In a traditional sense, zombies are referred to people who've lost their free will. I'm losing mine.
We're dogs in this culture. I was an innocent youth that didn't know any better because you RAISED us to believe in freedom. Make me an example since I'm already trashed. Be humane, properly have a ceremony for me with a firing squad, not a ray of love. Then we will all know that freedom of squeaks is over. I thought it was allowed innocence by elders--sure kid say whatever, but others are starting to self-impress by getting rid of it, Madonna "I"ll never explain again." Make up your minds. I see it as being dangerous and annoying, but it was innocent.
The annoyance
The gravity of free speech is intriguing. I often wonder if such a thing could exist at all. Large groups of people don't share their secret hearts and while everyone is talking, no one is really heard. Thus, I must question why anyone is a "target." One could never know all. That's part of the confusion of maya.
Personally, I'm committed, so nothing I say matters. I don't value my voice. I find it improper that the angry ignorant lament anyway. They, we, create group stupidity and spread naive, weak realizations that express the desire of our bitterness, not the complex social order in which we inhabit, though we'll appear that way with a facade. The fragmented ones fighting the invisible. It's always that one person is trying to make it big somehow or self-impress. I call it self-impressing because it's an egocentric closed vantage based off of an individual's measure of one's worth and knowledge. It's a show-off.
I mostly always agree, so even if I don't agree, I'll agree. Hence my comments on RT, not under my name but the others. I'm very self-amused.
Back to bitching.
"Living Dead Girl" -- Rob Zombie & "United States of Eurasia" by Muse sets the mood.
After Madonna's "A Bedtime Story," I only have a few abilities: screaming, kicking, throwing and screaming some more. I like to scream because I don't have any emotions and I can almost feel something. Plus, I like the noise. They can just damage/ kill me some more because I am... trash. It would be impossible for me to adapt to a demanding environment. I'm retarded. They want to use me for money, so I will spend the rest of my life in these insane asylums. I would like if Putin would pick me up and let me have holstic therapy in one of his labor camps. I could manage that. These people have never worked before, so they don't realize that we need mental abilities to even manage mcdonalds. I'm working on mine because I want to be independent. I'm guessing this was from the educational industrial complex. It's true, guys, if people are brain dead, they don't complain as much. See what Kim Jong did the little shits that tried. After he was done with them, they were on their best behavior. Not a peep
TELL THEM THAT YOU KILLED ME SO THAT I CAN GET OFF THE DRUGS. GROW SOME FACE, FACELESS COWARDS. NOBODY CAN DO ANTYHING ANYWAY. SO CALM DOWN. I HAVE NO EMOTIONS. JUST A MEMORY OF THEM I WORK OFF OF. I echo when I talk. I feel hollow. I screamed trying to feel anything. I am consumed by the nothingness today. Happy is not an emotion. If you experienced it, you'd know what I'm talking about. This is inhumane. Death is more humane. You shoot someone if you're gonna kill 'em. @ What is that? What do you $ee? I was novacained (BECK/MADONNA). They declare us schizophrenic when we try to put their invisible plan together, which would be impossible to put together entirely because it's invisible. Our simple plots fall apart because they're immune. I wouldn't have ever said anything if I thought there were consequences. I didn't think anybody would pay me attention. Look, people have been saying stuff around me my whole life and nothing happened to them. Where's the example to show what "really" happens. I must have struck a nerve. Good. Nothing in my reality makes sense. I hope you all enjoy watching them destroy me. What good did your mind machine do? Look at all the evil people consume me beacuase I'm worthless. LOL. What happens is that time moves forward, but I'm trapped by my inabilities of the past--don't blame one person cause it was all of you; I mostly blame the school system, and people remember their guilt and justify it as something else. This is why victims get attacked. I have no worth but my abuse. I want to do things too, but I can't. That's really the problem. Nothing that terrible happened, but what happened prevented me from being productive, and they won't stop coming at me because I'm a target. Aw, it's so cute, I'm trapped bitching because I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. Anytime I try, I'm declared a rose or something else and prevented. Now I want to dance and drink blood. They love to say that they don't care--by trashing me out then getting in my face, and I'll just complain forever because there's nothing else to do. Here's a crappy poem that the yahoo community enjoyed (they only like really bad writing). This is about freedom of squeaks and youths.
Revelations
Spitting youth
What do you say?
When we can worship
instead this day
of our mouths that know
ignorance -- vantage
We all stand alone
Fragmented view
Don't you wander
Too far from home
We were born yesterday
They add our realizations
yugas, fly zones
All prior known,
an ancient birthright lore
Ripen our heard, raise
and pluck perfection
absurd is all else,
melted desperation.
Can we hurry up and move onto spine bending worship? Yes, masters. I don't want the facade because I want my mind. I'm not standing for anything because I stand alone. I'm not stupid like them. They believe in ... things. Plus, you know me. I wanna give 'em what they want @:)
Oh, Blaine, I'll make you care. "You'll get the message by the time I'm through." You will not demoralize me.
Besides that though
I WANT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!
Between psychotronic warfare and psychiatric attention, I'm losing my mind, becoming a zombie. My cognitive abilities are deteriorating. Want to know why schizophrenia is progressive? medication. It destroys your body and mind.
It makes people feel like they have control over another, which they love. Welcome to the communist dictatorship. I'm going to start taping them.
I am schizophrenic or autistic (I used to hallucinate a bit), but I'm also a targeted individual. Unfortunately, I am unable to pin my attackers down, so I look like I'm delusional about everything, which is one of their games. That and making me guess agendas and tactics when I couldn't possibly reveal something that isn't in sight.
Everyone lies about me constantly, but if I lie... it's a trick like the cliches. "Whoop that Trick" -- Diay. They use it to manipulate and say EVERYTHING I say is a lie when that is illogical. I invite them to do truth tables. I have to. I have to balance their lies, which causes me to lie and since I'm defenseless, I'm a liar. They will stir me up then blame me for getting upset or I will have to fib to protect myself. I hate that. Today, my caretaker went psycho because I threw some rocks in the garden. I like to break things. Autistic habit? Call it a weird quality. It makes me happy to shatter things, not people. I have not shattered one person. I wasn't angry, trust me :) but I had to say that I was angry and that I wasn't delusional. I had to make up a story about someoen upsetting me because my doctor doesn't get me. He assigns me qualities. People do not understand that I don't have their set of emotions. They call it emotional disregulation. It's just different. I was upset yesterday, am I not permitted to have opinions? I get into fights with these invisible foes of psychotronic land. They finally gave me an emotional hue I can tolerate or my body finally regained a normal state after being high. The attackers would say the latter. I don't care so long as I don't feel that way.
So I believe in psychotronic warfare. It exists. Whether or not I'm a target is up for debate.
They'll make anything into any big deal though. "She's out of control. She needs more drugs." She needs people to treat her right so that she doesn't have to prepare for them. She likes misery because it's inciting, but she won't hurt herself physically. She just likes the sad songs. She rips things apart out of strange compulsions. I don't see how they're going to drug that out of me. You should see my eyes bulge for bubble wrap. Like a kid in the candy store. I also still run around like a child would. Hey, to the night terrors, I never said I didn't have a developmental disorder. They're just milking me for schizophrenia.
They want squares for heads. I have a personality as well. You people need to learn to respect it. I'm not breaking your stuff. I ripped apart fallen tree limbs. Big deal. @_@ Don't even sit here read this and pretend you don't have a bad habit. At least I get lots of exercise jumping around slamming the limbs against the tree to break them. It makes noise, which I also like, almost as much as I like writing with chalk to hear it. I love sound, even if it's random.
They don't want any stimuli.
Like I said, I was locked up on a mental ward for 60 days without any stimulation and cited for walking down the hall. Everytime I go in, it's "we need to increase your medication." You can't get rid of me. If I was you, I'd be you. Let's switch since you want it so badly.
If you weren't crazy when they started with you, you will be when they're through or braindead. I hope my grandma lives long enough to see what she's doing to me. I want her to feel the guilt.
I'm forced to take medications for my wayward thoughts, and everybody has these thoughts, even though they aren't distressing to me. None of my delusions of Eloi really bother me. It says in the manual that if hallucinations and delusions aren't distressing to a patient that they should be left alone, but they all want my dollar. They'll say I'll say anything, dissect meaning from this blog (no matter how many times i explain context), do anything really to keep me caged up like an animal. $Money$
I will go out on a limb and say that I'm religious in more than just my religion (I was using sarcasm about Christians because I was badmouthing everyone--part of my "bad" me entry; I am a Christian), and I am religious. Those are my delusions. People can believe in the magic man in the sky with me and not be locked up, but I can't believe in Eloi (the eye of the moon).
Rest under the eye
You're tired of tiring
Weak, wondering,
Wandering, wayward
will, won't you?
Such things we think
When nothing is but
Air adrift, clouds
--too close
Eloi eloi lama sabachthani.
Well, I have to go, the alzheimer's patient wants to have a conversation. We're talking about how I listen to music. He says "yeah." He says that he doesn't understand how a screen makes sound, but he said it by putting his hands on his ears and uttering nonsense. You learn to understand.
My caretaker rocks but she doesn't get my personality. We're learning. I just want freedom. It could be worse and has been. Imagine having to listen to all the people that hurt you 24/7. Imagine these people having no accountability. Then being hustled by the government. I listen to "gangsta's paradise" these days. "Tell me why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?"
I need control.
I would like to end this blog with:
I dont' want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone else, even though that causes them to lose respect.
I am not hallucinating.
I'm still in a sea of jealousy (years of it have made me super demon--rub rose in my face again 'cause you won't get anything from me ever again; do you see why I stay single? It's all money honey) and won't work until my demands are met :P I want to be a janitor at HAARP. Everyone else gets to be like, " if they don't pay me enough, I'm not working. I can collect welfare or other aid," but I can't do one thing I want, and I get to be used for various agendas. You guys need to get together and decide my fate (as usual--I only need one master as I fight air) so that I don't have one group hustling me and the other trying to disable and the other trying to drain.
I've been overly forced this lifetime, and they used love to do it. I hate love. I hate my entire family, and I want a public guardian because I want to isolate away from everyone. I am repulsed by their treatment. Why did she come into my life? She abandoned me as a child when my mom needed help (over a dollar) saving me from S. S was the one that locked me in the basement without food or water and had other curious punishments (it's documented). I just thought she was retarded. She was also sleeping with her own son and had lots of mental problems. I could write a nightmare book about those three years. See what happens? They make us useless, garbage, special ed (what makes that? hm). our families manipulate us, weak and powerless over you. You didn't want to help me when I needed it the most but when I get a dollar, you care. Humans. I'm not getting over it. I want revenge because that seems to be my only merit and some weird social animal response to inequality. I'm not allowed to share my abilities on the dancing circle without a billion "angels" rushing in to make sure it's "fair." I'm not a rose. I'm a grasshoper or a carrion flower. I've got some rope, Placebo, remember me? special needs. Oh, I'm a temperamental goat. I have nothing left but revenge. Want my dollar? Want to help me some more, Madonna? Why don't you instill a sense of duty in other people? Influence instead of force--like force two of us. I'm sorry but the people suck--not that anybody is any better with the same crappy leaders from Hell. They need to have proper thoughts. We've been trashed out to an insane degree.
"All your theories turn to dust." You won't break me; you'll break me. I'll bleed when cut like all animals, but you'll expect me to be something more. All you guys do is justify and you expect people to have your playground morals that only serve you. I'm jealous I wasn't special but so very special to use, AW, but I'm not human, so I'll admit that. It's what drives me. I want what you rubbed in my face. If i can't have it, then I will do nothing. I've learned they won't let me do anything productive if I don't fight them back. Look at them come at my mind. And we'll go to sunshine and flower land. I'm not accepting responsibility. I don't have control. Never have. it's like, all I can do is spread trash. Might as well do what you're good at.
I couldn't be a rose if I wanted to be. LOL I'm a slave. You guys are a joke. 24 will I live to see 25? I love my gangster music. hehe
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