Saturday, May 29, 2021

On the Ward with My Father

 A couple of nights ago, I got to hear how he rose from poverty, the awkwardness that so many lie about, but it's special with him. I am punished for him in various ways, usually assumptions that I've had it too good.  It's obvious that he's insane.  No one can think in the US.  Like everything else, it becomes a weapon.  

I laugh and spam.  I was blocked by my imaginary boyfriend minions', I talk to myself.  I've been spamming RT for years.  They'll unblock me eventually. Sorry, I tried to escape, but for some reason, my dad always manages to be the winner directly or indirectly.  The FBI should get AI to read emails and some happy pills.

I get it with the gifted like my imaginary boyfriend, if that wasn't a cover, and end up unequal in school because everyone else there is well off or has years of extra help. They have the advantage there.  One of my cleaners didn't understand why her parents didn't say, "I love you" all of the time and "You're special" like the other parents did who came from the working class. Just like with Blackbriar and "Roses" we're not being greedy and cruel, it's simply that no one cares about your emotions and such.  I wasn't poor, just in special ed and Hell due to my family.  When I did start to work, I went to the bottom and adapted to that even more.

When you hear about Jobs or something, having to sleep on a floor in college and walk to get meals, it's not difficult.  Honestly, if you can't afford food in college, the best route, the prideful way, is to get a job at a restaurant, a small one is better because they will treat you more like family.  Here, they might give you meals or discounted meals, and you can also eat what people leave on their plates.  You pull off the bitten part.  It's not like I'm going to miss a meal, even when I was thinner, and well yeah, went through a few eating disorders.  Yes, look in the mirror.  All my problems were because I was fat! when I wasn't. Anyway...

Tonight he's been on his own since 14.  He had to make it himself, with no one's help, not even my mother's who did everything for him.  And the inheritance he received, 60,000, but nope, he did it all by himself.  Now he's toilet trained apparently.

I have dishonored him, how could I ever lie?  That is the crap I wanted to punch C for.  I have the right to lie about my family since I'm forced to talk about them.  She wanted more points for suffering since her dad was in jail. Welcome to the lower classes where people prove how much worthier they are by how much they suffer.  What a brilliant idea.  When I try to relate or list the reasons why, I am told "no one cares" or that "I'm a liar."  It's a reaction without thought.  They will tell you their history first and then dissociate to commands.

 Plus, at that point, I had no truth, and I had to learn all of their lies and balance them out.  Growing up, everyone used my parents' words against me because "I'm stupid and nobody likes me."  Honestly, that got me in more trouble.  I must need therapy.

He knows nothing about farming, like everything else.  He will never admit to this just like with my brother and the saw.  He thinks he can shake trees and pick what he wants when he wants, no labor force needed. How are you going to water them? What about pests?  They apparently don't exist where he is.  He's also been ordering animals...  

He wonders why I won't come to visit? I don't want to be butchered.  I know many people would like that house. It looks nice, but murder will bring down the value.  I may have a horrible mental state, but I don't want to be finished off in the US. 

Everyone knows this is totally fake. I'm a spoiled brat with a silver spoon, as Marilyn Manson noted. 

To all oligarchs or rich people, if some child/teenager is at dinner or if she's been flung (has not happened with billionaires, just millionaires) please do not attack her.  Did the misery on my face look like I'm having a great time as he talks?  Did you check his bank account?  You're the ones who allowed debt monsters to happen.  

Look what happens!  They create waste and are too stupid to even create something. 

As for my mom, it's not her fault.  It's the family's fault.  She happily grazes. She's not a bad person, even though she gets mean at times.

In the end, I know that they know I'm trash, too, and it's fun to watch me fight and squirm.  I know, I know.  It never ends.  

Years in special ed didn't demoralize me enough, not enough death attempts.  I had hope in adulthood.  Class warfare and these "friends' he makes took me out.  I guess there were extra players like the musicians.  I know nobody likes me.  They hunt me.  As I said as a kid, "I'm stupid and no one likes me."

Crushed in a horrible mental state.  

Haha Gates, you came from the demonic island, too. Ireland probably deals with these things better.  And they have some very talented people.  They just have issues with mental illnesses and drinking. They get a lot of hate, but it's like, oh, so your country is perfect?  Whatever.

There is no redemption for humanity.  

PS To everyone who has attacked me, how do you not know that my dad is sick as Hell?  How did the courts not know, everyone else...  my mom's side has banished him.  Stay over there... we can't do anything else.  I want to torment and kill him, too, but it's wrong.  It's kind of like executing a mentally retarded man.  He needs to go to a hospital.  

He is very important, runs things in other countries, can hook me up, and give me millions because they owe him favors.  His many servants as he's wealthy are going to tend to his orchard and farm.  He's going to water his plants however he wants to.  That's final!  You go for it, dad. 

He still wants to do me, never has, but we've had some strange issues with that.  That's not what screwed me up sexually. My mother did more of that, as you have no idea, and I'm also my life was very stressful.  

Anyway, I'd like to also say that they spoke through him on that last part.  They called us cretins at one point.  No shit.  I'm not absorbing all of the sins.  I've tried to get out of the gutter many times.  Get rid of us all or shut up.  If you, the CIA, or the FBI want to torture or fuck me, go ahead. You've violated me plenty of other times. We don't remember our lives, so I don't care.  I'll scream and thrash and go into eternity.  I wasn't rejected from the abyss the last few times.  You don't know how much I hate you. I'm sure you hate me.  I have one line of wisdom that isn't cocaine.  It's kind of obvious. 

Too bad Durov doesn't love me. Those soft eyes mean he is definitely a biter.  I love his eyes though. You could make a movie out of that, the Idiot and the Intellectual, to Whom Does Disaster of Earth Blong? Lots of colors and noise.  On the course you have us on, I'm about to be in a mass grave anyway, I think.  It'll be fun if they keep me out of the flames long enough to hear you bitch and complain and explain how you were right.  All you guys know is control or the illusion of it.  I called several times, spammed, to try to get help, the FBI. I butchered myself to protect my siblings, and they were threatened again.  I've learned I can't protect them. All the problems and such have not been helping.  Life here is depressing.  You guys screwed me up so bad that I'm not even attached to my country, and I tried to explain, have the right beliefs for manifesting my reality, and you violated several of our caste rules, even though we deny that those exist.  

Sorry, back in Virginia, I was religiously saying, "I have been deceived." Thoughts think themselves.  I could define them fast enough.  "And great overlord, I do not know good from evil."  If you had the kind of demons popping out of that domination, you would say the same thing.  Normal people wanted me to get the help I so desperately needed.  

 




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