Anger management, narcissism and being entitled

Well, I am called lots of things.  I admit to a few.

Anyone who has known me knows that I'm fairly laid back.  Some might regard it as laziness or idle behavior, but I know better than to put forth a bunch of effort for nothing.  I occasionally write a book or read a text.  Then I go back to typing and zee internet.

It's taken me a long time to deal with internal anger, however, because there were a lot of things that were wrong with me and the people around me.  When I sent my first, lovely note to gorgeous and smart, A, I was freezing in my apartment.  Now, you're like, "Well, you grew up in the middle class.  What about your family?"  I'm not going to get too personal here, as I usually do.  There is a reason--or several. 

The psychotronic people are taking surface evaluations of me. 

Fear has been used against me for a long time.  I'm happy I have Nonna as an advocate now because people will get away with murder in regards to what they'll do to me.  I talked to a woman at the VA, a lawyer.  I started out the conversation, "I'm not going to sue you, but I want you to know and not do it again.." To which I got the reply, "You don't have any money to sue me." 

It reminds me of school.  When you're a kid, you look to authority figures to help you or listen to them.  Mine were on a fucking crusade when it came to me.  Mom has gotten better about this, but she left me out to dry.  I was too young to know how to censor those feelings, so I kept them inside.  I hadn't matured all the way. 

Also, many people who have dealt with "special needs" children know it's heartbreaking to put a camera on them.

I used to run miles upon miles to loosen the pain within.  I hoped it would get better, but it doesn't.

As far as shooting other children goes, I never wanted to.  I wanted them to stop messing with my brain (though they're using my insecurity to justify themselves).  To make it worse, after the injuries, they left me there, and I had a headache, A HEADACHE, that wouldn't stop for 8.5 months.  Then, when the pressure released, I was having a hard time staying conscious, and they were so mean.


You don't know what they did to me. 

I just want a nice house and the settlement.  It's all I'm asking for.  No, I'm not looking for attention.  I want peace.