My Friends are Icons

I've never been a charmer or great in relationships. 

I lost most of my kid friends, which I understand.  We are different now, different people, places and things in front of the camera.

I'm ugly, too.  I mean that in the most respectful way.  I was not given good genes or something.  I am on Weight Watchers now, but I'll never be beautiful, perhaps just cute.  I shouldn't moan too much.  When I bloomed, it was difficult for me to function at work, the army and school.  I've avoided marriage and a family (a miracle).  I did that with noble intentions.  I mean, I'm screwed up; why would I want to bring a kid into it? 

I don't like watching people break their mirrors.  It's a fault line for me.  Competition for resources was fierce when I entered the game, and I don't have much to offer.  Now they're all getting fucked, making babies and listening to the man, and they'll live and die with their pleasing natures. 

I hate my generation.

Breaking bulletproof glass from them... 

When I first moved out on my own, I was extremely overworked and lonely.  I used to work for friends, do nice things, but I was pretending I had them.  My sister kept saying, "They never call."  She liked to rub it in at first.  In some ways, she became protective over me, once  I bowed to her dominance.

She's a queen.  She is the boss. I think she's half-cat.

Anyway...

Over the years, I've learned to rest in solitude, looking in ponds, to watch for nature's gifts beyond my reflection.  I've grown into myself.  I talk to old people, people who know the game.  Their worn out years have given them spunk, wit and peace.  Many have shitty kids who abuse them, dead husbands, and they have all sorts of issues that made them more alive as they near death. 

So many good stories not made of flimsy film.