got out of it. I'd rather go back into the woods than do anything for Madonna.
And since everything is like this, we have to be like them. If it's not me, it's you. Basically, they've got everything so corrupted that it's like impossible to earn anything worth anything. You have to always be thankful and grateful that you saw another sun. You can't even fix it it's so messed up. I think the more perceptive hoard and hide.
What would I do if I had a lot of money? I wouldn't keep it long enough to know because everyone takes everything from me, and I can't do anything because I'm always trapped. I'd probably fix my brain then fix my income for the rest of my life, as I'm socially trapped against doing too much and the world's like "this," and get rid of the rest. Charity? Not the kind you're thinking. I'd probably go buy kids AK47s. And world peace.
I don't believe in having hoards of money. Even if it's "earned" in this world, it's still stolen. Whose work is really worth so much more than another's? That's why we have Cain in the world.
Since they stole from me, I rely on the government, which also tries to kill me. I hate that. I can't do anything decent now that my life and brain are destroyed.
We aren't retarded, or we didn't used to be, and that's why we're socialists, and those aren't freeloaders either because one of principles of it is that "those that do not work, do not eat." We share. I'm not like hardcore in that area. They just always use that vocabulary when anything benefits workers, so I adapt it.
If we didn't have stupid welfare, we would DEMAND jobs and fair wage and there would be a lot less bullshit.
I know that what Putin did will prevent me from going anywhere. It's already hard enough to do anything when you're disabled and then these yahoos run in and destroy everything.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
So Apparently Putin Has Bling
http://news.yahoo.com/putin-lives-large-yachts-planes-205905542--abc-news-topstories.html?bcmt_s=m#ugccmt-container
This is the man that saw to my demise, or his agents did.
What do I think about extreme luxury? I think it's stupid. Personally, I would not want to be accountable for all that. I have video games with palaces in them. That even causes me a feeling of angst.
Unless you have power, you have have nothing. I've been helpless for a lifetime.
I figure if we ignore them that they'll go away, and we won't have to deal with our broken dreams or anything else annoying, like not being good enough by their measure for anything or being dumbed down.
They'll make you grovel and stuff. Like, I need my brain fixed and nobody will help me. What cunt? You have enough to do it, and this is your fault.
Does it make me mad? Only when I'm desperate, which they love to make me so that I'll do stupid things. Like I said, unless I'm eating crap out of a gutter, they aren't satisfied. I won't serve them anymore when they do that.
Now I'm really slow, so I don't have to do so much simply because I'm quite disabled.
I've lost all motivation.
"I don't care what you think. Best of us can find happiness in misery!"
They'll say you have a chance, oh yeah
That you could go into the sky
Well, I'll tell you, and I'll tell you
That it's all a lie, their alibi
I'll just laugh in their faces.
This is the man that saw to my demise, or his agents did.
What do I think about extreme luxury? I think it's stupid. Personally, I would not want to be accountable for all that. I have video games with palaces in them. That even causes me a feeling of angst.
Unless you have power, you have have nothing. I've been helpless for a lifetime.
I figure if we ignore them that they'll go away, and we won't have to deal with our broken dreams or anything else annoying, like not being good enough by their measure for anything or being dumbed down.
They'll make you grovel and stuff. Like, I need my brain fixed and nobody will help me. What cunt? You have enough to do it, and this is your fault.
Does it make me mad? Only when I'm desperate, which they love to make me so that I'll do stupid things. Like I said, unless I'm eating crap out of a gutter, they aren't satisfied. I won't serve them anymore when they do that.
Now I'm really slow, so I don't have to do so much simply because I'm quite disabled.
I've lost all motivation.
"I don't care what you think. Best of us can find happiness in misery!"
They'll say you have a chance, oh yeah
That you could go into the sky
Well, I'll tell you, and I'll tell you
That it's all a lie, their alibi
I'll just laugh in their faces.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Why I Don't Vote and Keep a Narrow Interest
2+2=5 in that world anyway. Honestly, I don't know much about politics because I know that knowing anything will be something they can use against me. I keep myself as blind to it as possible. I say a lot of gibberish simply to spread. I do mean some stuff I write, just nothing political.
I've never voted, and I refuse to.
They're always hunting my demographic anyway. It just bought me some time so that I could deal with the issue that I cared about, which is higher class people taking advantage of us. It messes up society in several ways.
They mess up our moral development and destroy our productivity.
This video is about destroying females that hit on "superior" males. He uses his TBI machine on them. I was already slow. I don't care. Anyway, it should be against the law, but that'll change some things pretty fast. They don't know what they're doing. I'd still like a law because it messes me up at work really bad. That's what they use to trap me.
And this makes it so that I can't even date. Growing up, they did this to me in a lesser way because I don't "deserve" anything decent. Mixing disabled people with regular people is something that I don't like. That's my opinion though.
Oh, and on opinions, they made it so that I could never disagree with them growing up because I must be stupid if I disagreed. I'm naturally apathetic, but I crawl out of my corner sometimes.
They have to track us and help us with a linear life. Otherwise, what happened to me will continue to happen. They will shove me to the bottom.
BTW, I used to be deeply ashamed of any feelings I had towards a living human due to people. Then I learned that other people had things like celebrity crushes, but they'll make you feel like you're the only one.
I have little will now. I guess it doesn't matter. I'll never have to do anything again.
Yes, I am schizophrenic. I still have this argument. I don't care what you say to discredit me. It's limpid.
They're the ones with $_$. If I'm not shitting in a gutter somewhere, they're not happy. Trust me, anything that I can do to earn money is a "sin" in their eyes, so I'm on aid. Then they try to kill me for that too. I just can't wait for the FBI and other agencies to explain how they allowed this to happen. Okay, Marilyn, Putin and Madonna, I need a payout so that I can get my brain fixed when the therapy is available.
I know Putin isn't going to be able to pay much. I'm obviously not a golddigger (and I wasn't hitting on him), especially the 1976 version. In 1976, I bet he would have had $_$ for my paycheck. I believe he isn't worth much because the Presidents seem to be trapped by oligarchs that keep them down in so many ways.
As far as "who is who," I don't care anymore. I am so disillusioned. You do nothing for me, so I don't care about you either, and if I don't get to have fun, I'm not doing it. The more I can't have, the more I lose motivation. At the moment, I'm trapped anyway.
Putin, why don't you fix my brain so that I can go on to try to rule the world out of my insecurity? Okay, so you know I just want to study. No more "red."
I've never voted, and I refuse to.
They're always hunting my demographic anyway. It just bought me some time so that I could deal with the issue that I cared about, which is higher class people taking advantage of us. It messes up society in several ways.
They mess up our moral development and destroy our productivity.
This video is about destroying females that hit on "superior" males. He uses his TBI machine on them. I was already slow. I don't care. Anyway, it should be against the law, but that'll change some things pretty fast. They don't know what they're doing. I'd still like a law because it messes me up at work really bad. That's what they use to trap me.
And this makes it so that I can't even date. Growing up, they did this to me in a lesser way because I don't "deserve" anything decent. Mixing disabled people with regular people is something that I don't like. That's my opinion though.
Oh, and on opinions, they made it so that I could never disagree with them growing up because I must be stupid if I disagreed. I'm naturally apathetic, but I crawl out of my corner sometimes.
They have to track us and help us with a linear life. Otherwise, what happened to me will continue to happen. They will shove me to the bottom.
BTW, I used to be deeply ashamed of any feelings I had towards a living human due to people. Then I learned that other people had things like celebrity crushes, but they'll make you feel like you're the only one.
I have little will now. I guess it doesn't matter. I'll never have to do anything again.
Yes, I am schizophrenic. I still have this argument. I don't care what you say to discredit me. It's limpid.
They're the ones with $_$. If I'm not shitting in a gutter somewhere, they're not happy. Trust me, anything that I can do to earn money is a "sin" in their eyes, so I'm on aid. Then they try to kill me for that too. I just can't wait for the FBI and other agencies to explain how they allowed this to happen. Okay, Marilyn, Putin and Madonna, I need a payout so that I can get my brain fixed when the therapy is available.
I know Putin isn't going to be able to pay much. I'm obviously not a golddigger (and I wasn't hitting on him), especially the 1976 version. In 1976, I bet he would have had $_$ for my paycheck. I believe he isn't worth much because the Presidents seem to be trapped by oligarchs that keep them down in so many ways.
As far as "who is who," I don't care anymore. I am so disillusioned. You do nothing for me, so I don't care about you either, and if I don't get to have fun, I'm not doing it. The more I can't have, the more I lose motivation. At the moment, I'm trapped anyway.
Putin, why don't you fix my brain so that I can go on to try to rule the world out of my insecurity? Okay, so you know I just want to study. No more "red."
Monday, August 13, 2012
Blocked By RT
Oh no, the dissident trap has blocked me, which really offended me apparently. I screamed for a couple hours, but I'm always doing that, so don't feel too special.
Back to my quest to come into power and dispose of my world. Putin could give me a republic or something. It's just land and people.
In other news,
I'm going to ink out like an octopus :P
Back to my quest to come into power and dispose of my world. Putin could give me a republic or something. It's just land and people.
In other news,
I'm going to ink out like an octopus :P
Reality
A lot of people, despite spying or manipulating me, don't know me very well. I will fight until the death.
I've come to a point in my life where I know that it's not going to get better anymore and I know that I'm going to have to really fight if I want something. It's not just going to happen.
I want my brain fixed and out of the United States. They want to hurt me and betrayed me in ways I can't even describe. At any point, they could have helped me, stopped something from happening or listened to the actual truth and gotten me out of the hole so that I could, oh dear, be a productive member of society, which I've been repeating over and over. Very few will say anything in my defense, and I've tried to defend them time and again. Sometimes, I think people want to be pathetic.
Just lay there... and I will run over you this time.
Who is who and who doesn't care?
I don't give a damn who you think you are or what "my place" is. My place is on top of the world. If you piss me off too much, I'll dispose of you. That's what they do. It's obviously not a crime under God. I've gone as far down as I can go. That's for stupid people. What a fool I was to think I could be "good" and it would matter. Who wants to be better than pathetic and boring?
You know what I get when I'm nice? I get abandoned, and then they'll rule over me and make me twist and change to all sorts of horrible ends. I'm brain dead, not totally blind. I know why. I know it's because I don't have the same future as everyone because I'm disabled, and I don't have any money, and I don't have anything. They say other reasons, and they can lie and get away with it, and it's not. I know because I've changed a billion times. That's why Aspen wouldn't be my friend. That's why Jamie wouldn't. Campbell, when I was covered by the psychotronic people, left me too--and even before that. I can't be anymore polite or anything. And then I isolate, and they attack me more. Nobody says "hi" or anything, and I'm stuck here forever, just so that they can torment me some more, use me, whatever.
I kind of lash out sometimes because everything's going so wrong, and they blame that too, use their weapons. Well, maybe if you would stop raping me and gang stalking me, I'd be okay. I am mortal human. Cut me and I will bleed. Surprise.
It's just a trick so that they can get me to react and then blame that.
I don't like being ignored, and i'm not your slave, nor will I ever serve another human. Think. Maybe we should get disabled children out of the schools because YOU DO NOTHING FOR US! Maybe there's another answer. You tortured me for years upon years and then wonder, oh you dare to wonder, why.
I'm going to be worth something. I don't care what I have to do.
They always said I'd be nothing, and I figured that it didn't matter because I could wander and write poems, but they never stop. If I have to rule the universe to go to school, FINE! I can barely read now and I can't make sense of much. Nobody defends me and nobody helps me. They only cover their perverse agendas. I'm used to it.
"you caught me under false pretenses."
Don't give me any cliche and don't manipulate.
I've come to a point in my life where I know that it's not going to get better anymore and I know that I'm going to have to really fight if I want something. It's not just going to happen.
I want my brain fixed and out of the United States. They want to hurt me and betrayed me in ways I can't even describe. At any point, they could have helped me, stopped something from happening or listened to the actual truth and gotten me out of the hole so that I could, oh dear, be a productive member of society, which I've been repeating over and over. Very few will say anything in my defense, and I've tried to defend them time and again. Sometimes, I think people want to be pathetic.
Just lay there... and I will run over you this time.
Who is who and who doesn't care?
I don't give a damn who you think you are or what "my place" is. My place is on top of the world. If you piss me off too much, I'll dispose of you. That's what they do. It's obviously not a crime under God. I've gone as far down as I can go. That's for stupid people. What a fool I was to think I could be "good" and it would matter. Who wants to be better than pathetic and boring?
You know what I get when I'm nice? I get abandoned, and then they'll rule over me and make me twist and change to all sorts of horrible ends. I'm brain dead, not totally blind. I know why. I know it's because I don't have the same future as everyone because I'm disabled, and I don't have any money, and I don't have anything. They say other reasons, and they can lie and get away with it, and it's not. I know because I've changed a billion times. That's why Aspen wouldn't be my friend. That's why Jamie wouldn't. Campbell, when I was covered by the psychotronic people, left me too--and even before that. I can't be anymore polite or anything. And then I isolate, and they attack me more. Nobody says "hi" or anything, and I'm stuck here forever, just so that they can torment me some more, use me, whatever.
I kind of lash out sometimes because everything's going so wrong, and they blame that too, use their weapons. Well, maybe if you would stop raping me and gang stalking me, I'd be okay. I am mortal human. Cut me and I will bleed. Surprise.
It's just a trick so that they can get me to react and then blame that.
I don't like being ignored, and i'm not your slave, nor will I ever serve another human. Think. Maybe we should get disabled children out of the schools because YOU DO NOTHING FOR US! Maybe there's another answer. You tortured me for years upon years and then wonder, oh you dare to wonder, why.
I'm going to be worth something. I don't care what I have to do.
They always said I'd be nothing, and I figured that it didn't matter because I could wander and write poems, but they never stop. If I have to rule the universe to go to school, FINE! I can barely read now and I can't make sense of much. Nobody defends me and nobody helps me. They only cover their perverse agendas. I'm used to it.
"you caught me under false pretenses."
Don't give me any cliche and don't manipulate.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
As I Try to Marry the Dictator With My Plans For World Domination
I have this problem as a distraction.
"Want to get with me with no money? Noooooooooo.. scrub." Prior to them disabling me, I earned my money. Hence, I cared for it and wanted them to stay away from my paycheck and my future. I hadn't gotten a career yet, so I couldn't have children, and I was still helping my mom. In this wicked world, I wear the pants.
Worthless males is a problem I have. People love to try to trap me with them to destroy me. They've done it since I started work and even a little in school. It's part of the adult game. It's how they take my position and other things. I thought I could simply avoid it, and now I realize that we're going to have to make rules.
How do they box me? They say I want a better male. One time, they selected Putin to smash me up against.
Hitting on a superior has to be against the rules and there has to be some sort of disciplinary action that makes it stop like getting circumcised. I don't like having my brain destroyed. That makes me useless and it hurts everyone because they have to carry my burden.
Why can't I confess in this society? I know that if I'm boxed into it, I'm guilty anyway, even if I'm "innocent" and telling "my" truth, which happens to be the actual truth. I usually try to avoid the innocent, pig-squeal session of emotion, though I lament that what's happening is not logical in petty protest. It's almost as pathetic.
Now "they're" singing this about me. I know. I can't pull my weight, and you don't want me because you're not stupid. I don't want the loser guys either. The other day they screamed at me in some deadbeat car. They are so happy that my brain is destroyed.
I'm such a sweet Betty. Not.
I don't want to be in their kitchen. That's their trashy fantasy. They can't even pay the electric bill let alone support me while I'm pregnant. And then it's welfare babies for me as the run off.
Why would I have a crush on a dictator in 1976? Originally, I thought he was God, so I got confused. Oh well, they could have CORRECTED me with their weapons, but they want to be badass. And then other things happened. Well, they boiled me down for one thing and played "master, master" in my head, but I'm not going to blame them all the way because I still had to consent a little. I usually am delusional about my own unimportance. I use these words because I am slightly naive about the extremes people will go to and how they will use me and because a lot of people are delusional about their importance. Unfortunately, I've had to use my name and do other things to survive. I often talk nonstop about myself to get them back for trying to expose my "secrets." What do you want to know? You can look it up.
And in 1976 or when you were young, Putin, I would have kicked you ass. Agents are easy. Dictators are not as easy.
"Want to get with me with no money? Noooooooooo.. scrub." Prior to them disabling me, I earned my money. Hence, I cared for it and wanted them to stay away from my paycheck and my future. I hadn't gotten a career yet, so I couldn't have children, and I was still helping my mom. In this wicked world, I wear the pants.
Worthless males is a problem I have. People love to try to trap me with them to destroy me. They've done it since I started work and even a little in school. It's part of the adult game. It's how they take my position and other things. I thought I could simply avoid it, and now I realize that we're going to have to make rules.
How do they box me? They say I want a better male. One time, they selected Putin to smash me up against.
Hitting on a superior has to be against the rules and there has to be some sort of disciplinary action that makes it stop like getting circumcised. I don't like having my brain destroyed. That makes me useless and it hurts everyone because they have to carry my burden.
Why can't I confess in this society? I know that if I'm boxed into it, I'm guilty anyway, even if I'm "innocent" and telling "my" truth, which happens to be the actual truth. I usually try to avoid the innocent, pig-squeal session of emotion, though I lament that what's happening is not logical in petty protest. It's almost as pathetic.
Now "they're" singing this about me. I know. I can't pull my weight, and you don't want me because you're not stupid. I don't want the loser guys either. The other day they screamed at me in some deadbeat car. They are so happy that my brain is destroyed.
I'm such a sweet Betty. Not.
I don't want to be in their kitchen. That's their trashy fantasy. They can't even pay the electric bill let alone support me while I'm pregnant. And then it's welfare babies for me as the run off.
Why would I have a crush on a dictator in 1976? Originally, I thought he was God, so I got confused. Oh well, they could have CORRECTED me with their weapons, but they want to be badass. And then other things happened. Well, they boiled me down for one thing and played "master, master" in my head, but I'm not going to blame them all the way because I still had to consent a little. I usually am delusional about my own unimportance. I use these words because I am slightly naive about the extremes people will go to and how they will use me and because a lot of people are delusional about their importance. Unfortunately, I've had to use my name and do other things to survive. I often talk nonstop about myself to get them back for trying to expose my "secrets." What do you want to know? You can look it up.
And in 1976 or when you were young, Putin, I would have kicked you ass. Agents are easy. Dictators are not as easy.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Well, I Don't Think I Was Much of a Threat
I don't think I was much of a threat to begin with, but whatever. They just see labels and they go for them. There is no rhyme or reason, and people just go around blowing things up and torturing me proves pointless. They might have made 5 dollars. I finally figured out that that piece of shit Bjork is another supporter of these weapons. Another whore. That's all she can do.
Things have gotten even worse. They've come to me in my sleep and done other crazy things. Why can't they just send me an email?
I know that the FBI and police don't work for me, so I just use them when I need a place to stay. Guess I don't have to go to work.
The upper class or caste people are raping and pillaging the land. I hate America now. I can't wait to watch it turn into the wastelands that it has created.
And I don't give a damn about you either. I just smile :)
I know that if it's bad, I'm going to be it. Oh well. They were in my thoughts before, and I got confused. Kill all invalids, all at once. They keep us around for perverse reasons. They are too stupid to find a place for us in this society. Russia knows what to do with us, but America is a shit nation. It spreads its crap throughout the world. All it can do is create worlds of demons. I'll be happy to see it go into the fire. We all fall to our imperfections.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
I am trying to become independent again. I have moved, and thanks to our wonderful system, you'll know that within a month or so. I'm also on like a billion lists. Baby steps... I know, I know, I get pushed like nothing else, and they are necessary. One, two, three. Trust me when I say that some days are really bad thanks to the assholes. I tried to bait them, and it didn't work. If I can get some medicine for the cognitive problems, then I will be okay.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Putin's Country Sucks Anyway
Russia's like a Hell hole. I only wanted away from the death machines that target me because I was MILDLY disabled, but, as usual, they'll find any reason. Now I'm moderately disabled.
Putin was my p0rn.
There was a staff sergeant from psych ops telling his group that he didn't want them to curse, so I screamed, "fuck you" at him. I like the army, but do I have any respect for it? No. They could have helped me, but instead they wanted to be badass. The prestigious army makes me laugh. You're so hardcore because you're a soldier. You're young with a cap, and we're all wearing PJs. I'm a sweet girl. :P
I think Putin's sexy, and i want to fuck him and take his money, but I don't really care about him, and I'll never call him honey. Do I respect him? Not after that. I didn't seem to know or understand, and you took advantage of me. I think I got banned from peacepink. I get banned from everywhere. It's like a goal. The prestigious site of peacepink. "Strange voices are saying strange things I can't understand." My life's been insane. Fuck you all.
Putin was my p0rn.
There was a staff sergeant from psych ops telling his group that he didn't want them to curse, so I screamed, "fuck you" at him. I like the army, but do I have any respect for it? No. They could have helped me, but instead they wanted to be badass. The prestigious army makes me laugh. You're so hardcore because you're a soldier. You're young with a cap, and we're all wearing PJs. I'm a sweet girl. :P
I think Putin's sexy, and i want to fuck him and take his money, but I don't really care about him, and I'll never call him honey. Do I respect him? Not after that. I didn't seem to know or understand, and you took advantage of me. I think I got banned from peacepink. I get banned from everywhere. It's like a goal. The prestigious site of peacepink. "Strange voices are saying strange things I can't understand." My life's been insane. Fuck you all.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
So I've Learned that These Things Have Meaning
So I've learned that these things have meaning. What do I mean by these things? I mean the suggestions that various security services support. An example would be what comes up with you search me on Yahoo images. This comes up for my name: http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images;_ylt=A0oG7h1SWZ1PBj8AZu9XNyoA?p=kaela+creighton&fr=yfp-t-701&fr2=piv-web. Now I'm going to go out a limb and say that no world leader would be that irresponsible, even if he did wish death and agony upon me. And that's why I doubted the first image even. I'm simply not worth all the trouble he could get into. Plus, that's an American site. I'm not sure about RT, but it appears as if it's a trap for petty dissidents. Honestly, the security services could spend their time on better things, but they have to open their big mouths because I'm an easy target and easy to harass. I can't say anything. Mwahahaha. You sick bastards.
What do my images say?
They say a lot.
It says that Putin wants me executed, which not only gets me into trouble, but it also means that they're supporting some ideology. I've learned that people only see what they want to and that they automatically come to a few conclusions just after seeing that.
"My confined space" will probably say that either Putin or I are prisoners. It will go on to either frame him for my execution, or it will incite someone to kill me because Putin appears to agree with it.
"Don't lay down with tears and agony" would probably be the sociopaths at it again. Basically, they like to harass whoever they can get to and get an emotional reaction out of them that they later label as a tantrum or childish. If you don't react, then they automatically kill you, so you're stuck playing whine, snivel, cry, complain then listening to all the unaware people state their sordid stories to try to motivate you, "I had it worse than you, and i did better!" Guess what? The stories are merely details to me. I don't care about "you." You'll say the same, but you obviously care about using me.
Hide your faces. I won't hide mine.
Sweetheart, I want my brain fixed.
Your destruction is humorous, entertaining and pointless. Good prevails in the form of our survival. Our.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Secretly Blacklisted So That You Don't Have A Cause
So in this new world, they've decided to do things the sneaky way. They still haven't found a way to make people completely trashy breeders, but they're working hard both day and night to find a way to keep people away from their good. They use basic ideologies to cripple someone or someone's meltdown after they torture them. They aren't "clever," but they have control, so they're God and we're all slobs. And so more of us are ending up on welfare and other government programs, as we are unable to work or do anything that could possibly destabilize our worthless state.
For the love of God, I'm going to write, and I'm going to put everything that I write on sale for free. The lobotomy didn't totally destroy my ability, just some of it, and while I'll never be as good as Peter Straub or Stephen King, I can still work hard to devalue art, which is my goal. I know that as long as it has some value, then it will be kept from me, and I will be destroyed for trying to make any sort of living.
Among other things, I'm a communist, sadomasochist, attention-seeking pedophile (though I'm not into children, just get labeled), and I still have to make a living or occupy time since work is a vanity these days. No, I cannot take your order because I cannot remember it, but I can still create a story. I just have to do it in more steps. I have to ask how the characters are feeling because I don't know. The lobotomy detached me from this intuitive understanding. That's the mistake I made while writing my first ever novel, which was just a 60,000 word book that was for practice. Maybe someday I'll put some time into it, but for the time being, I just wanted to see if I still had any ability and what my basic mistakes would be. I need to remember to take notes while writing so that there aren't any major problems in the realm of context. It took me 3 days to do, so there weren't really. I think I changed the color of her hair once.
America, I hate you. I've always worked hard at everything I do, and you still do this to me. I hate freedom. It's like, just assign us all jobs like Putin does. Prevent people going into fields in the first place. Then you can have your perfect world of bubbles and sunshine.
Don't worry. I write under a different name.
For the love of God, I'm going to write, and I'm going to put everything that I write on sale for free. The lobotomy didn't totally destroy my ability, just some of it, and while I'll never be as good as Peter Straub or Stephen King, I can still work hard to devalue art, which is my goal. I know that as long as it has some value, then it will be kept from me, and I will be destroyed for trying to make any sort of living.
Among other things, I'm a communist, sadomasochist, attention-seeking pedophile (though I'm not into children, just get labeled), and I still have to make a living or occupy time since work is a vanity these days. No, I cannot take your order because I cannot remember it, but I can still create a story. I just have to do it in more steps. I have to ask how the characters are feeling because I don't know. The lobotomy detached me from this intuitive understanding. That's the mistake I made while writing my first ever novel, which was just a 60,000 word book that was for practice. Maybe someday I'll put some time into it, but for the time being, I just wanted to see if I still had any ability and what my basic mistakes would be. I need to remember to take notes while writing so that there aren't any major problems in the realm of context. It took me 3 days to do, so there weren't really. I think I changed the color of her hair once.
America, I hate you. I've always worked hard at everything I do, and you still do this to me. I hate freedom. It's like, just assign us all jobs like Putin does. Prevent people going into fields in the first place. Then you can have your perfect world of bubbles and sunshine.
Don't worry. I write under a different name.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
This is What Happens When You Have Conflicting Thoughts
It still makes sense.
Therapy would have been enough for me.
Thanks society.
Note I just talk and talk and never do.
You know who pays for this? I do. They "bust" me, and I just mock them. Go ahead, put me to work and watch what happens. I tried school. I like how people push me. Besides hiding from my hallucinations, I was showing them that I was okay and looking for a job, but they'll find that one off moment, that one beer you drank, which is why I was so paranoid. I've been pushed to extreme survival this lifetime. Originally, I knew that they were hunting my kind, so I tried to give the check back, but the doctors told me that I couldn't. The doctors kept trying to drag me in then, so I stopped going to my appointments. I was ill then. Now I'm permanently disabled thanks to people like this. Thanks guys, enjoy paying my bills, as I can do and feel nothing. You're really heroes.
Disability Queen
http://www.gaia-health.com/articles101/000129-destroy-brains-diagnosed-mentally-ill.shtml
Then he'll come.
Or
What happened?
While schizophrenia caused some cognitive deficits, the lobotomy made it worse.
Maybe it was caused by all the injects they gave me in the military
http://www.donnawilliams.net/adultonset.0.html My uneducated guess is that I've suffered damage to the hippocampus and that it's trying to self-correct. People that walked for an hour a day over a year saw growth in their hippocampus. I stim now. I didn't used to. It's really embarrassing. The lady says it's because people don't know where they are. I mostly rock, walk nowhere/pace and other odd things. I just feel nothing, and I start freaking as weird as that sounds. I'm not scared, but I am. I get disoriented. I also get filled with these weird sensations.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Because "Dumber People Are Easier to Control," They Say
Dumber people can't be trained.
Dumber people can't work.
They've never worked at McDonalds.
They don't know.
It's empirical.
Of course, they used "stars" to advertise so that we're picking up on messages.
How Can I explain how I feel?
Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
This life is full of hurt
When happiness DOESN'T work."
I'll never work again. Good luck training me. Yeah, you know the dementia patients around here are super obedient. All they do is sit, stare and say nonsense.
Dumber people can't work.
They've never worked at McDonalds.
They don't know.
It's empirical.
Of course, they used "stars" to advertise so that we're picking up on messages.
How Can I explain how I feel?
Because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
This life is full of hurt
When happiness DOESN'T work."
I'll never work again. Good luck training me. Yeah, you know the dementia patients around here are super obedient. All they do is sit, stare and say nonsense.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
And All That You Ever Learned, Try to Forget ~ Madonna
I did terribly on the global functioning test. If I ever work again, you're going to have to know that I'm defective. My ability to reason abstractly is what saved my IQ score.
I couldn't name animals, have long-term memory problems. The weird thing is I could remember some of them in Russian, but my brain is all mixed up.
Thanks, Madonna. You're really my special friend now :P Enjoy paying my bills while I just wander around. I have like this obsessive desire to move.
I guess that you could kill me in June "Death in June," but I'm everywhere now. Oh no, you get to take care of this bundle of joy. I got in the 7% and 3% with the tower test. Retards outscore me. Monkeys outscore me. That shows my lobotomy. My overall IQ is 116 with a 115 performance. Like I said, you don't need all of your brain to complete that test.
I'll explain that I have a lot of problems, Madonna. 100 problems. And a bitch is number 1.
"Intellectual functioning is in the high average range."
Deficits are typical for those with schizophrenia. blah, blah, blah. Something about subcortical pathology.
Here's a part of the notes:
"Intellectual funcitoning is in the high average range. Her strengths are in the areas of verbal comprehension and perceptual reasoning. Although working memory was a weakness for her, it was still in the average range. Attention is largely intact, although she did struggle with a task that included visual distracters. Test of language indicate average functioning in this area, although Ms. C had some disparity in fluency, and semantic fluency was in the borderline range of impairment. Fluid reasoning and visual spatial constructional abilities were all in at least the average range. However, executive functions were inconsistent and there were deficits in the are of set-shifting and inhibition. Additional areas that suggest impairment are largely related to the domain of memory, specifically long-term memory without context, which was in the severe range of impairment.
The weakness apparent in fluency may be accounted for by Ms. C's deficits in speed of processing and mental control. The discrepancy between her scores in semantic and phonemic fluency is consistent with those that would be expected from cognitive contributions of schizophrenia."
It says that my affect is blunted but that I appeared to get nervous during the test a few times. I'M NOT NERVOUS. My entire body is filled with this really weird feeling, and it difficult to sit still. In order to focus my attention, I have to really, really put effort into it or my mind just goes blank and I'll speak gibberish. I put effort into that test. I'm trying to become independent. On that video, 9Xn, you can hear what I call "the glitch" where I just start losing focus. My voice tone will vary. Some days, I can control it better than others.
I couldn't name animals, have long-term memory problems. The weird thing is I could remember some of them in Russian, but my brain is all mixed up.
Thanks, Madonna. You're really my special friend now :P Enjoy paying my bills while I just wander around. I have like this obsessive desire to move.
I guess that you could kill me in June "Death in June," but I'm everywhere now. Oh no, you get to take care of this bundle of joy. I got in the 7% and 3% with the tower test. Retards outscore me. Monkeys outscore me. That shows my lobotomy. My overall IQ is 116 with a 115 performance. Like I said, you don't need all of your brain to complete that test.
I'll explain that I have a lot of problems, Madonna. 100 problems. And a bitch is number 1.
"Intellectual functioning is in the high average range."
Deficits are typical for those with schizophrenia. blah, blah, blah. Something about subcortical pathology.
Here's a part of the notes:
"Intellectual funcitoning is in the high average range. Her strengths are in the areas of verbal comprehension and perceptual reasoning. Although working memory was a weakness for her, it was still in the average range. Attention is largely intact, although she did struggle with a task that included visual distracters. Test of language indicate average functioning in this area, although Ms. C had some disparity in fluency, and semantic fluency was in the borderline range of impairment. Fluid reasoning and visual spatial constructional abilities were all in at least the average range. However, executive functions were inconsistent and there were deficits in the are of set-shifting and inhibition. Additional areas that suggest impairment are largely related to the domain of memory, specifically long-term memory without context, which was in the severe range of impairment.
The weakness apparent in fluency may be accounted for by Ms. C's deficits in speed of processing and mental control. The discrepancy between her scores in semantic and phonemic fluency is consistent with those that would be expected from cognitive contributions of schizophrenia."
It says that my affect is blunted but that I appeared to get nervous during the test a few times. I'M NOT NERVOUS. My entire body is filled with this really weird feeling, and it difficult to sit still. In order to focus my attention, I have to really, really put effort into it or my mind just goes blank and I'll speak gibberish. I put effort into that test. I'm trying to become independent. On that video, 9Xn, you can hear what I call "the glitch" where I just start losing focus. My voice tone will vary. Some days, I can control it better than others.
Monday, March 19, 2012
In The Genes
I went and had my genes scanned.
Kaela Creighton
=CC
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
CT
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
TT
Typical odds of schizophrenia
Or there was a small study of males, and if I were male, I would have a lower risk. However, "The authors also examined women but did not find an association." Now the higher risk was done on people of Japanese background, but it's interesting to note that I'm closest related to them. I'm J1B1B.
The only really bad thing I carry is this: Cystic Fibrosis--Variant Present
I am a little chubby, but that's from my medicine. I carry the gene for obesity, but I also carry a gene that reacts to exercise more than a usual person.
It's obvious that someone was in my backthoughts. I'm not playing games. I got a free lobotomy. They called me "Miss Rose." They kept telling me to hold still. No way. I'm part of the club, 10% remaining.
Exactly, but I'm not as vocal. I never stabbed myself, and I only clawed my grandma out of self-defense. I still have the memory of my emotions, so I still act the same minus that I'm not as enraged, and I'm confused all the time due to memory problems. I was happier like that though, the prior. Now I'm dizzy all the time. They've never seen me angry. Only the colonel that I lived next door too has seen me angry. I usually don't let it out. He was a weird one. He was really smart. I think he called the cops on me like two or three times. He was really nice though. That was after I was out. What happened was that I thought they were in my head, so I jumped on top of my car and ran around with a pot making a lot of noise then went inside my house. I was sick then, but I was fine when I was in court.
The biggest problem that I used to have was the rage. It would consume my entire body and like burn me to nothing, which sounds weird and is different from my current state. I'm much better now but not from the lobotomy, just that i'm healing.
Kaela Creighton
=CC
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
CT
Slightly higher odds of schizophrenia.
TT
Typical odds of schizophrenia
Or there was a small study of males, and if I were male, I would have a lower risk. However, "The authors also examined women but did not find an association." Now the higher risk was done on people of Japanese background, but it's interesting to note that I'm closest related to them. I'm J1B1B.
The only really bad thing I carry is this: Cystic Fibrosis--Variant Present
I am a little chubby, but that's from my medicine. I carry the gene for obesity, but I also carry a gene that reacts to exercise more than a usual person.
It's obvious that someone was in my backthoughts. I'm not playing games. I got a free lobotomy. They called me "Miss Rose." They kept telling me to hold still. No way. I'm part of the club, 10% remaining.
Exactly, but I'm not as vocal. I never stabbed myself, and I only clawed my grandma out of self-defense. I still have the memory of my emotions, so I still act the same minus that I'm not as enraged, and I'm confused all the time due to memory problems. I was happier like that though, the prior. Now I'm dizzy all the time. They've never seen me angry. Only the colonel that I lived next door too has seen me angry. I usually don't let it out. He was a weird one. He was really smart. I think he called the cops on me like two or three times. He was really nice though. That was after I was out. What happened was that I thought they were in my head, so I jumped on top of my car and ran around with a pot making a lot of noise then went inside my house. I was sick then, but I was fine when I was in court.
The biggest problem that I used to have was the rage. It would consume my entire body and like burn me to nothing, which sounds weird and is different from my current state. I'm much better now but not from the lobotomy, just that i'm healing.
Here's a Fake if You Want to Know
Now I truly believe that she suffers from a mental disorder, but she also suffers a personality disorder.
Jani
She must have gone when she was little, and it imprinted in her mind.
This is what she has to fight.
Special ed made me insane because they compared me. They should have taken me out of school and just given me those damn tests every year that I passed with little education. We belong somewhere else. Jani's parents, stop blaming them. They can't do anything. It hurts them too. One of my special ed teachers went insane. Rather than fight the pointless, they need to be teaching us life skills instead of a,b,cs. That won't matter for us. I just don't remember, and I want to wander. Now I really, really can't remember.
This is what I had to fight. Jani will also have to fight off all the Putins of the world.
Actually, death therapy helped me a lot because I was forced to really think about things that were real vs my personification.
http://rt.com/news/exorcism-st-petersburgs-parliament/ This is really me. Putin, just say my name so that they know that I'm not delusional. You're such a fucking wimp.
Jani
She must have gone when she was little, and it imprinted in her mind.
This is what she has to fight.
Special ed made me insane because they compared me. They should have taken me out of school and just given me those damn tests every year that I passed with little education. We belong somewhere else. Jani's parents, stop blaming them. They can't do anything. It hurts them too. One of my special ed teachers went insane. Rather than fight the pointless, they need to be teaching us life skills instead of a,b,cs. That won't matter for us. I just don't remember, and I want to wander. Now I really, really can't remember.
This is what I had to fight. Jani will also have to fight off all the Putins of the world.
Actually, death therapy helped me a lot because I was forced to really think about things that were real vs my personification.
http://rt.com/news/exorcism-st-petersburgs-parliament/ This is really me. Putin, just say my name so that they know that I'm not delusional. You're such a fucking wimp.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
I Relate to Him
I still move around in odd ways. It's compulsive, but I seem to be improving. It's PT dammit.
More ramblings from when I wasn't doing so hot, the scientific one:
"So that's what the heart is for, I suppose, for another.
I had to drink beer to calm down this morning after asking. I went a little too deep. No, I can't pick up on the entire universe all the time and omit my person at the same time.
"the stiff lens just below focuses the incoming waves even more, sending them into the inland sea of the jellylike vitreous humor deeper down in the eye. A very few of the incoming electric waves explode against the organic molecules in their way, but most simply whirl through these soft biological barriers and continue straight down, piercing the innermost wrapping of the eyeball, till they reach the end-point of their journey: the fragile, stalk-like projection from the living brain known as the retina. And deep inside there, in the dark, barely slowed from their original 670 million mph, the waves splatter into the anceint moist blood vessels and cell membranes, and then something unexpected happens. An electric current switches on" (Electric Universe).
Last night I read
Simplicity makes life better. Perhaps I'm just tired.
Why so complicated?
http://www.utexas.edu/law/faculty/profile.php?id=huskeyka Nope. I'll balance you out with a tactic of yours.
Statement forced from the Nazi government to people of an event:
"I am aware that one individual alone can for comprehensive idea of the events in Cologne. One usually exaggerates one's own experiences and the judgment of those who have been bombed is impaired. I am therefore aware that reports of individual suffering can only do harm, and I will keep silent. I know what the consequences of breaking this undertaking will be... they [German citizens] were on their hands and knees screaming" (Electric Universe).
Damn straight. I don't want her to "shock" me, and we're entering into an era where this will be possible. I want aware containers.
I come from the spine-water, so I know
I hate humans.
It was his sister, btw, not him."
Here's another one. I knew I was losing my mind, so I kept trying to study.
So the schizophrenic-wise-aged-survivor-anemic angels of extremes saw the work of calm man and decided that man would do nothing but fuck, whore and rape the land of everything natural, which was a problem because it was touching their world of combinations, so they knocked the tower to the ground because it was suffering from an unnatural mental illness.
Each kingdom broke off and developed its own philosophy (prime cluster pattern) from the ground up again and again based on the desire of human dominance and necessary reacton to environmental factors.
Containers became stronger relative to them but also tired and began to transform due to blood curses and kingdom's squires and touching desires. They fell to their own vanity and continued denting DNA in the wrong way. Thus, preventing natural order of evolution and creating circles instead of the humble dirt they had conquered. They kept their children clean for 2 or 3 generations to see "balance" or their "perfecting of faults" only to fall to another's desire after their 1 up 1 down fall then too many around.
Ring around the Rosy
Pocket full of Posy
Ashes, Ashes,
We all Fall Down"
"You look in vain for the track of the target nucleus of nitrogen 14, since before the collision, it was just the nucleus of an ordinary atom going peaceably about its business."
"She can't even prove two lines are parallel." Bitch. Yes, I can. That period in my life drove me crazy. It's distracting.
"She is SO stupid." That's true.
My hallucinations:
If you want to meet her, she's a cheerleader. She's gone now. They all are. Now my head is blank.
"You're going to get scott."
Trey or angels, "now we get our revenge."
Cizin just stalked me and killed Alma.
While that all went on, I did attempt suicide but not in an attention getting way. I just wanted away from it.
I used to smell blood everywhere and a few other things. I smelled death everywhere for a time. I saw shadows in the very beginning. They were angels and they came to my barrack's room. That was Trey or the "we will blur your senses" folk.
People On YouTube
This is what I've lived with:
VS
I'm working on fixing myself, but my memory is horrible, and I sometimes get disoriented due to psychotronic stuff. They've got the system rigged to where you can't say that. Clever. Never.
This proves I'm not retarded:
I have to do this to prove it, and I had to take an IQ test, which I was concerned about because I can't think. I'm blank.
No, I don't have a trick book. I sit there and do them myself to practice cognitive stuff. Now prior to Madonna and them, I never used to talk like that. The records have never shown me having a speech disorder, but I kind of have one now. You'll hear it ever so often. It's because I don't have emotions to focus my speech with. My voice sounds pressured because I have to really put effort into speaking coherently.
LOL Had him on my back as well. Bring it on peps. I know I'm claiming a lot, but a lot happened. I went into a coma. Next time, make sure I'm dead. That headache lasted eight months. I appear to be the distraction.
Don't you like this
Until it's you.
I think I belonged in prison. I like the law. It makes sense.
Inside, I'm someone nobody wants to fuck with; do you understand?"
This is me or was me. I still laugh constantly, but I can't feel it.
I go on and on. Can't understand how I last so long... Been wide awake for the last three days. Don't stop, just keep rolling downhill."
I'm not going to play your games. Things happen for reasons, and even that girl up there is a human because I want to be a human.
If you want to blame someone, blame these people.
Let me tell you what the independent hospitals do--now the VA really doesn't do this, but they inject you with drugs then declare you delusional. Haldol makes me lose my memory and I will start saying strange things on it. I have no memory while I'm on it, and I pose a threat to myself and other people while on it. I told the St. Louis hospital I was going to sue them if they injected me, but they just lied and it's my word vs theirs. My word is meaningless...
Something I Wrote When I Was Psycho tic
"I'm not really a gypsy. I just have the function of one. I have my algorithms, my games (that I don't want to play) and interesting insights and a giant wheel that I place things on because it works (in my dreams). I'm working on bringing it into reality. Mwhahahahahaha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiXBz3eyek0&feature=related I'm doing this to everyone.
I also switch ethnicities all of the time. I was Japanese for the longest time. I'm not sure what I am now. I'm kind'of inbetween Asian and Indian. Since I can't rise, it's hard for me to be American because I can't compete. I'm always marked, so I always have to be subordinate. I've become a black hole. I don't know what I am in blood, and I'd like to keep it that way but google sure does. I wonder what my life has done to my DNA. Not bad, just really weird. Globalization is going to get to everyone for awhile. We're probably going to go back to nomad days where you kind'of hop to what you are, so yeah, I'll be a gypsy in no time flat. That already happens, but it'll probably happen faster and faster. If you want to complain and don't want to do anything, just leave.
I know you want what you can't have but for the love of God. He wants to take me to Vegas. They'll kill me. He said my hallucinations are a gift because you can't know you're crazy. I would have liked him more but he talked to the other girl too much, which means he just wants to use me. He doesn't even know himself, and he's approaching a time in his life where he's about to shatter, worth, frustration, revenge. It's very frustrating. You've switched the spheres around so much. I'm pissed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-soGcjbBTW4
I am not Jewish, not that that would matter, but people will switch the names.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f0PBLo6BFU&feature=related
If you didn't trap me, bad things wouldn't happen to you. Dancing like a robotic Egyptian, eh? Yes, your majesty. :P It doesn't work that way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zHg4T-ippA&feature=related
Well, back to my novel. Oh, it's on. Everyone. Yeah, I'm really into fame and money and stuff. Of course since I have that damn LD everyone will assume that every gypsy has it. So I'll continue to say I'm Jewish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKgxkxbxI7Q&feature=rec-fresh+div-f-1-HM
I'll do this to you, and you'll be like OMG.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiXdxfIRI1s&feature=related
I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry we do this. I haven't had formal training. I'm learning to translate it into your language of math instead of my halucinations, dreams and deluisons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tsm0EhCJM
You've got us all coming out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbagqawqn3s&feature=PlayList&p=03CC611A54C557AF&index=0
For all you fucking gangstar pretenders out there, please note EXACTLY what he's saying, how much he's talking and what he means.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbw4lILx8LE&feature=related Can you handle what I'm going to say?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHkY-yYkw2g You want to play moral lessons since you're turning me into Jesus? The real kind, not the golden rule, weird ass pretend shit? I'll throw you all back in balance. It's up, up time. You should do onto others as you would have them do onto you if you don't want them to come back at you, but you can get past the golden rule by saying revenge is bad because you can never have the moment again and that you've changed, understand your bad ways. Bullshit, I'm coming after all y'all."
Their reaction:
Long story short, keep your schizophrenics away from the computer. I guess since I was covering myself in garbage to prepare myself for the babies I was going to have after I was raped (going to be), I confused them. I belonged here then. Now I need out of here. I'm very blank. It just insults my reality because I'm walking into the usual "traps." Now I'm just blind. As much as that appeared to be nonsense, it was linear to my reality. I've had a crappy life. Whine, snivel, cry, complain. They'll all deny it; I went insane.
Also, this is my solution:
Do you know how many people tried to help and kill me at the same time. All my voices, they were right. I told them it was adaptation to extremes.
How come the maya had it down, but we can't "figure" it out? I still think ALL disabled people should die. They're just using us as a distraction now, to create a sense of urgency. Nickel and diming their way to a haven.
"Stable fortress, what makes the boundless stand on a pin?
We're offering a new power...
Stop sheltering a doomed flower
That's not what we're meant to be made of
Swallowed Saturn under the terms of our imprisonment
To arrest in a new form 'till the shadow of him covered every good limit
No more narrow cage to gild
Don't let the stable fortress come to nothing." ~ Universal Hall Pass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiXBz3eyek0&feature=related I'm doing this to everyone.
I also switch ethnicities all of the time. I was Japanese for the longest time. I'm not sure what I am now. I'm kind'of inbetween Asian and Indian. Since I can't rise, it's hard for me to be American because I can't compete. I'm always marked, so I always have to be subordinate. I've become a black hole. I don't know what I am in blood, and I'd like to keep it that way but google sure does. I wonder what my life has done to my DNA. Not bad, just really weird. Globalization is going to get to everyone for awhile. We're probably going to go back to nomad days where you kind'of hop to what you are, so yeah, I'll be a gypsy in no time flat. That already happens, but it'll probably happen faster and faster. If you want to complain and don't want to do anything, just leave.
I know you want what you can't have but for the love of God. He wants to take me to Vegas. They'll kill me. He said my hallucinations are a gift because you can't know you're crazy. I would have liked him more but he talked to the other girl too much, which means he just wants to use me. He doesn't even know himself, and he's approaching a time in his life where he's about to shatter, worth, frustration, revenge. It's very frustrating. You've switched the spheres around so much. I'm pissed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-soGcjbBTW4
I am not Jewish, not that that would matter, but people will switch the names.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f0PBLo6BFU&feature=related
If you didn't trap me, bad things wouldn't happen to you. Dancing like a robotic Egyptian, eh? Yes, your majesty. :P It doesn't work that way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zHg4T-ippA&feature=related
Well, back to my novel. Oh, it's on. Everyone. Yeah, I'm really into fame and money and stuff. Of course since I have that damn LD everyone will assume that every gypsy has it. So I'll continue to say I'm Jewish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKgxkxbxI7Q&feature=rec-fresh+div-f-1-HM
I'll do this to you, and you'll be like OMG.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiXdxfIRI1s&feature=related
I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry we do this. I haven't had formal training. I'm learning to translate it into your language of math instead of my halucinations, dreams and deluisons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tsm0EhCJM
You've got us all coming out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbagqawqn3s&feature=PlayList&p=03CC611A54C557AF&index=0
For all you fucking gangstar pretenders out there, please note EXACTLY what he's saying, how much he's talking and what he means.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbw4lILx8LE&feature=related Can you handle what I'm going to say?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHkY-yYkw2g You want to play moral lessons since you're turning me into Jesus? The real kind, not the golden rule, weird ass pretend shit? I'll throw you all back in balance. It's up, up time. You should do onto others as you would have them do onto you if you don't want them to come back at you, but you can get past the golden rule by saying revenge is bad because you can never have the moment again and that you've changed, understand your bad ways. Bullshit, I'm coming after all y'all."
Their reaction:
Long story short, keep your schizophrenics away from the computer. I guess since I was covering myself in garbage to prepare myself for the babies I was going to have after I was raped (going to be), I confused them. I belonged here then. Now I need out of here. I'm very blank. It just insults my reality because I'm walking into the usual "traps." Now I'm just blind. As much as that appeared to be nonsense, it was linear to my reality. I've had a crappy life. Whine, snivel, cry, complain. They'll all deny it; I went insane.
Also, this is my solution:
Do you know how many people tried to help and kill me at the same time. All my voices, they were right. I told them it was adaptation to extremes.
How come the maya had it down, but we can't "figure" it out? I still think ALL disabled people should die. They're just using us as a distraction now, to create a sense of urgency. Nickel and diming their way to a haven.
"Stable fortress, what makes the boundless stand on a pin?
We're offering a new power...
Stop sheltering a doomed flower
That's not what we're meant to be made of
Swallowed Saturn under the terms of our imprisonment
To arrest in a new form 'till the shadow of him covered every good limit
No more narrow cage to gild
Don't let the stable fortress come to nothing." ~ Universal Hall Pass
Someone Used Me As An Example
If you want to know, I'm doing much better now, but this technology is real. I'm not joking or playing games.
The main problem that I have is my memory, which the IQ test revealed as well or the other cognitive tests did, which I will post later. Give me attention :P I'm currently in a rehab program that's supposed to help me become independent again. I will try to work at the VA as a janitor. I'm in two classes right now, but I'm not doing so well in one of them due to my memory and am going to go to disability services. After this, I'm done with school because I don't appear to be capable. I'm not going to cheat my way through. And Drury, your online program is too easy. You can use your notes and stuff on exams. LOL Now I need that now, but you can't honestly let normal people go through like that. It's cheating. You're eventually going to get in trouble. I'm going to tattle on you.
When I was little, I had a LD in basic reading. Coding. I was cleared of this disability in 2003. I went to college a little then joined the army. I did fairly well the first time I went to school. I got a 111 on the ASVAB and a 76. IF anyone knows what that means.
I am diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD and NOS Psychosis that they go back and forth between schizoaffective and schizophrenia. Some doctors believe me when I say I'm not actually angry when I start screaming. It's just due to a lack of emotion and I freak, though that's a contradiction. It's different to me. Things are different than they used to be. Others do not believe me about not being angry. Since I wrote a 60,000 book in 3 days, they say I suffer from manias, but I don't. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could still do it. I'm going to self-publish it for free. It's crappy. Oh, they say I have PTSD because I don't sleep through the night and have nightmares. I don't believe that diagnosis is accurate. I'm around people with PTSD, and I'm not like them. They're currently investigating whether or not I might have suffered a head injury. No really. Thanks, Madonna. Now I will say that my "lobotomy" has made it so that I don't say off-the-wall stuff anymore, but my ability to put things together is damaged. Like, on the IQ test, I really struggled with how "always" and "never" are related and things like that. Now remember that the parts needed to do the IQ test do not include the whole brain. A big part of me has died. I don't have a myopic view any longer. I'm very here-now as the doctor says. I only scream when I completely lose the ability to do anything else. I'm in distress, even though I can't "feel" that or anything.
I'm complicated, they say.
IQ-wise, I've always scored around 115-120 with one higher score when I was little. The little kid IQ test is a joke though.
Here's the kind of stuff I wrote when I had emotions:
"I am abusive but it all comes back to me because I think, though I do go through something like a tantrum. I never grew out of it. I'm horrible at arguing. I would rather roll around in the dirt. It's an emotion. If people understood, they would understand. Am I really angry enough to react? Otherwise, it should stay within me instead of be manipulated in some riddled form of perception.
Bite the slaves, right?
It's wrong because it makes them upset then they don't hold so many tasks as well. They die-destroy. They have everything for nothing, said the justification, but they have to hold "everything."
You suffer from things like PTSD. We suffer from things of psychosis. I'm not big enough to pose a threat to 60 percent of the population. I'm firmly believe that people should assess risks instead of manipulate others to various ends.
I got mad and decided to show myself as a complete reaction. I was sick of people selecting hues, mostly reactive. Life is a paradox of meaningless philosophy. I only have so many options."
Back when I was delusional, I was poetic. I got the idea that going bankrupt would be a form of protest against the 1%, and I did that way before OWS. I used to suffer from extreme rage, and I was like, they're going to make me bail all these people out ("Let's Have a War" A Perfect Circle), and i was right, so I decided to do whatever I wanted and mock them. It's in my other blog. I also thought I had magical powers pre-Madonna from the spine-water, but I was happier then. Long story short, a lobotomy will cure delusions, as it makes your mind extremely blank, but it'll leave its victims idiots. I can't adapt to things.
The US pissed me off. I wanted to leave, but they targeted me before I could leave.
It's not nice to steal gold coins from a leprechaun." ~ Leprechaun
They have "control," and that's all they know.
The main problem that I have is my memory, which the IQ test revealed as well or the other cognitive tests did, which I will post later. Give me attention :P I'm currently in a rehab program that's supposed to help me become independent again. I will try to work at the VA as a janitor. I'm in two classes right now, but I'm not doing so well in one of them due to my memory and am going to go to disability services. After this, I'm done with school because I don't appear to be capable. I'm not going to cheat my way through. And Drury, your online program is too easy. You can use your notes and stuff on exams. LOL Now I need that now, but you can't honestly let normal people go through like that. It's cheating. You're eventually going to get in trouble. I'm going to tattle on you.
When I was little, I had a LD in basic reading. Coding. I was cleared of this disability in 2003. I went to college a little then joined the army. I did fairly well the first time I went to school. I got a 111 on the ASVAB and a 76. IF anyone knows what that means.
I am diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD and NOS Psychosis that they go back and forth between schizoaffective and schizophrenia. Some doctors believe me when I say I'm not actually angry when I start screaming. It's just due to a lack of emotion and I freak, though that's a contradiction. It's different to me. Things are different than they used to be. Others do not believe me about not being angry. Since I wrote a 60,000 book in 3 days, they say I suffer from manias, but I don't. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could still do it. I'm going to self-publish it for free. It's crappy. Oh, they say I have PTSD because I don't sleep through the night and have nightmares. I don't believe that diagnosis is accurate. I'm around people with PTSD, and I'm not like them. They're currently investigating whether or not I might have suffered a head injury. No really. Thanks, Madonna. Now I will say that my "lobotomy" has made it so that I don't say off-the-wall stuff anymore, but my ability to put things together is damaged. Like, on the IQ test, I really struggled with how "always" and "never" are related and things like that. Now remember that the parts needed to do the IQ test do not include the whole brain. A big part of me has died. I don't have a myopic view any longer. I'm very here-now as the doctor says. I only scream when I completely lose the ability to do anything else. I'm in distress, even though I can't "feel" that or anything.
I'm complicated, they say.
IQ-wise, I've always scored around 115-120 with one higher score when I was little. The little kid IQ test is a joke though.
Here's the kind of stuff I wrote when I had emotions:
"I am abusive but it all comes back to me because I think, though I do go through something like a tantrum. I never grew out of it. I'm horrible at arguing. I would rather roll around in the dirt. It's an emotion. If people understood, they would understand. Am I really angry enough to react? Otherwise, it should stay within me instead of be manipulated in some riddled form of perception.
Bite the slaves, right?
It's wrong because it makes them upset then they don't hold so many tasks as well. They die-destroy. They have everything for nothing, said the justification, but they have to hold "everything."
You suffer from things like PTSD. We suffer from things of psychosis. I'm not big enough to pose a threat to 60 percent of the population. I'm firmly believe that people should assess risks instead of manipulate others to various ends.
I got mad and decided to show myself as a complete reaction. I was sick of people selecting hues, mostly reactive. Life is a paradox of meaningless philosophy. I only have so many options."
Back when I was delusional, I was poetic. I got the idea that going bankrupt would be a form of protest against the 1%, and I did that way before OWS. I used to suffer from extreme rage, and I was like, they're going to make me bail all these people out ("Let's Have a War" A Perfect Circle), and i was right, so I decided to do whatever I wanted and mock them. It's in my other blog. I also thought I had magical powers pre-Madonna from the spine-water, but I was happier then. Long story short, a lobotomy will cure delusions, as it makes your mind extremely blank, but it'll leave its victims idiots. I can't adapt to things.
The US pissed me off. I wanted to leave, but they targeted me before I could leave.
It's not nice to steal gold coins from a leprechaun." ~ Leprechaun
They have "control," and that's all they know.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
My IQ is 116
A few people are like "she's retarded," but I'm not. I think I'm feeble-minded. My IQ is only 116, but I was pretty happy with that score given all the things that have happened to me. That's only two points lower than my last IQ test. I need to work harder to improve my cognitive funciton.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Rome, the Band Has It Down
Fuck it. I'll cheer you all. Just let me live 10 more years to watch how pointless it all is. Nobody can hear you. Nobody can hear me. Same with Breaking Benjamin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3ZryyTDaOk How long before we all convert to Islam? hehe (inside joke) Circumcised girls and covers and caste systems... And... my favorite... when we all start... SHADOW STABBING! I've lost one friend to shadow stabbing. They implanted their voices into my head so that I would become... evil. That was too complex. i suppose I was supposed to go after one of them. KISS instead (keep it simple stupid). My voices/ hallucinations were different, and they saved me in the end. Is that not as comical as I think it is?
I wrote you guys a crappy, cheer poem for the work you do:
What do we stand for
It's what not that divides
To each truth it's born
Another etching of infinity
We ride forward, forward
We take the words of men
That have kissed the gods
And shared in their wine
Drunken with divine
Drunken with divine
We ride forward, forward
onwards, onwards, towards
Infinity: Divinity, up the vine
And to the throne
That we know
God
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHnEWmS1BNc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3ZryyTDaOk How long before we all convert to Islam? hehe (inside joke) Circumcised girls and covers and caste systems... And... my favorite... when we all start... SHADOW STABBING! I've lost one friend to shadow stabbing. They implanted their voices into my head so that I would become... evil. That was too complex. i suppose I was supposed to go after one of them. KISS instead (keep it simple stupid). My voices/ hallucinations were different, and they saved me in the end. Is that not as comical as I think it is?
I wrote you guys a crappy, cheer poem for the work you do:
What do we stand for
It's what not that divides
To each truth it's born
Another etching of infinity
We ride forward, forward
We take the words of men
That have kissed the gods
And shared in their wine
Drunken with divine
Drunken with divine
We ride forward, forward
onwards, onwards, towards
Infinity: Divinity, up the vine
And to the throne
That we know
God
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHnEWmS1BNc
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Shantelle Campbell
You can only hate who you love. Sorry. I get so confused.
Demon's Fruit
The apple fell from the Tree
That's my real reality
It came from up and held me down
Without a sound to the ground
I could not trace its infinite lines
Behind the masks of my lies
I self-deceived with forbidden fruit
Taken from a rotten root.
Demon's Fruit
The apple fell from the Tree
That's my real reality
It came from up and held me down
Without a sound to the ground
I could not trace its infinite lines
Behind the masks of my lies
I self-deceived with forbidden fruit
Taken from a rotten root.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
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