Jessica let the breeze pass through her grey hair, between her weaving wrinkles, whistling tunes. A wind chime came and went here and there. The blue sky peered down on Jessica, letting the simple sun share the sky with its companion, not with blithe but with acceptance. A coolness defied the summer heat.
A few memories rose to the surface of Jessica’s mind.
A child came first, blossoming in a yellow dress. Jessica smiled at the vision, a younger her.
“Grandma, can we get a pare from the tree?”
“Only if your grandpa agrees to take you on the tractor. You know there are snakes in the grass. The grass is taller than you!”
Jessica recalled as her tall, thin grandma went back to the house, let the cat out ,and shut the door. The child saw an opportunity, even though she wasn’t to go beyond the first yard. But in the middle of the field beyond, she knew there was sweet goodness.
She took a cautious first step.
No snakes.
Gradually, a spell of bravery moved her legs faster and faster. The grass moved away from her as her hands and body pushed it away.
“I’m the snake!” She said aloud. “I’m the silly snake who spends all day in the field guarding pare trees from little girls. Well, I’m going to be silly, too. Then I will be near the pare tree like a snake. They won’t know I’m a girl!”
Her grandpa always told her how much he loved her and her strange phrases. He took her on tractor rides on Sundays, when he wasn’t too tired from work. His strong muscles and bones tired after a long day. He drank some “spirits” as grandma called them. There were no spirits on Sundays. No anger.
She huffed and puffed until she stood at the base of the pare tree. Rotten fruit stuck to her shoes. Her arms went up but could not reach the fruit. She looked around for a log or rock that might bolster her up.
Nothing.
A man approached Jessica as she pondered these musings on the park bench.
“May I sit here?” He asked. Jessica observed him for a minute, a pale face, cheeks ruby with youth, a pile of blonde hair on his head, like a prized rug. Her eyes matched his, a deep azure hue.
“Sure.”
“It’s a nice day out, but it’ll be noon soon enough. They say only madmen and the English stay out at noon.” His phrase went through her mind, the simplest thought she’d had all day.
“Well, the Englishmen and old ladies can stay out. Maybe we’ve been banished from indoors,” Jessica said.
“Banished? What a strange word to use,” the man said. “My name is Brian. What is yours?”
“Jessica.”
“May I ask what you’re doing out here?”
“Of course, I always share my business with strangers,” Jessica’s eyes gently drifted to the ground.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“I know. So what is a man doing here with such pale skin that might burn? It’s a wonder the sun hasn’t scorched you yet. We’re heathens, after all, to tempt mother nature in such a way.”
“I’m on break. I work in the office building over there. I’m a CEO.”
“Ah, a big boss then.”
“I guess. Do you have any hobbies, work, volunteer at centers?”
“Nope, I sit on this bench all day waiting to die. Sometimes there are butterflies around the flowers.” Jessica felt a wave of sadness overcome her heart.
“How old are you?” Brian asked.
“I’m thirty-five,” Jessica replied.
“Dear God, what did you do? I’m not perfect, but I’m four-hundred years old. I get another injection next year.” Brian scratched his head quickly then gripped the bench, uneasily.
“I refused to make any more bad decisions.”
“Bad decisions, but companies only punish those who make such choices in life, “ Brian said pridefully.
Jessica chuckled at the ground. Brian shifted his body.
“Tell me two bad decisions then.” Brian’s voice was full of thoughts and confusion.
“I wouldn’t have children.”
“That is a bad decision. It’s part of your duty,” Brian said.
“Nah, not if you knew my father and his family. We’re cursed.”
“But they can alter genes. We have so many choices.”
“Yes, but I can’t escape being a pariah. I didn’t want others to know I altered my genes, that I couldn’t naturally produce able-bodied children. I couldn’t escape the memory of what he did to people. Even if they changed my past, they can’t change what happened or the people who were affected during the massacre.”
Brian’s eyes flashed, but he could not come up with any defenses in his expressions. Shock.
“Tell me one more bad decision,” Brian challenged.
“I wanted to walk in the park,” Jessica said, smiling her contumacious behavior or what they felt was rebellious.
“What’s wrong with taking a walk in the park?”
“I was supposed to report to my second job,” Jessica said, which it appeared Brian took as a confession.
“It’s important that we all work. Everyone should have pride in being able to reach self-sufficiency.” Jessica breathed deeply.
“There is no point,” she said. “I’ll never get anywhere. They would have aged me out regardless. Gotta make that quota.”
“But surely someone would have mentored you.”
“You mean brainwash?” Jessica questioned.
“Brainwash? No.”
“Some lives can’t be justified,” she returned.
“Well, if all you’re going to do is sit here and whine, I can tell you that you deserve being aged out.”
“Really? Work hard, son, and maybe someday you can make that decision with pride.”
Brian’s face turned red. Jessica read his features, a bit of tease went through her mind. She pushed her long hair behind her left shoulder.
“Wh-why?”
“You are obviously worthy and will get your shot next year.” Jessica felt uneasy as she said this. The approaching death bothered her. She figured all living creatures felt this way toward the end or death would be life.
Hm, she said in her thoughts, there’s no point in living if all life is, is death.
Deep.
“Well, I’m going to leave you now. All you do is whine.”
“Actually, I mostly sit here and/or walk each day. Have a nice day and enjoy the finest wine.”
Brian stood up and brushed off his suit.
Jessica wondered if he’d ever get it.
Intoxication at its best.
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