She even gets a trial

I bark sometimes. Everyone hates the reaction. They never seem to check their reaction or causes around it. I know the reason is simple: they don't care. Remember when I wrote that horrible letter to Aspen when I was 17? I was freezing and lonely, not understanding why bad things were happening to me. I have Reynaud's disease. I get cold easier. Sure Putin understands what happens when people get delirious from the cold. I have an amazing ability though! I must tell you that of the many times I've had delirium, I have usually been able to keep some conscious control. I liked when my blood pressure dropped to 60/30. Now the time I was diagnosed with a personality disorder in the ER for "purposely throwing up for attention," I did start to lose it. I couldn't sit still. The pressure was releasing from my brain. I've never been in so much agony as that. My body did odd things. I learned the limits of will from the experience. I always thought if I went a little harder, I would make it. There are some states that are quite painful.

Youth.

In the army, they had me wear black boots and gloves. Everyone called them the coach roach boots. I had to carry a profile and explain over and over. They didn't want to let me into the army because of it, but I got a waiver. One of the sergeants used to sneak me inside when it was really cold.

I liked the army. OF course, they were destined to break my heart as well--damn rose. When I was in the video, they didn't arrest me like they should have (if I said the things they wrote from me). The actors took me out of context, and everyone had fun harpooning me when I was already struggling with schizophrenia. Once again, even the doctors who got me the first time were amazed by how conscious I still was after a total ego death. I am one with the universe. I'm the same way when I drink. I don't lose my bearing. My vision changes though.

After that, and in the most unpopular mannerism as possible, I want us to sign in to use the internet with our names. I was young and naïve, poorly socialized, and they really took advantage of me. Nothing on the internet is anonymous anyway. I was stupid. I originally joined Xanga because my friend told me I needed social interaction.

As usual, if someone is going to be singled out and abused, it's going to be me. LOL I did send a flame over the internet to strawberrydrink, a socialist who was allowed her opinion, but she told me how I didn't matter like her. I didn't know what socialism was really, a little from school but not a full definition. like I said, and one of her friends who had lost relatives in the war. I said she didn't understand sacrifice. I had recently been cornered and told that myself because my hair was messy. My hair is frizzy and out-of-control. I should have shaved it in the army. It looks bad otherwise, like has a gross shine to it. I spent the majority of my time on details to avoid being attacked. I was stupid, but I learned my lesson. See, I have had to use my body a lot more than other people who had cars, so I could run really fast and far and not have trouble. This made the other privates jealous. I learned to run with B group instead of A. Nothing special here. I won a bunch of awards in the army, but my first sergeant wouldn't approve them. I think he knew they were putting so much stress on me. I would like to say to any general who would listen (none will) that they should be very careful who they give coins to.

Back to exploding, I called Amanda Sims a "bitch," which she is. She kept lying to me. Then she had her mother fight me. If you want to know, Amanda was born with water on her brain and has a lower IQ. Kill her! She has poor syntax (Beck) LOL She was a beautiful child, however, and she found love with Trent, who seems to fit her. Build my house, bitch. They tried to put Amanda into special ed, too, but her mother wouldn't let them and pushed Amanda when she was a child. I remember her making really bad grades, but she kept on. Like I said on another article, children can develop past many of their limitations if given patience and time, as they are young. I think she's going to be a realtor, which is nice. Keep going, sweetie. That's what happens when people love their children, and she will be loved.

Now it's Jamie's turn. Jamie is a really odd person, or she was. She was obese as a child and people gave her a hard time. I remember when we played Nixa in soccer, her school, and my teammates made fun of her, and I stopped them. I should have let them rip into her heartless body.

Anyway, just keep giving me your fucking taxes. Trent can get busy on my house, bitch.

Can't wait to see them fight over that rope. I have to have the "broken heart." I don't have a heart anymore. I have a gaping, bleeding hole in my chest. Be special everyone else!

Perhaps I should be evil and say they all deserve this, but I won't at the moment.

One more thing...

Forget Robots... we can be demonic and hook poor people up to machines. Sometimes, I don't think humanity deserves to go on. In many ways, I'm hoping we're already creating our superiors/replacements. I'm sure we are. It's tempting. Maybe they'll look up the sky a little more and ponder the mysteries out in space.



Oh, yes, and Miss Aspen Perretta (sue me, I have nothing) would be dead if they judged her by her writing at 18. Yeah, she made a 33 on the ACT after taking it a hundred times. She was allowed to develop in school and now gets to enjoy the comforts of being worth something. She'll be worth lots of taxes. Every time I've tried, something horrible has happened to me, and now I'm disabled. It's hard to use appropriate syntax. There went my only chance at salvation and fun, my hope.

If anything would have gone right, pretty much... It's sad and annoying.

I told Aspen I didn't want to become worthless. She said, "I commend you. Many people would give up and become worthless... The army won't let you fail." I can't rise above. I wasted a lot of time trying to.