Wounded Paychecks

The VA has helped me a lot. I am grateful to them. I realize that not every organization is perfect. If I develop dementia, I will file a 1511 though. The doctors kept playing telephone, and I didn't get help for my head injury. I even had a heart murmur. That pressure hurt, Putin! I couldn't call a patient advocate because one.) I didn't know what that was and 2.)I was often delirious. Organs come from outer space.

Well, I should stop whining about that, and yes, part of it was my fault with the floor but not the cyanide nor lobotomy. The reason why we should go to hospitals, Madonna, is because it should be official, not done again and again, and they should make sure there aren't medical problems, like magical cyanide. Maybe your cures work. However, mine was botched, and I wouldn't know. Nice of you to try...

Anyway, many charities do this: https://www.rt.com/usa/330518-wounded-warrior-project-donations/. People like Gates and Zuckerberg are taking advantage of charities as well. I think they should be regulated by the government and branded authentic.

Because they rent this stuff, giving access to it during time in office

I could use a present, like Bjork received. How about a brain?

I did a good job!

Trust me, nobody would want my delusions, and I was punished for them. I sit as an inner voice fighting them all with the help of antipsychotics. It's like, OMG, that's not me. They had complete control a few times, however, like during my trig class. I drove that teacher nuts.

Anyway...

Corruption? Look at our music. I'm not saying Russia isn't to blame with Tatu after that forty dollars, but we have our own special issues...

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/vladimir-putins-secret-fortune-billiondollar-palace-and-superyacht-paid-for-with-state-funds/news-story/c80ff2427c4a056a29835ca3fdee11cc

I think elites owning that stuff is as stupid as our jealousy. Some of them deserve private pools and places because their status makes it impossible to mix with ordinary people. I can just go to the courtyard if I want to swim, or I could move closer to an indoor pool. No big deal.

I did kind of want that house though. Oh well.

They want us to be jealous for themselves, like what was in the video "Ultranumb" by Blue Stahli or whatever. I do grow tired of being dominated by people and whatever they've got. I'm supposed to work for it all, like I could have it in "Work Bitch." There's no point. I'm sure I will work small jobs, but I will NEVER, ever let what happened to me as a teenager occur again. I will not have children. I will stay single. I will have a good life free of force.

Life doesn't have to be that hard.

Comrade Creighton: Another Crime

If you know me, and you don't, then you know that for a long time I supported communism - or said odd things, not even knowing its true definitions. It was "serve your enemy" syndrome. That's also why many people comment on RT. It's our pathetic way of getting revenge.

Poor targets. Keeps the FBI earning their paychecks. They should volunteer at a homeless shelter or something.

I can't believe they took me due to my surface words--another attack. During Occupy Wall Street, a Russian, from communism's time, told people the reality of the situation, and they didn't believe him because they hate their lives. I will say he was better educated than most. A lot of people from the Soviet Union are highly educated and clever.

Anyway, they don't bother to ask us questions to check our comprehension of matters. Heaven forbid they know anything about us before they kill. Like Lisa Gerrard's "Sleep," we are told they're truth machines, even when they lie. Who was at the window?

Kill, kill, kill. The police will get all the black people, and they'll get us wilting roses by our crushes and fragmented ideologies. Many people believe odd things. They scribble in peace on the internet. ;oihkjlhkjhkj

They also called me an elitist.

I'm quite an amazing evil, very powerful. I tend to attract a lot of crap.

https://www.rt.com/usa/330325-cia-ufo-declassified-files/ as for this, I'm offended! I asked for something, and I was yelled at. Bitch, it's not like you had anything better to do. I realize you don't work for the people now. Go kill a cancer patient with Breaking Benjamin.

Faking a mental illness or medical illness

I think people who fake mental illnesses have problems, too. Another issue is that they malinger after the meds kick in.

I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I know I am, and I fight it.

The reason I was diagnosed "undifferentiated schizophrenia" was during my struggle with the head injury and brain damage both from myself and from the brain surgery. They wouldn't listen to me, and I could only fight delirium for so long. I was mistreated by several nurses and doctors.

In the Rolla hospital, when the pressure in my brain was releasing, I went bananas! My whole system rebelled, and I jumped out of the bed and ran down the hall. I started to vomit, and the nurse said I stuck my finger down my throat for attention. This was, of course, after the ambulance ride where they noticed my blood pressure was 60/30.

They found he head injury when they did a MRI. They were like, you were right... I was like, and you all need your licenses revoked for abusing me so much -- and they did. One nurse was stupid enough to write in my notes that "passing out is not a symptom of low potassium." Sure, because passing out is a sign things are going well. I kept having to go to the ER because my electrolytes were drained faster than I could replace them, and it takes like three months to get an appointment with the VA. There were other signs I was failing, too, especially with my heart rate and blood pressure. It was obvious I had a head injury. Oh well.

I think that they should refer frequent flyers to a person who can find out if they have serious problems or are just malingering. The stupid doctors almost wanted me to diagnose myself, which was annoying. I should have gone to med school.

I talked with the VA, and they were like, "you don't have any money, so you can't sue us." I wasn't planning on it. More abuse from people... I wanted to know if they could put in a pamphlet, or something, that people with mental illnesses due, indeed, also have medical problems, as we are not immortal.

As for my future, it's grim. I will do what I have to. I hate people.

They're trying to hide

https://www.rt.com/news/330302-conspiracy-theories-oxford-study/

The problem with this is that people cannot comprehend the "whole," especially ordinary people who are laymen with the subject matter. We feed ourselves with bits and pieces of reality and think we've got it all figured out. The overlords enjoy our vanity. I swear to bring harm to the person who took this function away from me with the brain surgery though. It's true; I want to believe in something, anything. I'm so hollow now, a mechanical servant.

My big conspiracy theory was that String Theory is a scavenger hunt. Those "missing numbers" are amino acids. Eleven dimensions brought other references up. I attacked many a site, annoyed that the smart people were trying to make us look dumb when we talked about it, like fake Soviet science given to their masses.

Smart people and myself have been at war for a long time. I love math and science.

There are too many dumb people on this planet, I realize. It's like when they were gang stalking me, trying to make me paranoid... I was pretty much on the ground with my butcher knife anyway. I lived by Langley, the CIA headquarters. Enough said, right? Couldn't they have gotten me help or arrested me? What is wrong with people?

My "Friends"

https://www.yahoo.com/style/happened-one-best-friends-blogged-170000294.html

This blog speaks to me as well. Growing up, my family had troubles, and I had bad things happen, and it was obvious I was struggling. I shared these moments, as I've mentioned on a previous post, and they all bit me.

Who wants problems? They have futures.

The parents used to be nice to me and say things like, "You're just like family to us." Sure. I knew they didn't like my parents. One of my folks even trash talked one of my "friends'" dad, saying he was lazy. It's true he didn't work, but he had a superior intellect and could have done something. That was obvious with his pass times. He wasn't writing, "Dawn of the Hives." (I'll never forgive myself for letting that one out of the bag.)

Amanda's mom fought me in my twenties. I was like??? Amanda is how old? I was annoyed because she kept lying to me.

As for Aspen, sue me, she was the girl I always wanted to be. She is smart, pretty and a good person, minus saying some odd things as a teenager. She was "honest," let's put it that way. I'm sure she probably has learned to not do that. Now it's my turn--I used to be better. She wasn't ever my friend, however. She invited me to her birthday parties and gave me a phone. She included me with the other friends that came. Plus, my parents used to compare her to me, which made me mad. I got to hear it all of the time, how I was given poor genes and such. Thanks.

Some of my other "friends" did things like go to prom together and didn't invite me on their dateless venture. I decided to work that night instead of be the loser I am. I made lots of excuses for them, and my sister called me out by saying I had no friends because they never called.

Campbell put a sword through my heart in the army. I thought I'd made a friend.

And now they've moved past me. I ended up being charity. I tried everything I could to avoid this fate. Aspen even "commended" me for not wanting to be worthless.

I can't avoid the Putins/Madonnas of the world, lurking in the shadows. They don't follow laws, and nobody will care if they kill you. I am demoralized by this kind of treatment. They know it, too. "The locke has been raped." ~ Marilyn Manson He likes to torment us for our beliefs, make fun of our helplessness. Help me! Help me! Did you enjoy that, sir or sire? I have a video on this. I'm going to look for it now. It's why they rape you then say, "nobody cares." At least I didn't have to hump him. I prefer humans to animal filth.

He feeds on the weak, like all of them. Trash the planet even more.

Essentially, this is what they did to me. It's something I wouldn't fall for at 25 and up.



I'm at 2:01-2:04, I think. Same with "Work Bitch." Anyone who cares is too scared. Hope they enjoy their emotions. This is only a Kaela. I am the center of all evil though. Feel my flames! Joking They need healthier hobbies.



We'll be fighting them all. I'm the possessed one.

The phase of two sayings

So, I'm doing it again. I'm saying one thing then contradicting myself with another. I did it in "We let them speak to starve us." Everything is wrong: nothing is wrong. Most people don't understand, and they pick at what they don't like about what I say without realizing they're reading nonsense again. My teacher found one of my lovely sentences and pondered over the meaning. It means nothing. Oh well. I have a colorful reality, and I can have conversations with myself. I don't always agree with me.

I enchant myself with delusions all day.

lalallalalalala
Thanks for your taxes, Madonna. I thought I was recovering again. That is a potent delusion. The medicine that I'm on just makes me feel good, so I forget until I try to do something. I will never forgive any of you, and, know my apology means nothing. I should stop saying it.

And to Zuckerberg and Gates (dropping shit on their dung), you're going to have to make a net for us special people. We will be sacrificed and degraded really fast with these laws. I don't know why I bother telling the internet. they'll see it when enough of us get stuck in the filter.

I'm going to keep working on it. Not that my work means anything.

Back to this:

Hey, I'm not on anything illegal, just crazy pills, but I feel good. I tried to escape fate, but it caught me. I quit.

My crushes are even poor

https://www.rt.com/news/330114-putin-money-claims-corruption/

I joke about it. I'm not really a golddigger. I tend to go for laid back guys. My last boyfriend was wonderful, but I messed things up +sigh+ No, I'm not trying to get him back. He's in a good, healthy relationship.

Oh well.

Now we find out that Putin doesn't have 70 billion dollars. I don't care. I'm still heartbroken over not being able to comment on RT anymore. I wrote a bunch of crap about him. He crushed me.

The bicycle

so, I spent a good deal of my teenage years with blue glory, my bicycle, going to work and school. I loved my bicycle - still do, but I can't ride it now due to medicines. I went through all sorts of weather conditions and mean drivers when I was younger. Honestly, all that built up character in me. I had to do what I didn't want to do. As I used to tell myself in the army, "No choice." It's a grim saying, but it keeps me going.

These days I see a lot of people on bicycles.

Hope they are having fun.

Eliminating Myself

I am an annoying nuisance for the most part.

Growing up, a lot of bizarre, horrible things happened to me. Let's be clear about that.

I made the mistake of telling other people about my problems when they had their own and don't value me. I can list my issues to this day, and I used to often, explaining... I have that cloud overhead, ready for lightning. This makes me a target of vultures.

I know people don't care, and they hate when I do that, save for the others like me who I attract.

I don't like them, yet they are a reflection of me.

Anyway, I've been burned and have been in a thinking prison for a while. What's left of my brain kind of sums it up.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lacey-johnson/the-2-types-of-people-to-_b_8999624.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

I am buying a book on social skills. Don't hate me all at once.

I realize most people want to avoid my holes. "Everybody look what's going down..."

We let them speak to starve us

The psychos have won the war on freedom of speech.

They killed it by constantly pushing boundaries to extremes, like with sex and violence on TV, normalizing bad behavior and apathy. They told us we were wrong to speak out against them because they had every right to say what they want to! We are demoralized, and now we have to clamp down on freedom of squeaks because it's ripping us apart and stopping our progress.

They made us trashy. I'm not even sure me and my fellow Americans are healthy enough for labor camps.

We are under the influence of horrible lies that make us think something is wrong when our lives aren't that bad. They stress us out. There aren't any centers of authority we can turn to for information. We're told the news is wrong. We're told we are wrong, not "them."

They call us to action and herd us to our deaths.

Pills are potions to keep us lying against reality. Pain is ignored, and we are not growing.

Kill the soul and gain control.

This is the annoying dance of humanity.

We Want

Are sex and guns all we want to see? The answer is "no." You should study Maya culture and know that's to make people numb to a dark reality. It's like, all this bad stuff is happening, and you can't preserve the piece of land given to you, so panic, hate, lie, cheat, blame. They disturb the soul of mankind for profit, make us bad.

Hopefully, as I've said in the past, we can use psychotronic warfare to cleanup humanity's dirty mind. It will take a while for them to not be kooky about it, like blame the lost soul, kill the competition instead of the truth.

I'm sure that by the time I become grandma's age, they'll have psychotronic clinics setup, and a brain tune-up will be as common as getting braces.

Namedropping--an old trick, a strange awareness

I know I don't have the same awareness as others. I deal with things differently.

Often times, like when I was in "I Want to Believe," I have a casual way of calling people out, and it gets me into trouble. I know Madonna didn't do it to me, but she's the face, the one who advocates it. She, I kid you not, called me out in Work Bitch. It's fair for her to do that.

Also, I don't remember a lot of what I encounter in the right way. It's all in bits and pieces, and I'm in the present, dumbstruck.

I'm vague, too. To me, ideas aren't named concepts but "him/her, that, it is." My reality is like walking in a mist.

People like messing with me, like Putin did.

Here we go again, that I loved

I'm surprised anyone reads my garbage. I say the same things over and over again. Wah.

I wish I could get a life, but I'm afraid to. The ones I've lived have been grim.

I did apologize to Madonna. I said she was right about insanity, but they did it more than once, and I thrashed. Where are secret prisons when you need them? Deathstars even chains his down.

Ouch.

Which brings me to my next point. This shouldn't be a kooky, evil thing. We should go to clinics. We also need a confession booth. I don't mind saying it.

Bring it on.

After Putin ripped my heart out, I don't want to love again. The bad news is, just like Putin, we don't chose who we love.

In pariah news - floating in a drugged paradise

Well, I've spent a good deal of my life being told how worthless I am. I kind of ignore it for the most part.

I burst every once in a while.

They say they don't care, but they put a lot of work into hurting me.

After abuse, I usually see a waste of effort. It's like, go be productive.

Putin decided that he hated me, and he's played games to try to harm me. It's so funny - not. As Obama said, Putin's like a bored schoolboy.

It's humorous like believing that making me numb will change things for me. Humans are a greedy, worthless lot. They're going to come down on me, and now I can't react properly. You know, like it making me grovel, stressing me out, claiming I'm after their husbands, the usual games.

Dear elites, you're making me mad

Elites are interesting characters, like all people.

I've only bumped into them a few times due to flying up.

I am kind of annoyed with them though. Obama is letting all the elites do what they want, like back in Kenya and other shithole countries, like Russia. Russia hunts their disabled over forty dollars - Tatu "Invalidy." That probably doesn't even buy Alina a nice outfit for a thousand dollar dinner.

They're hypocrites as well. Putin is allowed to commit adultery, but if I have a crush on him, I'm wicked.

I wonder when the musical gangs are going to realize their masters see them as mice.

No pay, no way.

Like I said, when people only work for the 001%, we waste our time with caste/class crashers.

In other news, the whole famous and rich thing annoys me. I'm not like the people with a scary amount of self-esteem in the US, or perhaps I'm not that naïve. From a young age, I've been beaten down. I don't like when the elites come down and say I just want to be rich and famous though, like what Lady Gaga preaches along with Marilyn Manson.

I don't think I could handle fame for very long, little village girl I am. I'd be like Susan Boyle. The only reason I even bother to correct them is because I want revenge after their horrible comments or actions. The Quran says not to let hatred lead you to sin. It's tempting though.

And no, I'm not after an Arab man. Sorry, guys, I know you're heartbroken. I don't want to have a billion children and be beaten every night. However, I like the Quran and Bible.

Married to Putin--the delusion that brings such presents

I lost control of my soul. I had a bunch of parasites invade me with their forbidden words. I fell for them because some of them were right, and they kept me in a type of Hell I know. I was comfortable with them as well, my evil companions.

I have a few that came back, the regulars. I'm not trying to marry a rich Arab man as the crescent moon tells me. The damn Hardee's sign is a general, and I don't want to talk to him about my secret purpose. I used to get in a fight with the refrigerator at "Books-a-Million" in Virginia. It said, "victory;" Putin concurred me. I "lose."

I'll say it, Deathstars. You're going to give me cyanide for a weak heart. Well, we already went through that. Just to make you happy, it was eight and a half months of pain from the time I went to bed and got up again, and they wouldn't give me anything for it. I was hit several times and had my own issues.



These are conscious delusions I can't control. At least I'm aware of them now, but I will still react if stimulus is applied, like a flash of a ring or a news article about Alina.

Feel the shame. Ultranumb Blue Stahli likes this pain.

Sadly, I think I'm married to Putin. He used that against me, being the hypocrite that he is. Alina? He lacks respect for others. He has no empathy. It's all about him and his ego.

He isn't the only one.

Now the great sycophants saw me as wicked, like Lady Gaga, Rome and Marilyn Manson. The stars made fun of me by saying my name ("Love Game" and "Eat Me Drink Me") and making me look even more schizophrenic.

I can't say anything. It's so funny. (Not.)

Here's where my choice comes up. I can let these horrible people make me bad and tease me, waste time and money, or I can be a responsible citizen and do the right thing despite these evil people.

I never want to be like them. If I let my hatred for them blossom, I am on the same level as they are.

One more thing, that was super funny, too. They know what they did. Now they have it on YouTube. "Dominate them before they dominate you." Spoiled brats.

Talking to myself, an old crime

Strawberrydrink, and many others, think I'm seeking attention. The truth is that I like to type, and I've become addicted to the computer.

I'd write, but it's still awful. Since words have lost their meaning ("A Bedtime Story"), my writing is substandard.

It's grim, along with my fate.

I press onwards, like Don Quixote. My days are filled with reading and writing and illusions.

Few people know me, but they hate me. I think I scare them. They're usually the ones who think I'm an attention whore.

If you don't like it, don't read me. If you think I'm an attention whore, don't feed me.

I'm not saying it isn't nice to get a little traffic every once in a while, vain human that I am, but no, I type even if no one is looking. I dance while no one is watching.

It's kind of sad. It reminds me of Breaking Benjamin's "Evil Angel." That is so mean. Not only is he quoting voices and pretending to be some sort of thing to fight, but he's hating on my imaginary world. They truly want everything good from someone.

It's almost as annoying as Putin's vanity, arrogance and ignorance.

My grandma has always said that I'm like the chicken the other ones pick on. It's true. Life has not been kind.

We all have to make our way through this life though. Most people have hardships. It's a never ending battle for all of us.

An old topic: .001% vs us

I have tried to mature and not hate people who have vast fortunes. However, they have abused me beyond what is civil.

They want us to hate them so that they can justify splitting us. They let us have a taste of heaven to incite a war within: we could have it all, but we aren't talented enough at the end of the day. They're "special."

A lot of them are out-of-touch with reality. The girl they had working on me yelled and screamed about various aspects of my behavior, like that I write or I eat out, that I was getting a guardian. Obama has given them the weapons but no accountability. They can do whatever they want and get away with it.

Cute.

Gaddafi was a good leader who didn't let the rich do that to ordinary people. Rich people could have their money but were told not to flaunt it. In the US, which caters to highly manipulative people, they will twist and choke anything into you for any purpose.

They have really trashed us out.

Great.

Blue Stahli, when you do that, I end up with nothing, and I become the sacrificial victim. I lost my temper because they wouldn't leave me alone. Plus, it hit on my weakness: being disabled. They have the ability to fix our brains, but they'd rather demoralize us instead.

I feel for these guys, but I don't feel--I'm sure they understand

https://www.rt.com/uk/328576-guantanamo-aamer-prison-torture/

I didn't get a trial either. It's the government's way of being efficient. Why waste time when you're not going to be fair anyway? It was like Lisa Gerrard's "Sleep." I lied, said there were Russians at the window, even though my confession was from the pureness of my heart.

I'll admit I made an error. I became intoxicated with my emotions. It was total mental masturbation, like a catholic schoolgirl on her first boyfriend. I was loving it. See, I've spent my life being shy (terrified), weird and quiet. I occasionally had these little outbursts, which I was shamed for, but man, when I could let it out, I was in Hell-heaven.

That's actually common in people when they see the world. People like Bill Gates remind us that life isn't fair. Eventually, we give up and accept it because we're worthless humans. Life isn't fair, Bill Gates. Give me your taxes, bitch.

I have to apologize to Snowden. I've been harsh on him because Putin's dick is so far up my ass. Approve of me! He's smiling over there in Russia, and I'm sure Snowden would laugh at me. They're crooked and crowned. He's like the sage in the mountains, "I'm not coming down. Call me anything."

Unlike the Muslims, I don't believe anything, and I'm terribly inconsistent due to brain damage. I told one boy I'd never been in a gym. It took my mind a while to come back online. That, and the one time the disabled man needed help with his braces, and, like everyone else, I drifted with little attention. I couldn't even think in words.

They used wealth against me this last time. Unfortunately, when Ultranumb does that to me, I can't even eat. I will deserve nothing, and I will be sacrificed. There's a nice reaction. They rub it in my face, and I become demoralized. When I was in Virginia, they had a woman follow me around with the bumper sticker, "What slave?" They've done such a marvelous job of leading us. Now who's the slave, bitch? You should have seen my problem list when I was in the hospital the first time. Unfortunately, life is not always kind to me. Madonna's going to beat my corpse and employ the dementia patients. That's edgy. She should do it naked. Hurry, now, whore. Miley might beat you to it.

We have some serious leadership issues in this world. Blame me.

https://www.yahoo.com/politics/obama-state-of-the-union-america-is-already-great-051100798.html says the man whose wife was proud of America only because her husband was elected, not before. Also, he always rattled about change, how we needed it. After healthcare, which was essentially Mao's steel, he's really helped us! Dead heads are fired up and ready to go. It's the special Olympics and Obama will be beaten in bowling by a retarded individual, not that Obama respects people with special needs.

She even gets a trial

I bark sometimes. Everyone hates the reaction. They never seem to check their reaction or causes around it. I know the reason is simple: they don't care. Remember when I wrote that horrible letter to Aspen when I was 17? I was freezing and lonely, not understanding why bad things were happening to me. I have Reynaud's disease. I get cold easier. Sure Putin understands what happens when people get delirious from the cold. I have an amazing ability though! I must tell you that of the many times I've had delirium, I have usually been able to keep some conscious control. I liked when my blood pressure dropped to 60/30. Now the time I was diagnosed with a personality disorder in the ER for "purposely throwing up for attention," I did start to lose it. I couldn't sit still. The pressure was releasing from my brain. I've never been in so much agony as that. My body did odd things. I learned the limits of will from the experience. I always thought if I went a little harder, I would make it. There are some states that are quite painful.

Youth.

In the army, they had me wear black boots and gloves. Everyone called them the coach roach boots. I had to carry a profile and explain over and over. They didn't want to let me into the army because of it, but I got a waiver. One of the sergeants used to sneak me inside when it was really cold.

I liked the army. OF course, they were destined to break my heart as well--damn rose. When I was in the video, they didn't arrest me like they should have (if I said the things they wrote from me). The actors took me out of context, and everyone had fun harpooning me when I was already struggling with schizophrenia. Once again, even the doctors who got me the first time were amazed by how conscious I still was after a total ego death. I am one with the universe. I'm the same way when I drink. I don't lose my bearing. My vision changes though.

After that, and in the most unpopular mannerism as possible, I want us to sign in to use the internet with our names. I was young and naïve, poorly socialized, and they really took advantage of me. Nothing on the internet is anonymous anyway. I was stupid. I originally joined Xanga because my friend told me I needed social interaction.

As usual, if someone is going to be singled out and abused, it's going to be me. LOL I did send a flame over the internet to strawberrydrink, a socialist who was allowed her opinion, but she told me how I didn't matter like her. I didn't know what socialism was really, a little from school but not a full definition. like I said, and one of her friends who had lost relatives in the war. I said she didn't understand sacrifice. I had recently been cornered and told that myself because my hair was messy. My hair is frizzy and out-of-control. I should have shaved it in the army. It looks bad otherwise, like has a gross shine to it. I spent the majority of my time on details to avoid being attacked. I was stupid, but I learned my lesson. See, I have had to use my body a lot more than other people who had cars, so I could run really fast and far and not have trouble. This made the other privates jealous. I learned to run with B group instead of A. Nothing special here. I won a bunch of awards in the army, but my first sergeant wouldn't approve them. I think he knew they were putting so much stress on me. I would like to say to any general who would listen (none will) that they should be very careful who they give coins to.

Back to exploding, I called Amanda Sims a "bitch," which she is. She kept lying to me. Then she had her mother fight me. If you want to know, Amanda was born with water on her brain and has a lower IQ. Kill her! She has poor syntax (Beck) LOL She was a beautiful child, however, and she found love with Trent, who seems to fit her. Build my house, bitch. They tried to put Amanda into special ed, too, but her mother wouldn't let them and pushed Amanda when she was a child. I remember her making really bad grades, but she kept on. Like I said on another article, children can develop past many of their limitations if given patience and time, as they are young. I think she's going to be a realtor, which is nice. Keep going, sweetie. That's what happens when people love their children, and she will be loved.

Now it's Jamie's turn. Jamie is a really odd person, or she was. She was obese as a child and people gave her a hard time. I remember when we played Nixa in soccer, her school, and my teammates made fun of her, and I stopped them. I should have let them rip into her heartless body.

Anyway, just keep giving me your fucking taxes. Trent can get busy on my house, bitch.

Can't wait to see them fight over that rope. I have to have the "broken heart." I don't have a heart anymore. I have a gaping, bleeding hole in my chest. Be special everyone else!

Perhaps I should be evil and say they all deserve this, but I won't at the moment.

One more thing...

Forget Robots... we can be demonic and hook poor people up to machines. Sometimes, I don't think humanity deserves to go on. In many ways, I'm hoping we're already creating our superiors/replacements. I'm sure we are. It's tempting. Maybe they'll look up the sky a little more and ponder the mysteries out in space.



Oh, yes, and Miss Aspen Perretta (sue me, I have nothing) would be dead if they judged her by her writing at 18. Yeah, she made a 33 on the ACT after taking it a hundred times. She was allowed to develop in school and now gets to enjoy the comforts of being worth something. She'll be worth lots of taxes. Every time I've tried, something horrible has happened to me, and now I'm disabled. It's hard to use appropriate syntax. There went my only chance at salvation and fun, my hope.

If anything would have gone right, pretty much... It's sad and annoying.

I told Aspen I didn't want to become worthless. She said, "I commend you. Many people would give up and become worthless... The army won't let you fail." I can't rise above. I wasted a lot of time trying to.

Dust... My Pity Party--You're Not Invited

So, as doctor's have told me, I have a childlike understanding of relationships. They told me this years ago. I know that it is true.

It's back to the point I haven't been socialized. I grew up semi-wild, delusional and in a haze of understandings. Like "Castaway," I hang out with shampoo bottles, stop signs, and, you guessed it, Hardee's star (we get into arguments).

I didn't grow up with the same status as other kids, and they knew it. Being in special ed made me a target both with peers and teachers alike.

I'm not the only one.

I do have a senior citizen friend--not Putin. I shouldn't discount her! Anyway, she has a son who they put in special ed, and she said it destroyed him. It is a nightmare. I would like there to be a camera in every room.


When you're a kid, these teachers have authority, and they manipulate everything against you. Plenty of parents have put a camera on their children, and they see the horror that comes with being special.

Every. Single. Day.

It's like, "You're making me sick." I remember my orchestra teacher had me sit in the back of the room and write paragraphs on composers instead of play the violin because I couldn't afford a bridge then. Wah, I know. We had some issues in HS. You'd think the bitch could have gotten me out of her class. In honor of that bitch, I donated my violin to charity.

My issues have continued into adulthood. I'm not valued by the community. I am annoying. Even before Breaking Benjamin did the "revenge-thing," my fate wasn't great. People know this. BTW, Breaking Benjamin, hope you enjoyed getting me as a ritual sacrifice. I fly up all the time due to that. It's like my homeboy, Putin.

And the world will be a better place. Wonder if Trent, Amanda's husband (who lied to me a lot and had her mother defend her as an adult)will build me a house in the future... I will cycle on and off charity. Weeeeeeeee...

It was nice. Larry and Lisa said I was part of their family, and it only took one word to destroy everything. More people who are full of shit.


<--Putin's love. I have been through a lot, and I know it'll only be used against me.

You have got to be kidding

Yahoo news rated me as too low to show. That's disturbing by sheer reason that I only had one thumbs down...

Putin and his troll army are swarming me. The goal Putin has is to make me commit suicide for his vanity. Nobody cares either way, I promise. Keep wasting your time and making the world a shittier place. You too can trash the planet.

BTW, other people say anti-Putin statements, and they have thumbs up. Putin hates me. He's tried everything to disturb me. I don't care anymore, Putin.

I will say one thing, Madonna; your operation made it so that I'm not as reactive. Usually, the goons stress me out by repeating the same thing over and over again, like that I'm ugly. No shit, I have a mirror. It's like, you're not so great looking either. Can we talk about someone else?



Anyway, they make me mad with their circular logic. It's frustrating. And with Breaking Benjamin, it was like, "You're quoting voices?" That's sad. People with schizophrenia have a hard enough time as it is. We have been failed by several systems and people. Usually, it's time to put the breaks on when that happens. What did you do to that person? Is what I'm thinking.

There are other people in this world. Putin hasn't realized it yet. Do you want my pension so that you can have a nice dinner with Alina?

Well, I have to be battle ready. Like Putin already knows, I will do nothing but try to get back at him for what he's done. There's an army of us.

The Eternal Punishment--Breaking Benjamin

I have been dragged down since the beginning of time. It's easy to do. I usually go limp. I fought this last time, so I feel less pathetic.

It's a waste of tax dollars.

It's like, just arrest me. That's why I did it. At least I would be safe in prison against them. I promise. I'll never try to succeed again. Let me through those guarded gates, and I will survive. Maybe, they'll let me take a couple of classes. I'd make a couple friends.

I hate society.

I got rid of several, worthless friends recently; maybe I don't need any more. Just keep your tax dollars coming. I can't do anything now but waste time staring at a wall since my memory is so bad. I'm also hollow and feel next to nothing. I've been crying all day, but I can't feel it. It's quite a horrible way to live...


They use stupid measures to keep me in Hell. Nobody else has to follow the stupid rules but me.

This time I committed treason (everyone already knew what I said). Honestly, I was tired and sick of being so weak. I wanted to be arrested, but that's too good for me.

Brain is useless.

Stupid, human games.

Putin's Leadership Again

This kind of stuff happens all over the world, and people like Madonna, Zuckerberg and Putin want to bring us this "love."

Putin, in the picture he posted of me, ripped out my eyes, tongue and ears. I am evil, after all, and he enjoyed the scene, sending a firing squad after me. lol

After you, sir.

Don't ever have a crush or love. I've learned not to value anything. When I was in the looney bin the first time, the guy said he was going to follow me, which is why I stayed in Virginia. Once there, they threatened my family again, and I incurred another head injury. I don't care anymore.

Everyone wants a piece of your ass these days. Now you know the stress of perfection. The beads of failure and hopelessness descend upon you, as they have eaten at my soul. And you know that your daughters, around my age, will be the hunt of the woods.

You could explain to my mom how you killed her baby. Even though, we argue, but we still love each other. Though I can't feel love... or anything. I can cry, but I can't feel it. Great surgery, makes life vivid and enjoyable. Not.

It would have been nice to have been in school instead of being tormented.

Dreams to sand.

Didn't you see their youth when you looked at me? No, you're a special angel, after all. Michael? They "saw" you.

I don't give a damn about you anymore, Putin.

My Rise to Fame--So Tragic

LOL

I wrote "Dawn of the Hives" as a joke in three days. I was a little vain with it when I first wrote it. After all, it was my first book! That's fun. To make myself feel better, I noted Stephen King was a weak writer when he wrote "Carrie." However, he's a genius now.

I know it isn't an excuse, but I was kind of a time crunch due to the fact they were trying to "Whip It" by Love and Death yet again. I was in the group home and wasn't Einstein. Seriously, these people need to take a good look in the mirror.

A lot of people think a degree makes them a god. I have an associates, but it's discredited, as is any accomplishment of mine. Sure, they may be good at math (my dream), but they haven't added anything to the field. Their greatest accomplishment is killing me because I'm a "special" girl.

Needless to say, my brain is trashed from their stupidity. It wasn't ever grand to begin with, honestly. It's not like the world will cry for me, yet it's always me for some reason. I was going to ignore them when this first started, but they dragged me into it because it's easy. Then I become part of the balancing act.

I lost my virginity to a machine.

I am annoyed they aren't fixing our brains, those of the disabled. Instead, we are raised and then fed to the machine of sycophants, like in Placebo's "Special Needs," or, in Russia, Tatu's "Invalidy." We become easy targets.

Everyone else does what they want.

What about Putin? He's all Holy and then he got a divorce and is rumored to be with Alina. She flaunts it every now and then. I don't even want it anymore. . It was only a fantasy. It figures the real one would be an asshole from Hell and use his influence to harm me.

"You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you... GO away." Too true.

I was attracted to him like Lestat. I'm back with Lestat. If I become a vampire, know he's an asshole as well.

I live in a fantasy world because the real world is demoralizing, and frankly, I got sick of having to screw myself over again and again.

I remember looking at all that shit and knowing my numbers would be called.

Anyway, thus, I pay my dues to humanity. Fascism is an annoying dance.

If I were in charge of the world, I would do damage control for a while. We need a lot of people to explore the galaxy, not to eat Babel Bananas on Earth.

Mental Illness as Vanity

A lot of mental illness is vanity. We hold onto those negative words/deeds and don't listen to the cries of pain. When you do something wrong or stupid, you should feel pain and suffer. That is, if you're human.

Allah gives you a flame (not my religion, but the Qur'an has so much wisdom), and you burn.

I've made many poor choices, and I decided to ignore their meanings, thinking tomorrow would liberate me. If only I could hold onto more faith, I say!

Burn.

No one came. Nothing came.

In school, the girls all went to prom without me, and I worked to avoid shame. I should have avoided them and the pain again.

I have to work lower skilled jobs. I'm not going anywhere.

I am eternally punished for things like outbursts or expressing the fact that I'm in pain. Yes, AM, your lies are painful. Again, I stayed or apologized.

Burn.

I clung onto Putin for a time as well. They can make people immortal. They could fix my mind, but no, we have to play chicken, as usual. It's like, "yes, you're super special and will live until we pass, our race." Humans won't make it once we invent our superiors. The temptation is too great, the greed too much, and the idle will fall to their desires.

I'm happy for that. Then they'll know what it's like to be defenseless.

A note about Putin, he managed to burn me to a crisp. They didn't help anything. I wanted it though, or I would have fought harder. Miss Rose fell in love, a crime. I have to fight them for my own life.

The floor is great.

Madonna and them tried to numb me (more than once). It made it so that I couldn't write as well, which is one of my passions. I've never been great, but it's fun. They always take everything from me. When there's nothing left to take, it's off with her head.

I did stand up for myself this time, however. I'm not burning as much.

Pain is a great teacher.



I hate humans.

Putin's Leadership: He Needs Spanked

Putin isn't a great leader these days--if ever. He's fallen to the desperation he caused. He's used to yelling, throwing fits and getting his way. This makes projects like the Olympics impossible. 50 billion dollars of shit.

Don't walk to our tent, you disgrace.

Of course, it's all because of the evil west... we're out to get him. He'd better keep his nightlight on. The boogeyman might come.

Honestly, he's been playing empire enough he should know how the game goes. He likes to talk to us common people, but he doesn't care about us. He wants us to spread his values and interests.

Like RT is a joke for us. Few people, especially outside of the goons, know anything. They repeat the message back or insult one another for hours.

Business is great...

He's killing his disabled for $40 dollars a month (Tatu's "Invalidy"). They do it on my side as well over like $400. Same stupid idea. Here, we're failures to people like Breaking Benjamin. It creates a scenario like Cain and Abel, and we'll kill one another. Rather than make violence and poverty, the good men in prior government offices let us live as cheaply as possible and still get by.

Back to Putin, he also has a false sense of entitlement and feels special. He was given the sign of an angel, Michael, and he thinks the KGB was looking to recruit him way before he went in there. That's why he got an office job... He also refused to get a job in construction, and he even went on Soviet School Welfare to go to school.

He's really sensitive as well. I annoyed several representatives, and they brushed me off. It's another crazy...

Ivory Towers

A few years ago, I got into a fight with someone called strawberrydrink on xanga. She seemed to think I should know who she was and how important she is. ???

I had no idea who she was, and I don't care. I did take College Algebra after our interaction, as she was some famous mathematician. I didn't even know what a proof was. Don't forget, Archimedes was killed by a soldier who didn't like him.

It's super annoying when people do that to me, however, expect me to bow to them. Same with Madonna coming in and "caring." I usually have to pay for their egos, like Putin's. I suddenly become Satan, wanting money and fame. I do want money but not fame. I used to hate money. It looks fun now.

Being famous looks lame.

I have a hard time picking up on people's intents, and they seem to misunderstand me as well.

Then again, like Putin, they're not even trying. If you can't use me, discard me--and try to make me feel like crap.

Well, it looks like Putin is going to be disregarded. It's probably my fault somehow.

My place in outer space

Like I've expressed before, I'm not popular and never have been. People, like the psychotronic employees, bank off of this hatred of me.




They aren't the only ones.

Putin does anything for attention, to look good. If you think I'm an attention whore when I mumble on unread screens, you should see the dick he sucks. He's always trying to appeal to actors and athletes by giving them the most worthless thing ever: Russian citizenship. He then does things like say that the Western world wants to hurt Russia with environmental laws. Then he stands up and says Russia cares and is doing a great job with the environment.

Now he wants to fight terrorism with us. He's not invited to the cool kid table. After the way he and his goons treated me, he can submit to US World Domination! Now I know why Mrs. Clinton put an overcharge prompt on her button.

He's an ass.

Anyway, back in the states, I've tried many different types of living to fit in. I only fit in on the fringe. This is where reality becomes the Twilight Zone, where all the Grimm's Fairytales come to life.

The horrors, the horrors, just part of the show.

I've seen some weird things. It's why I'm not tight on morality, especially what they're trying to sell to sheltered people. So I really want to fuck Putin, and it made me crazy. I fell in love for the first time. The world knows that was a thorn to stick me with and claim a victory. Clever. My youth... OVERCHARGE!

I kind of drift through reality. This works well with my mind that isn't all there. I only pick up bits and pieces of the whole, never seeing the full blossom.



Well, back to floating around the galaxy.

Friends and the Pain of Realization

So, I let go of myself when I was younger. I fell under a frosty hazy that wasted years like a skeleton in a casket. I remember running into doors in Middle School. By HS, I was a full-fledged zombie, following commands.

They make it so that I can't defend myself.



I liked the army, and then they betrayed me. I was like, yeah. It's the circle I go in.. some people don't realize how pointless it is.

My sister tried to tell me when I was younger. She was like, "They never call you. Are they your friends?"

The truth was 'no.' I couldn't hear then, not other humans. Not only, but several of my teachers hated me and made it worse. I was holding back the bright kids.

I shutdown.

As an adult, I've had a hard time because people don't need me. I don't offer anything in a relationship. I'm not going to have a great job, due to disability, and I'm not going to climb the ladder. I'm not felling sorry for myself.

It's reality. I've tried every remedy. For each, I got a lashing.

Being a Nobody But a Famous Pedophile--Apparently

I confronted them on their abuse of me yet again, Russia and the "artists" using brain surgery both. I'm now blocked from RT. Again.

I love you, baby.

Putin couldn't handle it because he's riding in a losing race. Yell and cry, blame the past--I'm used to it from the Russians and our side, too. I remember when that little brat yelled that I wasn't getting a guardian. It was like, "Sorry, honey, but I don't have control over everything."

Meanwhile, Putin can't suck prominent dick fast enough to save the ship.

On our side, they can't catch all the little class/caste crashers fast enough. Putin can tell you what a waste of time that is. See, the FBI/CIA stopped working for the ordinary person in the US, and now their time is comprised of keeping the .001% happy. It's like, they wanted to waste all that money on a few gold diggers, whores, disabled people and teen girls, what do they expect?

We're almost as stupid as Russia who let the oligarchs reign. They're trying here, but they aren't accountable, and they're sloppy as Hell. It ends in chaos. Laws keep the pillars of our society alive.

Forethought.

Back to our side, I asked for help several times after the accident that was supposed to save me. Also, again, they did it more than once and didn't restrain me properly. As I've said in the past, if this "cure" works, why can't we come into the open about it and regulate it? A court order, maybe?

Let's talk about the pedophile-thing. No, I am not a pedophile. YouTube has changed my ranking. I had this problem where I was turned on by any noise or sight. That's why I take Prozac. They tried to take advantage of me... Only wasting their time. I still would like to be circumcised. That is the reaction and why God has mercy on his blind children.

I want a good life, too. I still want the five million dollars (from any guilty party) after taxes, and I want the house, after taxes. You know you're wrong.

Authority Without Accountability

One of the things that annoys me is the lack of accountability. They want us to be slaves, act a certain way, but they don't want to have to do any of the chores of having slaves.

I contacted several representatives about what they did to me. They said I should go to the looney bin. Overall, the elected officials were professional and nice to me, however. I can't say they mistreated me, just blew me off as crazy.

Some must have heard me though.

Madonna and Britney Spears seem to have gotten angry about me alerting them about the music, and I'm in the video, "Work Bitch" by Britney Spears.

She sings, "Go call the police. Go call the governor. I am the bad bitch, the bad bitch you'll never know."

My head, as that body doesn't belong to me, is at 2:03-2:04.

Playing Chicken

As I'm sure you know by now, I have poor social skills. I've been living in toxic fear due to inequality. People do things to me, and I can't react.

Now I know better.

I'm also tired of being the only one. It's like, I'm disabled, and you aren't Einstein either. They compare me to people they can't match up with themselves. Yes, I know I'm not Einstein, but I don't deserve to be called a failure and killed. This is why I wrote the joke, "Dawn of the Hives."

As far as the below go, FUCK OFF!



Love and Death as well as Deathstars can also fuck off.

I'm with the old guy here. He's an eater, and he's left me in peace in peasant land. What has Deathstars done? Nothing but make a lot of noise and kill. He isn't good at economics nor true leadership.