I Want My Brain Fixed

One doesn't matter in a different light. You can fix me.

With them, it's all about control and their queer lines of authority. I don't care. You stole what few opportunities I and then blamed me or cited illogical reasons for my destruction. It's always, it's only fair for me to suffer. If you rose from "nothing," something helped you be it person in aid or loans. Nobody rises alone. I wasn't allowed either. I always have to go through my whiney story of reasons why I had only one option out of HS, join the military. Anyone who tells you different is hiding something. It didn't benefit them for me to succeed. I was too naive to realize that only the self matters. I didn't care about being in, but while I was in, they tried to box me into being a rose. EO. That destroys me. Nowhere in my contract did it say, rose. I read the whole thing. Now they can deny using that term. They do us it. And I'll say that I didn't want to be the welfare queen because that's what getting married or starting a family equals for me. They called me a "whore" to try to box me with one of my fifty thousand male friends. It's a tactic. It's annoying. They should let us be hookers in the army and not suicide us after doing what people will do in those types of environments, though I stayed in the barracks-- I don't have any fancy stories. I just dealt with trash issues. The reason I didn't want to marry is because if anything goes wrong, we'd both be homeless. I was trying to avoid that fate. The army is too shifty for that. We're lower class people. Some people do things blindly. I've been smacked around a lot already.

Growing up I had that damn LD (I could read, and I passed HS without any help and some college, I was overcoming AGAIN, and they came and destroyed me) that allowed everyone control over me and now that I have schizophrenia the control people have over me is even worse. I've grown up with this false sense of control. I have the word "loser" tattooed onto my forehead. While I'm the epitome of trash right now because I've been gangstalked and destroyed by mindless clowns (I hope that paid you well), I don't blame myself. I don't have control. I realize that only money and power matter. I can't get it. So why bother with anything? All that happens when I do anything is that I have to justify being further trash.

What do you do with trash? You burn it, and it goes away.

We should kill disabled people. All they do is use us.

I will never succeed. A moron can see that and use me to look like a King (go Putin--is it cute when I struggle?); it's like standing next to a dog. That's easy to see. I will never get anywhere in life, and I don't care. I just get to watch as people against my interests take control of my life. I remember when they used the microwave hearing thing on me with the orgasm (so that we don't say what it is) that kills you or makes you stupid like Madonna's "A Bedtime Story" -- what do I live in Mali now 'cause I don't want to be like Mali or I would live there. They said, "she'll never do anything for you." You're absolutely right. My mind is completely destroyed now beyond what it was initially. Now that I can't comprehend what I read or understand 100% what's going on around me which I could before and can demonstrate, what a I going to do all day? It gets really boring. That was just, but since I don't have money or power, I'm the fucked up whiney baby. Hear me cry. Wah.

Dead people all around. I don't care about this stupid army paycheck that you tried to kill me for or SSI. I could make more as a prostitute, even ugly now (because I couldn't exercise when I was really dizzy from this TBI and because they forced me to eat a lot in the mental abuse ward; if you weren't crazy to begin with you will be when they get through, man). I'd prefer to be on the streets t living in a group home being drained. It's not like I get any of my money anyway. People control and drain me. These drugs are disabling me further. All I am is water down the drain.

Glad they killed those girls in Pakistan. Fucking bitches. There's a reason for everything.

If one is then we all are
We are all part of one
Parts to one
If one suffers then we all are
Suffering wants wanted
The end is in suffering one
Sufferer suffering us to none
One suffers no one

I'm not dying until all the retards, freaks, geeks, poor die too, however. Let's kill them all so that there's group respect, and I don't have to be oppressed, so we don't have to be oppressed.

Give me a ray. And let me go onto the news. Not letting me on the first time was wrong. I want all the attention in the world because you didn't want it. It makes me feel all slavish. I'll never do anything for you after all.

All I want to do is kill peple to feel powerful, so give me a job watching how "weak" the defenseless are. You aren't going to make me calm. I have to survive. I was programmed with instincts that are still buried deep within. Do another round of hypoxia stupidity, Madonna, Beck, heroes of the trash can that you stand beside. Next to the starving kids, Madonna, you look great, even though your looks are average to ugly and a dead cat could sing better.

Ah, now you can justify my poverty. Take my pension because I'm a shitbag. I'm a reflection of this society. I guess I'm a product of my environment. I'm burning like brilliant trash because I deserve to suffer. I guess that means that YOU deserve to suffer.
Man, I've been made so incompetent by psychotronic warfare that I'll be in a protected jail cell or institution. Thanks. That's actually appealing after my few years on this planet. I'm not from poverty. I just never get to enjoy anything I have time-wise, and I'm too young to have anything anyway. Not that I ever will if I'm the inferior female. If anything is defined really. Back to poverty. Nobody in this US is in poverty unless you're parents suck that much and don't use the stamps right. And if they do that, you won't rise like me (everyone "stronger" takes all my resources and labels me), and you'll be loving prison like several thousands of you are; beat the system. What, they let one of you rise to oppress the rest of you by telling you to look at them and then in the mirror. Don't bitch, I guess. You get three hots and a cot. Life couldn't be better. It's better than looking in the mirror at impossible, isn't it? (Of course I'm more hurt because God told me that, but he wasn't the first. It frustrates me to the ever why) Or being trapped by people that mess with our basic needs in illogical mannerisms. Mine is education. They trap (they did experiments on me that made me more behind), use (my test scores were average, but they deny children education by saying that they're just special) and denied me what I needed to fit in culturally or sustain myself later. Want to know why my mind is so easy to distort, Madonna? While I was "average" before psychotronic warfare, regular school wasn't important to my needs because I needed to be learning a trade from a young age so that I would eat later. If I was worried more about my food, and not already convinced of my omnidoom, I wouldn't bitch at you. You made me stupid because we didn't agree, and I wasn't stupid before. No matter how much "help" you give me, you're not going to get me into a university, and I'm not going to agree with you, Madonna, because I don't understand you. These issues aren't relevant to me. Why are we competing? i need to be independent and able to function in my "democratic" society to the fullest of my capabilities. A little digress, but it could be a conflict of interests where you wanted to oppress me for some sordid end. Oh, I'm a not funny smart mouth. Now I'm going to be on welfare, in prison or trapped with people that will abuse me for being inferior to them, not their equal, so I'm their bitch. Rays and all. The latter is 100% natural. It's why I isolate and would rather have had a trade so that I didn't have to fight all these odd socioeconomic issues. Putin knows what I understand, all my trash yrealizations. It's why he's got such good cards in the information war. Instead of killing me Pentagon, why don't you figure out his game and play it better? You know I don't like my life because ordinary lives such, and I'm always looking for "superior." You know I want to hurt you. You know I wanna make you cry. Makes me feel better about my sordid life.

Anyway,

Things happen for reasons. Even the most drugged out, out there know why they didn't succeed. Ask any fool. There are two ways to know. Sometimes we get a little weak when we justify. Some sort'of flicker of hope happens. But eventually we stop doing that. I want to do a number with death row inmates, enigma's "The Voice and the Snake." And what happened when I said what was going to happen. Like they said, nothing to bring to the table. Hogs. Now they'll come back and rug their success in my face. I'll kill them. I'm sick of this, only trash end up in broken down trailers. You deserve it because of blah, blah sin. After what I told the machine, I'm not even sure where to begin. I think I needed to be circumcised, made me bad. You know that makes us worship odd things, ideas, right? Satan. LOL It has to do with not having control. There's a stress reaction. I have no future. I'll say it publically since no one at the mental clinic would listen to me when I told them that was my problem. I'm an animal; it's an object. It can be removed. No more anger. No more sadistic thoughts. I bet I made Tom's fifth grade science project mind reader crazy with my evil mind. I bet it exploded and had to go back to kindergarten where it belonged. Obviously, whatever I was thinking could only do so much damage, why hide it? Why not just send a sheriff out to my house with a notice saying that I had an inappropriate feed and need either pills or to be circumcised. Why are you being sneaky squirrels with this technology? Did you honestly think you could save humanity when you first invented the camera to spy on people? Same thing. You're just using it to steal.

No you have to hear mine. I said that I have to kill to make way for new life. That was one of my epic lines. Now anyone with maturity would have realized that I was ill and dealt with it in a different mannerism. I didn't do anything to anyone. I was begging the people at the clinic to fix it. All they want is to push antipsychotics on me because that's all they know. They demoralized me prior by gangstalking and a bunch of other things.

On that note,

God is going to write me a sorry note. It's going to be from the bottom of his heart.
The more abnormal you make me, the more you free me, just remember. I don't have to do anything.

What they did didn't help me because it made it so that I'd "never explain again." I know. Placebo sings the same tune with "Where is My Mind?" You had a collapse and there's nothing in it." Still, everytime I get turned on, there is a bad reaction. It needs to come out. I don't care how trashy I am. I just don't want to bleed to death with a bunch of my Muslim friends. God, I have free medical care. Is it that hard to remove? Or could they just permanently paralyze it? You use it for trashy control of slaves. It's easy to control. Boy, do you like that word. Some people need it to go away. Are you afraid you're going to lose your moral purity over the world?

Please Vladi, give me a job executing prisoners. I just want to watch the defenseless squirm. i'd kill now, but they won't give me any air time since I'm a terrorist. i'd have to do something really twisted to innocent people to get in, and I will get in eventually, if I have to poison an entire city's population. NOt really. Don't ever ignore me. That got me killed. This making me look delusional game then destroying my mind is not clever. You should have heard her, "she tried to get out of it." yeah, that's why I told them in hospital, when I got out and on the blog.

I always play into their hands because they make me bad then justify doing this stuff to us. That's their game. Don't you think I deserve after finding out that I was a sadomasochist? Not that I do anything. I was trying to find a job, but that's been destroyed, so I'll print my oddities here for "attention." Some people just need to be circumcised like I requested (I have an odd reaction to love; it makes me angry), not have their brains removed. They use our emotions against us to their power ends. Meanwhile, what are they doing to other innocent people all over the world?

I didn't hurt anyone :P I didn't even do anything. I get hurt by people. Now since you decided to destroy me for my trashy vision, you have to charity me. Of course, you'll use me to say, this is what happens to people that +insert whatever cliche here+ but then it's you that can become.

I want my damn brain fixed. I'm lashing now.