The Communist Dictatorship

So if you've ever been down, you've probably taken a trip to the doctor or the psych ward. You might have stayed a few days until you were 'straightened out." You might have enjoyed the trip even--maybe you weren't aware of it or liked the sleeping vacation, or you might have been mentally abused in the process because you're in the system. You're theirs. The latter knows what I'm referring to.

I live under a dictatorship. At 24, I've lost complete control of my life. I'm going to say this is not going to end well because I'm an animal that needs freedom and space.

Frolic off into the sunset. That's my goal. I don't like humans.

These people are not like normal people. They are control freaks. They will make you completely handicapped with their ignorant TLC. Like, I can totally work. They're trying to say that I can't due to anything random and tha they'll put me in Nixa, which is like the ultimate threat, and they're trying to gain even more control over me with it. I could live in an apartment again. They're about to go to court and lose me because I'm not going to be threatened or manipulated. I don't like these people. I'm a "mean" girl. They'll call me anything just like their disorders. I walked down a hall, and I had anxiety, did not! I was said to have a manipulation disorder when I asked to go to the bbathroom. I had to pee, and there was nothing to do--no mental stimulation leading to my sensory deprivation, so I was more focused on it. I was locked on a ward for sixty days because they said I was hearing voices. I wasn't at the time. In fact, i haven't physically in 6 months depsite my creative writings about that time. I have some sort'of TBI from "Novacaine." Is that a TBI. Now I look delusional when I'm not because you can't know that you're delusional. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that my inability to figure out complex schemes around me just means I'm stupid or ignorannt of details. I don't care. I'm a stupid girl. There are plenty of stupid sloppy dizzy mean people in the world. And I believe in stupid things, yes. It's only the natural byproduct of being stupid. Thanks, Madonna.

And on that note, don't ever piss off the people in charge, as the psychiatric ward is geared towards their control, and it will destroy every aspect of your being.

Yes, masters, what do you want? I'm going to start referring to them as "masters" when I go in because according to my guardian, I'm only allowed to go to the locked down hospital.

They don't even listen to me because they know they don't have to. All they have to say is that I threatened myself or someone else, and they lie. I never stabbed myself. I have 0 wounds. People killed: 0. My suicide: 0. I don't own a weapon, and I don't really want to hurt myself or anyone else. You just want to control me and say that you prevented a school shooting. You're scared cause you know you treated me real bad. That's what they're there for, to remind you to be nice. I just don't want to be locked down in an insane asylum. Jail is a privilege in comparison, trust me.

Welcome to the communist dictatorship of mental health.

Oh, do I ever have nightmares though. This ought to "please" them, the pleasing disease.

If I want to believe in psychotronic weapons, it's a free country. I know this will make me homeless and that I have no future, but it's never been bright anyway. I don't hope anymore. My name means routinely bad action. If there's a wrong way, I'm going to do it. I usually don't have a choice.

Someone put a complaint in about me. Thank God. The inbetween people can have their dollar back and all the other veterans can whine about how it isn't enough when I was living well, thanks. I'll go into redemption labor and welfare. I have bad luck. But you people don't know how much easier it is to be poor. Poormouthers.